Joey — You need a shared passion and joy in the journey. If you both don’t love what you are doing it won’t last and you won’t thrive.
David — COMMUNICATION is KEY — being able to share your happiness and your pain and your worry is very important! If your communication falls apart, your relationship will crumble. It is up to both of us to make sure we are sharing and asking questions and making sure we check in on one another to see where we are: emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
As a part of our series about lessons from Thriving Power Couples, I had the pleasure of interviewing David Tutera and Joey Toth.
David Tutera is a globally recognized entertaining expert, event planner, motivational speaker, television personality, entrepreneur, and fashion designer known for his truly one-of-a-kind celebrations and creative vision. Best known for his hosting role on the popular TV show, My Fair Wedding, David has over 30 years of industry experience creating spectacular events for A-list celebrities, including Elton John, Prince Charles, Vanessa Williams, Jennifer Lopez, Zendaya, and more. He and his husband, COO Joey Toth, both run the David Tutera Brand. From growing the company’s event planning and design business to cultivating David’s mentorship program for event/wedding planners, this dynamic power couple does it all; along raising two daughters, Cielo and Gracie.
Can you tell us a story about what brought you two to your respective career paths?
David: My journey started at a young age….19 to be exact. I was at Fordham University for a year and a half, and I just felt I was not in the right place at the right time. Following my gut, I made the decision to leave and figure out what was best for me at the moment. I was asked to decorate a party (a Bar Mitzvah) and my entrée into the world of celebrations began. At 19, stepping into a business I knew nothing about was scary, but also bold and intriguing. 100 percent self-taught and dedicated to working hard, I managed transform a small business into a brand. I went from 19 knowing very little to having 7 published books and hosting and executive producing over 500 episodes of television. Over my three decades, I’ve learned if you love what you do and have a passion, you can succeed at anything!
Joey: It has definitely been an interesting journey for me to this point. I started in corporate banking and then ventured into corporate Real estate, taking with me skills from one industry and applying and growing them in a new. I liked both industries and enjoyed the successes, but biggest shift in my career path came when I truly connected with my passion for well-being, service, and entrepreneurship. In following these passions wholeheartedly, I was brought to this wonderful place of joining David as part of his company, where I’m able to help grow the next evolutions in all that we do.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you two got married?
David: Interesting may be the wrong word… more like surprised others still do not understand there are many family dynamics. Children can be raised by one parent versus the traditional nuclear family. Two moms, two dads, and a grandparent can raise children. Our family dynamic is based on LOVE is LOVE. Our two daughters see only love and life and happiness. The challenges have always been that others don’t know what to say to us and often seem to ask questions that are not necessary. So, our interesting moments are watching others try to put together the pieces in their minds, when the reality is there are no pieces to put together because all we see is LOVE.
Joey: Being same-sex parents for our two girls has certainly created many interesting moments for us. Both the fun and interesting moments all parents experience and then the unique ones of dealing with how people sometimes just don’t know how to approach two dads. We are often fielding questions and educating others about our journey. I can think of several “interesting” and also very awkward encounters where strangers ask, “So, how did you get your kids?” or even “Which one of you is the actual dad?” It’s definitely given us some amusing stories to tell.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
David: I was the owner of my small business, the driver of my truck, the designer of my creations. I was a one-man band for several years. You never make this mistake twice…I was driving a rented cube truck and accidently entered onto the West Side Highway traveling into NYC and drove onto the exit ramp rather than the entrance ramp. TRUST ME it was not good. Another time, I was planning one of my first society weddings in NYC at the Pierre Hotel. It was the first week of January and the truck was filled with all white flowers — Casablanca Lilies were in abundance! I had babied the lilies so they were opened perfect. But, when I arrived to the loading dock of the Pierre Hotel, I opened my back of the truck door and the lilies were black. They had been frozen due to the extreme cold that day. I jumped into a cab and went to every corner store to purchase as many white lilies as I could find.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Please share an anecdotal story or example.
Joey: What makes us stand out is our passion and care for making a difference — for encouraging people to dream big and then taking the action to make those dreams come true. We create unforgettable event experiences, provide inspirational and motivational teachings and mentorship opportunities, and also develop product lines that bring beauty, solutions, and joy to our retail consumers.
David: Passion, dedication, excellence and making sure we make DREAMS come true. The David Tutera business and brand has and will always be about making others feel special. We have worked hard as a couple to elevate others, support one another and bring to our industry leadership and education. This makes us stand out. The David Tutera Mentorship Program, The David Tutera Experience, and the various philanthropic work we do to brings joy, hope, smiles and positivity others.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
Joey: We are so excited about the latest project we are working on to bring David Tutera events to the masses. Our event planning business gets thousands of inquiries each year of people dreaming of a David Tutera event. Unfortunately, there are only so many events that David and our team can produce each year. That is, until now…we are creating a concept that we will be launching in Fall 2021 that will allow consumers to have David Tutera-curated events delivered right to their doors. Think farm-to-consumer David Tutera designed floral centerpieces, personal flowers, and more. Additionally, we’ve created a great line of all the various paper/print materials needed for an event.
What advice would you give to other CEOs or founders to help their employees to thrive?
DAVID: Take time to care. Take more time to listen. Employees thrive when they are given positive feedback and also when they are given insight on how to do better. No one can succeed without insight and without guidance. CEOs need to remind themselves that employees want to thrive and need to aspire to be the best version of themselves. CEOs are not just owners; they need to remember they are and should be leaders!
Joey: I’d add that it is also important to lead from a place of inclusion, joy and clarity. All people and ideas are welcome. There has to be joy found in the work to be done and in the environment. There has to be a connection between the work and someone’s passion or desire to grow. There has to be clarity on the overall vision and goals of the company, but flexibility/openness in how to get there.
How do you define leadership?
Joey: Leadership is taking responsibility for the team, setting clear objectives for the team, and holding team members accountable. Leadership is inspiring someone to believe in themselves and helping them to see all their potential and then supporting that growth. Leadership is an act of service to guide someone to become their best version of themselves and in doing so creates the best possible results for their position.
DAVID: BEING present, BEING bold, BEING strong and BEING Brilliant.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful for, who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
David: The women in my life have paved the way. My grandmother, my mother and now my two daughters. Women are bold and powerful and I am grateful for all the life lessons they have shared with me. Without each of them, I would not be who I am today and who I strive to be tomorrow. We all evolve, and if we listen to the people that helped pave our journey, we can live in the moment and appreciate knowing the JOY is in the JOURNEY.
Joey: I love this question. As it’s true, there are many people I honor and am grateful to for their guidance, leadership and inspiration. One person, of course, is my mom for her work ethic and her teaching: “just figure it out.” Meaning, we are capable of anything and there are many ways to approach a situation or problem, which means there are many ways to fix it. Another person would be an old boss of mine that taught me how to review and negotiate contacts.
How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?
Joey: Right now, David and I share our success through mentorship of other event professionals and business owners. Helping them to grow professionally, teaching important lessons, processes and other ways to grow their business. And then connecting those lessons to personal growth and connection to individual purpose. It has been wonderful to see our mentorship program taken so seriously, to witness the confidence grow in our mentees, and then seeing them use that confidence in powerful ways to grow their businesses and incomes.
David: It’s important to use my gifts and talent help others less fortunate than myself. I have worked for the Prevent Cancer Foundation now for 20 years, helping to not just raise money but also to educate how to live a life to prevent cancer. We also work with a foundation called Special Love where I have been able to shine a light on children recovering from cancer by creating craft projects that allow their creativity to blossom and remind them there is light and love ahead. Bringing goodness in the world should really be about simply being kind to others. A simple gesture, a simple smile can bring goodness into our world.
What are the “5 Things You Need To Thrive As A Couple”? Please share a story or example for each.
David:
- COMMUNICATION is KEY — being able to share your happiness and your pain and your worry is very important! If your communication falls apart, your relationship will crumble. It is up to both of us to make sure we are sharing and asking questions and making sure we check in on one another to see where we are: emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
- SUPPORT — your partner in life has to have your back and must be by your side. As a couple we can’t always expect perfection but have to always lead with love. We have to know when to step back and when to step in. As a couples we thrive when we understand one another.
- PARTNERSHIP- as parents to two young, amazing girls, we have to dance the parent dance together with grace. We may not always see things the same way, but we have to be as close as possible on the same page. Parenting as partners is simply being present as human beings.
- RESPECT — We may not always agree but we have to respect our partners outlook on topics, life, and love and family. We can’t try and teach our partner what we want them to do or be or act like. We have to accept them for who they are and love them for all of them, not part of them.
- KINDNESS — an easy word yet not always the easiest of actions. We must mutually agree to be kind to one another even when it may seem the hardest action to take. We have to love ourselves therefore we can love our partner. Life is hard as hell as it is…we have to find the kindness in moments — the smiles in our day and the JOY of our journey together to thrive.
Joey:
- You need a shared passion and joy in the journey. If you both don’t love what you are doing it won’t last and you won’t thrive.
- You need to be able to have open and honest communication. There will be disagreements and you need to be able to disconnect from ego to make the best choices.
- You need to understand that there will be failures and rather than place blame on one another, find the lesson from the failure and grow.
- You must have trust in each other to show up, do the work and have each other’s back. You have to trust each other to take chances me so the unexpected.
- You have to be able to disconnect from the work. It can’t be 24/7.
If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
Joey: I would inspire a movement to connect all people to the concept that we are all part of one large global community and to be better to each other. Realizing how far small simple changes in how we interact with each other and support one of another could change the world.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
David: “Surround yourself with others who believe you are great…because YOU are!”
Joey: “Just Do It” — get over your fears, doubts, self-judgments and push past those barriers to go after and live the life you desire. Just do it; if you want something, figure it out and do it. Don’t make excuses or give reasons why you can’t. Just do it!
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why?
Joey: If I could have lunch with anyone, I would love an inspirational lunch with Oprah. I loved her book “What I know For Sure.” I think she has a wonderful way to see blessings in the lessons of life. I like the message of hope and good that she shares. I would be honored to support her mission for doing good.
David: My grandmother…There was something spectacular about her. She was bold, brassy, loving, and kind. A simple woman that worked hard and taught me so much about how to be positive and loving. I loved her humor, her love for love and religion, her passion for her family, and her deep love for her friends. She knew hate was wrong, that bullying was unacceptable, and always led with love and believed in equality. I would want to simply say “thank you” for helping mold me into the person I am today. I would want to simply say…thank you, I love you for all you are, and all you were to me.
How can our readers follow your work online?
David Tutera: www.davidtutera.com; @davidtutera on
Instagram and YouTube
Joey Toth: @yourcoachjoey on Instagram
This was very meaningful, thank you so much! We wish you continued success!
Lessons From a Thriving Power Couple, With David Tutera and Joey Toth was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.