The very best advice my mom ever gifted to me was after she died. Her advice was unspoken and I came upon it as a result of the deep grief I experienced from losing her. My mom was a young 58 years old when she died and her death came quickly and unexpected. She was diagnosed with advanced stage cervical cancer on January 1, 2021 and just 36 days later, she died. I sat at her bedside for twelve days leading up to her death, and in those moments, she shared with me all the things she wished she still had time to do. Her passing taught me how precious and impermanent life is, that every day is a gift, and the purpose of life is simply to experience it fully. Because of that “advice”, I take more time to appreciate the world around me, express love and forgiveness to the people in my life, and live in the moment rather than worrying about the future. In a way, her death gave new meaning to life.
As a part of our series about women who are shaking things up in their industry, I had the pleasure of interviewing Nicole Iacovoni.
Nicole Iacovoni is a Financial Therapist & Licensed Couple’s Therapist with 17 years experience who teaches ambitious women entrepreneurs how to make tending to their finances feel fun and flirty instead of boring and overwhelming. Through her trademarked program, Money Therapy, she helps entrepreneurs make more profits, manage their money with Beyonce-level confidence, and transform their toxic relationship with money into a steamy love affair. Nicole has been featured in CNBC, Business Insider, and Up Journey. Get comfy and cozy with your money at www.nicoleiacovoni.com.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory”? What led you to this particular career path?
I became a financial therapist by complete accident. About 3 years after starting my private practice as a licensed couple’s therapist, I decided to expand my business into a full service wellness center, but I made the mistake of growing my business too big, too fast. I took on an enormous amount of debt ($87,000 to be exact) and business was so slow in the beginning that I was losing money everyday. I found myself in the midst of a financial crisis, doubting my ability to make good financial decisions and pained by constant financial stress. Then, I realized that my inner dialogue about money sounded a lot like a transcript of couples fighting in my office. It became clear that my relationship with money was toxic! So, I began applying the techniques and strategies I use in couple’s therapy to my relationship with money, and miraculously paid off all my debt in two years and multiplied my income x5 in eight months. I knew I couldn’t be the only entrepreneur who had complicated feelings about money that undermined financial success, so I created “Money Therapy” to help other entrepreneurs heal their relationship with money, make more profits, and manage money with confidence.
Can you tell our readers what it is about the work you’re doing that’s disruptive?
Women face unique obstacles to financial security (they live longer than men, while earning less than men over their lifetimes), and yet a whopping 58% of women outsource their financial planning entirely to their male partners or male financial advisors (only 33% of financial advisors are female). By doing so, women are disempowered to make financial decisions that are in their own best interests and are stripped of having control over their finances. I teach women how to gain financial confidence, overcome the psychological and emotional barriers keeping them from financial success, and empower them to “fire” the men managing their money so they can reclaim their financial power. Naturally, the men who are accustomed to having control over women’s money find this disruptive, but women deserve to be in charge of their financial lives.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
When I got the idea to expand my private practice into a full-service wellness center, I decided to move into this new, huge, beautiful building. It was ridiculously expensive, but I was convinced that if “I built it, they would come”. I took out loans and invested personal savings just to get into that space, and I was certain that clients would be lined up waiting to work with me, eager to hand over their money. That is NOT what happened in reality! Growing my business was a slow process, and I learned that people didn’t really care about the building we were in. They cared about the quality of care they received, the results they got from working with us, and that they needed our services to be affordable. Making the mistake of overspending on an atmosphere designed to impress taught me that it’s always best to have the money in hand before making a big investment (instead of going into debt and worrying about how you’ll recover the money) and that the most important thing to growing a business is being incredibly good at what you do. That mistake taught me to be more intentional about what I spend money on and to consider my personal values when making big buying decisions. I realized that it’s not just about how much money you make in your business; it’s also about how much money you KEEP! Because of that experience, I’m incredibly thoughtful about what I choose to invest in to grow my business.
We all need a little help along the journey. Who have been some of your mentors? Can you share a story about how they made an impact?
As a self-help book junkie, many of my mentors have been authors who have experienced their own business and financial success. Authors like Jen Sincero, Kate Northrup, and Barbara Stanny have been so inspirational to me. I also learn so much from other female entrepreneurs in the online world, like Amy Porterfield, Marie Forleo, Susan Hyatt, Melissa Cassera, and Alexandra Franzen. I’ve taken many of their classes, which have taught me how to be a better business woman, writer, and human being. The mentor that made the greatest impact on my life is Jessica Dolgan, the owner of Integrative Therapeutic Solutions in Denver, CO, which is the group mental health practice I worked at prior to starting my own private practice. Jessica has this amazing business acumen, and she had a magical way of helping me believe I had what it took to be my own boss and serve people in meaningful ways through my work as a therapist. Seeing her success in private practice inspired me to take the leap, and now that’s what I try to do for the women I work with too.
In today’s parlance, being disruptive is usually a positive adjective. But is disrupting always good? When do we say the converse, that a system or structure has ‘withstood the test of time’? Can you articulate to our readers when disrupting an industry is positive, and when disrupting an industry is ‘not so positive’? Can you share some examples of what you mean?
To me, “disruptive” means to challenge the norm and question whether the way we’ve always done things is the best way or not. Sometimes we’ll find that the way we’ve been going about things is the best way and there’s no need to fix what isn’t broken. But in most cases, there’s room for growth and innovation- a new and better approach. And people, circumstances, and the world are always changing, so there’s a need for constant disruption and ongoing change. There’s a need to constantly examine what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, how we’re doing it, and if it’s working. Some people love and embrace change while others despise and resist it, so disruption is simply a matter of perception. If you accept the truth that everything is always changing and that’s the natural way, disruption will be viewed positively. If you reject the idea that everything is always changing and try to keep things the same, you’ll view disruption negatively.
For example, the finance industry is largely dominated by white men who hold a tremendous amount of power. Stock brokers and financial advisors make an enormous amount of money from women who lack strong financial literacy, because they can persuade them to invest in products that financially benefit the advisor (at the expense of women’s financial security). When women gain financial confidence and take control of their own finances, this causes a disruption in the financial industry because financial advisors can no longer take advantage of them. Naturally, these men don’t want to lose power or money, so they see the disruption as a negative, but for the women who get to keep more of their hard earned money, the disruption is incredibly positive.
Can you share 3 of the best words of advice you’ve gotten along your journey? Please give a story or example for each.
My mother was a beautiful person who was a great listener but never said much in return. But the little she did say was meaningful and important. The best words of advice I’ve ever received have all come from her. Interestingly, I don’t think she knew she was giving advice!
For the longest time, I’d always wanted an Audi Q7, and I finally found myself in a position to afford it. My mom was so excited for me when I got it because she knew how much I wanted it and how long I’d waited for my dream car. A couple years after I bought it, the pandemic hit, and I started feeling like the Audi was an expensive, unnecessary luxury. I kept thinking about all the people who lost their jobs and couldn’t even put food on the table, and there I was with a $55,000 car parked in my garage. I remember talking with my mom about trying to sell it. She looked at me with a frown and said, “Nicole, you love that car and you worked hard for it. You deserve to have nice things.” I knew she was right and that part of me still had unresolved limiting beliefs about money and what I deserved. I kept the Audi, and I often find myself expressing gratitude and appreciation for the financial security that makes it possible for me to have it. Because of my mom’s advice, I’ve come to notice that feel a little bit happier every time I get in my Audi, and that makes it money well spent.
My mom also told me on several occasions throughout my lifetime that she “gave me life so I could live it”. Anytime I was questioning what to do next or whether or not to take the leap, I thought about what she said. It felt like she was telling me to live my life as fully and richly as possible, and that’s what I try to do everyday. There have been so many times I doubted my ability to do something. I doubted my ability to start and run a successful business. I doubted my ability to be a good mother, grow a garden, make good financial decisions…the list goes on and on. But each time, I would think to myself, “Mom gave you life. She made sacrifices for you. You have to give this life all you’ve got and take the chance you’ll fail. You’ll never know how great life can be if you sit on the sidelines instead of living.” Her advice motivates me to go after my dreams and that’s paid off tenfold.
The very best advice my mom ever gifted to me was after she died. Her advice was unspoken and I came upon it as a result of the deep grief I experienced from losing her. My mom was a young 58 years old when she died and her death came quickly and unexpected. She was diagnosed with advanced stage cervical cancer on January 1, 2021 and just 36 days later, she died. I sat at her bedside for twelve days leading up to her death, and in those moments, she shared with me all the things she wished she still had time to do. Her passing taught me how precious and impermanent life is, that every day is a gift, and the purpose of life is simply to experience it fully. Because of that “advice”, I take more time to appreciate the world around me, express love and forgiveness to the people in my life, and live in the moment rather than worrying about the future. In a way, her death gave new meaning to life.
We are sure you aren’t done. How are you going to shake things up next?
I’m on a mission to empower every woman to take an active role in her financial life and use her financial power as an unstoppable force of good in the world. When women have money, they have power and influence and can make the world a better place. When women have money, they can take time away from work to raise the children of our future and walk with parents who are dying (like I had the honor of doing with my mom). When women have money, they can pay for their kids to go to college, start a non-profit, save endangered animals, or fund advocacy projects. My goal in life is to shake up patriarchy and help give women the financial power they need to live life on their own terms.
My life’s work is devoted to teaching as many women as I can how to heal their relationship with money, make more money, and manage it strategically, and I’ll continue doing that through online programs, one-on-one coaching, and a book I’m working on called, Money Therapy: How a Couple’s Therapist Became Her Own Client, Started a Love Affair with Money that Transformed Her Life & Now Teaches Others How to Do the Same.
In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by ‘women disruptors’ that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?
From a financial standpoint, women face unique obstacles to financial security that men don’t experience. Women earn less money than men, live longer, and need to take more time away from paid work to care for children or aging parents. Women are often burdened with unpaid work and carry the mental load of running a household and raising children, which keeps them from earning the money they need to have enough financial security to retire and support themselves for the rest of their lifetime.
Because men are often the breadwinners, they hold more power than women and make most of the financial decisions. This puts women at great financial risk because their male partners may not be making financial decisions in their best interests. But it’s difficult for women to create significant change in the patriarchal system because many men don’t want to give up their breadwinner status to help raise kids or co-manage the household. A lot of men also don’t want to give up their power over financial decision making, which results in women having to choose whether their financial well-being is worth fighting for, especially if it means risking damaging their relationship.
Do you have a book/podcast/talk that’s had a deep impact on your thinking? Can you share a story with us?
When I was in the midst of a financial crisis, I read many books about money and personal finance. One of my favorites is “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. The book taught me that the thoughts I had about money were just as important as how I behaved with it, and it gave me a new framework for approaching my finances. I stopped focusing on how much money I had and what I should do with it, and instead, starting focusing on my beliefs about money and how I felt about managing my finances. That mental shift helped me identify the deep inner work I needed to around money and gave me faith that improving my money mindset would improve my financial situation.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would love to inspire a “date your money” movement where women treat their relationship with money like a romantic relationship and have weekly “money dates” to make tending to their finances feel fun and flirty. When women treat their money with respect and appreciation and make time for tending to their finances, they gain financial control and confidence and improve their financial lives. Most women have complicated feelings about money. They feel confused, overwhelmed, and anxious about money, and these feelings can cause them to avoid even looking at their finances. When women avoid and neglect their money, financial problems grow bigger and more out of control.
My life’s work is to help women see money in a new, healthier way. By teaching women to personify money, give it a character, and treat it like the object of their affection, women are able to make sense of their finances and eliminate the overwhelm. My trademarked “Money Therapy” program shows women entrepreneurs how to see their money as a “lover, not a fighter” and get in the habit of setting aside time to tend to their finances, much like couples set aside time for date nights to connect, laugh, and play together. When women learn how to make their finances fun, they look forward to managing their own money and enjoy the many benefits of being in financial control. This is a movement I would love to see spread around the globe.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” There have been countless times in my life when changing my perception led to positive life changes. When I changed the way I looked at money, my financial life changed, and that was one of the best things I ever did. Changing my perception of money led to financial vitality and gave birth to a whole new business. My work as a financial therapist brings so much meaning, purpose, and joy to my life, because teaching other women how to change the way they look at money transforms their financial lives for the better too.
How can our readers follow you online?
Start “dating your money” and make tending to your finances feel fun and flirty at www.nicoleiacovoni.com.
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!
Female Disruptors: Nicole Iacovoni On The Three Things You Need To Shake Up Your Industry was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.