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Women In Wellness: Nicola Fernandes of Self Love With Nicola on the Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing

An Interview With Candice Georgiadis

…One is that you have to find your voice. For so long I had very specific guidance. I asked my coaches, how do I write that? What should I say? How do I do that? And it’s really about finding your own voice. Trusting that being you. That’s the only way.

As a part of my series about the women in wellness, I had the pleasure of interviewing Nicola Fernandes.

For more than 10 years Self-Love Coach and Shaman Nicola have been helping thoughtful and open-hearted leaders to move from self-sabotage & doubt to Self-Worth, Self-Love, and Success! With her Wholeness Mastery Method she supports her clients to get re-connected with themselves and spirit — finally falling in Love with who they truly are and for filling their Dreams with Joy. She is a master trainer in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and a leader in her field. She is also certified in wiki, Laughter Yoga, and Time Line Therapy — She has won several awards for her work. She has made it her life mission to help empower people and change their lives.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?

Sure. My backstory is: I studied business in Munich, Germany, started working for a major music company in New York City, had a beautiful office on the 43rd floor overlooking Times Square and was traveling the world.

I got married, had my first child, had a live-in nanny — living the life.

And then my second daughter got diagnosed with autism and that changed everything. The doctor said they don’t know where it came from and what to do about it. And so I stopped working and it became my job looking deeper and deeper for help with her. And my husband was very generous and let me go to a lot of seminars although we had three kids at home. And guess what happened, every time I came home after a seminar? Every time I came home from a seminar Luisa was better. And so long story short, as she got much better, I was asking what’s my mission? What’s my purpose? Why is Luisa and this experience in my life? And so I started seeing clients and I started more and more boiling down to what is it in life, what makes life enjoyable at its core? What makes the biggest impact? What makes the biggest difference in people in the shortest amount of time? And that brought me to being a Self-Love Coach and Shaman.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?

The most interesting stories since I started my career: You know, my career is not independent from my life. Everything that shows up is either because I’ve worked through it before, or I still have to work through it. And so I grow a lot with my clients because whatever shows up, I make sure I clear it so I can hold them and guide them through their highest and best journey. And so the most interesting story that really happened was that as I bring my clients to clarity, to a higher beingness, to this joy in life, I was also expecting that from my husband. I was asking that he finds what brings him joy. What is it? Our life was great, but it wasn’t 100% And as somebody who wants to be clear in life and expects to open the doors for my clients to 100% I wanted that in my marriage. And I asked my husband so often that it finally came to a point, six months ago, where he said ‘it’s not our marriage that makes him happy’. So I guess that’s the most interesting story that has happened. As I demand clarity around me I realized my marriage is not that. And so it was a lot of grieving and working through my own processes after 26 years together. And my courses as well as my clients kept me really going and this interview here with you is part of my next step. That’s why I’m here now writing articles, showing up in the media: Because I asked the universe ‘what do you want me to bring to the world next? I had beautiful children. I had a beautiful marriage. I had a good business.’ I was guided; I need to be bigger. I need to show up more and there are so many more people that need what I can give. So, that is the biggest story that started my career.

My biggest takeaway, the main lesson was really that I always wanted my husband to be happy, instead of asking for what I wanted. But it was so important to me that he was happy. And, realizing that I can create anything I want, I finally got him to find his happiness: which was not being with me. So I really learned that I need to make myself and my wishes a priority. And that I can create what I want, so be careful what you wish for. Focus on what you truly want! So from now on I ask what is the best outcome for me. And what is the highest standard for me. And not what’s the best for others. So that’s what I really teach my clients: Ask for you! Make yourself a priority. That’s really what I learned myself.

Can you share a story about the biggest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I think I actually made two big mistakes when I first started out. As many healers, I saw people in increments of a few sessions and that was too little. I do such deep work, it’s not fair to leave my clients on their own when they are healing & integrating over a period of time. And I can’t hold the space when I don’t know how deep we can go. So I initially started seeing people for a few sessions and now I actually hold the container for my 1:1 clients for six months or longer.

And I only take clients and that’s my second learning who really want to make that jump because that was also in the beginning a problem. I so wanted to help everyone, not seeing that some people just want to find someone to let out their resentment or anger with no intention of getting better. And so now I have a clear questionnaire inviting only clients that are willing to do their part. I help them, I guide them, I make it easier, but it’s really their work and they understand that. And so now I have the ideal clients that totally fly because in six months, their life is totally different. So I really learned from that. Thank you for asking.

Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?

How is the work I’m doing helping to make a bigger impact? That’s exactly what I boiled it down to as I was asking what makes the biggest difference that makes the difference. And it’s going first of all to the Self, starting with yourself and from a place of Love. I am convinced that when we allow ourselves to love ourselves, make ourselves a priority, even be selfish, meaning when we are full of love, we enjoy life in a way that everybody else gains. We are in a good mood, we are happy, we are friendly. Everybody around us gets a piece of that. Imagine everybody in the world would feel that love inside of them, then the whole world would be heaven on earth. And we start with ourselves. So as we take care of ourselves and are in this loving space, falling in love with ourselves, everybody around us benefits. It’s just the most miraculous thing for your friends, your children, your partners, your co-workers as well as the store clerks, the postman, your neighbors, everybody benefits when you just fill up with your own Love. And it’s not just your own Love, it’s that Love from above, that universal Love, that divine Love that makes you feel whole and makes you love yourself, even for your faults. That’s the most beautiful thing.

Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing? Please give an example or story for each.

So my five top Lifestyle tweaks and you’re might laugh, because you know I am very intuitive and very connected and so I asked actually spirit what your readers would like me to share and so it’s specifically for you because there are so many tools I have given and that come to me anew all the time.

  1. So the first one is your morning setup. For the first morning set up don’t even put your foot out of bed before you have thought a good thought. Like,’ thank you for this great day ahead’ or ‘this is going to be a great day’. And then before you start work, you want to do some work for yourself. Meditate, journal, exercise, even if each is just five minutes. Having that time for yourself, I can tell you, whenever there’s just one day where I don’t spend that time, it’s not the same day. So I really recommend making it your practice and if you can do even half an hour of each, journaling, meditating and exercise that’s even better.
  2. And the second one is, and never had this rhyme before, it goes ‘be kind in your mind.’ So it’s really about not only positive affirmations, but when you say the negative/old version of i.e. ‘I am not good enough’ still being kind in your mind. Like a little kid that just spilled the milk. You know, there is this three years old who spilled the milk. You wouldn’t say oh my god, you spilled the milk. You’re never going to learn to carry the milk. But that’s how we talk to ourselves in our minds, right? So you would say ‘Ah, no problem, next time you’re going to do it better’. So that’s how you want to speak to yourself in your mind. Be kind in your mind.
  3. And the third tweak that came is really seeing the abundance as an example in nature. You know, so often when we have a good life when we feel good, we feel like oh my god, I don’t want to show off. I don’t want to stick out, everyone will think ‘who do I think I am’? No! It’s like nature: the flowers are proud. And nobody thinks oh my god, look at that sunflower how she’s like beaming in yellow now. No, she’s beautiful. We all have the same abundance as nature. So really taking part of that and reminding ourselves that whatever we have, be grateful for that, because it’s like nature. It is just as when the grass is green and the leaves come out, the same we have available and just bask in that knowledge that the same abundance is available for you. And when you walk through nature, remind yourself that it is all available unlimited in this universe.
  4. And the fourth tweak that came was Smile, smile even if you don’t feel like laughing in a moment. But something happens even if you just physically smile with your face. It’s almost impossible to be angry while your face smiles. So just smile more often and smile to yourself. And if you want to go a step further, smile at your heart, smile at people and smile specifically to yourself looking in the mirror smiling at yourself. We always have a choice to be happy or sad. And why not choose happy? Life is easier that way. So as I told you, I just separated from my husband and I often have that ‘happy or sad’ choice in front of me. And then I look at myself in the mirror, and tell myself ‘you can choose happy’ and I smile at myself. And it’s a better day. So I wish that for you.
  5. And the last one is specifically for your readers, because it’s really so important. If you can lower the amount of negative news and speed up reading positive literature, you will experience a great uplift in your energy and well-being. That can be a high vibrational book, but specifically what I got is to really use the Authority Magazine. You know, it’s so good to read about people who reach something because it’s so inspiring. Reading about these authorities is so inspiring because it tells not only your conscious mind but your unconscious mind that it is possible and all you have to do is model it. You know, once somebody does something, it’s so much easier for us to do it and believe it. And so that’s what I got as a fifth one: reading your magazine. What about that? Let us know how it goes.

If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?

Starting a movement that is easy, two things:

One is to practice speaking lovingly to people, because I really truly think we can say anything and everything. It really depends on with what energy we say it and when we say it from the heart, with love, it can be received with love. And so it makes everyone feel so much better.

And the second one is, say only what you want. Imagine we would really know that everything we say creates an energy around us, like a bubble. And we only want to create a bubble that we like, so we only want to say what we want to see around us. So what if everybody would only talk about what they do want and not what they don’t want? Wouldn’t that be so beautiful? Everybody would use these positive words. I think it would be heaven on earth — again.

What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?

So the five things I wish somebody would have told me before I started.

  1. One is that you have to find your voice. For so long I had very specific guidance. I asked my coaches, how do I write that? What should I say? How do I do that? And it’s really about finding your own voice. Trusting that being you. That’s the only way.
  2. And so with that comes the second one that you have to make mistakes. There is no other way, because you learn from them and through them, what works and what doesn’t. And in the beginning, it’s so scary to make mistakes because you have clients and you want to do the best for them and you want a positive image for your business. It’s really learning to be honest and saying, ‘I made a mistake, I’m learning and it’s going to get better’.
  3. And with that, comes number three, that there are growing pains. It’s not straightforward, and some of the things you learn only, once you didn’t do it the right way. So it’s all good. It’s really like a little child growing up and, when they start walking, they fall sometimes down. It’s okay.
  4. And with that comes, one of the biggest lessons that I learned is that growing a business is freaking the best and most challenging personal development. You have to be so clear, because whatever you need to work on next, a client will show up exactly with that. And until you clear it in yourself, clients with exactly that issue will keep on coming. It might be you don’t believe in yourself or you don’t trust or you’re insecure,; all your clients coming give you the possibility to clear it. And even more, if you don’t believe you get clients you don’t have clients showing up. It’s just crazy how you have to and to be successful will get clear with yourself, with your goals, with who you are.
  5. And, and that really brings me to point five because once you know that this is all available, there’s no way back. Once you know, you know. And so as you see, in my example, I got so clear, I knew what I wanted, I had a much higher bar then when I started and I had that much higher bar of not just having a 90% marriage but a 100% marriage. And there was no way back. So I couldn’t accept for my husband that a little piece was missing, which was in the end a big piece, because he was not totally happy. So it’s a big life change. It’s a dedication and I wouldn’t want to have it another way. And I’m grateful my daughter who with her autism brought me to it. Otherwise I’m not sure, but she definitely kept me going. So thank you, Luisa.

Sustainability, veganism, mental health and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?

So of these topics, it’s definitely mental health, because I truly, truly believe that the All, the Universe is mental. The universe started with a thought and so when we are more aware and can be more aware of our thoughts, those thoughts then create feelings and then create movements and matter and physical extensions. And all those go always back to the thoughts. So, if the thought is good, like the tests of water where researchers take water molecules and either say the word ‘love’ or say ‘anger’ to them and then they would freeze the molecules. And with love the water molecules became the most beautiful ice crystals, like mandalas and the ones with anger were just rough and didn’t look nice. That’s where the thought starts. So I think that mental health is the start to everything else. When we learn to control our thoughts, then we’re on our way to change our environment and how we treat the earth. It starts from the inside out.

So mental health is my choice. And also specifically because I see so many youth now struggling with mental health and they are our future. So I’m really invested in showing them that there’s another way to think. And that’s a big mission for me too. Thank you.

What is the best way our readers can follow you online?

3 way,: IG, FB, and my webpage:

@SelfLovewithNicola

https://www.facebook.com/nicola.fernandes.18/

https://www.selflovewithnicola.com/

Thank you for these fantastic insights!

Women In Wellness: Nicola Fernandes of Self Love With Nicola on the Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.