Women In Wellness: Ashley Seling On The Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing
An Interview With Candice Georgiadis
Let go of societal and cultural expectations and give yourself permission to be YOU. It might sound cliche, but when I honor what works for me and my family life is more calm and fun. This was difficult when I first became a mom, but as time went on, I realized it didn’t serve my child or me to try to meet societal and cultural expectations that didn’t resonate with me.
As a part of my series about the women in wellness, I had the pleasure of interviewing Ashley Seling.
Ashley Seling is a Parenting Coach and a certified Positive Discipline Educator. She has helped hundreds of moms become calm and confident in stressful parenting situations through her Tantrums to Tranquil method. She is known for her reparenting process which allows moms to learn how to healthily communicate with their children so that they can consistently feel like great parents and raise calm & emotionally balanced children.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?
I grew up in the Orange County, CA area. My parents separated when I was about 10 years old and I was their only child. I have a half-sister that I met later in life and two stepbrothers that I watched grow up. One of my parents came from a physically abusive family. The cycle of physical abuse ended with my parents. It’s crazy to me that the generational gap wasn’t that long ago where it was acceptable and appropriate to physically punish a child for simply looking at their parent the wrong way.
If you had asked me eight or nine years ago what I would be doing with my career I would have told you that I was aspiring to be a supervisor in a back office operations department of a bank. I worked at the bank for five years. I was balancing ledgers and investigating when ledgers didn’t add up right, editing old bank procedures, and traveling to train new employees in my department. I know it sounds boring, but I loved my job! On the evening of my last day of work, and I didn’t know it would be my last at the time, I overexerted myself while shopping for my baby shower dress and I started to go into preterm labor. My son, fortunately, waited a few more weeks to make his debut but I was on bed rest and unable to return to work.
I became a mom at 25-years-old, and started my business one year later, in 2016, to support new moms going through their ‘4th trimester.’ Understanding that motherhood unintentionally takes us down a road of self-discovery, I quickly became aware of my parenting wounds when my son told me he hated me at 2.5-years-old… yep, that hurt! From there, I immersed myself in the knowledge and tools needed to reinvent my parenting skills and expanded my mentorship programs to support women around the challenges of parenthood. My secret sauce within my work is through my reparenting process where I help moms uncover their “Parenting Triggers” through my self-discovery process and strategies. This allows clients to heal their triggers, parent their kids in a kind, loving, and firm way, AND break the cycle of generational parenting beliefs that no longer serve them.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?
Your child is becoming you. Realizing that what I believe about myself I will pass on to my children has made the most significant impact on all areas of my life. Our thought patterns — good or bad — affect our parenting decisions and our decisions directly affect our children’s life. When we take a step back from our thoughts, we can ask ourselves, what would I tell my son if he came to me and said, “Mommy I feel like I’m a failure and I’m never good enough.” A mom would console her child with these concerns. And as women, we need to console ourselves like we would our child when these negative thoughts come up. I believe every mom deserves to feel like a great mom.
Can you share a story about the biggest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
I used to seek verbal approval and validation from other people that I was good at what I do. I realized this is a slippery slope because seeking validation outside of myself is my inner child wanting to be loved. So, I’ve learned to love myself and have my own back even when something doesn’t go according to plan. And let’s face it, when kids are involved rarely do things go according to plan!
Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?
I help parents heal what causes them to lose their cool and in turn create better wellbeing for their children and their future generations to come. I help heal the way parents and their children perceive life to become the best versions of themselves while creating a fulfilled happy life. I’ve helped hundreds of moms become more patient and confident in their parenting approach through my Tantrums to Tranquil method. In this method, I also teach parents to pass on and model healthy emotional regulation skills to their kids.
The Tantrums to Tranquil method implements personalized communication tools to meet each child’s emotional needs, while also becoming the best versions of themselves to live a joyful and fulfilled life. I guide my clients to take a deep look at their own childhood experiences, and then help them gain Confidence and Certainty in their newly-established decisions as a parent themselves; and by integrating my 4×4 Communication strategy. After this program, my clients feel in control of whatever behaviors come their way, achieve (what I call) “Emotional Mastery,” and allow themselves to become a parent that they can be genuinely proud of.
Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing? Please give an example or story for each.
- Let go of societal and cultural expectations and give yourself permission to be YOU. It might sound cliche, but when I honor what works for me and my family life is more calm and fun. This was difficult when I first became a mom, but as time went on, I realized it didn’t serve my child or me to try to meet societal and cultural expectations that didn’t resonate with me.
- Take time to re-parent yourself and heal your parenting triggers. When you parent from a healed state you will make more meaningful parenting decisions. When you parent from a place where you are triggered by your child’s behavior because they are doing things you couldn’t get away with as a child, you will parent in a way that isn’t authentic to you as an adult.
- You can’t pour from an empty cup. When you take care of yourself, you are a happier, more fulfilled person. Everyone in your life benefits when you take care of yourself first.
- Own your relationship with your child. Let go of needing your spouse to buy into your parenting style. The way you parent your child will determine your relationship with your child. The way your spouse parents your child will determine their relationship with their child. It isn’t up to you to control how your spouse parents your child. Please seek professional help if there is abuse.
- Being perfect is only for fairy tales. It’s OK to make mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. Mistakes are opportunities to show your child how to effectively react in difficult situations. Use mistakes as a way to show your child that mistakes are natural and they’re going to happen.
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?
I would start a movement to revolutionize conventional parenting. Where children were encouraged more than shamed, punished, and blamed for being bad kids.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?
I pour my heart and soul into my business. I’m an expert at what I do and with that comes a duty and responsibility to share my knowledge. Parents deserve to have more parenting skills and knowledge so that they can create safe and strong life-long bonds with their children. Here are 5 things I wish someone told me before I started:
- Being a mom has made me a better leader. I lead my clients through my Tantrums to Tranquil process to become more confident and calm moms. Being a mom of two kids helps me understand where my clients are at in their journey. I’ve been there… I’ve been in the mess and I know how to lead them to the other side.
- You don’t have to do it all. There may be a new way to market my business but that doesn’t mean I HAVE to do it. I can do what works for me and what feels good for my business.
- Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It actually makes you stronger. When I first started my business, I thought I had to figure it out all by myself. I realized that receiving support actually felt really good and it was more fun!
- My worthiness isn’t tied to how much money I make or if someone chooses not to work with me. We are all born worthy. Knowing this before starting my business would have helped me be more detached from people who say, “You charge too much.”
- Building a business isn’t always fun. It’s emotional. It’s hard. But I’ve learned that I can do hard things. I honestly wouldn’t change anything about it because it has helped me become successful in my business.
Sustainability, veganism, mental health and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?
Mental health is dearest to me because if we aren’t taking care of our mental health, then our future generations will pass on our same mistakes. It’s up to us to show future generations how to promote their well-being and create a fulfilled life.
What is the best way our readers can follow you online?
I can be found on Facebook, Instagram, my Facebook Community group, and www.ashleyseling.com.
Thank you for these fantastic insights!
Women In Wellness: Ashley Seling On The Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.