“How I Was Able To Thrive Despite First Experiencing Impostor Syndrome” With of Reverb CEO…

“How I Was Able To Thrive Despite First Experiencing Impostor Syndrome” With of Reverb CEO Mikaela Kiner

An Interview With Candice Georgiadis

Create an Impostor Box. When you experience self-doubt, write your feelings down, tuck them away, and get on with your day. Revisit them when you’re ready, on your terms.

As a part of our series about how very accomplished leaders were able to succeed despite experiencing impostor Syndrome, I had the pleasure of interviewing Mikaela Kiner. Mikaela is the Founder and CEO of Reverb — a leading provider of HR consulting, leadership development, and executive coaching for Seattle area startups. She’s also the author of Female Firebrands: Stories and Techniques to Ignite Change, Take Control, and Succeed in the Workplace. Mikaela is married to Henry, a musician, artist, and teacher. Their two teenagers are good at challenging the status quo and are a constant source of learning and laughter.

Thank you so much for joining us, Mikaela! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?

As the daughter of two employment attorneys (the people who sue companies for workplace harassment and discrimination), you can imagine the kind of stories I heard as a kid at the dinner table. Even then I thought there must be a better way. In college I studied liberal arts and struggled to find my calling. I interned with various nonprofits, and spent one summer selling concessions at a freakshow in Coney Island. When we worked late, the bearded lady would drive me home.

In my senior year I fell into Human Resources with an upscale coffee chain where I’d started as a barista. After hiring and training teams to open thirty stores across three states I was intrigued by what HR could do and eventually left to pursue a Master’s in HR Management. I spent the next fifteen years working with Microsoft, Starbucks and Amazon, including a three year assignment in Hyderabad. My family still misses the people, food, and culture of South India.

Wanting more control over my work and time with my family, I struck out on my own in 2015 and founded Reverb. Being a founder and entrepreneur has been one of the most rewarding and least stressful times of my life. This is one of the best kept secrets about entrepreneurship.

Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘take aways’ you learned from that?

I had a boss who was a real yeller, and just did not know how to work with senior women. After being patient, trying to work with him and asking him to be civil, I decided for my own peace of mind I just couldn’t sit through one more meeting with him yelling at me.

I created a plan for myself so I would be prepared, and not have to think on my feet. Next time he started to yell, I would stand up and suggest that we talk when he was calm, then collect my things and leave his office.

I didn’t have to wait long. The next time he raised his voice I stood up, ready to put my plan into action. Instead, something remarkable happened. He visibly collected himself and lowered his voice. I did not have to leave, or even threaten to leave. I sat down and we continued to have a relatively productive conversation. That scenario repeated itself many times before I decided to leave the company.

What I learned in that moment was:

  1. Standing up for myself increased my own confidence and feelings of self-worth
  2. I could do it! I’m pretty easy going so it was good to know I could (literally) stand up for myself
  3. Changing my behavior changed his; by doing something different I disrupted his pattern
  4. Planning ahead enabled me to act vs. freeze in the moment

What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?

Our core values include Kindness and Flexibility. Our consulting model has attracted many moms who want to balance interesting, challenging work with caring for their families. Whether they consult with us full or part time, we work with them to achieve the balance they’re looking for. That may look like:

  • Working a reduced schedule to care for ill or aging parents
  • Taking a month off between assignments to unwind
  • Enjoying summers off with kids, without checking email

Regardless of family status, everyone appreciates flexibility. One staff member spent the winter working from Bali. Because — why not?

These values come through in how the team treats our clients, and serve as a constant reminder that we value the quality and impact of work over facetime.

None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?

Countless people have helped me, and I am grateful for the generosity I experience every day. One of my biggest champions is Shannon Anderson, the head of talent at Madrona Venture Group. Since the day she started at Madrona, Shannon has helped me and Reverb in countless ways.

  • Speaking at our events, including a recent keynote called Culture is the New Currency
  • Endorsing us as her go-to HR firm
  • Sponsoring Reverb’s management and leadership development workshops
  • Finding ways to proactively advocate for me in conversations, through introductions, and on social media
  • Consistently being kind and generous, while expecting nothing in return

Because of Shannon, we ’re at the table with some of Seattle’s leading startups. I like to think the quality of our work was equally good before Shannon arrived on the scene, but it was her advocacy that kicked off this virtuous cycle by getting our name out there and increasing our credibility. She even interviewed me for Madrona’s new podcast Founded and Funded (episode coming soon!).

Ok thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of this interview. We would like to explore and flesh out the experience of Impostor Syndrome. How would you define Impostor Syndrome? What do people with impostor Syndrome feel?

Impostor syndrome is the sense that you’re not good enough, or you don’t deserve something, regardless of your skills, abilities, and qualifications. You may think you need another degree or a bigger title before you truly deserve what you’ve (already) accomplished.

You may believe that even your peers and colleagues won’t accept or recognize you until you have another degree, certificate, or more skills under your belt. Often the more qualified the person, the bigger her role, the more she may suffer. Even former First Lady Michelle Obama has acknowledged that she experiences impostor syndrome.

Impostor syndrome can lead to feelings of insecurity, shame, and a sense that you don’t belong. You feel like a fraud who’s about to be discovered, as if you got where you are by sheer luck. While men do experience impostor syndrome, it’s worse for white women and worse yet for women of color, since society constantly reinforces their feelings of self-doubt.

What are the downsides of Impostor Syndrome? How can it limit people?

Impostor syndrome by its very nature is self-limiting. Here are just a few examples of how it can hold you back:

  • Striving for perfectionism vs. accepting that you are good enough as you are
  • Being overly self critical; needlessly experiencing self-doubt
  • Feeling you have nothing to offer those around you
  • Not applying for a job or promotion because you assume you aren’t qualified

How can the experience of Impostor Syndrome impact how one treats others?

Competition vs. Collaboration: People who feel they aren’t good enough will see fewer opportunities to succeed. Rather than coming from a place of abundance, this will create a scarcity mindset. The result? They may choose not to help or support their friends and colleagues, worrying that more for others means less for them. They can see life’s rewards as a fixed sum.

Putting others on a pedestal: If you feel “less than,” it’s likely that you believe those around you who are in positions of power have it all. Doubting your own credentials widens the perceived gap between you and people who in fact have similar skills and qualifications. This may make people with impostor syndrome afraid to talk to others, form relationships, or ask for favors simply because they don’t believe they are worth the time.

We would love to hear your story about your experience with Impostor Syndrome. Would you be able to share that with us?

In the summer of 2018 while I was working on my book, a journalist from The Wall Street Journal asked to interview me for her Work and Family column. When I looked at who else she had featured, I saw people with big titles and important roles, and I wondered, “Why would she want to hear my story?”

I saw myself as less accomplished and less relevant. I had to remind myself that I’ve held senior roles in successful, global organizations and my experiences count. Not only did I enjoy our conversation, we spoke again many months later on a different topic. In the end I was quoted twice and met a wonderful woman who I now consider an ally.

Did you ever shake the feeling off? If yes, what have you done to mitigate it or eliminate it?

Early in my career before I ever heard of impostor syndrome, I lived with it all the time. I would walk into a meeting at work and wonder “Do they like me? Am I smart enough to be here?” It took me several years before I walked into a room and asked myself “Do I like them? Are these people I respect and admire?”

I don’t know that it’s possible to be entirely rid of impostor syndrome but I do manage it better today. What has helped me is learning to recognize it so I can deal with my feelings rationally and talk myself down.

Last year my colleague Elizabeth Bastoni shared some advice that really helped. She said “Don’t say no to yourself, let other people do that for you.” When I start talking myself out of asking for an opportunity or favor because I don’t think I’m worth it, her words are a good reminder to put myself out there and let others decide. More often than not, their answer is yes.

In your opinion, what are 5 steps that someone who is experiencing Impostor Syndrome can take to move forward despite feeling like an “Impostor”? Please share a story or an example for each.

  1. Name It. You can’t prevent thoughts and feelings of impostor syndrome but when you name them, you can overcome them. Label impostor syndrome for what it is.
  2. Choose a Mantra. Counter those feelings with a mantra like Michelle Obama’s “I am good enough.”
  3. Gather Data. List the facts and data about your qualifications and achievements to remind yourself that you are indeed accomplished and deserving.
  4. Create an impostor Box. When you experience self-doubt, write your feelings down, tuck them away, and get on with your day. Revisit them when you’re ready, on your terms.
  5. Find a Friend. There’s nothing like confiding in someone you trust who can talk you off a ledge and help you see yourself for the talented, capable person you are

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the greatest amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

I would really love to see the democratization of coaching, where companies embrace coaching as a benefit for all employees. The first couple times I worked with a coach were life changing. I gained perspective, increased my self-compassion, and felt more in control of my career choices. It was all the result of a single coaching conversation.

We are blessed that some very prominent leaders read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them 🙂

Without question, Adam Grant. Right now I’m reading Give and Take. His well researched ideas are addictive, relevant, and easy to apply. I’m embracing both The 5 Minute Favor and Being a Giver Without Becoming a Doormat. I would be thrilled if The 5 Minute Favor became our next revolution.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mikaelakiner/

https://twitter.com/MikaelaKiner

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!


“How I Was Able To Thrive Despite First Experiencing Impostor Syndrome” With of Reverb CEO… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Author Charlena Smith: “Here Are 5 Things We Need To Do To Close The Gender Wage Gap”

An Interview With Candice Georgiadis

Social Insurance. We need to make it possible for EVERYone to succeed in their unique seasons. This can show up in a variety of ways, and should be across gender barriers. I’m talking about paid family leave, public forms of childcare, care for sick, disabled or elderly individuals, legislation that protects part time workers, adjustments in the length of the school day and school vacations, medicare, reduced tuition… All of these social insurances would benefit women, and overall equality in the workplace.

As part of my series about “the five things we need to do to close the gender wage gap” I had the pleasure of interviewing Charlena Smith. Charlena is an in-demand, international keynote speaker, best-selling author, and the founder of Optio, a matched and guided accountability platform that empowers women to live their best, most inspired lives. But life hasn’t always been so clear for Charlena. Before she knew how it felt to define and live out her own purpose, she tried to live out everyone else’s expectations of her. Trying to live every purpose but her own nearly killed her. She spent months in the hospital, several of them on full life support with a 0% chance of survival, and then a year in rehab: learning to walk and talk again, against all odds. While healing, Charlena was determined to create a solution to protect others from experiencing this kind of misdirection and burnout; while still holding space to create and pursue big dreams with an even greater probability of success. And Guided Accountability was born. Charlena grew up and lives in a multi-generational home in Baltimore, MD with her brilliant husband and their two incredibly mischievous, yet simultaneously adorable children.

Thank you so much for joining us, Charlena! Can you tell us the “backstory” that brought you to this career path?

The “backstory”? Well… In my early 20s I ‘had it all’ by nearly every definition. I was the first in my family to go away to college, and I went on to earn four undergraduate and three graduate degrees, as well as a traditional MBA. I started pursuing my PhD full time at the University of Maryland while I was also a full time professor at one of the most respected universities on the East Coast. Plus, I was the proud COO of a rapidly expanding marketing agency. And did I mention that I was also a partner in marriage with my amazing hubby and mother to two fantastic little boys under two?

All at the same time.

I’m here to tell you: that’s bananas.

And it almost killed me. I had a really horrific pregnancy and that, along with the stress of all the other positions in my life, landed me in the ICU for six months. I was read my final rights and given a 0% chance for survival. Obviously, since I’m sitting here in this interview, I didn’t die. Awesome, right? But a few months in the ICU and a ton of rehab to learn to to speak, walk, and talk again has a huge impact on a person. Especially a parent. My kids suffered a great deal in this season. I was determined that when I went back to ‘work,’ it would be with a whole new blueprint for life. I was determined to align my purpose and my family. And so, an entrepreneur and Optio were born.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began this career?

Actually, I think HOW Optio began is the most interesting. The pre-story to the pre-story, if you will. Here’s what happened. I started a non-profit marketing company, appropriately named ‘The Girl who Lived’. It didn’t take long before we were reforming the way local non-profits approached marketing. It was wonderful, but it wasn’t as fulfilling as I’d hoped. I worked on strategy, implementation, media and other back-end functions within The Girl Who Lived. I was never on the front lines.

One day, I was having a typical, busy afternoon in my entrepreneur/mom life, and I stopped at Aldi to grab a few essentials. I was in a hurry because the window of time when both of my boys are in school was very short and I was already running behind. A checklist a mile long was running through my brain when a woman approached me. She spoke little to no English, was modestly dressed (though not nearly warm enough for the cold temperatures), and her demeanor was fraught with despair, but laced with hope. I recognized the energy. I could tell that asking for help was uncomfortable territory for her. But she was desperate. Her name was Maria.

I told her, truthfully, that I didn’t have any cash on me, but offered her a blessing bag from our car. My boys and I make bags filled with essentials — nonperishable food, toiletries, water, etc. and I keep them in the car. That was not enough. There was a great sense of urgency about her. I did not know it then, but she had many other mouths to feed. I trusted my instincts and walked with her into the store. We grabbed a cart and went shopping together. She bought gallons of milk, her weight in chicken, pork, potatoes, diapers, formula, onions, toilet paper, and laundry detergent. I paid for her items at the checkout and bought some bags for her to carry everything in. After we bagged it up, I then asked her how she planned to get home. She planned to ride the bus. She was loaded down with about 30 pounds of raw chicken plus three gallons of milk, she probably weighs less than 90 pounds, and — I discovered later that day — she’d given birth two weeks prior. And she was going to get on Baltimore’s less-than-desirable public bus transit system? I don’t think so! I took a HUGE leap outside of my comfort zone, and I drove her home. This is where I met one of her children, who spoke a tiny bit more English. I discovered they were from Romania and were living with a family from Syria, whom I also had the pleasure of meeting. All refugees that had been through more than I’ll ever be able to imagine. The formula was for her 2-week old daughter. She was breastfeeding, but her daughter continued to lose weight and she was scared she wasn’t producing enough milk, and didn’t have the guidance of a steady pediatrician. Her husband, previously their strong provider, had become very sick during the trip and was now bed-bound. The chicken and potatoes were to feed them all. Her eldest son, 14, was looking for work to provide for his entire family, but was having a very hard time because he spoke little to no English. He continued to ask me what his ‘skill set’ was — because that’s what interviewers had been asking him. But he didn’t know what ‘skill set’ meant. Because he was FOURTEEN. He told me about his plans to be a doctor when he grew up. Be he had to shelve those dreams for tomorrow in order to figure out how to feed his family today.

They were also terrified to travel. Being separated was their number one fear. The three year old little girl wouldn’t even walk near the doors of their empty row home for fear someone would reach in and grab her to take her away. She stood firmly planted in the center of the room.

I spent as much time as I could with them that day. They were so beautiful in so many ways. And they invited me, my husband and our boys back for dinner. We went. We became friends. Our children became friends. That three year old little girl? She learned English — and she still helps my son speak to strangers. (English may be her second language but she runs circles around his speech delay.) In that ONE event,that single step outside my comfort zone, I gained a deeper understanding of so many things.

Our friendship continued and through Maria, I found the International Rescue Commission (IRC) where I began the framework for Guided Accountability. The foundation of Optio.

Initially my work with the IRC was through The Girl who Lived. I was tasked with setting up a system to acclimate Syrians into the U.S. culture as smoothly as possible. They needed to learn to navigate not only a new landscape and different language, but also different medical, transportation and school systems, just to name a few. We paired them with established women in the community nearby and created a communication framework to help them navigate the language and cultural barriers. This framework was like wizardry. Not only were the Syrians acclimating faster than ever, but their American counterparts flooded us with comments, testifying to their changed hearts and the ability to access empathy in a way they’d never dreamed possible. It was life-changing in the best way for both parties. We thought: “Wait. Is this a thing? If we pair other women and use this kind of framework: give them space, time and permission to be vulnerable along with the tools to discover their purpose and live it out — will we get the same results?” We decided to find out, so we started our beta test with other women around the world. That’s how Optio, and the Guided Accountability movement was born.

We compiled loads of research and catalogued an intense amount of data from our pairings. A top NASA engineer (who just so happens to be that amazing partner I mentioned earlier… Lucky me, right?! ) created a complex algorithm to pair people to their best Guided Accountability partners. Now, a Guided Accountability partner is not a best friend, but rather the person that is going to bring OUT the best in you. We’ve created deep, thoughtful trainings on how to be a Guided Accountability partner, plus a specific framework for women to discover their true purpose, develop goals in alignment with that purpose, and see it through in a 12-week program that results in a 97% increase in success rates.

I never could have imagined how ONE act outside my comfort zone could take me so far.

Can you share a story about the funniest or most interesting mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

One that comes to mind is back when we were first starting out with Optio, and Guided Accountability was a completely new concept. We were chatting with angel investors who may be interested in joining us on this journey. I was the CEO of a major company but had decided that it was really important for me to be able to work from home occasionally. I didn’t want to get tied up in the madness that nearly killed me a few years earlier.

So I decided to meet with a Fortune 10 CEO seed investor over Skype from my home office.

My son was in preschool at the time and should have been out of the house. But we’re in Baltimore and occasionally there are weather related changes to the school’s schedule. On this particular day, Baltimore schools opened two hours later due to weather. Rather than reschedule, I attempted to ‘do it all.’ I fed the boys breakfast, let them burn off some morning energy in the newly fallen snow, and then pulled up an educational but fun video for them to watch while I jumped on my video conference call. I was momming SO HARD I could hardly stand myself.

I locked myself in my office and began my presentation. Suddenly I heard the scratching sound at the door, but I didn’t panic. Not only was the door locked, I had a kid proof door knob and a safety latch in place. No one was getting through that door… Until they did.

Suddenly, there he was. My 5-year-old had figured out how to enter what I thought was a secure room with the aid of his ridiculously crafty 7-year-old brother. And what was he doing? He was in the corner of the video screen MOONING the CEO. MOONING HER! I nearly died. To make matters worse, I jumped out of my seat to usher him back out the door, revealing that, although I was neatly dressed in a sports coat and scarf on top, I was wearing blue and pink polka dot pajama pants on the bottom!

Oh my heavens! AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

And then there was complete silence, until… she laughed. She laughed so hard I thought she was going to hurt herself. And she said she was sold. She wasn’t entirely sure what I was pitching — but she wanted in on what I had. She also wanted to know how she could help and if there was space at our holiday dinner table.

I decided in that moment that that was what it was all about. I was still a CEO. I still had a family. Some people get it. Some people don’t. And that’s okay. This is my season. I’m a CEO and a Mom. And if you can’t work with me with a 5-year-old mooning you from the corner, well… maybe we just shouldn’t be partners. Because that’s my life right now. And I couldn’t possibly love it any more.

Ok let’s jump to the main focus of our interview. Even in 2019, women still earn about 80 cents for every dollar a man makes. Can you explain three of the main factors that are causing the wage gap?

Heck yes, I can.

  1. Secret salaries. As a culture, we rarely disclose our salaries, and we don’t know what we don’t know. That has to stop.
  2. We expect women to work like they don’t have children and mother like they don’t work. The same is not expected of men.
  3. Using past pay as a salary benchmark. We continue to hire (and accept positions) based on previous salaries. This just perpetuates the wage gap. A person’s salary should be based on the job requirements and their unique qualifications.

Can you share with our readers what your work is doing to help close the gender wage gap?

Optio creates a safe space to discover your purpose. What’s really interesting is how different that can look for different people. We had a woman with a law degree decide her purpose was actually to stay home full-time with her children. And the great part about that is that she can do it without feeling guilt or shame around the decision. The process allowed her to truly be present and enjoy the journey. We also had a woman who felt like she was drowning in her stay-at-home parent life decide to up and create a full on 501(c)3, pass legislation in front of Congress, and feed an entire state. Now… I think the MOST amazing thing is that both of these women were guiding each other. They were psychographically matched to bring out the best in each other, and they did it through Guided Accountability, over 12 weeks. They were both able to step into their purpose. Without judgment. Simply holding space and allowing the possibilities to surface. Optio has created a truly welcoming, empowering, and loving landscape for women. Of that, I am so, so deeply proud.

Can you recommend 5 things that need to be done on a broader societal level to close the gender wage gap. Please share a story or example for each.

  1. As a society, we need to be more transparent with our salaries. Both men and women. There’s a cultural limiting belief that we are not ‘allowed’ to share our salaries, but that’s simply not true. We’re allowed to share with one another. Share your salary with mentees, friends, people both inside and outside of your immediate network. Our culture can make talking about money feel uncomfortable, but if we approach it as an open, supportive conversation to truly help all parties, it can be easier. Share your salary first, without expectation of a reciprocative share. We don’t know what we don’t know. Sharing is caring.
  2. Sharing labor at home and sharing the cognitive load of family life. We need to be proactive about breaking the cycle and intentionally creating a collaborative environment for managing the home and family between ourselves and our partners, including our children wherever possible, and anyone else who is a part of our life that we can lean on for support. As they say, it takes a village, and when we embrace that mindset, and bring everyone together to use the value that each person has to bring, it creates a strong foundation for everyone to feel valued and supported. Our family actually employs multi-generational living. If you look at most ‘blue zones’ where individuals are happier and live longer — a common denominator is multi-generational living. We need the extra support in our homes!
  3. Social Insurance. We need to make it possible for EVERYone to succeed in their unique seasons. This can show up in a variety of ways, and should be across gender barriers. I’m talking about paid family leave, public forms of childcare, care for sick, disabled or elderly individuals, legislation that protects part time workers, adjustments in the length of the school day and school vacations, medicare, reduced tuition… All of these social insurances would benefit women, and overall equality in the workplace.
  4. Societal structures that support caregiving. There are many arguments that propose the idea of supporting parents who choose to stay home to raise their young children, and the same could be proposed for the people who make the choice to prioritize caring for a sick family member. The government provides support in some way to situations where care is needed, whether it be through providing in home care to a sick parent that can no longer care for themselves or assistance for a family that is unable to afford the childcare necessary in order for them to work. Through making it a societal priority to support those who are in a position to care for those in their families that need the care, we would be allowing families to choose what is best for them, and taking the pressure off that often makes these choices unavailable to so many (and frequently falls on the shoulders of women). This encourages society to be more caring overall, and will allow caretakers to return to the workforce when it’s time from a place of choice and strength, rather than from a necessity for financial survival.
  5. Mentoring. So many people’s lives are completely limited by what they don’t know they don’t know. If we can find a way to get the stories of people who have created truly amazing and inspirational lives: wins, stumbles and all; out to the mainstream, it could be a profound start to showing what is possible to those who need to see it. It really is so hard to be what you can’t see. We need more female mentors sharing their wins and their stumbles on their journey without fear of damaging repercussions, so we can see ourselves in them.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

Guided Accountability. The process of discovering your purpose and designing your own blueprint in response to guidance and a safe space provided by an accountability partner.

It seems so simple. And it IS. Yet, it isn’t. It’s like going to the gym. Yes — you know it’s good for you and it’s the right thing to do. But sometimes showing up again and again is hard! Simple in concept — more challenging in the execution. That’s where the framework behind the movement comes in.

Let’s go back to some grade school math and science. Are you with me?

Like the mathematical term vector, Guided Accountability can be represented by an arrow, composed of both direction and magnitude. (And yes, Despicable Me Fans — I totally stole that. No shame in my Mom’ing game.) The accountable party holds the magnitude, the guide provides direction, or space for an intentional direction to be explored.

Now think back to science lab. Develop a hypothesis for the trajectory of your life. A hypothesis is used to define the relationship between two variables. Remember, a variable is any item, factor, or condition that can be controlled or changed. Can you change the passing of time? Einstein’s Relativity aside, no. (If you are reading this interview, you are probably not on a spaceship traveling near the speed of light.) For our purposes, time is constant. But how you choose to spend that time is up to you. Our quality of life is the variable. When are you going to decide that your life is a variable worth investing in?

The crazy thing is this: Guiding isn’t difficult, but we’ve been trained for years to avoid it. So you may be a little rusty, and frankly you’re probably a little uncomfortable having a conversation that looks like those that occur in the Guided Accountability space. They sometimes require space for silence (deeper thought), uncomfortable questions, and mirroring what you see — not just what you think the other person wants to hear.

Guided Accountability partners carve out time and space to intentionally define the blueprints of our lives.

If you’re starting to wonder why you can’t just carve this space out for yourself, I’d encourage you to consider that the true value of a guide is to serve as a mirror to the guided, pointing out blind spots you may not be aware of and strengths that may have gone under appreciated.

The Guided Accountability framework walks you through every step of the way. We have, literally, outlined the exact conversations you need to have for all 12 weeks of your Guided Accountability commitment. And 12 weeks is not an arbitrary or random time commitment. It’s based on a significant amount of science, data and research. As humans, when we truly push ourselves, we can get the MOST return on our investments within a 12-week cycle. Optio has structured the time and space to allow you and your partner to get the absolute most out of your time together. This pairing is about CONNECTION. And you have what it takes — inside you right now, in this very moment — to be an amazing Guided Accountability partner.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”

This quote by Marianne Williamson has served as a lighthouse for my life. Every time I dream big, and then start to back down out of fear, I remind myself that by letting my own light shine, I unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. The ‘light’ shines in different ways for me in different seasons. Sometimes my light looks like what others might call success and sometimes my light looks like hanging on to life by a thread, but refusing to be extinguished. No matter what the season, my light is always bright, transparent, courageous and vulnerable. Because I want to allow others to feel liberated enough to be who they were born to be, too.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂

Abby Wambach and Glennon Doyle. They have served as such amazing examples of leading bravely through the uncertain and the unknown.

And Brene Brown. She’s an academic like me, and is crushing the vulnerability scene with grace and fortitude.

This was really meaningful! Thank you so much for your time.


Author Charlena Smith: “Here Are 5 Things We Need To Do To Close The Gender Wage Gap” was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Five Ways That Influencers Can Monetize Their Brand”, with Author Nicola Moras

An Interview With Candice Georgiadis

Own your story. The more you can share your story from where you’ve come from, what you’ve been through and then how you made it to the other side, people start to see you as a whole person. They will remember you for how you made them feel rather than just what you’re selling.

As part of my series about “How Influencers Can Monetize Their Brand” I had the pleasure of interviewing Nicola Moras. Nicola Moras is an online visibility expert, author of VISIBLE a guide for business owners on how to generate financial results from social media and digital marketing. Nicola helps clients around the world achieve visibility, impact and profits, enabling them to become ‘professionally famous’ online. Find out more at www.nicolamoras.com.au.

Thank you so much for doing this with us, Nicola! What is your “backstory”?

I literally live in the middle of nowhere in Regional Victoria. Having grown up close to the city, I was a big personality in a very small town. I was stuck in a corporate job with my creative hands tied behind my back and my creative mind atrophying. It was killing me slowly so when the opportunity arose to study as a personal brand coach, I leapt at the chance.

It wasn’t easy to leap, with three children in tow, a husband who wasn’t really home for six months of the year and very limited information on how to grow a business, it was insane the number of hours I was putting in.

So after trying to do both (and not very well) I finally decided to go all in on this business in Feb 2011 and with that, I resigned from my job and was doing this full time.

I haven’t looked back!

Can you share the funniest or most interesting story that happened to you in the course of your career?

We’ve all hit rock bottom at one point or another and running your own business tends to amplify this, because it’s based on us. The buck stops with us! I’ve found it fascinating to see people come and go throughout my time, but most interestingly (and disappointingly ) seen so many hate on the ‘tall poppies’. I’m utterly fascinated by human behaviour and how people are. I don’t know we can’t all just boost each other up and remember there’s enough to go around.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

I love that what I do helps people help more people. Literally the clients I work with and those who are inspired or motivated by me are in the business of helping others. So I LOVE that I get to be the stone that creates the ripple in the pond.

If someone would want to emulate your career, what would you suggest are the most important things to do?

Be super clear on what you want and how you want to create that. You can do anything you put your mind to. The biggest thing, however, is to rely on alignment first and action second.

Is there a particular person that made a profound difference in your life to whom you are grateful?

I am grateful to my parents for always modelling that we can do whatever we put our minds to — we just need to find the way. They were always super entrepreneurial and they set a perfect example.

So what are the most exciting projects you are working on now?

Currently I’m doing a National Tour of Australia called VISIBLE | LIVE which is all about helping business owners to create content that will turn into clients. I just love seeing the lightbulbs go off over the top of peoples’ heads as they realise that they can do things THEIR way, and that they can talk about the things that are important to them -and how that then in turn helps their audience.

What are your “Top Five Ideas About How Influencers Can Monetize Their Brand” . (Please share a story or example for each.)

  1. Create content that YOU would want to consume. If you’re bored with what you’re putting out there, chances are you’re going to bore your prospective clients!
  2. Own your story. The more you can share your story from where you’ve come from, what you’ve been through and then how you made it to the other side, people start to see you as a whole person. They will remember you for how you made them feel rather than just what you’re selling.
  3. Remember to add value first and then sell! I see it often where people are constantly selling and they forget that relationships are built gradually! You wouldn’t meet someone in a bar and instantly ask them to marry you. Woo them first by adding value through your content.
  4. Be aspirational. People are craving leaders to follow. If you take a look at the sheer volume of inspirational quotes that get shared and saved and liked, it’s a concept you can’t ignore. Share what your business goals are or your what your brand goals are. Talk about how you’re getting out of your comfort zone.
  5. Stories sell because they create connection. Tell more stories! Dating as far back as cavemen days, stories shared with others creates connection. Make sure you’re sharing the stories of your successes as well as your failures. People these days want to see real people not just a brand hiding behind a logo. Stories that create trust will lead to sales.

Some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this. 🙂

OMG! What I wouldn’t do to catch up with Gwen Stefani! Now there is a woman who just owns it all. Who she is, what she stands for and for how she does things. Gosh. Yes please!

What is the best way our readers can follow you on social media?

Over on FB: www.facebook.com/nicolajmoras

Insta: www.instagram.com/nicolamoras

On my website: www.nicolamoras.com.au

Thank you for all of these great insights!


“Five Ways That Influencers Can Monetize Their Brand”, with Author Nicola Moras was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“5 Things We Need To Do To Close The Gender Wage Gap”, with Kristin S. Kaufman

An Interview With Candice Georgiadis

Women need to stand tall, know their worth, and demand equal pay. A mentor of mine once told me that the market (internal and external) will assign the value on you which you assign to yourself. This nugget has served me well throughout my career. Coupled with this, women need to help other women. It is appalling for me to still observe high-ranking women NOT reaching down to help other women. This is unacceptable; yet, it still is a reality in corporate America.

As part of my series about “the five things we need to do to close the gender wage gap” I had the pleasure of interviewing Kristin S. Kaufman. Kristin is the founder of Alignment, Inc. ® a unique consultancy formed in 2007 to help individuals, corporations, board of directors and other similar groups find alignment within themselves and their organizations. She’s brought this expertise to hundreds of people since establishing Alignment, Inc®. Some of her clients include Baylor Healthcare System, Accenture, Hewlett-Packard, Smith & Nephew, Frito-Lay, IDEA Public Schools, Boys and Girls Clubs of America, Mercy Health, and many others. Kristin brings over 25 years of corporate experience to bear, including executive positions at Hewlett-Packard, Vignette Corporation, and United Health Group. At HP, Kristin was the General Manager of the channels and partner program that supported Hewlett-Packard’s largest corporate accounts. This business represented a $3 billion revenue stream for Hewlett-Packard. Serving as Worldwide Channels Vice-President on the Executive Committee of Vignette Corporation, a $250 million publicly traded software company, her team built the global infrastructure for multi-channels of distribution for their software solution. In her first departure from traditional ‘corporate America’, Kristin was asked to join the NYC Leadership Academy effort, which was the centerpiece of the New York City Children First reform agenda. New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Chancellor Joel Klein sponsored this agenda, lead by CEO Robert E. Knowling, Jr. The goal of this reform was to create a system of outstanding schools where every child and teacher has access to effective teaching and learning. Kristin was chosen as one of two private sector business executives, to teach, train, and coach the 1,200 principals of the NYC public school system and the top 100 executives on the Chancellor’s staff. This three-year experience was the initial catalyst for Kristin forming Alignment, Inc. ® Her last executive position in corporate America was as Group Vice President of United Health Group. This appointment leveraged her strong knowledge of the technology business and how to leverage multiple channels to market in the increasingly complicated world of healthcare and healthcare insurance. Kristin provided expertise for its go-to-market strategies, defined and created alternative channels to improve organic growth, and implemented sales effectiveness methodologies across all segments within United Health Group. A prolific writer, Kristin’s first book, Is This Seat Taken? Random Encounters That Change Your Life, was released on 11/1/11 to national acclaim, and endorsed by Stephen Covey and John Maxwell, among others. Her second book in the series, entitled Is This Seat Taken? It’s Never Too Late to Find the Right Seat was released in January, 2015. It has been endorsed by notables such as Marshall Goldsmith, Sean Covey, and Doug Parker, CEO of American Airlines. This book shines the light on late in life reinvention and encore ‘second half’s’ of diverse individuals. The individuals are in some cases widely known and others are somewhat anonymous to the mass public. The common thread is their ‘post-50’ resurgence in life and in some cases their ‘fork in the road’ is quite serendipitous. Kristin’s third book, in the ‘Is This Seat Taken?’ trilogy was released October 8, 2019.

Thank you so much for joining us, Kristin! Can you tell us the “backstory” that brought you to this career path?

My adulthood journey and professional career had been centered primarily in the corporate arena. Until about 15 years ago, my life had been a series of accomplishments, achievements, awards, and rewards. I had experienced success on pretty much every level. Then, I made the choice to ‘jump off the hamster wheel’ and devote my energies to becoming truly integrated and aligned to my purpose. I realized I had ‘lost the plot’ of my then current corporate executive role — and desired to learn, grow, transcend and include all parts of who I am. I sought true alignment — which by my definition is loving what I do, being good at, and most importantly — having it tied to something much greater then myself. Working with global leaders, their teams, and boards of directors is fulfilling, challenging, and rewarding — and without question is my calling toward alignment.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began this career?

When we work with corporate leaders, the stories are varied, interesting, and surprising. No one engagement is more interesting than another — as they are all challenging and test one’s intuition, judgment, wisdom, and counsel.

One of the most compelling — and this story has been repeated more than once — is the realization of a senior level executive that the quest for big income packages, large spans of control, and a heady title does NOT equate to fulfillment or ‘success’. Despite the trappings of a huge, powerful position — this executive was miserable.

What has been fascinating to experience is the epiphany an executive has that true success is defined by his/her own parameters….not by society, the ‘powers that be’, conventional rules, or discriminating ‘head hunters’. Success is defined on their terms…and it changes as we mature, evolve, and how we make meaning in our lives.

Ok let’s jump to the main focus of our interview. Even in 2019, women still earn about 80 cents for every dollar a man makes. Can you explain three of the main factors that are causing the wage gap?

The gender wage gap is complex with many interrelated factors coming into play. A few thoughts:

  1. Women’s’ competencies, skills, and contributions have been traditionally under recognized and undervalued. Even when women are in the same position, gender stereotypes tend to categorize women differently — which hinders promo ability, salary ranges, among other factors. Women have been historically inappropriately — and unjustifiably — categorized as not as committed due to their being mothers, or being perceived as less competent — simply due to their being female. In several studies, this has been validated, when mock applications were sent using ‘female-sounding’ names, the ‘male-sounding’ names were viewed more favorably AND offered jobs with higher-paying salaries. And to add to this reality, there are historically –and currently — more men in senior level roles than women — thus, this fact adds credence to men being ‘paid more’ just by the nature of them holding higher level positions. One last piece of this equation is the factor that women historically have chosen lower-paying roles (think women choosing nursing over becoming doctors, or women choosing teaching versus men choosing engineering). This trend is clearly changing; yet the historic figures do not lie. Net: all of these observations are clearly ‘wrong’ and changes are coming, yet very slowly.
  2. Historically, legislation has not supported equal pay or equal opportunity for women. Forty years after the first equal pay legislation was put into effect (the Equal Pay Act of 1970), women can still expect to be paid less. The law has made a big difference, however, often women don’t know they are underpaid. People (men and women) are often secretive about how much they are paid — and if a person wants to bring a case against an employer — that is an expensive proposition. The employer has deeper coffers to defend their actions than the individual employee…..not to mention the potential stain on the employee of filing a suit.
  3. Finally, and this may not be what female reader will want to hear; however, often women lack the confidence to demand equal pay for equal work. Women need to stand tall, know their worth, and demand equal pay. A mentor of mine once told me that the market (internal and external) will assign the value on you which you assign to yourself. This nugget has served me well throughout my career. Coupled with this, women need to help other women. It is appalling for me to still observe high-ranking women NOT reaching down to help other women. This is unacceptable; yet, it still is a reality in corporate America.
  4. Net: I believe in equal opportunity and equal pay for equal work. I am NOT a believer in giving women — or men — unfair advantage based on their gender. That is simply obsolete thinking. Also, we must caution against reverse discrimination; that over-rotation will undermine the pure intention of equal opportunity for all.

Can you share with our readers what your work is doing to help close the gender wage gap?

My work focuses on helping individuals reach their potential. With my clients — male and female — I focus on helping them gain confidence, learn strong negotiating skills, how to strategically plot their career, and build plans to optimize their career progression. I also hold the mirror for both genders (male and female) to become aware of discriminating behaviors and help them to grow beyond the learned conventional behaviors which are stagnating their evolution as a leader in the 21st century.

Can you recommend 4 things that need to be done on a broader societal level to close the gender wage gap.

A few thoughts:

  1. Be transparent about pay. It is appalling to me, from the studies I have read, that the average full-time working woman earns just .75 to .79 cents for every dollar man earns. We need to have transparency about wages AND merit increases. There is nothing to lose and so much to gain to level the playing field and pay based on skill, competency, met deliverables, contribution to the bottom line — and to the over-arching corporate culture — 100% independent of gender.
  2. Invest in men and women equally. Ongoing investments in the high-potential employees helps the person and the organization for which they work. These individuals will become the leaders of the organization going forward. These investments can take the form of ongoing education, mentoring and networking programs (internally and externally), and training about the ‘elephant in the room’ aka: unconscious bias training, etc.
  3. Build diversity and inclusion into the organizational values — and this is not the ‘old fashioned playbook’ of how to do this. This means treating diversity as an asset which needs to be built, honed, and enhanced over time. This creates a culture that accepts and rewards all employees — regardless of race, gender, or background. This is our sacred responsibility in our professional lives.
  4. Build flexibility into the workplace. With the advent of technology and platforms like Skype, Zoom, Go-To Meeting, etc. there is no reason high-level jobs must require 24/7 travel commitments. We can easily run large global businesses online and these innovative tools help offer flexibility and increased productivity.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

My work focuses on three main points:

First, we live in the present moment — that is really all we have. We have to pay attention — to the spoken and the unspoken — to learn, teach, and serve at our highest capacity. Secondly, we are all part of an integral and collective experience. Thousands of individuals unknowingly help to create our life’s journey — personally and professionally. Thus, we are not in competition with one another — we are here to collaborate, teach, learn, serve, and love through our actions, behaviors, contributions, and authentic presence.

Finally, we create the lives we desire to live. We define success on our terms. It is simply never too late — net: we own it.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

There are many quotes which have steered my choices — and my favorite quote changes as I change.

The one which resonates with me now is from James Hollis,

“Our lives find our purpose — not in answers but in living large questions that are worthy of the soul’s magnitude”.

Thus, I encourage individuals which whom I work (as well as myself) to live in question. Nestle into ambiguity. We own the quest for the answers, if we have the courage to dig deep and face the paradoxes of life.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂

I have watched Brene Brown’s contributions over the past number of years with admiration and gratitude. She has de-stigmatized shame and done so with humor. She has anchored her perspectives with research and data, which is a powerful grounding. Her work is seminal and is changing lives.

This was really meaningful! Thank you so much for your time.


“5 Things We Need To Do To Close The Gender Wage Gap”, with Kristin S. Kaufman was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.