Compassionate Listening is a fabulous training that teaches people to listen for and appreciate the underlying values of someone’s message, rather than concentrating on formulating your next point.
As part of my series about “exciting developments in the travel industry over the next five years”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Kelly Hayes-Raitt.
Kelly has been traveling full-time for the past decade as an international housesitter where she lives in strangers’ homes and cares for their pets while they go on vacation. She’s housesat throughout Europe, North America, SE Asia and Africa and has written How to Become a Housesitter: Insider Tips from the HouseSit Diva.
Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
I didn’t wake up one morning and declare, “I’m going to be a housesitter!” My current traveling/housesitting lifestyle evolved. During a mid-life career change where I decided to write a book about my experiences working in the Middle East with refugees, I realized I could create a positive income stream by renting out my home and living elsewhere rent-free.
Initially, I applied for (and won) free residencies at writing colonies, but those are competitive and expensive to apply for. After I housesat for a few friends and relatives, I realized housesitting was more flexible and offered a wider range of opportunities.
I don’t get paid for housesitting. I live in other people’s homes and care for their pets, gardens and homes while they vacation. I don’t pay any expenses either, so it’s a quid pro quo. I enjoy living like a local in a neighborhood that’s not in a tourist area. I enjoy secure wifi, a clothes washer, a kitchen, usually good cable, free parking, privacy, (usually) a garden and sometimes a pool…and a furry friend or two!
My first international housesit was in east London during the Olympics! Every time I rode the Tube, I went past the Olympic Village. The city was alive, and I was there on-the-ground experiencing it like a local. I was hooked!
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
Just one story? While housesitting in Berlin at the height of the Syrian refugee crisis, I volunteered at a registration center and interviewed newly arrived refugees. I attended the 70th commemorations of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki while housesitting in Osaka. I snorkeled with mama and baby humpback whales while spoiling pets in Réunion (a French island east of Madagascar). I launched my housesitting book at an event while housesitting in Mexico, and raised money for a shelter helping Central American refugees.
I’ve made lifelong friends with other housesitters and with the homeowners whose homes and pets I’ve cared for.
I joke I sleep around — usually with pets. The truth is, I’ve created a whole new life for myself that is remarkably soul-fulfilling.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
At that glorious east London housesit during the Olympics, the cat brought in a late-night gift: An eviscerated mouse she lovingly left in the doorway to the bedroom. I nearly stepped on it in the middle of the night when I got up to use the bathroom! Lesson learned? Wear sandals — always!
What do you think makes your book stand out? Can you share a story?
I wrote How to Become a Housesitter because I realized too many people were glorifying the lifestyle — myself included! I love housesitting, and I love giving pet owners the opportunity to travel knowing their pets are loved and their homes are secure.
But, it’s not for everyone. I include a quiz “Is Housesitting Right for Me?” right in the beginning. After buying my book, an acquaintance insisted on buying me dinner.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” she said, “but I’m not meant for housesitting and you just saved me a bundle!”
I present housesitting honestly — the responsibility, the insecurity, the uncertainty, the just plain nuttiness that can sometimes be involved when dealing with strangers.
I also write about the unexpected joys and about the nuts-and-bolts: how to get started, how to evaluate housesitting assignments, how to break through the competition, how to get asked back.
Which tips would you recommend to your colleagues in your industry to help them to thrive and not “burn out”?
Housesitting is work and a huge responsibility. In ten years, I’ve encountered all types of situations: Something goes wrong with the house, or the pets, or the travel plans…
Constantly putting myself in new situations, while exciting, takes a lot of energy. Even “new” gets old! I avoid “burn out” by keeping up the relationships I have with homeowners of my favorite housesits so I can be first in line when they travel again. Repeat assignments remove a lot of the unknown factors that can be stressful and the familiarity feels like I’m coming “home.”
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?
It’s a cliché to thank your mother, but all the necessary traits I draw on to be a conscientious housesitter were instilled by my mom: a love of travel and adventure, the gift of flexibility, a sense of humor, orderliness, and gratitude. I never thought I’d thank my mom for insisting I make my bed every morning!
Let’s jump to the core of our discussion. Can you share with our readers about the innovations that you are bringing to the travel and hospitality industries?
Housesitting is a relatively new component to the travel industry. For years, friends or friends of friends may have stayed at pet owners’ homes while they were away — or popped in to walk the dog or feed the kitty.
One of the earliest web sites that posted pet owners’ pet sitting needs and profiles of housesitters willing to care for pets is Nomador.com, which has now expanded into the world’s only bilingual housesitting web site.
Now, there are 50 housesitting platforms where homeowners and housesitters can peruse each other’s profiles to see if there’s a match. Some of the platforms are country-specific, such as HouseSitMexico.com. Others are international, such HouseSitMatch.com. The largest (and most expensive and most competitive) is TrustedHousesitters.com.
As a new kid on the “sharing economy” block, housesitting is such a game-changer for travelers — and for pet owners who would otherwise be tied to their homes by their pets’ needs.
Which “pain point” are you trying to address by introducing this innovation?
Housesitting is a true win/win. Pet owners who otherwise might not travel can do so without expensive (or dangerous) pet boarding, and travelers can travel more authentically. As a digital nomad who can work from any place where there’s wifi, I love the amenities a home offers (as opposed to a hotel room), the variety of locations available to me, and the huge cost savings.
How do you envision that this might disrupt the status quo?
Well, I don’t get many invitations to stay at chain hotels!
Can you share 5 examples of how travel and hospitality companies will be adjusting over the next five years to the new ways that consumers like to travel?
International and domestic housesitting continues to grow, just as the type of travelers who are attracted to housesitting continues to grow. I believe that trend will continue. Here’s why:
1. More retirees are exploring living overseas in countries where their dollar stretches further. In fact, during the decade ending in 2017, the number of American retirees living abroad leapt by 40%, according to the U.S. Social Security Administration. Housesitting provides an on-the-ground opportunity to experience day-to-day living in a foreign country before making a major move. It’s a great solution for retirees.
2. Last year, 32 million American women traveled alone. Housesitting provides a safer experience for all travelers, but particularly for women. Individual homes are generally in neighborhoods away from the “touristy” areas that attract scammers and pickpockets and they have better security than typical hotel rooms — and they may come with a watchdog!
3. In the U.S., 4.8 million workers describe themselves as digital nomads. Housesitting provides them with a better travel/work experience: faster, more secure wifi; dedicated, private work space; and more control over their work environment than a hotel or hostel provides.
4. Increasingly, travelers are seeking “authentic” experiences. A recent Trip Advisor study reports that experiences such as cooking classes and culinary tours each increased by 57% among international tourists. Housesitting is just about the most genuine way to explore a new destination!
5. As I write this, much of the world is emerging from COVID-19 lockdowns. Since staying in someone’s home — that has been thoroughly cleaned — can be far less germy than staying in a hotel or hostel where there‘s more exposure to and turnover of customers and personnel, travelers who might not have considered housesitting in the past might see it as a safer option for travelling in the future.
You are a “travel insider”. How would you describe your “perfect vacation experience”?
My perfect vacation experience is the magical combination of great digs in a fabulous location that involves rolling out of bed and finding coffee, opportunities to engage with local people, a day (or more!) of scuba diving, visits to great art museums and a feeling that I’m contributing to the community I’m living in.
Can you share with our readers how have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?
I don’t know that I’ve brought “goodness” to the world, but I have given pet owners peace of mind when they travel. I think travel is transformative. Any way I can encourage or inspire people to travel — either by reading my book or by trusting me to care for their pets — is a “win” from my perspective. And I’ve certainly scratched a lot of furry tummies!
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Compassionate Listening is a fabulous training that teaches people to listen for and appreciate the underlying values of someone’s message, rather than concentrating on formulating your next point.
How can our readers follow you on social media?
I share tips on how to get started in housesitting on www.HouseSitDiva.com. I also post fun interviews that I hope inspire travelers to try this option! My book How to Become a Housesitter: Insider Tips from the HouseSit Diva is also available on my site as an ebook.
The Future Of Beauty: “Microneedling to Firm Up Skin” With Michelle Mowry of Wellness Jar Medical Spa
Give out random complements. When you go out of your way to say something nice about another person, it can amplify your own self-confidence. And when you get a complement just say thanks. Don’t deflect, take that moment to just sparkle a little brighter. One time when I was pregnant, I was walking through the mall and a woman stopped me told me I looked beautiful. That day I was feeling particularly whale-like and it really changed my outlook. I always think about this when I see someone and take the time to share a genuine complement.
I had the chance of interviewing of Michelle Mowry .
Michelle Mowry is the nurse practitioner at Wellness Jar Medical Spa in North Palm Beach, Fla. She administers Botox and is a board-certified Advanced Registered Nurse Practitioner (ARNP) with more than 10 years of experience in aesthetics medicine. She received medical training from John Hopkins University and has a master’s degree. She is a member of the American Association of Nurse Practitioners. Michelle has previously been quoted in a story by The Daily Beast about Botox.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to learn a bit more about you. Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
I guess I have always wanted to be in the medical field. I really enjoy helping people and this career gives me the ability to put them at ease when having medical procedures. It also allows me to shift how someone sees themselves — an amazing gift. I was truly fortunate that my first job actually sent me around the United States training with some of the best plastic surgeons and dermatologists in the country. It was through this experience that I quickly realized this was my passion and my future — I was on the right path.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?
I think roaming the United States for months learning from the best-of-the best was the most interesting experience in my career. While some of the unique techniques and styles helped shape my own style, another story may stand out more for your readers. When we were at Johns Hopkins University, we walked into the morgue and lined up on a table was a line of human heads. While this may sound like a scene from a horror movie, it was actually a unique learning opportunity. We were able to use faux fillers with dyes so that we could see the exact placement of fillers and see where it was supposed to go and what to avoid. This was an odd but super informative way to learn how to optimize filler placement.
Are you able to identify a “tipping point” in your career when you started to see success? Did you start doing anything different? Are there takeaways or lessons that others can learn from that?
With medicine we have to push the limits of our comfort zones. The magic comes from finding that place between confidence and overconfidence. With the right level of confidence, you are able to put patients at ease and you are able to constantly further your expertise on your own. Patients want providers who are assured in their capabilities but also know their limitations — someone who can nurture both confidence and humility. For me, mastering this balance is when I really started to see my patients become repeat patients and started to see more and more referrals.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person to whom you are grateful who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
I am most grateful for my parents. My mom taught me compassion and empathy as well as having a good listening ear. I would say that is something I draw upon every single day. My father taught me that there is nothing I couldn’t accomplish through hard work — I would not have been able to pursue a medical career without that foundation. He also had no filter and some of that rubbed off on me. I think a lot of my patients feel immediately at ease with me because I don’t put on any pretense, they immediately feel like they can tell me anything — any many do!
Ok super. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. The beauty industry today has access to technology that was inconceivable only a short time ago. Can you tell us about the “cutting edge” (pardon the pun) technologies that you are working with or introducing? How do you think that will help people?
One of my favorite devices is the Vivace RF Microneedling. It actually plays to a growing trend we see with combination treatments which create a synergistic benefit. Vivace combines three different treatments in one: microneedling, RadioFrequency, and LED light therapy. The technology lets you customize how you use each modality across different areas and different people. And I love it because it is a no downtime solution with amazing results. People often get multiple sessions and when they walk in my office for the second treatment, they typically have huge smiles and tell me stories of people commenting on their skin. I love seeing that kind of joy and confidence.
As for the technology — the robotic controlled microneedling triggers a natural wound healing response that builds collagen and elastin. The radio frequency helps tighten skin and LED light calms inflammation and speeds up anti-acne and brightening effects. The ability to “stack” these modalities creates benefits like leveraging the micro-channels to deliver radio frequency and LED light to lower layers of the skin for greater rejuvenation. It also lets me adjust depth and heat across specific areas of the skin, adjust with multiple passes over the skin and adjust per patient. All the while protecting your top layer of skin, in turn, giving little to no downtime and amazing result. Adding on something like PRP which leverages your body’s own growth factors can seriously amplify results.
Keeping “Black Mirror” and the “Law of Unintended Consequences” in mind, can you see any potential drawbacks about this technology that people should think more deeply about?
Not sure I can give you a Black Mirror level draw back but something to consider is that when you talk about technology advances people’s minds go to things like robot level automation. Just think about the artistic sense and human decision making that goes into these treatments. The anatomy of your face and neck in particular are so intricate and important to self-awareness and recognition that having a robot interpretation of that feels perilous to me. A more positive scenario to also consider is that over time, you will see not only improvements in results and reductions in things like downtime, you will also see lower costs and fewer taboos — that translates to more people being able to take advantage. Who knows, maybe that has bigger implications like shifting how we think about things like make-up; if we can all fix versus cover up imperfections or maybe it redefines the “new 40” to be an age like 60. If we can look and feel young longer just imagine the social and cultural shifts that could occur.
Can you share 3 things that most excite you about the “beauty-tech” industry?
(1) Combination treatments. As said above there are more and more opportunities to combine different treatments to achieve better results. I love this not only because it truly does amplify results, but it also allows me to be more creative with how I customize to each patient.
(2) Natural results. I am fortunate that this is something I was taught early in my career, but what is exciting to me is that patients are embracing this more which means treatment evolutions will continue to evolve with this in mind. People want to look like their best selves not an over exaggeration of themselves.
(3) Non-Invasive. The limits of what can be achieved with non-invasive treatments are being shattered every day — what used to only be possible with surgery or hiding inside for several weeks can now be done with little or no downtime. I also love that this helps us to better achieve natural results in that with non-invasive you are gradually getting to the end result versus a one-time pull, cut and snip.
Can you share 3 things that most concern you about the industry? If you had the ability to implement 3 ways to reform or improve the industry, what would you suggest?
(1) While we see advances in technology that help reduce safety risk, we should never lose sight of the difference the right provider can make. Most specifically I am thinking about the right medical training, qualifications and experience. Trends such as combination treatments are great examples of why this is so important — providers must be able to look at a 360 inside and outside view of the patient to develop safe treatment options that are based on an understanding of how everything interacts. Some states have minimal requirements for this which can create significant risk to patients.
(2) Home devices have come a long way too but can present more risk than consumers understand. There is a value risk in that they often get compared to medical-grade solutions and patients are disappointed in limited results. What concerns me more is when there are safety risks. I have seen patients come in with burns or other complications from misuse of these devices. I don’t know the answer in how to regulate that but at a minimum, consumers should always do their research and talk to experts before investing in or using specific home devices.
(3) The idea of Botox Parties or offsite procedures is something that should be more regulated. This practice is diluting the professionalism of the field. Additionally, many of the ‘bad Botox’ or other “botched” stories come from these types of practices. You don’t know if the product is expired or over-diluted or if a device is properly maintained. Travelling providers also may lack the proper credentials or may be unavailable to the patient if problems do occur. There is no accountability in these kinds of situations which is bad for the patient and bad for the industry.
You are an expert about beauty. Can you share 5 ideas that anyone can use “to feel beautiful”? (Please share a story or example for each.)
(1) Smile. We are all naturally drawn to people who smile and there is actually science behind the saying that smiles are contagious — it is a brain-triggered response. When you smile your muscles also lift the face, making you appear younger. There are even health benefits related to the brain’s reaction to the act of smiling. So, smile — happiness feels and looks fantastic!
(2) Don’t act your age. Your age doesn’t define you or your capacity for beauty — you should live the age you feel. To give you an example, we have a wonderful CoolSculpting patient in her 70s. She recently sent us some amazing photos of her in a bikini clearly having the time of her life. It was beautiful.
(3) Give out random complements. When you go out of your way to say something nice about another person, it can amplify your own self-confidence. And when you get a complement just say thanks. Don’t deflect, take that moment to just sparkle a little brighter. One time when I was pregnant, I was walking through the mall and a woman stopped me told me I looked beautiful. That day I was feeling particularly whale-like and it really changed my outlook. I always think about this when I see someone and take the time to share a genuine complement.
(4) Focus on what you like about your features. We spend so much time focusing on the flaws that it can erode our confidence. When I meet with patients and ask them about what bothers them, I also talk about what is great about their features — and inevitably it not only lights them up, it triggers a more in-depth discussion versus someone who just says I hate this, fix it. However, I also advise them to not let others define this for you. Always focus on makes you feel more confident not on what someone else may think or say.
(5) Confidence. It’s getting tougher and tougher as many seek approval via social media, but self-confidence is about how you feel about yourself regardless of what someone else thinks. I heard a celebrity who I would never describe as lacking confidence talk about what she does on ‘bad days’ — she said when it happens she would ask herself, what are you going to do about it? I love that she owned it. And for me, the easiest way to feel more confident is to act like you are confident. This could be simple gestures like standing taller — posture has a powerful influence on your attitude and how others perceive you. Similarly, you can act positive — talk to people in a positive and energetic way and you will start to notice that reflected back. Your confidence does not need to be about your beauty, it is overall confidence in who you are which helps you feel beautiful.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would want to inspire people to be more kind to each other. Especially today where we are faced with so much negativity as well as challenges to adapt to the pandemic. It takes all of us to create a better world — one act at a time. A great example of this was the Some Good News channel with John Krasinski. The viral response was evidence that we all crave this more. Small acts of kindness are just as important. There is actually a health benefit too — being kind can boost your serotonin and also releases endorphins. Kindness may just be the secret sauce to a healthy, happy life.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“One of the best feelings in the world is knowing someone is happy because of you.” This resonates with me because it articulates a lot of why I got into medicine and specialized in aesthetics. I am fortunate to experience this feeling almost daily. This is a gift.
Drs. Lisa and Richard Orbé-Austin: How To Thrive Despite Experiencing Impostor Syndrome
I think with our book we hope to inspire a movement in which amazing people, who have long denied this amazingness, can feel free and have the tools to “own your greatness.” So many truly fantastic and inspirational people struggle with Impostor Syndrome and hide in the shadows of their lives fearing being found out. We are so interested in helping these phenomenal people to claim their strengths, accomplishments, abilities, skills and complexity and encouraging them to live out loud and in the beauty of the possibilities of their lives and their dreams.
As a part of our series about how very accomplished leaders were able to succeed despite experiencing Imposter Syndrome, I had the pleasure of interviewing Drs. Lisa and Richard Orbé-Austin.
Drs. Lisa and Richard Orbé-Austin are licensed psychologists and executive coaches with a focus on career advancement, leadership development and job transitions. They are the founding partners of Dynamic Transitions Psychological Consulting, an executive coaching and organizational development consultancy. Their individual and group coaching work focuses on high potential managers and executives. Drs. Orbé-Austin’s consultancy works with Fortune 1000 companies, non-profits, and educational institutions in supporting their employees, senior leadership teams and boards to address bias, diversity, equity, & inclusion concerns, leadership development, effective communication, team cohesion, and managing conflict management. Their practice also consults to universities on the reorganization & evaluation of their career centers to enhance their efficacy and metrics, in order to improve service delivery, data analysis, and student career outcomes.
Dr. Lisa Orbé-Austin earned her doctorate in Counseling Psychology from Columbia University, and Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin earned his doctorate in Counseling Psychology from Fordham University’s Graduate School of Education. Their views about career advancement, job transitions, leadership, and diversity & inclusion are regularly sought by the media and they have appeared in outlets such as The New York Times, NBC News, Forbes, The Huffington Post, Refinery29, Fast Company, Business Insider, and Insight Into Diversity. Dr. Lisa Orbé-Austin has also been honored as a Top Voice on LinkedIn in the area of Job Search and Careers. Drs. Orbé-Austin have been invited and keynote speakers at various national and international conferences. They recently gave a TEDx talk entitled “The Impostor Syndrome Paradox.”
Their book, Own Your Greatness: Overcome Impostor Syndrome, Beat Self-Doubt, and Succeed in Life (Ulysses Press, 2020) was released in April 2020.
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?
People are often confused about why we, as psychologists, would be focused on the areas of career development and organizational culture & change. However, we are both counseling psychologists and what many don’t know about the field of counseling psychology is that it birthed the early pioneers in the field of career development. In the 1950s, early counseling psychologists innovated and created career testing and developed the first theories around career development as many of them were working in VA Hospitals to help veterans returning from WWII with vocational rehabilitation.
As counseling psychologists, we received significant training and supervision in career development, theory and practice especially during our doctoral programs and post-doctoral work. So, it’s actually not that strange for counseling psychologists to be steeped in knowledge about careers and organizational dynamics.
We actually met while working in a college career center during our graduate school training, and initially I (Lisa) was not that interested in career development because I felt very uninterested in a “test and tell ’em” approach to career fit. I felt that this approach did not provide room for actually engaging the client holistically and connecting their career choices with their identity and identity has always been my passion. In meeting Richard, I learned to see the “the personal as professional and the professional personal.” As I fell in love with him in seeing his whole self, he showed me how he thought of career as so inextricably linked to identity development. His genuine passion for the field of career really ignited a vision for me of the power of combining career development and psychology theories to apply it to our career & executive coaching work. When we launched our practice over 13 years ago, career & executive coaching were key components of our service offerings although not the sole focus of our practice. The Great Recession hit a year after we opened our practice and the therapy clients dried up and we were only getting new referrals for our career coaching practice and our main focus on career was born. It has proven to be a central force in our practice and that we sometimes categorize what we do as career therapy.
Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘takeaways’ you learned from that?
(Lisa)
I will tell you two of the most central stories to my own career development and pathing. Since the age of 6, I had wanted to be a pediatrician and entered college as a biology pre-med major. College science and math destroyed me, and I was on academic probation with a 1.8 GPA. I remember sitting in the dean’s office and him kindly telling me that I needed to figure something out or I would be dismissed from the college. I remember quickly cycling through my first-year experience and scrambling to find something that I was good at to switch my major and it was English. When I went home during Spring Break to tell my parents, my father was furious. He told me “why would you do that? You already speak English.” My parents didn’t go to college and were incredibly fearful about my future. It was a very difficult time. My father insisted that I get a 3.7 GPA next semester, or he would pull me out of school to go somewhere locally. I got a 3.9 next semester and really thrived in my English classes. Until my senior year in a prose writing capstone course with a visiting professor, I was writing a novella as an assignment for the class and she HATED it. Every class when it was my turn for review, the feedback was excruciating — she had the entire class in a chorus of contempt for my work. It really was so upsetting it made me reconsider my plans for graduate study in writing and turned my career world upside down once again. There I was again, after graduation, reviewing my college experience to try to figure out my next steps. I had been a Resident Advisor in the dorms and loved the experience helping freshmen with that difficult adjustment to independence and college life and thought maybe counseling might be an option. My father put me in touch with a psychologist at his EAP for an informational interview and she happened to be a counseling psychologist, who had been an English major. So that encouraging and informative conversation got me to apply to a master’s program in counseling psychology. Interestingly enough, when I was moving into my apartment to start my master’s program, I stopped into a bookstore to see if that professor had written anything recently and her newest book was a story almost identical to that novella that she criticized so voraciously. I remember my sister was with me and she was like “what are going to do about it?” and I felt a sense of peace and that I was very happy about the pathway that my life was taking.
From those experiences, I learned about how important taking inventory of your interests, skills, values and motivators is when you are in a career crisis. I did it in a very rudimentary way, but now, in looking back, I would have told myself to see a career counselor and get some career testing. I would have likely felt a little more assured about my decisions and confident moving forward than I did feel.
I think additionally I learned that sometimes you don’t get the things you want for a great reason that can sometimes be hard to see in the moment.
(Richard)
One of my last experiences working for an institution was as a Chief Diversity Officer for an educational institution. I didn’t apply for the role. I actually was working in another department in the college, but I was asked to take on the position by the college’s president. Although I was trained in issues related to diversity, equity, and inclusion, it was my first opportunity to make transformative change at an executive level. I quickly realized that my role was about more than content expertise. It was about navigating some challenging political waters, especially as I tried to negotiate making changes in recruitment and hiring, in collaboration with colleagues over whom I had no legitimate authority or oversight. Although I was CDO, the faculty and other administrators did not report to me. My instinct and commitment to build solid working relationships and giving myself time to do so, made me realize the importance and mechanics of influence without authority.
In a few short months, I was able to overhaul key processes, meet with a countless number of college stakeholders, form a Diversity Council, and make impact in ways I didn’t imagine would be possible at first. This experience has informed my executive coaching and consulting work, because we can oftentimes forget the human element when trying to make change, and it is something that I always emphasize with my individual and organizational clients. So being able to always give time to relationship building was my key takeaway. I was able to get things done because of the relationships that I had built, not because I had legitimate authority to do so. The other part of the experience, which I appreciated was that at the time, I was not actively looking to change roles. But I was open to the opportunity, and as a result, was able to take on a role which was very impactful, but not necessarily in my plans for my career path. So, another takeaway is to be open to opportunities, and give yourself the chance to explore roles which may be a stretch and outside your comfort zone, but well worth the experience.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
Our company stands out because we have a very holistic and tailored approach to our work, and we are very agile & versatile. On the career and executive coaching side, our backgrounds as psychologists, in addition to our extensive knowledge of various industries, allow us to provide both content expertise and to utilize psychological principles in discussing and effecting behavior change & leadership development with clients. We are able to diagnose the barriers, whether internal or external, that may be preventing progress and change from being made, and to intervene based on the specific needs of the client.
As it pertains to our consulting practice, we believe strongly in tailoring our approach and plan to the unique needs of the organization. We take time to really understand the consulting needs, and often help the client to articulate the specific outcomes they seek. We also have subject matter expertise in a variety of areas, which make us very agile in meeting the concerns of clients.
A quick story: We were working to provide an impostor syndrome training to an organizational client at the beginning of this year. However, once the COVID-19 pandemic occurred, we realized that the organization and its team members could also benefit from some stress reduction and leadership during crisis training. Rather than having to seek another consultant for this emerging challenge, this type of work was in our portfolio of training offerings, and we were able to quickly develop a training specifically designed to address the stressors of that particular workplace.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?
There are so many mentors, friends and family that have helped get to where we are today. But we probably have to thank our parents, Ana, Francisco, Marguerite and Guy, the most. They are amazing people — immigrants, whose first language was not English, who didn’t go to college and yet were able to provide us with an incredible sense of security, fostered our love for learning and showed us the value of hard work.
(Richard) I also want to thank one of my first mentors Dr. Robert Fullilove, who was the first Black male psychologist I ever had the opportunity to meet, when I served as his intern during my college years, who inspired me to pursue my doctorate and to have a true love of giving back to the Black community as an activist-scholar.
(Lisa) I want to thank Dr. Vanessa Bing, a Black psychologist, who inspired me to think big about my practice and what lay ahead for me when I was trapped in a very difficult work experience. She helped me to believe in my dreams and always encouraged me to move forward even when I didn’t see models for what I wanted to do.
Now let’s shift to the main focus of this interview. We would like to explore and flesh out the experience of Impostor Syndrome. How would you define Impostor Syndrome? What do people with Imposter Syndrome feel?
Impostor Syndrome is a phenomenon in which a person, typically a high achieving one, has difficulty internalizing her accomplishments, is constantly afraid of being exposed as a fraud, and overworks to compensate for this concern. They can also self-sabotage as well, as a result of the performance anxiety. People with impostor syndrome believe that they are successful due to luck, a mistake, a relationship or sometimes even because of the impostor syndrome itself.
What are the downsides of Impostor Syndrome? How can it limit people?
Impostor Syndrome prevents people from advancing their career and increasing their leadership. Since they attribute any success to luck, mistake or someone liking them, they often feel that they should not attempt to find new roles or ask for more opportunities/promotions, because if they do, they fear that they won’t get it because they aren’t as capable as others or if they do get it, they fear that they will be exposed as a fraud or as incompetent. Therefore, it can limit their career mobility and opportunities to take on leadership roles or to seek better-fit options.
How can the experience of Impostor Syndrome impact how one treats others?
Often individuals with Impostor Syndrome can be more distant and withholding with others, because they are concerned that if people learn who they really are, they might be exposed as a fraud. They also may be used to taking on the roles (e.g., the expert, the go-to, the helper), which make it difficult for them to ask for assistance or to feel like they can make a mistake. As a leader, people with impostor syndrome can tend to micromanage and overwork their team members, if their team members falter, they see it as a reflection of their own incompetence as a manager. In addition, they may also be reluctant to delegate tasks. People with impostor syndrome also may have difficulty making decisions because they struggle with perfectionism, which can leave others feeling confused about priorities and how to move forward with their work.
We would love to hear your story about your experience with Impostor Syndrome. Would you be able to share that with us?
(Lisa)
Soon after getting my PhD, I had fallen into a job that had very little to do with being a psychologist. I had become professionally lost and wasn’t clear what I wanted for my future career. I had a boss who was all the forms of toxic that you can imagine. I had learned that I was being underpaid significantly compared to my counterpart. He was publicly humiliating me in meetings as well as a variety of other difficult things that were going on. I put up with it for months because my Impostor Syndrome (i.e., my Impostor Syndrome Automatic Negative Thoughts) kept telling me “you can’t do any better than this,” “who’s going to hire you with your current skill set,” and “every boss is likely to be this bad.” I felt paralyzed by these thoughts. Then, one day in a meeting of the senior staff (all women), there was music playing in the background. One of the women asked, “What’s that music that’s playing?” And he said, “It’s music to soothe the savage breast.” In that one moment, the light went on and I realized how I was letting my Impostor Syndrome put me in these types of situations because I felt that I didn’t deserve better.
(Rich)
I never realized that I had impostor syndrome until writing this book. I always felt very confident and was identified very early on in my educational journey as the “smart one.” However, this label made me want to protect this status, and made me feel that I needed to be perfect. If I made a mistake, it might mean that I was not as intelligent as people believed. It also made me hesitant to take risks, for fear of being exposed as a fraud or not as bright as others had labeled me.
Did you ever shake the feeling off? If yes, what have you done to mitigate it or eliminate it?
(Lisa)
After those vile words, I went straight back to my office, called Richard and told him that I was quitting. I cleared my office that weekend and resign on the spot that Monday — no two weeks’ notice, no nothing. He threatened me and told me that I would never work in education again. It was frightening. But in 2 weeks, I had a part-time job in education making more working 3 days a week than I did at that full-time job.
I had to fight very hard back then to reframe my thoughts, trust my community (i.e., friends and family) to help me be more strategic and focus on my own dreams, and to not engage in Impostor Syndrome behaviors that diminished me. It still comes up today especially in high visibility or high stakes situations, but when it comes up the tools that I have developed are much more automatic and accessible now and require less energy from me.
(Rich)
Yes, when I got to college, I was able to see that making mistakes was part of healthy development. It is about learning from those mistakes. One of my most challenging, but enriching, experiences was taking an Organic Chemistry class. It was one of the hardest classes I ever took in college. I put in maximum effort and felt that I learned a great deal. However, at the conclusion of the course, I did much more poorly than I would have imagined and needed to retake the class. Despite this result, I really loved the experience of learning, and subsequently went on to get an A the second time around. I adopted a growth mindset, which enabled me to recognize the power of taking risks and learning from mistakes. This enabled me to take on roles and have experiences which benefited my journey as a leader.
In your opinion, what are 5 steps that someone who is experiencing Impostor Syndrome can take to move forward despite feeling like an “Impostor”? Please share a story or an example for each.
Own and acknowledge that you are suffering from impostor syndrome and figure out where it came from.
Many people with impostor syndrome suffer in silence because they are embarrassed or ashamed. When I (Lisa) was struggling with it in various parts of my life, I didn’t share it. It was both the combination of fear of exposure and being dismissed that plagued me. It’s also important to figure out how it got started, which usually is connected to your early childhood experiences because it helps clarify the “why” and the “what” around your current triggers for your Impostor Syndrome. For example, if you had a parent that was hard to please and focused on your accomplishments as the sole area of connection, this might connect to why you chose withholding bosses and feel very driven by trying to acquire their positive feedback.
Identify your strengths and accomplishments and speak them to yourself and others.
In our work, we have noticed that people with Impostor Syndrome struggle to be able to name or even consider their unique skills as real, viable, worthwhile strengths. They often dismiss skills, like interpersonal ones, as not really an actual skill. We want people to recognize that skills and accomplishments come in all forms and that a denial and minimization of them serves only your Impostor Syndrome.
Counter the Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) and let this change your narrative.
ANTs are those creepy, insidious thoughts that occur when we are triggered by our Impostor Syndrome. We tend to believe our thoughts, especially when they are negative. For example, you make a small mistake in a big presentation and the thought you have is “That was horrific. Everyone noticed. It blew up the presentation.”
We love this quote by Amit Ray “You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts.” It reminds you that you need to question your thoughts and not take them at face value. Ask yourself “where’s the data” “are there other points of view,” “what’s the value of holding this particular thought” and “how is this thought serving me?” Once you can recognize it as an ANT, then you want to counter it and develop a thicker, more accurate narrative. From the example, the thickened, countered response to the ANT might be “I made a mistake. It was minor. I got a lot of great feedback on the presentation. I will correct the issue for the next time.”
Build a Dream Team of particular people with skills sets that can help.
Struggling with this alone only feeds the impostor syndrome beast. You need to have a solid team around. We always talk about having members of your team that fill the following roles: Mentor, Cheerleader, Grounder, Big-Picture Person, Action Planner, and Impostor Syndrome Expert.
These people can be fantastic sounding boards, have significant experience and informed viewpoints, serve to help you make strategic choices about how you deal with triggering situations, and help you take the long view.
Prioritize your self-care.
When you have impostor syndrome, usually taking care of yourself comes last because the focus is usually on others and obtaining their positive feedback. As a result, our self-care suffers, we struggle with burnout, and have little energy to really do the central things to fight our impostor syndrome. So, hard-book your self-care, find self-care activities that are rejuvenating (and not numbing) and choose activities that holistically care for the physical, mental and reflective aspects of yourself.
If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the greatest amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I think with our book we hope to inspire a movement in which amazing people, who have long denied this amazingness, can feel free and have the tools to “own your greatness.” So many truly fantastic and inspirational people struggle with Impostor Syndrome and hide in the shadows of their lives fearing being found out. We are so interested in helping these phenomenal people to claim their strengths, accomplishments, abilities, skills and complexity and encouraging them to live out loud and in the beauty of the possibilities of their lives and their dreams.
We are blessed that some very prominent leaders read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them!
Former First Lady Michelle Obama. We have loved Mrs. Obama’s candid remarks about experiencing impostor syndrome and have often shared them on our platforms. We think she has done so much for normalizing the experience of impostor syndrome for women, and especially for BIPOC women. We would love to speak to her about her process of dealing with it, what particularly triggers it for her and what tools she uses to neutralize its impact on her career. It would be thrilling to discuss our book with her and have a conversation with her about impostor syndrome and what we can all do about it individually, but also collectively in really addressing work cultures and the environments that reinforce and promote it.
…I would create a community and environment that would get individuals and families off the streets. I envision a housing complex I would not mind living in myself. This complex would meet individuals and families where they are financially, meaning they would pay for the home/apartment based on what they can afford.
As a part of our series about “dreamers who ignored the naysayers and did what others said was impossible”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Arlana Brooks.
Arlana Brooks is a multifaceted woman — a devoted mother with a career in civil engineering and a lifelong love for baking. Inspired by her own mother, Arlana learned early the culinary techniques that would later serve her own company. She founded Arlana’s Gourmet Cookies in 1993 when a simple gift of cookies led to substantial orders for individuals and future events. Arlana’s elegant style is demonstrated in her high-end packaging that is made with beautiful accents and personalized accessories.
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to ‘get to know you’ a bit better. Can you tell us your ‘backstory’?
I am a Civil Engineer and have been working in construction for 27 years. I’m a single mommy of a smart, chatty, witty, creative five year old girl. The concept of Arlana’s Gourmet Cookies came about during my last year of college in 1993 when I started baking as a hobby. I have always had a passion for baking which came from my mom. Over time, that hobby developed into a business. Today, I still work full time, but now I know my niche and direction.
Are you working on any new or exciting projects now? How do you think that will help people?
I am currently finishing the Community Impact page on my website, which will allow customers to donate to local organizations close to my heart such as single mothers, STEM, and breast cancer awareness. Each charity we partner with receives 25% of sales in their designated month and the customer will receive 10% off their next purchase of Arlana’s Gourmet Cookies. It’s a win-win!
In your opinion, what do you think makes your company or organization stand out from the crowd?
That’s easy: the ornate packaging, delicious cookies, authentic style and excellent customer service!
Ok, thank you for that. I’d like to jump to the main focus of this interview. Has there ever been a time that someone told you something was impossible, but you did it anyway? Can you share the story with us? What was your idea? What was the reaction of the naysayers? And how did you overcome that?
Time and time again I heard, “Oh, you’re still doing the cookie thing. Are you making any money?” The continuous doubt I received from others was astounding: “You’ve been doing the cookie thing for a long time; you should be in stores by now.”
These comments were hard to ignore.
In both instances, I was silent and paused before I responded. Internally I was enraged, thinking that they had no idea what they were talking about, no idea what I’ve done, they don’t understand the life of a business owner and they don’t get the many steps it takes.
My response for both was simple: “Yes, I’m getting there.”
I overcame their doubt by turning their negative comments into positive thoughts. It became fuel that kept me going. I knew the progress I was making and the hurdles I was overcoming. I didn’t need their approval.
That is when I learned that not everyone is worthy enough to hear the progress of my business. I can keep my successes to myself and surround myself with likeminded friends, building my own support group. We encourage, support, motivate, brainstorm and understand — it’s a breath of fresh air!
In the end, how were all the naysayers proven wrong? 🙂
I attended events where my cookies were displayed and saw photos of people I had met along the way, some of them naysayers filled with judgement and doubt, receiving a box of cookies with a big grin. That’s when I knew I had done something right.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
During my recent phase of revamping the cookie business, a college friend offered to invest. It took me years to take her up on the offer. When I did revisit the offer, she said “I was just waiting on you.” It was then I knew what I had to do to be successful and grow. I am so grateful for her patience and her belief in me. Accepting her offer meant that I was aware of where I wanted to be and how to get there.
It must not have been easy to ignore all the naysayers. Did you have any experiences growing up that have contributed to building your resiliency? Can you share the story with us?
Being a black, petite, female engineer working in construction has built my resiliency. My cookie business thrives on the confidence I established in myself from working in construction, a male-dominated industry. I had to prove myself over and over again, which for me was just doing my job.
The proof always came from them. I could see a light go on within them each time they were forced to realize that I knew what I was doing and had a deep understanding of the profession. Proving myself to naysayers became second nature.
Based on your experience, can you share 5 strategies that people can use to harness the sense of tenacity and do what naysayers think is impossible? (Please share a story or an example for each)
Follow Your Passion: Your passion is something you enjoy. It’s something you’re good at. Perhaps you’ve noticed several people complimenting you on the same thing — dive into that. Follow your passion and watch it blossom. Know that hobbies can be passions too.
Take One Task At a Time: Make a list and tackle one thing at time. You can only master multitasking once you’ve figured out how to check singular things off your list first.
Stay On Your Course: Only you know your true course because you feel it from within. Stay true to it.
Network: Get involved with relevant organizations and attend trade shows. Vocalize what you do and associate with likeminded people. When you’re asked what do you do, be sure to include your passion (business or hobby).
Set Weekly Goals: This will provide you with weekly direction. If you feel you didn’t completed your weekly goal, that doesn’t mean progress wasn’t been made. Just add it to the following week’s goals and in no time you’ll see your goals being met. Keep it realistic and understand you’re only human: as long as are are doing something to meet the goal, progress is being made. ?
What is your favorite quote or personal philosophy that relates to the concept of resilience?
“Character is power.” — Booker T. Washington
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
I would create a community and environment that would get individuals and families off the streets. I envision a housing complex I would not mind living in myself. This complex would meet individuals and families where they are financially, meaning they would pay for the home/apartment based on what they can afford.
The surrounding community would offer the components of finding jobs, skill training, education, healthcare, childcare, financial planning and any other needs. The idea is to build up the confidence they may have lost by letting them know that they are seen and heard, and there is a team working as fast and as hard as they can to provide help if they want it.
Designer Juaneice Munoz of La Casa Azul Design: 5 Things You Can Do To Help Your Living Space Spark More Joy
Light it up. Lighting is everything. Without proper lighting, a room falls flat and can never spark joy. Take the time to survey the room and add light to the space . Set the mood with a dimmer. Dimmers are everyone’s friend.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Juaneice Munoz
Founded in 2011, by Principal Designer Juaneice Munoz, La Casa Azul Design is bringing award winning design to its clientele. In the belief that we must strike a fine balance and create an interior that reflects the way you live. We believe each home has untapped potential, so we use design principals and the fine balance between art and science to create the finished product. Having worked with professional athletes, executives , and entrepreneurs , our team works hard to meet our client’s changing needs and places a high value on increased well being and perspective in design.
Juaneice gathers inspiration from nature, as the creation has some of the most exquisitely and carefully designed art, and natural beauty. Her globe trotting and love of new experiences also provides a wonderful insight to projects. She is committed to excellence and applying her diverse skills to each project for local and national clientele. It’s the perfect marriage that blends her years of experience in custom building, renovating and design with the clients wish lists and needs.
When Juaneice is not working with clients you can find her spending time with her family, practicing to win the ultimate “uno” card championship against the kids and reading non-fiction as of late. Thank you for stopping in. We appreciate you and can’t wait to hear about your needs and future plans.
Thank you so much for joining us in this series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to learn a bit more about you. Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
The beautiful path to design was born from tragedy . My husband and I lost everything, houses, cars , jobs and were forced to start over. No one would hire me in the fields I wanted to work . My husband suggested interior design. I loved the idea and decided to go back to school to begin carving out a new life for myself and my family.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started this career?
I acquired the nickname, the clumsy fashionista because I always managed to trip, slip, knock something over or fall.
This is still occurring today 🙂
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
The funniest mistake I made when first starting out was trying to look super professional when meeting a new client , so I brought my husband along to play a member of my “team” … the funny part was that my husband forgot he “worked” for me and started talking to the client about sports and other things …. I kept trying to get my husband’s attention, but he was in full social mode…. it ended with the client telling me I should fire my “assistant “…. To this day I still tease my husband about that! It taught me to just be myself….
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
We are working on revamping a 1960’s mid century modern building and turning it into a gathering hub for the community.
I am so excited because this is going to be place for families to gather with friends and really have a great day together. The design is being curated to meet the needs of several families in the community.
It’s very rewarding to see design actually improve the lives of those who experience it!
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.
this is so relevant to me because I pride myself on being very knowledgeable in my field , but I realized over time that when working on a project it’s the people that matter far more than the paint. Investing in the client has been its own reward.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
I would not be where I am without my husband Paul. He sacrificed and worked 2 jobs at times so that I could pursue interior design full time. He also encouraged me to never give up! I think that was one of the most pivotal changes that allowed me to press forward. To have a cheerleader, who believes in your dream and encourages you to never quit.
Thank you for that. Here is the main question of our discussion. What are your “5 Things You Can Do To Help Your Living Space Spark More Joy” and why. Please share a story or example for each.
1. Organize it …. as simple as that sounds. Having everything in its place will naturally give you a sense of calm peace and order
2. Move things around …. getting a new perspective on the room can be as powerful as a new hair cut or new outfit. It makes you feel fresh and ready to take on new challenges
3. Make that bold purchase….sometimes a room just needs a shot of adrenaline, like a unique rug , or piece you have been eyeing but too afraid to purchase, a light fixture. Sometimes the smallest change can make tremendous impact.
4. Make it cozy. …. I have yet to meet a client that doesn’t desire their favorite room to be comfortable and cozy on some level. Even if it’s an open beach house they still want a casual and comfortable room. Add comfortable moments to the seating in your room. You will value and appreciate it long after the guests have gone.
5. Light it up. Lighting is everything. Without properly lighting a room it falls flat and can never spark joy. Take the time to survey the room and add light to the space . Set the mood with a dimmer. Dimmers are everyone’s friend.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Love must be sincere, hate what is evil, cling to what is good….Honor one another above yourselves.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might see this, especially if we tag them 🙂
Darren Hardy , he has been so pivotal in helping me shift and cultivate my business mind. He understands the limitations we place on ourselves and really speaks to overcoming bad habits and taking bad thoughts captive
I would love to create spaces where we can return to community and find unity again. I love the idea of a return to communal living — making structures with a central hub of shared space and peripheral spaces for our individual spaces nearby. This would bring back extended family or co-locate friends with common needs like childcare so that our homes can be a vehicle to support a re-integration of time with family and friends. I visualize shared mortgages and shared kitchen duties! It would be the creation of family campuses!
As part of my series on the “5 Things You Can Do To Help Your Living Space Spark More Joy”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Lisa Queen. Queen’s first design project was her own home in Kansas City, MO back in 1995. It was a five-story brick house with a steel metal staircase winding up the center. She combined her love for edgy architects like Frank Israel, with her enthusiasm to use cutting edge material selections. Before design, her career was (surprisingly!) in aviation. Queen was a corporate pilot, flying across the US for private clients. This aviation history comes through in her ability to think on her feet, an acute attention to detail, and a better than average understanding of the mechanical side of the business. Besides that, it makes for fun conversations! Queen created Lisa Queen Design after relocating from the Midwest to California near the millennial change, some 18 years ago. She welcomed her daughter, Sara, into the fold in 2016 to deepen the offerings and to share the fun of making this a life calling.
Thank you so much for joining us in this series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to learn a bit more about you. Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
It was a circuitous route, that is for sure! My first career was as a corporate pilot. Bear in mind that it was the early 90’s and I was a lone female in a male-dominated world of aviation. I wanted an exit strategy after realizing that aviation alone was not fulfilling my intellectual or creative needs. I wore multiple hats for a startup venture and as we rolled 9 acquisitions together, 3 of us, in two years, we needed someone to take the helm of branding and all that went along with that. We flew all around the country in our efforts and the properties we were acquiring had a truly diverse market face and very diverse physical location aesthetics. The CEO and general counsel were busy with other matters, as you might ascertain, so it fell on me to be pilot in command of all things aesthetic for the company when I was not in the cockpit. We eventually took that company public in 1995. By then, I had designed and branded 11 locations across the country as well as our corporate headquarters using natural inclinations with textiles and color and learning the business of design on the fly. Shortly following the IPO, I married the CEO! As you might imagine, there is a lot of story and love drama mixed up in this launch to a career in design, but I eventually handed the cockpit duties to a former student of mine and focused full time on personal residential ventures. Thus began more focus on residential design projects while starting my family.
My husband and I bought a 15,000-sf contemporary home in Kansas City that needed a full remodel and I worked together with Tracy Sterns, an extraordinarily creative space planner, and we created a residence that was a showstopper.
I was highly influenced by Frank Israel at the time and loved his creative use of materials. Since it was our personal investment and no one could hold me back, I went full out on that first major residential project.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started this career?
My most interesting story as a designer would have to be the free rein I had on the remodel at 56th St in Mission Hills, KS. The house was built like a commercial building with interior brick and mechanical chase ways on every floor (4 floors, plus an upper mezzanine and finished rooftop). I sandblasted all the white paint off the interior brick, leaving a distressed red brick on several of the 19’h walls throughout. I stepped up the center portion of the floor plan so we could bring in wood flooring on that section and keep the brick flooring on other adjacent areas; this began to define “spaces within spaces.” I found an old tobacconist and used it to create a partial wall to break the space between the kitchen and dining area. I had custom stainless-steel shelves created to break between traditional stained mahogany columns in the library “space” to create yet another nested area. All of this was done to use materials and space layout to turn “echo acres” into a cozy series of spaces that integrated and gave the larger space a sense of comfort and coziness.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
My funniest mistake was in this same project — I had designed the master bedroom and bathroom to be split into separate spaces using the master closets and a central axial layout very similar to what I.M. Pei had done several times in his career. This effort makes it so that the closet buffers the bathroom noise from the bedroom, which is often needed when the two people sharing this room might be on different schedules. The master suite area was just a box space with high ceilings and brick walls, so I stepped up onto a semi lofted area (again the wood flooring transition to soften all the brick flooring and break up the space). At this stepped-up area, I had two partial walls on either side of the axial center that I wanted to be able to close off. I wanted to use custom “barn type doors” but use a steel I BEAM as the header. The door was large, so I kept it from getting heavy by using FLAT fiberglass for the center of the frames, also creating a bit of a shoji screen aesthetic. The funny mistake was that this I BEAM was huge…but then so was our front door and 5 story stairway…but the steel beam was just too long to make the turns required to make it up one floor from the front door. So, we had to bring in a CRANE to lift the I BEAM OVER the master balcony to get it into the bedroom. This mistake was COSTLY! That I BEAM design element was the costliest industrial design element I ever used. We had cut circles into the I BEAM and painted it eggplant, so it was already expensive even before we had issues with the installation.
BUT it was a great lesson…check scale!! Not only on the final design but all scale on implementation. No one in KC had done any type of installation like this before, so the builder did not see this one coming either. OUCH. Of course, it was stunning once installed. And it was a lifelong lesson that stays with me to this day. A great idea must be well thought out from concept to execution.
Most mistakes still tie to scale. Right fit, right size, right proportion to other elements and overall story and lastly, scale to install. Doors do not bend; sofas are often deeper than door widths…!
Since we are talking mistakes…I have more than one to share — so let me indulge in a second one — a few years after the KC venture, we decided to take the kids while they were young and move to the sticks in Colorado. My husband is an avid fly fisherman and I am a reasonably decent cowgirl on horseback, so we left the city and bought 7 acres in rural Colorado near Carbondale. We, of course, had to DIY a remodel there over a few years that involved converting the barn to an office, adding a glass garage door, creating a bunkhouse for guests and an outdoor horse arena, plus make the usual decorative cosmetic upgrades to the main house. Makes me tired now just thinking of all we did in those two years while our 2 and 7-year-old girls were riding ponies and driving Barbie cars!
We painted the exterior of the house which was natural cedar (ouch! Should have left it alone!) and I must have been too influenced at the time by all the John Deere equipment, but I chose a John Deere GREEN for the exterior color. From afar across the ranch, this color was so vibrant and beautiful, but it was really a huge mistake to paint the house that horrible strong green tone. It was too late once we realized it was too green. The pain did not last too terribly long as we had a walk-up buyer who drove down our long driveway and asked if the house was for sale. He absolutely LOVED the John Deere GREEN. He saw the glass garage door to the barn office, and he did not even walk through the main house. He put an offer out to us that day and we closed 72 hours later.
So, the GREEN mistake was only a mistake in this designer’s eyes — one man’s ceiling is another man’s floor!
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
I have a few outliers that are we are working on right now like restoration of a fabulous mansion on a hilltop in Los Angeles and refurbishing a private premier golf and tennis club — beginning with the 7000 sq. ft spa. But mostly we help people just like us — well, maybe with a little more disposable income! It is our intention to bring a piece of the family or individuals we are blessed to call clients to their “space” and make “home” for them. The value in that is something I have always had to reconcile. We don’t cure cancer or explore outer space for any greater good — but I find that my heart is satisfied by how I see the world of my client change and how they feel embraced by their new home or office. Honestly, the best compliment we get is, “this feels so much like an extension of who I am!” Especially in this time when we need psychological advantages in our homes, we need them to service us not just practically and by being aesthetically pleasing but by really honoring the inhabitants!
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Well, this one is funny because as much as I would like to quote Marcus Aurelius and pitch a stoic quote to you (“We don’t control what happens, we only control how we respond.”), what I really love and think offers similar wisdom is from Pixar’s The Incredibles, Edna Mode — “I never look back darling, it distracts from the NOW.” It is all about being present, which ties to a passion I have for studying Eckhart Tolle — but it has my sense of lightheartedness to it. I am an enneagram 7 and need the humor woven into things that give me energy!
I adore the double entendres woven into the Pixar films — Brad Bird is amazing! I often take these characters with me into tough situations and hear quotes coming from characters who keep me company in times when I need encouragement but with a light touch of humor. This is relevant to me in that it balances my desire to go deep, look back, analyze, and over-contemplate things. We all need to stay focused and present but balancing with humor is my challenge!
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
Yes…would have to be Windsor Smith. Where do I begin with her? She is genius and so full of energy and vision. She is a friend and a former client of mine from more than 12 years back. Our story is long and fun, but I will tell you she taught me so much by observation — I watched her take her crazy ideas and believe in them. She met so many challenges and just kept on keeping on with humor and continued drive. She hired me as a business consultant to launch her brand and line when she was just starting out. She was a freight train going 100 directions and we channeled her energy in a few focused directions to really start her path to designer stardom. What an honor to have been a part of her journey, and she still weaves back into my world and acknowledges my part now and then, reconnecting despite her demanding schedule and lifestyle. She is just an amazingly creative visionary in our industry.
If you need just one story…I would say it was when she was on day one of the Veranda Home Tour event for the house on Mandeville that Gwyneth Paltrow eventually purchased. She had given me a private tour a week or so prior to thank me for helping her achieve a milestone with Century Furniture by becoming an Icon for them. On this particular day, though, I arrived about an hour before the tours were to begin and encouraged her to give me a personal tour so the Veranda PR point person could take notes. Just as we finished, she snuck us off out a back door and we caught a ride into Santa Monica and began drinking martinis mid-day, not checking phones or responding to all the plethora of folks trying to reach her as this big day launched. It was like a little vacation in the middle of a storm and I will never forget it. I hope I am this kind of light to others. I love to mentor and coach and find that each person I partner with in this regard becomes a teacher to me as well.
Thank you for that. Here is the main question of our discussion. What are your “5 Things You Can Do To Help Your Living Space Spark More Joy” and why. Please share a story or example for each.
Bring joy..!! My favorite word shortly followed by savor. As we look to our homes to provide us protection, we also want our homes and workspaces to “nest” us — to honor us in a psychological way. Let us look at how that translates into actionable items for anyone to employ to bring JOY to their spaces.
Begin with a scavenger hunt — look at your collections, favorite book(s), photos (loose is sometimes the best), and go outdoors if you want to and bring some elements inside if they won’t impede any of nature’s flow to do so.
Identify what makes you feel most at ease with who you are. Bring some physical elements of that to your environment: your desk, front porch, kitchen table. It could be cookbooks, art/coffee table books, or a small black and white photograph simply leaned up against another element or two. It could be a small indoor plant or fresh flowers, of course, but refresh the water and pull any wilting blooms; augment with some lower limbs of small shrubs or trees to boost the arrangement without adding cost.
Create/collect an ensemble of feathers and fossils, crystals, leaves or shelled acorns. The spoil of this “hunt” could be a piece of art by a child, by you as a child, or that makes you feel connected to the child side of yourself.
If your space is small, butt a table up to a wall and anchor a small collective of these things to the end to place a signature of you, just a small nod to something that settles you or stimulates and excites you if you are in a space that needs energy.
Use scarves or jewelry to dress a lamp or a water goblet to bring a personal element and dimensional texture to that object.
Natural light is a booster for the mind and soul (unless it is bedtime!) so scout the best spots in your space at different times of day and create “nests” of space to suit your personality type. If you are a morning person that needs a few minutes to meditate, read the paper, or sip on a chai tea or pour over coffee, then set a “nest” with elements that are nurturing in the zone where the light comes in the morning, even if it is in a secondary area. If you are allergic to the morning, then perhaps drive a similar “nest” in the area where you can see the late afternoon sun or rising moon by a window.
Small lamps are great for unexpected places, especially on a bookshelf or on the counter in a bathroom to create ambient light.
Once you have added a few of these spaces, then do as Coco Chanel encourages… remove one thing before you leave the room because having a bit less can be the key to having a bit more.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would love to create spaces where we can return to community and find unity again. I love the idea of a return to communal living — making structures with a central hub of shared space and peripheral spaces for our individual spaces nearby. This would bring back extended family or co-locate friends with common needs like childcare so that our homes can be a vehicle to support a re-integration of time with family and friends. I visualize shared mortgages and shared kitchen duties! It would be the creation of family campuses!
One hub could be all about business so any home office needs would be there and one hub for shared kids’ space. It might be preferred to share a nanny or personal teacher or tutor, toys, books and so much more with friends over being alone and isolated or in a group with other daycare families.
The house would not be empty when you leave for vacation — someone would likely still be there and can rotate care of the pets and plants. I think of all the clients of mine who have support staff that come in and perhaps that is perfect for many, but wouldn’t it be a fun model to create to bring some further integration of others into our spaces?
If you are sharing a mortgage, then perhaps you can find that you can either travel more or take those additional funds and invest in a second property. This would be especially valued if you are WFH or mobile in your work tasks so you can have the luxury of two different physical places where you call home.
The intended good would be to bring people together again using living spaces and design. Unity…we need more unity!
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might see this, especially if we tag them 🙂
I would like to have lunch with Brene Brown; I want to bring vulnerability into how we LIVE. I think she would be the most likely person to “get it” without too much esoteric hyperbole. I mean, get the psychology of our lived spaces and the power space has on our ability to connect with ourselves and others.
I would want to explore how to bring ourselves “home.” Creating “home” for ourselves and, if you are in my business, for others, is not really about buying “stuff” or acquiring product per say, but about curating an environment that brings a part of you to life, in your world, in your space. Asking our homes and offices to bring us joy is about asking ourselves to bring a sense of vulnerability, our softer selves, to our work, home, and play spaces. Making “home” is not necessarily making “pretty”, but rather bringing an essence of the personalities into the space to make it feel like it is an extension of you.
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Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational!
