Women In Wellness: Tamara Jefferies of On The Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing
Give Yourself Regular Technology and News Detoxes — Not enough people are aware of how being connected to so many devices and taking in so much divisive and upsetting news is impacting their nervous system. Our nervous systems are very sensitive and they pick-up on even the most minute disturbances, so if you’re on social media “doom scrolling”, your nervous system is registering that as low-level anxiety that can, over time, escalate into severe anxiety or panic attacks. So, give yourself a block of time when you unplug from everything. I like to give myself one day during the weekend when I don’t go online for any reason, and I don’t read any news. It gives my nervous system and my brain a break. If you can give yourself the whole weekend even better!
As a part of my series about women in wellness, I had the pleasure of interviewing Tamara Jefferies, MA.
Tamara Jefferies, MA, is a holistic counselor/coach, speaker, and author of the forthcoming book, The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Healing Trauma. Through all her training, certifications, and credentials, she has gained a variety of healing tools that she devotes to helping people heal trauma, depression, anxiety, and grief. Her passion is helping people transform traumatic histories into joyful futures!
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?
Sure. Back in 2001, I got involved in women’s circles that were focused on healing and holistic health. From there my interest deepened into focusing specifically on trauma as I knew many women who were survivors of either childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault, myself included. So, I decided to pursue holistic health and wellness for women trauma survivors. And the decision came down to one of those funny moments in life where two very different paths are before you. I had an undergrad degree in art history and part of me wanted to pursue a career in museums. I found a program that would train me in public relations for museums like the Metropolitan Museum of Art. At the same time, I found a really incredible holistic health program in San Francisco that would teach me the fundamentals of what I wanted to learn about working with the body. So, I had a choice to make, and it came down to following what felt like a “calling” in my spirit versus a logical decision to continue pursuing the area of my degree. Ultimately, I chose what my heart and spirit wanted most. I moved to the Bay Area and enrolled in the holistic health program. It was definitely one of the best decisions of my life.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?
I think one of the most interesting stories that happened so far was how I came to open my wellness center in South Carolina back in 2016. Since 2010, I had this dream of opening my own wellness center where I could have my holistic counseling practice, teach yoga, and offer various holistic classes. I tried and failed to get this dream off the ground in Berkeley, CA, in Los Angeles, then in South America in Cusco, Peru, and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. It was a long journey of stops and starts.
Until I moved to South Carolina and in 2016 opened an office within the beautiful community of Lake Wylie. Within a month of renting this tiny office, the office manager of the property came to me saying that she knew I wanted a bigger space, and she walked me into this gorgeous lakefront building that was just perfect for my vision of a holistic wellness center. So it was that after many failures, within months of moving to this new place, I had my dream of opening a wellness center.
Every instance in my move to Lake Wylie were examples of synchronicity. This was my biggest lesson: when you try to force something to happen and you find yourself failing again and again, it is neither the right time nor the place for whatever it is you were trying to do. But when you are in the right place at the right time doing exactly what is your purpose to do, you enter a state of flow and synchronistic events unfold effortlessly. And you’ll know it’s right because you will stand back in amazement at how easy everything fell into place.
Can you share a story about the biggest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
It takes time, effort, and perseverance to build anything worthwhile. I think the biggest mistake I made early on was living a nomadic life and not being in one place long enough to plant roots and build. Work like mine grows via word-of-mouth and building community. I’ve finally settled into an area I love and am planting those roots while fostering community.
Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?
I’m a big believer in the ripple effect. The work that I do with my clients is helping them to become stronger, healthier, happier, and more confident. Their transformation ripples out and transforms their relationships, their families, and their communities. Beyond that, with my public speaking and writing, I’m sharing tools to help you live a more embodied, centered, and joyful life.
Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing? Please give an example or story for each.
I like to take a holistic approach when thinking about beneficial lifestyle changes, so doing things that will attend to your mind, body, and spirit.
- Prioritize Silence: This maybe something few think about, but when was the last time you had a moment of complete silence? If you’re a working parent, the answer to that will probably be, you can’t remember. We’re all so busy going from one responsibility to the next, information is incessantly being pumped into our eyes and ears, family or co-workers are vying for your attention. With all this, it’s difficult to feel settled or calm. This can lead to low-level anxiety, where it feels like your nervous system is always a little agitated. This is why prioritizing silence is so important. Even if you take just a few minutes to yourself before you get out of your car before you walk into your home after work or give yourself a moment after a stressful meeting to just sit in silence and take several breaths, it will do wonders for your mental health. Silence is restorative.
- Start a Mindfulness Meditation Practice: This expands on the above tip of prioritizing silence. Mindfulness has become such a buzzword, but its benefits can’t be overstated. To cultivate a mindfulness meditation practice simply means to adopt an attitude of nonjudgment as you begin to pay attention to what you’re doing at any given moment. So, you don’t have to be sitting in a cross-legged pose being perfectly still. No, as long as you are giving your full, non-judgmental attention to what you’re doing, you could be practicing Mindfulness Meditation while you’re washing dishes, driving to work, or playing with your kids. Mindfulness helps to bring our attention to the present moment, and when we do this, we tend to let go of stressors or worries because those things are not present at this moment. Try it out the next time you’re doing a task like washing dishes — bring your full attention to what you’re doing, every move or gesture, and notice how you feel once you’re done. It can feel like time stretched and slowed down in those brief moments.
- Stop Turning to Food as an Outlet — I work with a lot of clients who “stress eat”. It has to be one of the most accessible coping mechanisms we have, and everyone turns to food once in a while. However, I like to educate my clients about what the food is actually signifying because people immediately write it off as due to stress. What I’ve found is people turn to food as a source of fulfillment when they are feeling disappointed, or unloved, or bored. People turn to food as a pacifier when they are angry, irritated, or frustrated and rather than expressing their feelings they stifle them with something to eat. People turn to food for comfort when they are dissatisfied with some aspect of their lives, and when they are lonely. As you can see there is so much more to it than just stress. So, the question becomes, “What do you need in this moment?”. When you’d usually reach for something to put in your mouth, you want to ask yourself, “What is it that my body, mind, or spirit is really craving?”. Is it companionship or physical touch? Is it to tell off your boss for cutting you down in front of your coworkers? Is it to give yourself a feeling of control in a time when you feel powerless? Uncover what it is you really need and give that to yourself rather than food. Sure, maybe telling off your boss is not the best way to handle the situation, but you can release your anger in healthy ways, like a kickboxing class. That will leave you feeling more satisfied than a fast-food run.
- Invite More Movement and Play into Your Life — Think back to when you were a kid and how much you moved your body — all the running, climbing, bike riding, swimming, and play you did. Recall the last time you watched small children and the spontaneous movements of their bodies. We are meant to move so much more than we do. But after years of conforming to sitting still at a desk throughout school, to sitting at a desk at a job, our bodies have lost their spontaneous expressions of movement and as a result our experience of joy is diminished as we experience such deep and rich joy when we freely move our bodies. So, invite more spontaneous movement in your day. If you’re walking down a street where kids have drawn a hopscotch on the ground, jump the hopscotch. Then try not to smile. On your coffee breaks get up and shake your body out; let it move however it feels drawn to move. You will feel rejuvenated within minutes.
- Give Yourself Regular Technology and News Detoxes — Not enough people are aware of how being connected to so many devices and taking in so much divisive and upsetting news is impacting their nervous system. Our nervous systems are very sensitive and they pick-up on even the most minute disturbances, so if you’re on social media “doom scrolling”, your nervous system is registering that as low-level anxiety that can, over time, escalate into severe anxiety or panic attacks. So, give yourself a block of time when you unplug from everything. I like to give myself one day during the weekend when I don’t go online for any reason, and I don’t read any news. It gives my nervous system and my brain a break. If you can give yourself the whole weekend even better!
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?
It would be the Reparenting Movement. Narcissism, low self-esteem, and low self-worth are rampant in our society. These conditions come about largely because children aren’t given the love, positive reinforcement, and emotional nurturing they need. This develops into personalities with zero self-esteem, that are selfish, self-centered, and at the furthest extreme of the spectrum, violent. Everyone could benefit from large doses of love, and they can give that love to themselves when they reparent themselves and give themselves the love, appreciation, and encouragement they didn’t get from their parents growing up. Many of my clients are women who are married to narcissists. What that tells me is there are a lot of people out there who did not get the loving nurturance they needed in their formative years.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?
- Seek out the advice of those who have succeeded in your field — They will guide you in the right direction and help you avoid unnecessary setbacks.
- Make sure you have enough capital before starting a venture — If you don’t you could end up burning the candle at both ends working hard to keep your business afloat.
- Plan with the end in mind — If you know what kind of lifestyle you want and where you want to be financially once you hit retirement then you can make your choices accordingly.
- Understand what a “sunk cost” is in terms of your energy, time, and resources and don’t be afraid to walk away — It’s hard to abandon a plan after putting a lot of time, effort, and/or money into it but at some point, if the plan hasn’t panned out, and you’re just getting into a deeper hole either financially or emotionally, then it’s better to cut your loses and try something else.
- Don’t make decisions from a place of fear or lack — Fear constricts our perspective to the point in which we can only take in the narrowest view of options. If a decision is before you, particularly a life changing one, take some time to shift your mindset out of a place of fear. Put on your favorite music and dance, play with your pet(s), or spend time reflecting on some joyful moments in your life. After doing that you’ll notice you can see more and better options than those you were limited to when you were coming from a place of fear or lack.
Sustainability, veganism, mental health, and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?
Clearly due to the nature of my work, my choice is mental health. With the rates of depression and anxiety climbing in our country, it is crucial that we do all we can to help support one another. If you know someone who is going through a hard time, reach out to them, give them a call. Let them know they are not alone.
What is the best way for our readers to further follow your work online?
They can follow me on Instagram or Facebook @Growandthrivewellness and they can visit my website and subscribe to my newsletters at www.growandthrivewellness.com.
Thank you for these fantastic insights! We wish you continued success and good health.
Thank you, Authority Magazine!
Women In Wellness: Tamara Jefferies of On The Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.