Day: July 22, 2019

The Social Impact Heroes of Social Media: “Not everyone will believe in you.”

The Social Impact Heroes of Social Media: “Not everyone will believe in you.” with Emily L. Depasse and Candice Georgiadis

Not everyone will believe in you. I’ve been told that I would fail more times than I’ve been told I’d succeed. I’ve had men tell me to be less sexual in my work, or tone down the Carrie Bradshaw in favor of Jackie Kennedy. As a growing expert in human sexuality, I am still man-splained and critiqued on my field of expertise.

As a part of my series about social media stars who are using their platform to make a significant social impact, I had the pleasure of interviewing Emily L. Depasse (she/her), a Philadelphia-based sexologist and writer redefining the narratives around sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Popularly known as SexELDucation on Instagram and Twitter, Emily utilizes her online presence as a platform for STI inclusive sex education. She is currently pursuing her MSW and MEd in Human Sexuality Studies as a future sex therapist at Widener University.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

I didn’t grow up wanting to be a sex therapist or sexuality student. I grew up wanting to be an elementary school teacher. That desire faded over time, but when my undergraduate years approached, that childhood dream was my declaration to my university. I decided first to tackle my general education credits, and that’s when I realized that there were so many more career options open to me. I was especially interested in women’s studies courses but did not formally declare my gender and sexuality studies major until the spring of my sophomore year. It was during a sociology and gender course that I knew I wanted to be a sex therapist. I think my family thought it was a joke for a while, some still may hold that belief. Initially, my interests were related to the mechanics of orgasm and its impact on sexuality, based upon my discomfort within my body during high school. When I was diagnosed with herpes, however, a new career path was launched.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began this career?

I think the weirdest occurrence is having someone stalk my LinkedIn. I am (sadly) accustomed to unsolicited direct messages, but LinkedIn was a new level for me. It was the first time I felt fear of being online with my disclosure. I had just finished teaching a sex education course to seventh graders at a private school in Maryland (where I was living at the time), and one of my tweets blew up related to being herpes-positive. Someone dedicated an entire post (and I think I was featured in several more), pertaining to their disapproval of my work. They went insofar as to research my college and high school tuitions, as well as ascribe labels to my parents’ skills and control over me as a young woman. I remember when that article was published and fearing what would happen to my job and future career. Since this incident, I’ve placed supreme privacy controls on my LinkedIn and professional networks.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

There’s not one story that stands out in my head as a “funny mistake.” I would say that I’m still making mistakes and expect to continue making them. The sexuality field is always evolving; it’s almost constant. I review articles I’ve written in the past for myself and others and think, “Wow, that completely ignores XYZ populations — what was I thinking!” But that statement and that awareness are integral to my growth in this profession. And it’s a feeling I hope to always capture throughout my career, constant evolution.

Ok super. Let’s now jump to the core focus of our interview. Can you describe to our readers how you are using your platform to make a significant social impact?

I utilize my platforms and online presence to discuss the realities of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Much of my writing and social posts are related to society’s use of language and how they further perpetuate stigmas and stereotypes of folks who contract STIs. While I post about relationships and sexuality as a whole, my focus is centered on creating more inclusive language and education surrounding STIs.

Wow! Can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted by this cause?

Nearly 1 in 2 sexually active young adults will contract an STI before age 25. With that said, there are a lot of folks who are affected, perhaps even unknowingly (since many STIs do not have symptoms), by this. Despite how common contracting an STI is, many still feel isolated by the numbers thrown at them by medical professionals. Before I was diagnosed, I had this attitude of invincibility, and I think it’s one that many of us adopt after sex ed (if we have one). Very few of us are equipped with a comprehensive sex education that is required to discuss topics like consent, LGBTQIA identities and relationships, pleasure, and the realities of STIs. Instead, we are shown photos of infections’ worst-case scenarios, told their symptoms, and how best to avoid them. There is no safe sex, only safer sex, and unfortunately, even our safer sex methods come with an effective rate. This attitude of invincibility in part leads to our dismissing these safer sex practices and further perpetuates stigmas held about those living with STIs, despite their prevalence.

Was there a tipping point the made you decide to focus on this particular area? Can you share a story about that?

Yes, my diagnosis of genital herpes in 2015. I contracted it from someone I knew, trusted, and fell hard for several years prior. This diagnosis destroyed who I knew myself to be. I was just over a month-and-a-half out of college, ready to take on the world. I was preparing my application to the current graduate program I am in now, and that diagnosis stopped every aspiration I held at age 22 in life and love. I questioned everything about myself in parallel to these stereotypes about people with STIs: dirty, diseased, whore, deserved it, gross, and more. When I looked in the mirror, I no longer saw myself. I saw this stereotype. Later, I realized that I, too, despite my college specialization in human sexuality, held internalized beliefs about folks with STIs. After this partner and I parted ways, I began to reflect on the diagnosis and how it so profoundly affected me across so many areas of my life. I then felt called to this purpose within my profession.

Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?

I don’t expect that STIs will be the foundation of any political platform or campaign, but I do think the recent abortion bans will give rise to discussions about bodily autonomy and rights. I expect discussions of STIs may occur in this space, and I am hopeful that they do, but I know it is not a guarantee. Especially in those that can be easily alleviated with medication. What I hope to see in folks addressing the root problem of stigma is to advocate for comprehensive sex education, bring awareness to the realities of contracting and living with STIs, and acknowledge how our language may perpetuate outdated beliefs.

What specific strategies have you been using to promote and advance this cause? Can you recommend any good tips for people who want to follow your lead and use their social platform for a social good?

My platform has always been based upon my vulnerability, and I think that serves human connection, especially within this work. I am not an institution or organization just sharing facts about STIs or their stigma — I’ve lived it, I am living with it, and I’ve overcome it. I would not be where I am, or as aware as I am, without my own experience. I don’t think everyone is meant to disclose their diagnosis (whatever that may be) publicly, but I do believe authenticity and passion is key to establishing and maintaining that connection.

It is also imperative to note that authenticity misses the mark for some folks, especially in the human sexuality field. As stated previously, not everyone has understood my path or the reasoning behind it. Some have even vocalized their uncertainty and doubt, which hasn’t been easy from the mouths of those I once admired. This lack of acceptance is another reason as to why passion is vital — it gets you through. It’s a personal investment in something bigger than yourself, but also promotes that connection with those who are meant to receive, and are open to receiving your message.

What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why? Please share a story or example for each.

People will Google you and your work in all its phases. Alongside my LinkedIn, people have found photos and tweets and plastered herpes across my face. The internet can and will be cruel. I have formed wonderful friendships and professional relationships via social media, but it hasn’t been without transgressions.

2. Not everyone will believe in you. I’ve been told that I would fail more times than I’ve been told I’d succeed. I’ve had men tell me to be less sexual in my work, or tone down the Carrie Bradshaw in favor of Jackie Kennedy. As a growing expert in human sexuality, I am still man-splained and critiqued on my field of expertise.

3. Not everyone will be as passionate as you about your subject. In every sexuality class, if there is an STI-related project, most of my colleagues know that herpes is “my thing.” There have been times that I’ve been so eager to talk about herpes for a school project that I shake in anticipation of the assignment.

4. Set boundaries early. As a future clinician, I am bound by my clinical ethics and guidelines. I cannot offer individualized advice or provide sex therapy. I recently turned off my DMs to make these boundaries clearer.

5. You can do it. I don’t think anyone (at least outside of my friend group), saw my work succeeding in the capacity it has. I was always successful in school and was cheered for academic rigor and accomplishments, but I don’t think anyone ever saw my ideas taking off beyond academia until they did.

You are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

I think that I am in the midst of the movement! There is already an established network of activists working to dismantle herpes stigma. The Herpes Activists Networking to Dismantle Stigma group, affectionately known as HANDS, has already grown since its launch in October. Increasing numbers of folks are talking about the stigma, and that’s really where the work happens!

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

My favorite quote is by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. It reads, “I have been through a lot and have suffered a great deal. But I have had lots of happy moments, as well. Every moment one lives is different from the other. The good, the bad, hardship, the joy, the tragedy, love, and happiness are all interwoven into one single, indescribable whole that is called life. You cannot separate the good from the bad. And perhaps there is no need to do so, either.”

I have been a Kennedy aficionado for as long as I can remember and quickly developed an infatuation with the former First Lady. As I grew older, I did anything to learn and understand more about her life from various perspectives. At some point, I think during high school, I discovered this quote. It speaks not only to my herpes experience as it relates to my positive career path, but also my life as a whole. I could never be where I am, appreciate where I am, and where I may be able to go, without my past.

Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂

I’ve met Sarah Jessica Parker twice, so I would have to say Lady Gaga! I admire her perseverance and dedication to her dreams. I read stories about her ex-boyfriends and groups of classmates that dedicated themselves to discouraging her career. I’ve had so many people attempt to stop me or shift my direction away from the sexuality field because they assume that there isn’t much that I can accomplish with it. At 26, I felt fulfillment for the first time. There’s a photo of Lady Gage in tears over her Oscar. That was me under my desk when I first. I would love to chat with Lady Gaga about her experience of dedicating her life to her passion and following her dreams in the face of disapproval. Lady Gaga is someone who encompasses that authenticity I spoke about earlier. In the face of adversity, she remained true to her passions, goals, and most importantly, to herself — and the right people listened.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

Instagram: @sexelducation

Twitter: @sexelducation

This was very meaningful, thank you so much!

The Social Impact Heroes of Social Media: “Not everyone will believe in you.” was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Social Impact Heroes of Social Media, with Katarina Cermelj and Candice Georgiadis

And when it comes to judging this abstract thing called success, I look at progress — I look at my recipes and writing and photography from a year or a month ago. I see it gradually improving, evolving, getting closer to how I envision it… and even though it’s nowhere near “perfect”, seeing the progress is enough.

As a part of my series about social media stars who are using their platform to make a significant social impact, I had the pleasure of interviewing Katarina Cermelj — or Kat for short, as she’s known to the readers and followers of her food blog, The Loopy Whisk. Kat started her blog in 2016 to share the recipes she created as part of her predominantly gluten and dairy free lifestyle, and has since grown her community to over 300K food enthusiasts from all over the world. Her mission is simple — teach people that gluten free, dairy free and vegan recipes aren’t merely pale, disappointing mimics of the “real thing”, but are actually taste bud-tingling, drop-dead-gorgeous flavour explosions in their own right.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

I’ve always loved food — and believed that food plays a central role in our lives. When I was little, I remember helping my mum in the kitchen… of course, “helping” at that time involved mainly licking any spoons and bowls within my reach! Later, I started experimenting in the kitchen myself, and quickly discovered a passion for creating my own recipes. That was later combined with my love of Chemistry — I am currently completing an Inorganic Chemistry PhD at the University of Oxford, so my recipe development definitely gained a scientific perspective.

Then, in 2015, I started having health issues and after feeling absolutely miserable for months, it turned out that most of my problems could be solved by eliminating gluten and dairy from my diet. This, luckily, made me feel better — but I was also faced with a new problem: what should I eat now?

Don’t get me wrong, I like quinoa and smoothies and salads just fine, but the idea of no longer being able to enjoy cake, brownies, cookies and pie — it was just heartbreaking. I did try my hand at the gluten and dairy free recipes floating around the Internet, but got mixed results. And when I say mixed results… the bin was full of my “experiments” for a while!

Eventually, I started developing my own gluten and dairy free recipes — ones that were delicious and beautiful and tasted just as amazing as I remembered them. And when my friends and colleagues tried my bakes, most of them couldn’t believe they truly were gluten or dairy free or vegan! That really showed me that I was onto something there.

Also, I had been reading food blogs for years, so I thought to myself, “I can do that too!”. And so, in November 2016, I published my first post on The Loopy Whisk… and now, a bit over two and a half years later, here we are!

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began this career?

About two years into blogging, I was invited to a local radio station to talk about gluten free baking and The Loopy Whisk in general. Aside from it being a wonderful experience that would never have happened had I not started a food blog, it was incredibly interesting seeing the radio show host’s reaction to trying my bakes. I was asked to bring a few treats along, and one of them was my gluten free chocolate cake that I’m incredibly proud of.

Now, my family, friends and colleagues enjoy my recipes on a weekly basis, so they’re used to my gluten free bakes tasting as though they’re made from regular all-purpose wheat flour. But the reaction of the radio host was just incredible — she’s obviously had a few unfortunate experiences with gluten free food, as she definitely went in expecting to be super disappointed. Instead, she absolutely loved the cake, could not believe it’s gluten free and was over the moon when I left the rest of the cake for her and her team to enjoy. And it was all live, on air — so people listening could hear her reaction as she went from “oh no, this is gluten free” to “OHMYGOD this is the best chocolate cake ever”. It was really an incredible experience.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

Oh goodness, most of my mistakes happen in the kitchen for sure! For instance, I’ve had a cake collapse on me — and in that moment, it felt like the end of the world. The combination of a runny buttercream because of a warm kitchen and a touch too delicate sponges just isn’t a good one! Lesson learned, for sure.

In that moment, there may have been tears and a small meltdown involved. But then I put on some music and baked another cake, and it turned out beautifully. I later shared this mishap on Instagram, and the messages that poured in were just incredible. So many people sharing their own fails and meltdowns. It’s funny, baking is such an emotional activity. And it’s also incredibly powerful in bringing people together, even if it’s just to share their funniest kitchen disasters.

So aside from, you know, learning to chill the buttercream before assembling a cake, the much bigger lesson or experience was that food has this magical ability of uniting people, not just when we sit around a common table but even when we’re scattered all over the world. And with social media nowadays, this ability is definitely amplified.

Ok super. Let’s now jump to the core focus of our interview. Can you describe to our readers how you are using your platform to make a significant social impact?

Well, if you think about it, the average person probably eats two to four or five times a day. For many, the most stressful part of that might be figuring out what food they’re in the mood for. Now, imagine not being able to eat whole food groups because they make you feel ill or could even send you to hospital! In addition to being potentially harmful, that can be a huge source of anxiety or even social isolation.

And it’s not just the people with dietary restrictions that are affected, it’s also their friends and family and co-workers, especially when it comes to social gatherings or similar. Additionally, there’s this prevalent stigma about gluten free, dairy free and vegan food — people are for some reason still convinced it tastes bland and boring!

My mission through The Loopy Whisk is to bring awareness and plenty of delicious recipes suitable for people with all sorts of dietary requirements. I’m not looking to convince people to convert to a particular way of eating or to expound on the superiority of a particular diet. My focus is very much on creating a friendly, inclusive community where people talk about food and baking and cooking, and the challenges they face because of their dietary restrictions (or the dietary restrictions of a friend or family member) — and then helping them overcome at least some of these challenges.

I want to give people the ability to once again enjoy the food they’ve been missing, and it tasting just as wonderful as they remember it. I want them to be able to celebrate their birthday with a proper birthday cake that tastes decadent and looks amazing, to make the fudgiest brownies at 11 pm when that chocolate craving strikes — to basically live their life without the fear of having to go without, of missing out, hovering over their head like a cloud of misery.

Wow! Can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted by this cause?

In general, the e-mails, comments and stories that really get to me are usually from family members and friends of somebody with a food allergy (or even several allergies and intolerances). Food is one of the ways in which we show our love, and it’s incredibly frustrating when you can’t express that love and caring because you don’t understand a dietary restriction or don’t know how to work around it.

I’ve lost the count of e-mails and messages of people thanking me for allowing them to make their spouse’s favourite dessert, or a birthday cake for their children, or a special treat for a friend just because.

But the most impactful story was that of a mother, whose young son had SPD (sensory process disorder) in addition to a whole host of food intolerances, which meant that his food choices were severely limited. She gave my healthy paleo brownies recipe a try, and the sheer joy in her words when she described how much her son enjoyed them… it was just breathtaking.

Was there a tipping point that made you decide to focus on this particular area? Can you share a story about that?

My own health issues and then my eventual success in creating gluten and dairy free recipes were definitely the main factors that set everything in motion. Considering my own initial problems with gluten and dairy free cooking and baking, it was a safe assumption that others struggle as well. And if I could help, even in a very small way… it was a no-brainer that I had to give it a try.

And once I started experimenting, I realized just how much I enjoy the challenge of creating delicious food with a limited ingredients list. Sure, even regular baking can be tricky, but take away eggs or butter or all-purpose wheat flour, and you encounter all sorts of different challenges. Rather than feeling intimidated or discouraged, I found that I genuinely enjoy that.

Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?

I think educating people about dietary restrictions and requirements is one of the core issues. Many people consider food intolerances and allergies to be a “fad” or an arbitrary personal decision, rather than an actual, serious medical condition.

The first step to solving this is simply starting an open-minded conversation about food allergies, and letting go of the preconceived notions about what it means to live with them. These misconceptions are so prevalent, even restaurants and grocery stores occasionally show an alarming ignorance when it comes to catering to the requirements of people with food allergies. I’ve seen water bottles being rather pointlessly labelled “gluten free”, and have heard numerous stories of servers picking croutons off a salad for a coeliac customer, completely ignoring the issue of cross-contamination.

Making allergy friendly foods more accessible is also very important — while we’ve definitely seen an improvement in terms of the variety of products available in the recent years, most allergy friendly products are significantly more expensive compared to the wheat-, dairy- and egg-containing “regular” versions. Additionally, many foods you would expect to be “safe” to eat even with dietary restrictions often aren’t because of (usually completely unnecessary) additions of gluten and dairy to pretty much everything. On that note, making ingredients labels clearer, easier to read and accurate is also highly important, but unfortunately not always the case.

Finally, people with dietary restrictions themselves can do a lot to educate those nearest to them and thus get the ball rolling. It doesn’t have to revolve around serious conversations and oversharing your digestive issues as a consequence of consuming an “unsafe” food — just sharing delicious gluten free or dairy free or whatever free food with your friends, and explaining how important it is for your wellbeing, can go a long way.

My focus is very much on educating people and sharing the message through delicious, mouth-watering recipes on my blog and social media, primarily Instagram. There is no magic formula or secret behind using these platforms to promote a cause — you just need to create content that people are interested in, with a generous pinch of your own personality and authenticity.

Food and photos of food are incredibly popular right now, especially on Instagram as a primarily visual platform. In addition to being a passionate baker and recipe developer, I also love photography — so a food blog and sharing photos of my creations on Instagram is just a natural fit.

As for tips… I think it’s very easy to get lost in the numbers game, once you start using social media seriously — you know, chasing followers and likes. While numbers are important insofar as they allow you to reach an audience and spread your message, it’s much more important to stay authentic and maintain a rapport with your community. A large audience of millions has no value to your cause if they’re not engaged and genuinely interested in what you’re saying.

So my three main things to keep in mind when using social media to support a cause are: (1) be authentic, (2) connect with your audience and (3) generate high quality content. Oh, and don’t try to please and reach everyone — know what your niche is and who your target audience are. The saying “if you try to please everyone, you don’t please anyone” is very true when it comes to social media.

What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why? Please share a story or example for each.

1. It’s a lot of work, more than you expect.

It’s hard to imagine just how much time recipe development, photography and food blogging require. There is this idea that “influencers” and bloggers are super lazy, living their lives snapping away cringy selfies and exploiting their followers by promoting bogus diet pills. Which couldn’t be further removed from reality. You can find so much high quality content, so much value, useful information and thought-provoking discussions on the blogs and social platforms of “influencers” — drawing from their personal experience or from their educational or professional background. Of course, there are exceptions where duck-face selfies and diet pills abound, but those shouldn’t take away from the wealth of knowledge you can find on other blogs and social media accounts.

And it’s so much work, much more than people might assume. In my case, developing a recipe, styling and photographing it, editing the photos, writing and publishing a post… all that can take anywhere from 5 hours to even days and weeks, depending on the complexity of the recipe.

2. There’s incredible value in networking.

The second nugget of wisdom just is how important it is to network with fellow creatives, bloggers and social media pros. These amazing people are just brimming with knowledge, tips and encouragement, and all you need to do is simply reach out. As an introvert, reaching out is sometimes scary, but after a while — when you see how the response is always welcoming and incredibly helpful — it becomes easier and easier.

3. Expect criticism — both the creative and the rude kind.

You will inevitably face criticism from the very people you’re trying to help and engage with, and that’s okay. People won’t like your message, your photos, your writing or your appearance — and yes, sometimes they will be very rude in how they express that. The anonymity of the Internet is a powerful thing and can result in extremely rude and just plain hurtful comments.

Sometimes, it’s difficult to ignore them, especially at the beginning. But over time, every negative comment is outweighed by tens or hundreds of positive ones, and eventually you learn to laugh at the insults and move on without them affecting you.

4. Create your own path.

Take all the advice and information about starting a blog or establishing a social media presence with a generous pinch of salt. There are so many articles and so-called social media or SEO gurus out there (usually trying to sell you something) that it’s often difficult to distinguish the genuinely useful information from complete nonsense.

At the end of the day, it’s down to your own experiments, observations and sometimes just your gut feeling to decide what path is right for you. What doesn’t work, change it. What works, leave it or improve it, if possible. And even if you’re going completely against what everyone else is doing… if it works for you, just keep doing it.

5. In the end, it’s all 100% worth it.

It will sound super corny, but it’s truly unbelievable just how gratifying it all is. How helping people makes the hours of work and meltdowns when your cake collapses or the panic when you think you’ve accidentally destroyed your website… it makes it all worth it. It may at times feel like you’re just sending your thoughts out into the vast nothingness of the Internet — but your message does have an effect, it does impact people’s lives, and there is something incredibly… powerful and just plain amazing about that.

Oh goodness, enormous influence might be stretching it a bit, but thank you. I think a wider movement would be simply an extension of what my current “mission” is — going beyond this focus on food allergies and dietary restrictions, to… well, all food and everyone. Getting more people into their kitchens, getting more people to try their hand at cooking and baking. Our relationship with food is pretty shaky, it’s improved a lot in recent years, but many people still rely on ready-made meals or have a disordered view of eating.

There’s so much joy to be found in cooking, eating, and sharing food. It can be a form of therapy, a creative outlet, or just a wonderful experience. Because… it goes beyond just making a meal or baking a cake. It can help young fussy eaters start enjoying a wider variety of foods, it can heal the way we view food, and cooking from scratch is undoubtedly better for our wellbeing than microwaving pre-cooked meals.

In a way, I think we’re already seeing this movement in its initial stages, and that’s to a large extent because of food bloggers and social media. People now see home cooks and bakers in their own kitchens creating accessible masterpieces — it’s no longer just trained chefs in front of a camera. It’s your everyday food enthusiasts with (usually) no formal training, and that is showing people that they can do it too. You don’t need a diploma or ten years of experience in a professional kitchen to make pesto from scratch or bake your own bread. If this Instagrammer or that food blogger can do it, then chances are — so can anyone.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

Now, I’m a huge perfectionist, so my chosen quote will probably sound absolutely hilarious to many people in my life, but one of my favourite philosophies to live by is “strive for progress, not perfection”. Honestly, I’m my own worst critic, always seeing mistakes in my work, or a hundred and one details that could be improved or corrected.

But I’m very aware that there is no such thing as perfection — and even if it was attainable, the reality of actual perfection would probably be rather boring. Instead, I no longer obsess over the mistakes I see (okay, I still obsess a little bit) but rather strive to correct them and treat them as learning opportunities.

And when it comes to judging this abstract thing called success, I look at progress — I look at my recipes and writing and photography from a year or a month ago. I see it gradually improving, evolving, getting closer to how I envision it… and even though it’s nowhere near “perfect”, seeing the progress is enough.

Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂

There are so many people who inspire and motivate me, but the one that stands out is Joy Wilson, from Joy The Baker. I’ve been following her blog since the very beginning, and she was definitely one of the reasons why I decided to jump into this world of blogging. She has this wonderful way with words, that makes you smile and think and feel all the feelings all at once. It’s like she’s not sharing just wonderful recipes with you, but also a little bit of herself with every post, and I really admire that.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

You can find all my recipes on my blog at theloopywhisk.com, and I’d love to connect via Instagram, Facebook or Twitter where you can find me as @theloopywhisk.

This was very meaningful, thank you so much!

The Social Impact Heroes of Social Media, with Katarina Cermelj and Candice Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Don’t be the smartest one in the room!” with Shafonne Myers and Candice Georgiadis

Don’t be the smartest one in the room! — Oh I love this one and it’s taken me awhile to realize how important this is. I was always afraid to level up with my business circles because I felt that I couldn’t hold my own in their sandbox. But honestly I was doing myself a disservice by playing small and staying the smartest person in the room. When you allow yourself to feel challenged and uneasy this is when you blossom the most because you are pushed to be better AND you see how that better looks. You wouldn’t have seen it if you were the best in the room. So important!

As a part of my series about social media stars who are using their platform to make a significant social impact, I had the pleasure of interviewing Shafonne Myers, a certified wedding and event planner, and plus size self love motivator, who longed for bridal inspiration that looked like her. She created, Pretty Pear Bride, the world’s only website dedicated exclusively to plus size brides. For over 8 years she has made it her mission to ensure that ALL plus size brides feel pretty on their wedding and get the planning help they need to eliminate overwhelm and frustration so they can plan the wedding of their dreams.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

As a plus size bride myself, I was constantly looking for inspiration that looked like me but could never find it. I could imagine how I would look but I didn’t think that I would ever look like what I was seeing because none of them looked like me. So I decided to create it!

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began this career?

Being recognized! I find it so interesting that people actually recognize me and know who I am. I honestly am just doing my own thing making sure that plus size brides and plus size women see representation of themselves. I was at a bridal show and I had several plus size brides-to-be recognize me and tell me personally how much my work and what I do has helped them and meant so much to them. In that moment I KNEW that what I was doing was needed and exactly where I needed to be.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

LOL! This is a good one because in the beginning I felt like there were so many. So when I first created Pretty Pear Bride, I was toying around with the name and trying to figure out what could represent plus size without saying plus size. And I started thinking about symbolism and I came up with “pear” because of it’s shape and it has curves. But when I originally created my information somehow words got crossed and the domain name ended up being “prettypairbride”, not “prettypearbride”. Yeah total disaster! I of course was able to get it fixed but I now know that I need to double check, triple check, heck even quadruple check for errors.

Ok super. Let’s now jump to the core focus of our interview. Can you describe to our readers how you are using your platform to make a significant social impact?

I created a media outlet as a way for plus size brides to see themselves in bridal imagery. In an industry where so much is focused on looking a certain way on your big day, I have created a movement where plus size brides feel inspired, encouraged and supported so they feel and look amazing on their big day. I’ve even noticed that we have plus size women joining us throughout their journey from not even being engaged and just looking for love to staying around after they are married and sharing advice with their fellow plus size brides.

Wow! Can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted by this cause?

Honestly it’s so hard to just narrow it down to one. It would be such an injustice, because I’ve had such a huge impact on so many. Here’s one that I remember as really taking me aback by this comment.

“Hi!! I just wanted to thank you. I found your Instagram earlier this year when I was planning my wedding. I thought I’d wear something simple because every wedding dress I tried on just didn’t work for me. Then when I found your Instagram I thought “I deserve to look amazing” and I found the perfect dress! So thank you so much for inspiring plus sized brides follower.”

Was there a tipping point the made you decide to focus on this particular area? Can you share a story about that?

For me, the tipping point was realizing that even after I got married there still wasn’t anything created for plus size bridal imagery. We were all forced to imagine how we would look in our dress and it took away from the wedding planning process, tremendously. No one wants to have to do that, plus size brides deserve to have that same “Say yes to the dress” moment but unfortunately we don’t get that. So once again I decide to create it since no one else was!

Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?

Yes, so many things they can do!

1. Just recognize and acknowledge that there is a problem. The fact that so many people don’t even realize that there is a problem, that plus size brides don’t have bridal inspiration that is all their own is disheartening and so surprising. Because if you think to yourself “Yes I don’t see plus size brides in bridal imagery” but you know we exist. Then, we, the plus size brides, are definitely thinking the same thing!

2. Make a conscious effort to help. So often, once people realize that, “Yes there is a problem” they don’t know what to do next. The main thing is, “Just do something”. Just the fact that you are doing something to help plus size brides, is so huge!

3. Know that plus size brides and women do spend money. We have money to spend. We just need a viable and appealing product to purchase. Build it for us and we will come. I am always being told that we, plus size brides and women, want great clothing options and have money to buy it but can’t find anything that is stylish and made for us. And the made for them is important. You can’t just go up in size in apparel and hope that it will fit the same. NO, you have actually construct apparel in larger sizes that is made for a larger frame in all areas of the construction.

You have to listen to your audience to get them on board. If you listen to them and give them exactly what they are looking for, they will be your biggest fans and cheerleaders. This is so important because so often when we are marketing, people don’t get it, it’s not a build it and they will come mentality. It’s a build it, foster it, nurture it, and they will come one by one, until you have created a movement that is it’s own marketing tool. This has been something that I’ve had to learn and honestly it has taken me a while to truly understand and accept but now that I have, it’s nowhere but up for me and this movement.

What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why? Please share a story or example for each.

1.Stop thinking about it just do — It took me so long to research and THINK about starting PPB. I could have been in the game so much earlier if I would have just stopped thinking and do it.

2. Don’t listen to the naysayers! — People will always try to stand in your way because they don’t want you to do better than them. I had this happen to me on so many instances. I would tell people about my idea, to create a space for plus size brides, and I would have people tell me that plus size brides don’t really want to be seen. That they just want to be on all the big bridal blogs, that don’t accept plus size bridal imagery, and not a specific blog dedicated just for us. I was baffled because I didn’t realize why people would want to be rejected from the bigger blogs and not want to be featured on my blog. Then I realized that it was all about where they were on their journey. They hadn’t accepted that they were plus size and needed to come to terms with that before they could be featured on a wedding blog glorifying this. If I would have stopped when I heard this, PPB wouldn’t be as big as it!

3. Don’t be the smartest one in the room! — Oh I love this one and it’s taken me awhile to realize how important this is. I was always afraid to level up with my business circles because I felt that I couldn’t hold my own in their sandbox. But honestly I was doing myself a disservice by playing small and staying the smartest person in the room. When you allow yourself to feel challenged and uneasy this is when you blossom the most because you are pushed to be better AND you see how that better looks. You wouldn’t have seen it if you were the best in the room. So important!

4. Nothing comes easy — Wow, if it was easy everyone would do it. I never really had to tell myself this in the beginning. It wasn’t until I started leveling up my business and wanting to take PPB to the next level that I realized that if it was easy everyone would do it. But once I realized this, I have been able to really embrace this struggle and use that to push me through.

5. You can’t do it all — I’ve run PPB on my own for over 8 years and in my mind I was running how best I felt like I could. But it does come a point where you just can’t do it all. And that time came very recently with PPB. I had a new baby, 2 older kids, a husband and a dog and things were falling apart. And it was because I was trying to do it all. Once I realized what I actually needed to be doing and what I could get my VA to help with, it was a total game changer.

I would start out exactly how I did, bringing bridal inspiration to plus size women thinking of getting married and plus size brides so that they can see women that look like them in the bridal space. I would then create my wedding planning course specially for plus size brides, that focuses on how to plan their wedding with confidence. Because planning a wedding as a plus size bride is truly the culmination of all the bad things in your head that can and will trip you up. I help plus size brides plan their wedding while combating these!

Then my next phase would be helping the same plus size women move into newlywed life with business mentoring to eliminate business overwhelm if they are starting or creating a business. This would be coupled with life mentoring so they can learn to live their best life, with relationships and communication all while creating a business of their dreams .

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams. The world needs that special gift that only you have.” Marie Forleo. I think for me I have always known what I was meant to do in life; inspire and empower women and even more specifically plus size women. But I haven’t always done that as an outward job, so it’s been hard to know that this was truly what was meant for me. But honestly the more I spent trying to figure out what I was supposed to do, the more I realized that what I was actually doing wasn’t it and thus it led me to believe that yes, what I’ve always dreamt of doing through all these odd jobs, was actually what I was meant to do.

Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂

I would absolutely love to have lunch with Marie Forleo! I have taken several of her courses and she has taught me so much of what I am today. And honestly most of it isn’t even the business advice that I signed up for. Yeah I learned what she taught me but I actually learned so much more about me and the life I wanted and how my life would look not just how my business would be run. It’s so crazy how we gravitate to people who are like us or who we want to be like. I would love to someday merge my business mentoring knowledge with the life coaching that so many aspiring business women need, especially in the plus size world.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

@prettypearbride for all social media channels

This was very meaningful, thank you so much!

“Don’t be the smartest one in the room!” with Shafonne Myers and Candice Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“All the best things in life are on the other side of fear” with Actress Karlisha Hurley and…

“All the best things in life are on the other side of fear” with Actress Karlisha Hurley and Candice Georgiadis

All the best things in life are on the OTHER side of fear: Say yes to the things that scare you; go to that class you’re interested in; go on the date with the nice guy; and introduce yourself to strangers. Open yourself up to the possibility of more.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Karlisha Hurley, an award-winning LA based Australian actress with strong drive to help others and who uses her platform as an actor to accomplish that. Karlisha has starred in the lead role in the feature film Wrapped, the Lifetime film ‘Nightmare Tenant’, has a starring role in the series ‘How to Identify a Serial Killer’ and is co-host of the series #Me4TV, a next-gen talk show. She won Best Actor Under 18 at the Los Angeles Independent Film Festival and the Hollywood Moving Picture Film Festival, and Best Actress in a Leading Role at the Accolade Global Film Competition — all for her role in a film about child suicide called ‘Karlisha and Morgan’ which has also won many other international awards.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

Although I was probably too young to watch it, I fell in love with the movie Titanic with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio when I was just a kid. I will never forget the first time I saw it. I was totally inspired by Rose who chose to embark on an adventure within herself that the rest of the world was against; instead of falling in line and having a life with no real feeling or purpose. I decided to do something like that with my life; something that had real purpose to me. One day I want to be like Rose and inspire others to take the leap and do what they want with their lives.

But honestly, I think my mum knew I was going to be an actor even before I did. I was always interested in watching how other people behaved and used to spend hours mimicking them and trying to understand why they acted the way they did. I had a bit of a wild personality too and I was obsesses with watching moves — every movie anywhere. So my mum encouraged me to study acting. In class, I thrived and when I was told I was pretty good at it, I became determined to be better.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began this career?

In my job, you get to be in all sorts of crazy scenarios; ones that are intriguing as an actor but in real life are horrifying. In the new feature film Wrapped I held someone at gunpoint and threatened to shoot them and in the recently released Lifetime movie Nightmare Tenant I was murdered. In Karlisha and Morgan I played a suicide victim who was bullied; I played a teenager who struggles to cope with rejection by her family in Bet the Demon Wins; and a pregnant teenager accused of a heinous crime in the horror series Fight Night. It’s an amazing opportunity to be able to explore these bizarre scenarios as if I am actually caught up in them. I think it gives me the chance to better appreciate why people do what they do and helps give me a platform to promote social issues that impact people’s lives with at least some understanding. In an upcoming series, I get to be in the mind of a serial killer.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Tell us what lesson you learned from that?

When I first came out to LA from Australia I was of course very eager to get in the casting room. I was always taught that if you were ever asked if you could do a particular skill you should say yes and learn later. I went into an audition and was asked if I could play the guitar and before I knew what I was saying I had said yes because I thought I could learn it later. Out of nowhere they pulled out a guitar and said ‘great! Play us something!’- That of course did NOT end well because I couldn’t play the guitar… at ALL. I then fessed up and blurted out ‘but I can sing!!’ which was something I could actually do. They ended up loving that and calling me back.
This made me realize that no, I can’t please everyone right now, but I can be myself and that’s enough. It also taught me to never lie on my resume!

Ok super. Let’s now jump to the core focus of our interview. Can you describe to our readers how you are using your platform to make a significant social impact?

Social media has opened up a whole new world for actors as it gives us a platform to reach so many people around the world and drive issues that we are really passionate about. Teenage suicide seems to be such taboo words these days; people have just stopped talking about it. I want to spread the word about it and use social media to let people know that how they are feeling is okay and that we should share our pain and experiences. If we open up about it then people may feel less alone and we might help save some lives. In the film Karlisha and Morgan, which screened at festivals around the world, I talk about suicide and play a teenager who has committed suicide after being bullied at school. I was bullied at school and I know how alone and unsupported you can feel, but luckily I had a close family that helped me get through it. In my recent film Bet the Demon Wins I also portray how alone a teenager can feel without the support of family after being betrayed by my sister and father. And as a Program Director for the upcoming Port Stephens international Film Festival, which is focusing on bullying, I get to encourage film makers to make films that relate to these important social issues and help spread the word.

Wow! Can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted by this cause?

One of my best friends tried to commit suicide. I would say it changed the whole course of my life. He used to share almost everything with me but maybe it was the stigma of talking about suicide that prevented him from sharing this part of his life. His attempted suicide gave me a much deeper understanding of what it was like for someone in that position; how they felt on a day to day basis; and it became one of the main reasons I wanted to spread awareness of this issue. If my friend had been able to talk to more people about it at the time and had known that there was a whole community going through the same struggles as him, he may not have had to fight so hard to stay afloat.

Was there a tipping point that made you decide to focus on this particular area? Can you share a story about that?

So apart from one of my best friends I also had a classmate who committed suicide around the time I started filming Karlisha and Morgan in which I play two lead roles as a teenager talking about the impact of bullying and as a victim who has died after committing suicide and talks about what led to that. The Director David Raynor’s sister was at the time on suicide watch at the school she worked at and it really showed me how big the issue was, although few people wanted to talk about it. That and my best friend’s attempted suicide all had such an impact on me that I wanted to spread the word and social media has given me the opportunity to do that. The film won many awards and was screened around the world and I think that shows that as an actor, I have a voice and can help make a difference.

Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do help to you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?

The community, society and politicians should not shy away from talking about hard hitting issues such as teen suicide and should do more to prevent bullying at school. I was bullied so badly that at one point that the thought of going to school made me so physically sick that I couldn’t even get on the bus to get there. I know so many other people who have been bullied too and some who have thought that suicide was their only way out of that situation.

We need to provide more platforms so people can talk about how they are feeling and who they are without any social stigma; and make more films and spread the word about the issues that lead to teenage suicide whether it be because a person is treated badly for simply being gay or transgender, or for just being of a different nationality; or any other issues.

What specific strategies have you been using to promote and advance this cause? Can you recommend any good tips for people who want to follow your lead and use their social platform for social good?

I have been talking about teen suicide and bullying through vlogs, blogs, videos and film.

I also took the opportunities to talk about teenage suicide and bullying in radio, print and television media interviews when I won several acting awards for my role as a suicide victim in the film Karlisha and Morgan. I did a promotional video on the impact of suicide and bullying to promote the Port Stephens International Film Festival and I even wrote an education paper on bullying called ‘The Stage is Set to Combat Bullying’. In it, I encourage schools to increase use of drama in education as this, according to research, provides students with skills that enables them to confront difficult social problems such as bullying and therefore can help reduce teen suicide. I talked about how fake media has impacted young people and their self-worth as a host in the web TV show #Me4TV and in my upcoming podcast we are focusing on what it’s like to live in an industry like Hollywood as a young actor and how that affects us not only mentally but physically in all aspects of our lives.

What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why? Please share a story or example for each.

1- Enjoy the beauty of becoming: Stop rushing through your life expecting your happiness will come later. Enjoy the moments that you’re in because I promise you’ll otherwise regret it when your older.

2- All the best things in life are on the OTHER side of fear: Say yes to the things that scare you; go to that class you’re interested in; go on the date with the nice guy; and introduce yourself to strangers. Open yourself up to the possibility of more.

3- High school sucks for ANYONE who is the least bit different: I promise there’s a whole life past this. When I was in High School I really did believe there was nothing else in life. The gossip; the fights; the loneliness. Every negative thing that happened was the end of my life. If I had been able to look past that, look at the bigger picture and start embracing my weirdness, I could have had such a different perspective on my school years.

4- You’re Not Alone: when I was younger I felt very isolated and that no one knew the insane stuff that was going on in my head. But as I grew up, I started saying the things I thought and found that other people had the exact same thoughts and feelings. Once you start feeling like you’re going through this crazy world together instead of alone, everything starts to get a little easier.

5- Stop shrinking yourself to make others comfortable: I never gave myself a voice and would always make my accomplishments smaller in order to make others feel safe and more secure. I wish I had let my younger self know that YOU ARE ENOUGH.
You don’t need to mold yourself into what you think others want in order for them to like you. Once you believe you deserve to be heard, you find that you no longer care what people think.

I recently found out about a thing called ‘Cuddle Parties’. And yes, I first thought that it was a giant party where you just spend the entire time cuddling each other but it is actually an event designed with the intention of allowing people to experience nonsexual group physical intimacy through cuddling. It helps you understand where your physical and mental boundaries are and it gives you the tools to learn to be okay with saying no in any given circumstance and become more aware of the different kinds of physical intimacy. Perhaps if more people cuddled one another then they would feel less alone and we could help reduce suicides.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that is relevant to you in your life?

“Being our messy, imperfect, authentic selves helps create a space where others feel safe to be themselves too. Your vulnerability can be a gift to others.”
That quote is my screensaver on my phone because when I’m in social places I can get anxious and start having thoughts like ‘what I said wasn’t funny enough’, or ‘I need to tell people all the things I’m succeeding at so they like me more.’ But when I look down at my phone it helps me remember that being myself lets other people feel like they can be themselves too. It even creates more intimate conversations and moments that create a more lasting relationship with the people around you. Me being weird and joyful can make others feel safe. How badass is that?

Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂

Oh wow… that’s such a hard question! There’s so many!

Most of all I would love to have lunch with Jim Carey. I grew up watching him and he was always a huge creative influence on me. Not only is he a brilliant actor but he knew his worth and knew how to share his knowledge to the world. He said something that really stuck with me. He didn’t want his sole purpose in life to be focused on just one thing; he knew that his purpose in life was to ‘free people from concern.’ That has been a part of my career my whole life. I could easily spend the day just listening to him, his thoughts, his life, his jokes, the whole wazoo.

I would take him to an Australian café in LA because we have the best coffee and I could treat him to our favorite breakfast, Avocado Mash.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

My Facebook and twitter is Karlisha Hurley and my Instagram is @karlisha.hurley. I would love your wonderful readers to follow me on social media and would love to follow them!

Thank you for these great insights!

“All the best things in life are on the other side of fear” with Actress Karlisha Hurley and… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.