An Interview With Candice Georgiadis
Let go of perfectionism — It took me a long time to get here, but I’ve learned the hard way to let go of perfection. Life has gotten so much easier when I changed my perspective from chasing perfection to embracing the imperfections — of motherhood, of being a wife, a CEO, it will never all be perfect and I love that now. Learning new mantras and weaving a few minute meditations into my day have really helped me to get to this state. Some days I might not have time to shower, but I will take a few minutes to massage my sore muscles. It’s something I continue to work on daily, but learning to let go has been a gift.
As a part of my series about “How extremely busy executives make time to be great parents” I had the pleasure to interview Yoky Matsuoka.
Yoky Matsuoka is a mom of 4 and the Founder/CEO of Yohana, a wellness company that leverages human-centric technology to help busy families create space in their lives to prioritize well-being. Prior to founding Yohana, Yoky Matsuoka brought her distinct approach to technology while leading tech giants, including as Vice President at Google, Chief Technology Officer at Nest, and co-founder of Google X. Matsuoka’s career began in academia as an endowed professor at Carnegie Mellon University and the University of Washington, where she founded and directed the Center for Sensorimotor Neural Engineering and the Neurobotics Laboratory, and earned a MacArthur Genius Award for her work in robotics.
Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us your “childhood backstory”?
I was born and raised in Japan and made the move to the US when I was 16, which is where I’ve been based ever since. I’m an only child and my parents still reside in Japan to this day so I feel lucky to have had an upbringing and perspective from both cultures. I initially came to the US to focus on tennis, which was my passion growing up, but was forced to sideline my hopes of playing professionally due to an injury. Despite this setback, I was fortunate to discover a new passion — science and technology. I got my B.S. from the University of California, Berkeley, my M.S and PhD in electrical engineering and computer science from MIT, and completed my postdoctoral fellowship at Harvard University. From the time I was a little kid, I always knew I wanted to have a big family with many children, but was also motivated to pursue a career. I wanted both and that is the life and career I pursued.
Can you share the story about what brought you to this specific point in your career?
My career began in academia as a professor at Carnegie Mellon University and the University of Washington. My area of expertise is in neuroscience and robotics. During my tenure at UW I founded and directed the Center for Sensorimotor Neural Engineering and the Neurobotics Laboratory to create devices to restore the human body’s capabilities for sensation and movement. My career took a turn when I decided to take the leap from academia to work in Silicon Valley as a way to get closer to consumer products so I can change how they live now. Since then, I’ve worked with leading tech companies having held roles including CTO of Google Nest, Vice President at Google’s Healthcare organization, Co-Founder of Google X, a senior executive at Apple, and CEO of Quanttus, a wearable health technology startup. I’m currently CEO & Founder of Yohana, where I’ve merged my technical background, my experience and challenges as a working mother, to build technology that will help families thrive.
Can you tell us a bit more about what your day-to-day schedule looks like?
Being a working mom requires creativity and structure. My day-to-day schedule is usually back to back with work meetings as well as juggling my kids school and sports obligations. The number one thing I wish for as a parent is to have more time back with my family. So I carve out daily routines that I am always present for no matter what. For me, it’s dropping my kids off at school every morning. These moments of connection in the car before the day gets going are priceless. I also make sure that I am setting weekly priorities. Every sunday, I sit down and plan the calendar for the entire week. Between my husband and I deciding who is going to pick up what kid, what work meeting I’m going to have to sacrifice to make a sporting event or game. I also make daily “anchor lists” that include both work and personal tasks I must complete by the end of the day. If my entire day falls apart (which sometimes it does) I make sure to do whatever I can to tackle the anchor points.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the core of our discussion. This is probably intuitive to many, but it would be beneficial to spell it out. Based on your experience or research, can you flesh out why not spending time with your children can be detrimental to their development?
There have been countless studies conducted since the start of the pandemic that prove families are in crisis: 66% of parents are burned out, and the trickle down effect is adversely affecting their children. It’s so bad that 9 in 10 moms are so busy they wish they could clone themselves. Three-quarters of moms say they know they need to take a break to de-stress, but they feel too guilty to actually do it. From my perspective, it is much more complex than just looking at how “not spending time” with your children would be detrimental. Kids are made of nature and nurture. There are plenty of twin studies that show the way children are raised have a significant factor of who they become. Their adult role models also play an important factor. That can be a parent or an extended family member or a coach or teacher. I feel very grateful that I was raised in a nurturing environment with parents who understood my needs and who I am as a person. I have done everything in my power as a mother to give my children that upbringing as well. But we should not chastise working parents and make them feel even more guilty for not spending time with their kids. Instead we should create solutions that support the entire family. The number one thing I wish for as a parent is to have more time back. It’s about the little moments. Being able to put down your phone, or take your kids to drop-off, or going on a date night with your partner. I created Yohana because I wanted to help other parents like me who were being crushed by the pressure and unrealistic standards of balancing career and family, which were made worse in the past few years. I wanted to create something that would finally help solve a problem that nearly every family faces.
On the flip side, can you give a few reasons or examples about why it is so important to make time to spend with your children?
I personally live for time with my kids. Being a mother is my favorite job and the most important thing in the world. As a mother, it is my responsibility to create circumstances where my family can thrive. Why would I have children if I did not want them to become the best version of themselves? The pandemic really brought things to light for me, everyday I was failing in some way and in turn it was jeopardizing the well-being of my family. It was not until I started to put my oxygen mask on first and commit to my own emotional health, that I could start to be there for my family in a meaningful way. I realized this the hard way. Like so many working parents we know this is important, but the demands of family, work, etc. can feel impossible. There needs to be more acceptance around embracing the messiness of motherhood and fighting that nagging pressure to appear perfect or have it all figured out. Of course, spending time with my children is a privilege and a priority, but like so many other moms and families, I struggle with simply not enough time in the day.
According to this study cited in the Washington Post, the quality of time spent with children is more important than the quantity of time. Can you give a few stories or examples from your own life about what you do to spend quality time with your children?
Yoky to complete
This is so true. As a working mom, I cannot spend all day with my kids. My youngest wants to be with me all the time, and this makes the guilt unbearable somedays. However, when I ask him about his favorite memories or times we’ve spent together, he always brings up small moments such as a car ride, a 1:1 conversation, times where I was really truly present. Because I am usually strapped for time, I live my life trying to show up more focused and to bring out my best self in these moments with my kids. I know there are a few precious moments throughout the day and I prioritize them and look forward to those moments of connection.
We all live in a world with many deadlines and incessant demands for our time and attention. That inevitably makes us feel rushed and we may feel that we can’t spare the time to be “fully present” with our children. Can you share with our readers 3–5 strategies about how we can create more space in our lives in order to give our children more quality attention? Please include examples or stories for each, if you can.
- Put your oxygen mask on first — “Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First” — I learned this lesson the hard way. As a wife, mother of four, and the sole daughter of elderly parents, with a full time career, for years, I was juggling it all and never had enough time in the day. The thought of finding an extra few minutes in the day to spend on myself was not only laughable, but completely unrealistic. I was really struggling with the (unattainable) notion of balancing it all. Eventually I decided to work with an executive coach and after some time of working together, she had me create a Me List — ten things I am going to do for myself every week. I resisted at first, but this list has been an invaluable tool to be a better family member. The pandemic really reinforced how out of whack this notion of “doing it all” has become. Everyday I was failing in some way and in turn it was jeopardizing the well-being of my family. It was not until I started to put my oxygen mask on first and commit to my own emotional and physical health, that I could start to be there for my family again in a meaningful way. Three examples of what’s on my “me” list are: meditating 5 days a week, spending at least 10 focused minutes per kid per day, and getting 7 hours of sleep daily. I use this list every week to check that I am centered, and I have the capacity to create that space to care for myself and others.
- Delegate — In a culture where we are constantly told to “push, push, push,” many families have pushed themselves to the limit. So many parents (myself included) are at their breaking point. The pandemic brought issues to the forefront that were always there, but made these pain points unbearable, from the lack of childcare, to the lack of connection with others while we manage our own families, and a general feeling of being super stressed, overwhelmed, and at the brink. As a result, the well-being of our families has been compromised. It’s ok to ask for help! No one was meant to raise a family alone, and in our modern world, we tend to live further and further away from our parents and extended family. Asking for help does not mean you are a bad parent. Whether it’s asking a neighbor or friend for support, or signing up for a Yohana membership, there are many ways to delegate and build that virtual “village” for you and your family.
- Let go of perfectionism — It took me a long time to get here, but I’ve learned the hard way to let go of perfection. Life has gotten so much easier when I changed my perspective from chasing perfection to embracing the imperfections — of motherhood, of being a wife, a CEO, it will never all be perfect and I love that now. Learning new mantras and weaving a few minute meditations into my day have really helped me to get to this state. Some days I might not have time to shower, but I will take a few minutes to massage my sore muscles. It’s something I continue to work on daily, but learning to let go has been a gift.
How do you define a “good parent”? Can you give an example or story?
I cannot define or judge what makes a good parent and what doesn’t. What I can speak to is my personal experience of juggling career, motherhood, family, and my own well-being, where I have felt like a fraud, or a “bad parent.” While I’m deeply grateful for the family and the career I have built, and I’m very happy with my decision to have both, but like so many other parents, there have been sacrifices I never fathomed in my youth. The fact that there is not enough time in the day, the mental burden I carry trying to get everything done, and the guilt I feel about missing out on small moments with my family. It is a constant struggle. The guilt eats me alive sometimes. If I give my time and energy to work, the kids don’t get all of me. If I give to the kids, do I show up fully at work? What about my husband, my family and friends? And forget about putting myself first. That would make me a “bad mom” or an underperforming CEO. It’s a never-ending cycle, one that I was stuck in for years. Trying to do it all. Never feeling good enough. Not wanting to delegate or ask for help with parenting duties. Never feeling like I was showing up for the people that mattered most to me. I now realize that I’m not alone in feeling this way. We are all just doing the best we can.
How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?
I try to teach my children to be persistent, learn from failure, and to not give up on whatever they decide to pursue. There is no easy path in life. You will fail many times and it is painful every time. But if we don’t get up and get going again, who else will change the world for us? I have definitely felt like a total failure many times in the past but I found ways to get up and get going again, put my head on straight and run toward the same mission again. I am sure I will fail over and over again and being an example to my children gives me the courage to get up again and keep going!
How do you, a person who masterfully straddles the worlds of career and family, define “success”?
I had four children because being a mom has always been my favorite job. I pursued my career in Silicon Valley because I wanted to build solutions to empower people to live the life of their dreams and be the best versions of themselves. It is important to me that my contribution to society and to tech are unique and meaningful. As a mother, I saw my everyday struggle as an opportunity to help people and bring solutions for very real pain points that women and families are facing. Success to me is using my gifts and my pain points to help others.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?
Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth is my all time favorite book. It changed me to be focused on the present. Not the past. Not the future. When interacting with kids, this is the most important book for everyone to read. It isn’t about what they have done in the past. And it isn’t who they have to become in the future. It is about learning to be in the moment now. This taught me how to cherish every moment with them. This is so extremely important to me.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness — it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude. — Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability, parenting, and just being human is where I keep going back to for inspiration. For me, joy, happiness, and success are in the little moments. The small moments of connection I share with my kids, family, and loved ones, that is what it is all about.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would want to inspire moms and parents to stop feeling guilty and to embrace the imperfections of daily life.
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!
Yoky Matsuoka of Yohana On How Extremely Busy Leaders Make Time To Be Great Parents was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.