Michelle Jimenez-Meggiato and Andrea Meggiato of The Pizza Cupcake: What inspired us most about the behavior of people during the pandemic was the sense of COMMUNITY and people coming together
What inspired us the most about the behavior of people during the pandemic was the sense of COMMUNITY and people coming together. Everyone was doing their best to help one another whether it was small businesses sharing resources with one another, customers purchasing gift cards or donating to support their favorite small businesses and those who donated their time and resources to help people in their community.
I had the pleasure to interview Michelle Jimenez-Meggiato and Andrea Meggiato of The Pizza Cupcake.
The Pizza Cupcake is a family-owned, small business baked from a crazy fun idea by two ambitious kids with a dream. Michelle Jimenez-Meggiato is a first-generation Filipina-American and Andrea Meggiato is an Italian native. In November of 2018, they put their zest for ‘za into creating The Pizza Cupcake.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit. Can you tell us a bit about how and where you grew up?
Our shared love for pizza, family and New York City set the foundation for our relationship. We like to say that pizza is what brought us together since our first date was over pizza in New York City. We are both products of hard working immigrant families with humble beginnings. I came to New York City as a first-generation Filipina American who left the blue collar town of Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania for college and haven’t looked back since. Andrea came to New York City as the only person in his entire family and extended network who left his native Italy and worked his way through the restaurant and luxury jewelry industries. We consider ourselves fortunate to be able to avail ourselves of the American dream — we started our family business, The Pizza Cupcake.
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
Stress Less, Accomplish More by Emily Fletcher has taught us how to handle stress during these trying times by cultivating Mindfulness through brief powerful meditation exercises. Like most people, we have been suffering from multiple stressors resulting from the global pandemic, the financial downturn, and the immediacy of the need for racial justice. We have found this book to keep us centered so that we can show up for our marriage, our community and ourselves.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
“Family First” — While there are twists and turns of life, we both learned early on that the only thing we can count on is family through every chapter of our lives. Our commitment is to always show up and make time for our marriage and our loved ones.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. You are currently leading a social impact organization that has stepped up during the COVID-19 Pandemic. Can you tell us a bit about what you and your organization are trying to address?
The Pizza Cupcake is all about bringing people together through the love of delicious pizza. We wanted to bring joy and provide a sense of normalcy at a time that was so stressful for families in underserved communities and those serving on the frontlines.
In your opinion, what does it mean to be a hero?
There are heroes all around us. They are the frontline workers who show up every day to serve the communities and cities that are suffering greatly from this pandemic. They are the families who are raising the next generation of leaders. They are the immigrants who are deemed essential workers who make sure we have food in our supermarkets. They are the majority low-wage workers who ensure that our groceries are stocked and our packages are delivered. Our heroes are ordinary people who aren’t seeking recognition, but show up for society each and every day.
In your opinion or experience, what are “3 characteristics of a hero? Please share a story or example for each.
Integrity — Our frontline workers keep their word to serve their communities despite the risks to themselves and their families, even though it’s not convenient.
Courageous — Immigrants who travel to this country for freedom and leave everything behind in hopes to create a prosperous life for themselves and their families.
Kindness — Children are kind to one another and have the purest heart. If we can see the world from a child’s heart we can create UNITY and EQUALITY.
If heroism is rooted in doing something difficult, scary, or even self-sacrificing, what do you think drives some people — ordinary people — to become heroes?
These ordinary people are doing what they need to do because of who they are as human beings. They serve without the need for recognition, but because of their commitment to their family and society.
What was the specific catalyst for you or your organization to take heroic action? At what point did you personally decide that heroic action needed to be taken?
New York City is where we fell in love. New York City is our home and where we built our business from the ground up. It was also the epicenter of the pandemic and we knew we needed to do something for our community. On March 27th, we launched our Support NYC initiative in response to two things: a group of nurses reached out to us asking if we were open for delivery and The Lower Eastside Girls Club asked for food donations to feed the families in their community. With the support of our customers we were able to donate Pizza Cupcakes to our healthcare heroes and the families of the Lower Eastside Girls Club. We wanted to share love, one bite at a time, even with social distancing. This is what the Pizza Cupcake is all about — bringing people together
Who are your heroes, or who do you see as heroes today?
Our heroes are our parents, ordinary people from humble beginnings, who exemplify courage, kindness and integrity.
Let’s talk a bit about what is happening in the world today. What specifically frightened or frightens you most about the pandemic?
There’s a saying that “impermanence is permanent”. This quote played out for us in the pandemic and showed us that our lives and everyone’s lives changed in an instant. What frightens us about the pandemic is how quickly our entire way of life changed and the financial hardships our country is experiencing as a result of COVID-19.
Despite that, what gives you hope for the future? Can you explain?
We see the youth and communities rallying together to help and support each other to rebuild after the mass devastation. We see the changes they are advocating for such as social justice and racial equality. We are inspired by the kindness of communities coming together because we believe that we are stronger together.
What has inspired you the most about the behavior of people during the pandemic, and what behaviors do you find most disappointing?
What inspired us the most about the behavior of people during the pandemic was the sense of COMMUNITY and people coming together. Everyone was doing their best to help one another whether it was small businesses sharing resources with one another, customers purchasing gift cards or donating to support their favorite small businesses and those who donated their time and resources to help people in their community.
Has this crisis caused you to reassess your view of the world or of society? We would love to hear what you mean.
We are divided as a country and we would love to see more of our youth, our future leaders, bringing us together and creating racial equality in our society.
What permanent societal changes would you like to see come out of this crisis?
With recent events from the global pandemic to the recent deaths and protests for Black Lives Matter, our society needs to learn from history and do better. We would like to see change towards racial equality and social justice.
If you could tell other young people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our environment or society, like you, what would you tell them?
We must continue to pay it forward, every little bit counts and we all need to do our part for our planet and community.
Tom Newmaster of FORCEpkg: “The pandemic has shined a spotlight on the smart people, the thinkers, the innovators, and the problem solvers; I thought I knew who they were, but now I know who they are”
This whole situation has shined a spotlight on the smart people, the thinkers, the innovators, and the problem solvers. I thought I knew who they were, but now I know who they are. There are a lot of us out here and, as long as we keep pushing forward, the future is bright. I guess it relates to Ayn Rand’s philosophy so brilliantly captured in her book Atlas Shrugged. More simply stated as “Objectivism” and the idea that human knowledge and values are objective. Reality, reason, self-interest, and capitalism. I was actually re-listening to the audio book over the past several weeks, in place of listening to the news . . . it was a very strange experience.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Tom Newmaster of FORCEpkg.
Over the past 30+ years Tom has proven himself where it counts — in the trenches. Tom has managed multiple titles, including head of new business development, account service representative, chief operations officer, art director, and designer. In 2017 he started FORCEpkg, a design and branding concept agency that combines real collaboration and real mobility.
From 1998–2016 he was a principal and co-owner of WFM. During that time, Tom worked with numerous challenger brands, helping them develop effective branding marketing and packaging solutions. These companies include Dieffenbach’s Chips, eatKeenwa, Fresh Solutions Network, Klamath Basin Fresh Organics, Koch’s Turkey, Tom Sturgis Pretzels, and Wolfgang Candy. In addition, Tom’s award-winning package/brand design firm served national and global clients including The Hershey Company, Pfizer, Stoner Car Care, W.L. Gore, and Zippo.
He and his former company were also featured in Fast Company Magazine, Inc. Magazine, the noAH Directory of International Package Design Vol. 8 & 9, Market Smart Design, and Package Design China.
As the founder of FORCEpkg, Tom has become a leading voice in the packaging industry and has written for publications such as Brand Packaging, BXP, Flexo Magazine, Food Safety Strategies, Packaging Digest, Packaging Strategies, and Prepared Foods. In addition, he serves as an adjunct instructor teaching packaging design at the Pennsylvania College of Art & Design, and his students are consistently recognized in National design competitions.
Tom has been honored with over 50 design awards, GDUSA Educator to Watch 2019–20, awarded Berks County Shining Star 2012, Project 2020 Finalist 2011 & 2010, Flexo Magazine Author’s Excellence Award 2006, and #16 in Fast Company Fast 50 2005.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit. Can you tell us a bit about how and where you grew up?
Born and raised in Lebanon, PA, I moved out of the area for a few years, and actually went back to Lebanon County almost 20 years ago to raise my family. Growing up, I did all of the usual stuff . . . played sports, played a musical instrument in the band, sang in chorus, and maybe did some dancing in musicals, but not sure if there is any real proof of that last part. Always had an interest in art and spent a lot of time drawing at home. My Dad actually showed me how to draw three dimensional looking WWII airplanes when I was drawing everything from a “straight-on view”, so now that I think about it, maybe he is the original inspiration for my career. I vividly remember thinking that the dream job would be to design the Monday Night Football intro sequence . . . never did it, but I’m still available if my services are needed.
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
That’s an easy one . . . Creativity, Inc. (Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration) The behind-the-scenes story of Pixar Animation Studios is amazing when you realize what they started out as and thought they were, and then what they evolved into. After reading the book, I’ve often made the statement “If I ever start a new company, it will be required reading for every employee.” You might be officially hired, but you can’t start until you finish the book. Just the fact that Ed Catmull, Steve Jobs, John Lasseter and George Lucas are all connected is an amazing piece of creative business history.
There are so many inspiring bits of information about originality, creative culture, emotional authenticity, and how to completely change the direction of a company. Two things Ed Catmull said in the book that are always in the back of my mind, “Give a good idea to a mediocre team, and they will screw it up. But give a mediocre idea to a great team, and they will either fix it or come up with something better.” and ““Even the smartest people can form an ineffective team if they are mismatched. That means it is better to focus on how a team is performing, not on the talents of the individuals within it.”
One of the reasons I sold my previous company was because I thought it was stuck in the past. I needed to do it a different way, for both my personal sanity and to see if the right team could do it better and more efficiently. Creativity, Inc. inspired me to go out on my own and try to build a new company from the ground up. Basically, went from my dining room table to the top floor of the tallest historical building in Lancaster City in just under 2 years. Maybe that’s a big deal, maybe it’s not, but it sure does make me feel like anything is possible.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
I should probably drop a Star Wars quote here, but “Relationships matter” always seems to jump to the front of the line. Actually, it reminds me of a very specific incident and goes back to the early 90s, when a very young Tom was sent to The Hershey Company for the first time. I had to meet Pat, the owner of the printing company we were using back then, and he was a close personal friend of my boss. We had to take a set of press proofs to the client for review and approval. Should have been simple, but remember this was my “first time” at a big client office. So, I got out my suit and dress shoes and headed to 1 East Chocolate Avenue. Of course, I was early so I had to nervously wait in the lobby until Pat arrived. When he arrived, he knew the receptionist by name, they made some small talk and then we headed for the elevator. Very casual, he had obviously done this a hundred times before. We got on the elevator and just before the doors closed, another man got on, and I could tell this was someone important. No words were spoken, but the two men did exchange a cordial nod. As the man got off on the next floor, just as the doors begin to close he says “Fuck you Sullivan”, and Pat immediately says “Fuck you Kenny”. I was stunned. . . what just happened? I looked at Pat and I asked “Who was that guy?” Pat responds with a very casual “that was Ken, he’s the Hershey CEO.” That’s it, I’m dead, my young career is over, time to update my portfolio.
Later I found out that the next day, Ken asked Pat . . . “Do you think we scared him? He sure looked nervous standing there with his briefcase.” Turns out that the two men were high school buddies, still good friends, and thought it would be fun to see if they could rattle the young guy. Until that moment, I never really thought about how you could be friends with a client, or how you might become friends as you worked together. Some may look at this as an example of the “good old boy network”, but it’s really about relationships, and “relationships matter”.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. You are currently leading a social impact organization that has stepped up during the COVID-19 Pandemic. Can you tell us a bit about what you and your organization are trying to address?
It all revolves around how we set-up FORCE back in 2017–18. The whole business operation is built on a mobility concept, and every member of the design team is a standalone system. We can work from anywhere at any time of day, together or apart. To be honest, we are almost never all together as a group; sometimes it’s several weeks until we see everyone together at the same time.
When we were told to stay home because of COVID-19, we shrugged and said OK. I don’t mean to downplay the severity of the whole situation, but we are built for this. The fact that we didn’t need to prep and make special accommodations for working from home, allowed us to respond quickly to the requests for FDA compliant hand sanitizer packaging.
On March 23, Ben McGlaughlin of K2 Kinetics emailed me with a Drug Facts panel and a request to design five different label sizes — and a new branding and graphics system. Oh, and by the way, they needed it “last Friday.” In less than three weeks, we were able to pull all of it together, as well as FDA approval. That included brand name generation, parent company and brand logo creation — KO-Safe and KO-Industries. Keep in mind, this company idea did not even exist until mid/late March. The real challenge came when KO needed actual labels for their bottles . . . printers were closed or running with limited capacity. Just by chance, one of our comping/prototyping printers is still in my home studio (which was the FORCE studio for the first 2 years), so I immediately began printing and die-cutting labels. I think the first order was for 1200 labels, which I personally delivered the next day. Since then, we’ve printed over 35,000 hand sanitizer labels, and in the grand scheme of things that’s not a lot of labels, but it allowed KO to deliver product to retailers when no one else could.
During the same time, we finally got our 3D printer up and running. I remember running to the FORCE studio to grab the 3D printer in route to deliver hand sanitizer labels, which allowed us to help supply 3D printed PPE. Although we’d never really printed anything serious before the shut-down, only test models and a few Star Wars-related pieces, we immediately were able to help the Berks PPE Resource Network. Through this amazing organization of almost 100 volunteers, the group went from producing 20 face shields per day to several hundred per day. Our small printer was running 24/7 alongside of the machine printing hand sanitizer labels. Printing all day and overnight, sometimes getting up at 3:00am to check on material, ink and filament supplies. I think I worked 6–8 weeks without a full day off. Part of it was personal for me since we have a few healthcare workers and first responders in the family. And my future daughter-in-law recently started her nursing career, so I wanted to make sure that if she needed something, I was able to help provide it.
In your opinion, what does it mean to be a hero?
The real definition is something like “a person who is admired for courage and outstanding achievements”, for me it’s weighted much more to the side of courage. It’s the big and dangerous stuff like going to war or trying to stop an armed robbery or running into a burning building, ya know, physically putting your life at risk to save another life. During the recent pandemic, many of our healthcare professionals moved to the frontlines, and in many cases put themselves in physical danger. Sure, it’s they’re job and they knew all the risks going into their career of choice, but this virus thing happened so quickly. That whole first responder group (fire & rescue, law enforcement, hospital/medical) were now going to work with a completely new set of threats, because their job tasks could not wait for the end of COVID-19. Bottom line for me . . . a hero doesn’t hesitate, they do what they gotta do when they gotta do it.
In your opinion or experience, what are 5 characteristics of a hero?
An inner calling to help others
Putting others lives ahead of their own
Not afraid of danger
Blind to differences
Humility
If heroism is rooted in doing something difficult, scary, or even self-sacrificing, what do you think drives some people — ordinary people — to become heroes?
That’s easy . . . a meaningful personal event presents itself, and they act. Most people do not know what they are capable of until they are in the situation. When it’s a family member or close friend, there is no limit to what the human body or mind can accomplish. Feats of strength like lifting a car or wading into swift water when you can’t swim or shielding another person with your body are examples that pop into my head. Usually involves some aspect of “mind over matter” and when they look back, they can’t explain how they did it, and sometimes do not remember doing it.
What was the specific catalyst for you or your organization to take heroic action? At what point did you personally decide that heroic action needed to be taken?
Simple . . . friends/colleagues needed help and it was the kind of help that fit within our expertise, so we did it. It may sound a little cliché, but if a friend asks for help, you help them. If it’s important to them, it’s important to me, at least on some level. Ask questions later, solve the immediate problem now, fine tune the response as you go. We didn’t really spend a lot of time talking about what we had to do, we just started doing it.
When it came to 3D printing face shields and mask straps, we saw a post on Facebook and within minutes we were downloading the files and doing test prints. I never really gave any thought to the time, money or supplies needed. We just started printing. If it helps one person feel safer doing their job, or keeps one person from getting sick, it’s worth it. Like I said before, until that moment, we never really printed anything lifesaving, and in the end, we were printing stacks of 10 face shields 24/7, and eventually switched over to printing 52 mask straps per print run. The group we initially helped was the Berks PPE Resource Network, which eventually produced over 62,000 pieces of PPE and helped supply over 230 local organizations.
Who are your heroes, or who do you see as heroes today?
Not much of a “hero worship” kinda guy, but anyone that saves another life while risking their own life would be considered a hero to me. One of the moments that left a mark on me and so many others is 9/11. A lot of first responders rushed into those buildings to help people they didn’t know, and never came back out. I know it happens every day, but the magnitude of what happened that day, and the number of people that lost their lives in a matter of minutes, is unparalleled in my memory. Another kind of hero is the individual or group who stands-up for what is right, even if it endangers their life or career.
Let’s talk a bit about what is happening in the world today. What specifically frightened or frightens you most about the pandemic?
How slowly people reacted to what was happening in China and then how quickly they were willing to “stay at home”. I’m not saying there should not have been quarantining or mask wearing, but I felt like people panicked and then simply complied without question. I remember being in Los Angeles in mid February and watching John’s Hopkins University Interactive Dashboard. I shared it with several friends and told them it will happen here and most thought I was crazy. I also have a business friend in Hong Kong that I had been communicating with and asking questions about his situation there since December. He strongly encouraged me to “get masks now”. He also warned that toilet paper would be the first thing to disappear in stores. So, I followed his advice, ordered a few masks and grabbed an extra pack of TP at COSTCO. Again, all of my family and friends thought I was crazy. By the time masks were deemed appropriate and none were to be found, I had a few. I think I drove around with that TP in my truck for four weeks, but then the day came where I had to bring it in the house. I guess my point is more about “personal responsibility”. What if you needed a mask to travel or leave your area? I took care of that. What if there was a brief and silly TP shortage? I took care of that. I did what I thought was necessary for me and my family. Seems simple, but this lack of practical pre-planning by millions of people really concerns me. Both today and even more so in the future.
Despite that, what gives you hope for the future? Can you explain?
This whole situation has shined a spotlight on the smart people, the thinkers, the innovators, and the problem solvers. I thought I knew who they were, but now I know who they are. There are a lot of us out here and, as long as we keep pushing forward, the future is bright. I guess it relates to Ayn Rand’s philosophy so brilliantly captured in her book Atlas Shrugged. More simply stated as “Objectivism” and the idea that human knowledge and values are objective. Reality, reason, self-interest, and capitalism. I was actually re-listening to the audio book over the past several weeks, in place of listening to the news . . . it was a very strange experience.
What has inspired you the most about the behavior of people during the pandemic, and what behaviors do you find most disappointing?
People really do care about other people and for the most part will do anything to help a friend or neighbor, even if they don’t necessarily agree with everything that person thinks. If they think they need help, they will do whatever they can to help them. That goes for business and personal life. The problem is that, as Americans, we do not like being told what to do, or how to do it. Give us the challenge, not the rules, not the guidelines. It’s in the overall DNA of the Nation. You can’t go to the moon . . . how’s that?! You can’t land the first stage of a rocket standing upright on a floating platform in the ocean . . . really, watch this! You can’t actually send a human to Mars . . . hold my beer!
The most disappointing behavior is how quickly this whole mess became political, and that disappointment is equally spread across both political parties. Local, State, and Federal, they just couldn’t help themselves. “Never let a good crisis go to waste.” is such a horrible quote and what makes it even worse is it works. Then a lot of people just fall in line and stop thinking. It’s really sad.
Has this crisis caused you to reassess your view of the world or of society? We would love to hear what you mean.
Not really a “reassessment”, more like a “confirmation”. I believe that most people are inherently good and that the bad are of a very small minority. That’s not to say that those few can’t do damage or harm others, but there is great strength in numbers. The most kind, most thoughtful, most caring people are not necessarily those that speak the loudest, donate the most money, or “carry the banner”; they are the ones that show who they really are by their personal actions. Our society and our freedoms are very fragile, and we must do whatever is needed to preserve them. This country is great, it’s not perfect, it never has been perfect, but we need to understand where we came from and where we are going. It’s a process of constant reassessment and then adjustment. Look back at history, understand what happened, continue the good and make sure we don’t repeat the bad. COVID-19 (SARS-CoV2) is/was a test . . . did we pass or fail? Either way we’ll be better at dealing with this the next time, whether it’s a second wave, third wave, or COVID-20 . . . we got this.
What permanent societal changes would you like to see come out of this crisis?
In a crisis, society needs to set aside political differences and unite to solve the problem — natural disaster, pandemic, environment, or even war. We can get back to the conservative vs. liberal debate later. It’s society’s responsibility to hold political leaders accountable for their actions, regardless of their political affiliation. Because of the political nature of everything in America today, this will not be easy.
If you could tell other young people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our environment or society, like you, what would you tell them?
Look at the whole situation, consider the pros and cons, and then go with your gut. Your “inner compass” is usually pointing in the right direction. Also, it’s not always a black or white answer, or an absolute. Most solutions are hiding in the grey areas.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
“Term Limits For All” . . . I really hate to dive deeper into politics, but without term limits at the Federal and State level, major change is never going to happen. The current elected official is always campaigning to keep their job and that’s got to stop. If you want to help a lot of people, you must clean-up government and take out the trash. We need to cycle more people and more ideas through the system, and limit the impact of money and lobbyists. Nothing happens fast enough, but if the elected official knew they only had 4–8 years to get stuff done . . . stuff would happen, trust me.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them.
That would have to be George Lucas. I know, totally nerdy response, but I got lots of questions. What did he fear most about going into the original movie project? Did he really believe the licensing and merchandising would be as big? What did he want to do and could never make it happen? What would he change about any of the story lines? How would those changes evolve in the future story line? I want to hear details about the creative development process, working with the illustrators and prop makers. He had to explain things that never existed before, so what techniques did he use to guide them through the visualization process. And how he really pitched the idea to the movie studio(s) and were there any little lies told along the way to make his vision a reality. I want it to be totally casual, with a burger and beers by the pool.
How can our readers follow you online?
I’m on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn personally. And you can find and follow FORCE at:
Dominic Sims of the International Code Council: Coming out of the crisis, I would love to see not only a renewed, but lasting appreciation for sanitation as well as personal hygiene and health
Coming out of the crisis, I would love to see not only a renewed, but lasting appreciation for sanitation as well as personal hygiene and health — simple acts like washing our hands more often to taking better care of ourselves. Whereas we often took personal hygiene and health for granted or just didn’t really register it as a conscious act, these unprecedented times have brought it back to the forefront, which I hope continues far after this is over.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Dominic Sims, CBO, the Chief Executive Officer of the International Code Council. He was appointed to the position in 2012. As CEO, Sims is responsible for the overall activities and financial performance of the association, including its six subsidiaries.
The Code Council is a member-focused association dedicated to developing model codes and standards used in the design, build and compliance process to construct safe, affordable and resilient buildings. Every state in the U.S. and many global markets rely on the International Codes and its family of services.
During his 17-year tenure, Sims has also served the Code Council as Chief Operating Officer and Senior Vice President. He has served on and/or chaired numerous national Committees and Task Forces across a span of topics, including code and standards development, government affairs and business/member development.
Prior to his work with the Code Council, Sims served as the CEO of the Southern Building Code Congress International (SBCCI) and guided its consolidation between regional organizations that formed the Code Council in 2003. Sims has served on the boards of SBCCI, the Federal Alliance for Safe Homes (FLASH). He is currently on the board of directors for the National Institute of Building Science and the International Building Quality Center and is active in several other professional associations.
Before joining SBCCI, he was Executive Director of the Palm Beach County, Florida Planning, Zoning and Building, where he had responsibility for comprehensive development, construction, and licensing and compliance activities for a high-growth region in the United States.
Having worked in the building safety field since 1983, Sims has held numerous positions, both elected and appointed at the federal, state and local levels including the White House Panel on Seismic Safety, The Society for Standards Professionals (SES) Standards Committee and American National Standards Institute (ANSI) National Policy Committee.
His experience includes serving as a Councilman/Vice Mayor for the town of Jupiter, Florida and Vice Chairman of the Governor’s Building Code Study Commission — which helped form his views on the importance of being active in public policy discussions concerning building safety.
Sims earned a B.A. in Organizational Management and Business from Palm Beach Atlantic University. He resides in Pelham, Alabama.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit. Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
The book that has had the greatest impact for me is Stronger in the Broken Places: Nine Lessons for Turning Crisis Into Triumph by James Lee Witt. For a little background, James Lee Witt is the former Chief Executive Officer of the International Code Council as well as a former director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), which being in the building safety industry is an organization I highly admire and work closely with. The book teaches you how to lean on collaboration and teamwork to overcome adversity and disaster. I’ve applied many of the learnings from the book in both my personal life and career.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
While not exactly a quote, there is a philosophy that I learned early on from FEMA that centered around the idea that regardless of the inadequacies and/or unpreparedness of a community, we cannot let them fail. As a chief building official, I live this every day. As the CEO of the International Code Council, which is a nonprofit association that provides a wide range of building safety solutions including product evaluation, accreditation, certification, codification and training, it is our responsibility to ensure the resiliency and sustainability of our communities.
Not many people realize this, but building codes are our first line of defense against natural disasters whether that be a hurricane, wildfire, tornado or as we’re currently experiencing — a public health crisis. In fact, this philosophy has never rung truer than during the state of current affairs. While deemed an essential industry by the Department of Homeland Defense, the building safety industry is rising to help building departments with the tools and assets necessary to handle switching to a virtual workload. Although it remains an obstacle, we have incorporated our guiding philosophy into our duty to our members and we will not let them fail.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. You are currently leading a social impact organization that has stepped up during the COVID-19 Pandemic. Can you tell us a bit about what you and your organization are trying to address?
Building off the last question, the International Code Council along with supplying the building industry with safety solutions also develops the International Codes (I-Codes), which are the most widely used set of model building safety codes in the world. The I-Codes are a complete set of modern, correlated building safety codes which provide guidance for architectural, structural, fire protection/life-safety, plumbing, mechanical, resiliency and energy conservation designs and systems of today’s modern buildings and structures.
When the United States was first starting to feel the brunt of the virus in March, the Code Council conducted a survey to learn how code officials are coping with the professional challenges brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic. The results were startling, and a bit disconcerting — while the majority of code departments surveyed (93%) were still performing inspections, either remotely or in-person; 6 in 10 respondents did not have the capability to remotely carry out critical aspects of their work. With the pandemic forcing society to spend more time indoors, having a strong and resilient built environment is more important than ever.
Understanding the critical role of code officials in the pandemic response, we launched our Coronavirus Response Center with resources like free webinars, tips and best practices for adopting a virtual strategy, as well as survey results highlighting the impact of COVID-19 on building departments. We are also gathering the brightest minds across the building industry for a taskforce whose focus will be on addressing COVID-19 concerns and advising on tips and best practices. The knowledge stemming from the taskforce will also be considered for the latest edition of the I-Codes.
What gives you hope for the future? Can you explain?
Despite not knowing exactly what a post-pandemic landscape will look like, I’m hopeful in the strength and resiliency of our industry as well as our society. The building safety industry is one of the backbones to ensuring safety for us all. As we navigate the ‘new normal’ of our future, knowing the commitment of this industry gives me hope. It is my sincere hope that we’ll all come out of this pandemic enlightened as we move towards a safer future together.
What has inspired you the most about the behavior of people during the pandemic?
I am continuously inspired by the resiliency and passion of people. Take for example healthcare workers, grocery store workers, truck drivers and all workers deemed essential who have been working daily to ensure our safety during this pandemic.
Speaking on our industry, Code Officials, another essential function right now, have been pivotal in ensuring the safety and wellbeing of our buildings and structures, including temporary healthcare structures and occupancies which have been critical to treat the overflow of patients from hospitals. What’s so inspiring is that many of these individuals work for departments that are severely underfunded and not given the tools to do their jobs remotely, in some cases potentially putting them in harm’s way. Yet day-in and day -out, these individuals are rising to the occasion with 93 percent of departments continuing to perform inspections, either remotely or in-person for the safety of the greater community. This speaks highly of building safety professional’s commitment to keeping our society safe — even at their own risk.
What permanent societal changes would you like to see come out of this crisis?
Coming out of the crisis, I would love to see not only a renewed, but lasting appreciation for sanitation as well as personal hygiene and health — simple acts like washing our hands more often to taking better care of ourselves. Whereas we often took personal hygiene and health for granted or just didn’t really register it as a conscious act, these unprecedented times have brought it back to the forefront, which I hope continues far after this is over.
If you could tell young people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our environment or society, what would you tell them?
“Your input is important, and we value it.”
I think at times, young people may not feel they have a voice because of their age and experience, especially in the workforce, but they have a unique perspective that is valuable. In fact, at the Code Council we created various programs that span from filling the talent pipeline to helping young professionals advance in their careers. Starting with our Safety 2.0 initiative, we partner with high schools, colleges and the military to spread awareness and recruitment for building code training and prepare a new generation of building safety professionals. Once acclimated and adjusted to the industry, we have a program titled Emerging Leadership Council which allows the current leaders of the building safety industry to connect with new talent in hopes of shaking-up the status quo and redefining success. We have even implemented a mentorship program where motivated young professionals can shadow Code Council board members and potentially fast-track their careers.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why?
I’m not the first person to say this, but if I could have a private meal with anyone in the world it would be Michelle Obama. I’ve watched her autobiography, Becoming, twice and would like to sit to get to know her better. I truly admire her view of the world and how she not only overcomes the adversity she faces, but catapults over it.
“I can’t wait for the world to be perfect because it will never be, and you have to keep moving forward.” This line touched me on a deeper level because that’s the mindset you must have during disaster mitigation. It’s easy during a crisis to get down on yourself, especially when the impact and benefits may not always be obvious, but we have to keep doing our part. After all, it’s the little differences that continue to help form the bigger picture and our future.
Dr. Nicholas Toscano: Lessons I Learned From My Military Experience about How To Survive And Thrive During A Time Of Crisis
Have a plan — Every plan begins with clear objectives. The objectives during any crisis is to protect any individual (employee or public) who may be endangered by the crisis, ensure the key audiences are kept informed, and the organization survives. This written plan should include specific actions that will be taken in the event of a crisis.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Nicholas Toscano.
Dr. Nicholas Toscano is a Dentist and Street artist living in New York City. With over 13 years of experience in the military as a Navy Surgeon, he uses his expertise to carefully curate a successful career as a Dentist and Street artist known as 1Penemy.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would love to get to know you a bit. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?
I am from a New York Italian family. As a child, I attended St. Mary’s School on Long Island. I come from a military family; my dad was a Navy Seal, I was a US Navy surgeon for 13 years, and my brother is currently a Lawyer in the US Navy at the Pentagon. After high school, I went to the University of Scranton in PA, Followed by Columbia University School of Dental Medicine, where I went in the United States Navy having received a Navy Scholarship. After I graduated, I went to Officer Indoctrination School in Newport, RH.
And what are you doing today? Can you share a story that exemplifies the unique work that you are doing?
After the Navy, I came back home to NYC, where I started my dental surgical practice on Central Park South. Today Dr. Toscano is currently the official dentist for roughly 20 modeling agencies in NYC including Lions, Wilhelmina, One Model Management, Marilyn, Storm, Major models, Fusion, IMG, Heroes, Lipps, and others. His clients include Victoria’s Secret models, Candice Swanepoel, Helena Christensen, Jasmine Tookes, Romee Strijd, Josephine Skriver, Georgia Fowler, Frida Aasen, Vittoria Ceretti, Megan Williams, Lais Ribeiro, Daniela Braga, and Blanca. Padilla. I am responsible for many of the most beautiful smiles you see in fashion magazines and on the movie screen. I also treat many world-famous artist’s which lead me to become a successful street artist myself. I’m know as 1Penemy which stands for #1 public enemy
I balance what I do every day in my dental practice applying science with countless client-tailored artistic smile reconstructions, makeovers, and recreations, so it was all to nature for me dive deeper into his creative side I was heavily influenced and inspired by his famous artist patients he treats such as Bradley Theodore, Jeremy Penn, Layer Cake, Tripp Derrick Barnes, BY Flore, Producer BDB, and many others. Through their influence, I began creating my model-based street and graffiti art in April of 2016. Originally Dr. Toscano’s street graffiti revolved around well-known models that he grew up following, like Kate Moss, Cindy Crawford and Stephani Seymour. He has now rendered his work to showcase modern models like Bella Hadid, Kendall Jenner, Helena Christensen, and Adriana Lima. I named my artwork the Soho Model Line up since it was Mugshots of famous models that I would put all over the streets of NYC but mainly SOHO NYC.
Initially, I kept my artistic street graffiti under the radar, but people started to take notice of his artwork on the streets of SoHo and began reposting pictures of his art via social media. His art Instagram @1penemy grew, and models all over are posing in front of the notable “Model Mayhem” street work.
I dedicated my life to helping others, whether by improving health or merely living more confidently. I am humanitarian who has discovered yet another way to reform others; lives. I’m no stranger to charitable work over the years, so I utilize my artwork to benefit more philanthropic causes. I plant to collaborate with some of his artist clients, previously mentioned, for a gallery show. I intend to donate a portion of my profits to organizations that assist in diminishing women struggles such as Model Alliance and the Me Too Movement
Can you tell us a bit about your military background?
I spent 13-years with the United States Navy, where he completed a 4-year surgical residency at the prestigious Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, “The President’s Hospital” in Bethesda, MD. During My time in the Navy, he received two Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medals, three Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Medals, a National Defense Service Medal, and Global War on Terrorism Medal. He acquired one of his navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medal for definitive life-saving treatment of a patient. I went on to obtain his Periodontal Certification from the Naval Postgraduate Dental School in Bethesda, MD, and his M.S. degree from George Washington University. He is a diplomate of the American Board of Periodontology and the International Congress of Implantologists.
He has written over 30 papers published in peer-reviewed scientific journals on surgical therapy, cosmetics, and reconstruction of the mouth. In 2006, I Co-founded The Journal of Implant and Advanced Clinical Dentistry (jiacd.com) is a peer-reviewed surgical scientific Journal with my Best Friend in the Navy Dr. Danny Holtzclaw. We grew it to Five hundred thousand readers worldwide wide and sold it in 2011. Dr. Holtzclaw stayed on as Editor and Chief and I stepped down to pursue my street art and started a fashion publication Provocative Society (provocativesociety.com)
Can you share the most interesting story that you experienced during your military career? What “take away” did you learn from that story?
I had this patient in the military who was suffering from jaw pain. He saw all kinds of doctors in the military and private practice, and no one could figure out was what was wrong with him. He was passed on to specialist after specialist and everyone threw their hands up. I stuck with it, I went down all my pathways, leaving no stone unturned, I remembered my training and all the exceptional mentors who guided me through my career and gave me insights from their experiences. I finally came up with the right diagnosis after a lot of dead ends, and he ended up having adenoid cystic carcinoma, and the early diagnosis was able to save his life. The take away I learned was never to give up as you are never out of the fight.
We are interested in fleshing out what a hero is. Did you experience or hear about a story of heroism, during your military experience? Can you share that story with us? Feel free to be as elaborate as you’d like.
I have seen so many things during my military career. I was in during the war on terrorism and remembered watching those planes hit the tower. I saw so many acts of heroism, too many to talk about. The thing that always struck me the most was treating all those casualties of war.
When I was doing, my anesthesia rotation I saw so many brave United States Marines barely 18, blinded, burned, loss of limbs and things I hate to talk about, but the thing that struck me the most was one after another, they would always say the same thing, “fix me up doc so I can get back to my brothers in the field.” These brave men and women had an amazing bond. It didn’t matter what color, race, religion they were.
They cared about each other and bled for this nations freedom. Each and every person I met in the military, whether a Navy Seal or a Cook on a ship they were all heroes. They all put their lives on the line for very little pay in this fine nation’s service.
Based on that story, how would you define what a “hero” is? Can you explain?
A person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, noble qualities, a person who in the face of danger, combats adversity through feats of ingenuity, courage or strength. I think my story above should explain that.
Do you think your experience in the military helped prepare you for business or leadership? Can you explain?
Did my military career help prepare me for leadership? Well as an officer in the US Navy, you are a leader who exemplifies that Navy core values of honor, courage and commitment. Did it prepare me for business in NYC,
No. I have been screwed over more times in business that I care to talk about.
Things like honor go out the window in business, and it’s definitely a dog eat dog world. But despite that I never sacrificed my values and just worked even harder in order to run a successful surgical practice today.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful to who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?
I have so many people to thank for where I am today. My parents for the sacrifices they made to push me to believe in myself and help educate me to achieve my goals. Secondly the US Navy, I would not be the surgeon I am today if it wasn’t for the Navy. I had so many mentors in the military, other doctors who took the time to push me and train me to be the best I could and to teach me skills that I would of never learned other wise. It was also the little things like taking care of Seal team 4 and Seal team six and learning from those guys that no matter what happens to never give up as you’re never out of the fight.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of this interview. We would like to explore and flesh out how to survive and thrive in crisis. How would you define a crisis?
A Crisis is a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger. It is a time when a difficult or important decision must be made.
Before a crisis strikes, what should business owners and leaders think about and how should they plan?
There are opportunities to make the best of every situation, and it’s usually based on how you frame it.
In your opinion or experience, what’s the first thing people should do when they first realize they are in a crisis? What should they do next?
1. Have a plan — Every plan begins with clear objectives. The objectives during any crisis is to protect any individual (employee or public) who may be endangered by the crisis, ensure the key audiences are kept informed, and the organization survives. This written plan should include specific actions that will be taken in the event of a crisis.
2. Identify a spokesperson — If the crisis could potentially impact the health or well-being of customers, the general public or employees, it may attract media attention. To ensure your company speaks with one voice and delivers a clear, consistent message, a spokesperson must be identified as well as prepared to answer media questions and participate in interviews.
3. Be honest and open — Nothing generates more negative media coverage than a lack of honesty and transparency. Therefore, being as open and transparent as possible can help stop rumors and defuse a potential media frenzy. This transparency must be projected through all communications channels: news interviews, social media, internal announcements, etc.
4. Keep employees informed — Maintaining an informed workforce helps ensure that business continues to flow as smoothly as possible. It also minimizes the internal rumor mill that may lead to employees posting false reports on social media.
5. Communicate with customers and suppliers — You do not want customers and suppliers to learn about your crisis through the media.
Information on any crisis pertaining to your organization should come from you first. Part of the crisis communications plan must include customers and suppliers and how they will be regularly updated during the event.
6. Update early and often — It is better to over-communicate than to allow rumors to fill the void. Issue summary statements, updated action plans and new developments as early and as often as possible. Remember that with today’s social media and cable news outlets, we live in a time of the 24/7 news cycle. Your crisis plan must do the same.
7. Don’t forget social media — The Ebola crisis and other recent major news events have all confirmed that social media is one of the most important channels of communications. Be sure to establish a social media team to monitor, post and react to social media activity throughout the crisis.
A crisis that is not managed well can wipe out decades of hard work and company value in a matter of hours. A well-managed crisis confirms that your company has the processes and procedures in place to address almost any issue that may develop.
Another critical component of crisis management planning is the establishment of a succession plan. You should clearly outline the necessary steps to follow if you suddenly become unable to perform your duties. This plan may include selling the company, or transferring ownership to family members or key employees.
What is most important is that you create the crisis management plan when everything is running smoothly and everyone involved can think clearly. By planning, all parties will have time to seriously consider the ideal ways to manage different types of crises.
As you develop your crisis management plan, seek advice from the experts that include your leadership team, employees, customers, communications experts, investment bankers, exit planners, lawyers and financial managers.
Each of these individuals can provide you valuable insight that could be critical should a crisis strike your company.
What do you believe are the characteristics or traits needed to survive a crisis?
You need to be a leader, and you need to be honest, you need to be able to manage stress and keep your eyes on the goal line
When you think of those traits, which person comes to mind? Can you explain why you chose that person?
U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s 1933 inaugural address in the midst of the Great Depression: “The only thing we have to fear is…fear itself.” He followed that by pointing to the nation’s strengths in meeting the crisis: “This is no unsolvable problem if we face it wisely and courageously.
There are many ways in which it can be helped, but it can never be helped merely by talking about it. We must act and act quickly.”
A decade later as the United Kingdom stared down t Nazi onslaught in the Second World War, Prime Minister Winston Churchill encouraged his people to keep the faith: “We shall not fail or falter; we shall not weaken or tire.
Neither the sudden shock of battle nor the long-drawn trials of vigilance and exertion will wear us down. Give us he tools, and we will finish the job.” I chose them because they were great leaders that lead in a time of unprecedented crisis and steered their countries to Victory.
Did you have a time in your life where you had one of your greatest setbacks, but you bounced back from it stronger than ever? Can you share that story with us?
Throughout my life, I had ups and downs and plenty of setbacks, but when I faced adversity, I dug down, remembered my training and all my hard work, and worked even harder to get through those difficult times and came out more robust on the other end.
Here is the main question of our discussion. Crises not only have the potential to jeopardize and infiltrate your work, but they also threaten your emotional stability and relationships. Based on your military experience, what are 5 steps that someone can take to survive and thrive in these situations? Please share a story or an example for each.
Here’s what I’ve found to be helpful during crisis planning:
1. Stop and think. You need to pause and analyze data at hand and then consider the impact for the next 30 days, six months, and year.
2. Write down your worst-case scenario. Layout your doomsday scenario, once you understand what you’re facing you can come up with the best plan to navigate through the crisis and come out on top on the other side.
3. Build on the scenario. By doing this, you can overcome anything that comes at you.
4. Strategize how to get out. Once you have your worst-case plan established and can ensure your business and family is protected at the fundamental levels, begin to take small chances to prepare for getting out from under the crisis.
5. Always lead and remain positive. Things always have a way of turning around. Always remember your never out of the fight.
Ok. We are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
We are currently in a war on racism in this country. I see a lot of rhetoric and politics going on. We need a leader to step up and remind people we are all humans who should love each other and help each other no matter their race, color, creed, or sexual orientation.
In the military we all cared about each other and watched each other’s back, we did this because we were all family in the service of the United States of America protecting the freedom for which it stands. There is a saying in the military there are no colors when you’re all in a fox hole. We as a nation need to come together, work together and overcome our differences so that everyone has a chance to live the American dream.
We are blessed that some very prominent leaders read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them
There are three. 2 alive and one dead.
First Warren Buffet, the Oracle of Omaha who is one of the most successful investors and philanthropists of our time.
Jeff Bezos who had a dream took a chance and overcame adversity to have one of the most successful companies of our time.
Jean Michel Basquiat, as a street artist myself and an admirer of his work, when you sit and in front of it as I have at the Brant foundation you realize that her was a genius whose mind worked in such a wonderful way.
How can our readers follow you online?
You can follow my Instagram either my dental page @drtoscanodds or my art Instagram @1PENEMY
Thank you so much for these amazing insights. This was truly uplifting.
A great boss empowers people. Being a boss is 10% input and the rest is encouragement, direction and whispering from the sidelines. When we were a young company going through a challenging time during the recession, Steve always seemed to share the right words at the right time. He and I had made a bet — which I lost — and he gave me the book, The Last Samurai, in which he wrote, “When you say you’re going to do something, it’s already done.” It was the smartest thing he could have done because his faith inspired me to keep my commitment.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Tami Bonnell. Tami is an internationally renowned speaker and 30-plus-year veteran in the real estate industry. She is an information junkie and is passionate about investing in people. Tami is an active member of the National Women’s Council of REALTORS®, NAWRB’s Diversity & Inclusion Leadership Council and was honored by STEMconnector® as one of its 100 Corporate Women Leaders in STEM (science, technology, engineering and math). Instrumental in building 3 major brands, Tami joined EXIT Realty Corp. International in 1999 and was appointed CEO in 2012.
Thank you so much for joining us Tami! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you got started?
I sold my first house when I was 13 years old. I had a job cleaning homes for a builder, and a REALTOR® made the mistake of causing a wall to be added between the dining room and the kitchen in one of the builder’s listings. As I was scraping the window and the parties were yelling, I was thinking, please make me invisible. After everyone stormed out, the builder slammed the door and put his fist through the wall. I jumped through the window and said, “I think you just hit a stud and broke your hand.” He told me to drive him to the hospital. I was obviously too young to drive but I drove him anyway and during the drive he told me how incompetent everyone was on the job. He later hired me and that’s how I started selling real estate.
I used to ride around with my Dad who was a builder and developer. I would plead with him to attend planning board meetings and watch how he operated. I used to love how he remembered people and what was going on in their lives. And every time we were in the car together, he would say, “Always watch for opportunities”. He probably said it to me 10,000 times in my life and it stuck with me.
I’ve always been curious about how things work. I’m a very systems-oriented person and strategic by nature. I found that I didn’t really like listing and selling real estate, so I entered the field of finance and the company I worked for started acquiring real estate companies. That piqued my interest. From there I went into franchise sales and negotiating and teaching mergers and acquisitions. That’s how I came across the opportunity with EXIT Realty. I started as a Regional Owner, then I became Vice President over the US the following year, President over the US the year after that, and in 2012, I became CEO.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
Tami: EXIT Realty Corp. International is built on human potential. Our Founder and Chairman, Steve Morris, focuses on the best interest of our people. He created our unique business model, the EXIT Formula, which includes the opportunity to earn single-level residual income, so people are rewarded for the percentage of the company they help build. If you think about it, that’s a brilliant idea for any industry. What if everyone were rewarded for the percentage of their company they helped build so no one would be punching a clock, sitting on the sidelines and not participating? The EXIT Formula enables a culture where everybody has a vested interest in the success of the company.
My favorite thing Steve asks is, “Is it the right thing to do?” It touches me every time because it isn’t something you hear very often from businesspeople. And he even asked it during the worst recession since the depression. We’re a Canadian based company with a brilliant — probably the best — banking system in the world, but the majority of our people are in the United States, and during the recession, we were running out of money. Erika Gileo, our Chief Operating Officer, Steve Morris and I were talking on the phone about the significant challenges we faced, and all of us at the same time asked, “Who are we as a company?” Not, “Where do we need to cut staff? Whose paycheck do we have to cut? Where can we cut costs?”, but “Who are we as a company?” We are a company built on human potential and we needed to outsell and outthink our way out of this recession and in doing so, we didn’t lay off a single person at our corporate head office. I think that built the trust that you can see company-wide today. I could share stories from agents, brokers, regional owners, and almost everybody at corporate headquarters, but the trust stems from top down leadership; knowing who you are as a person, what your values are, who you are as a company and making sure that conviction spreads throughout the entire organization.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
Tami: Long before my days at EXIT Realty,I was working for a gentleman named John Burchette and his company had a lot less money than I realized. I was in a position about two rungs higher on the ladder than my skillset warranted, so I had to learn my way into it. A couple of years into my employment there, my youngest brother was in a terrible accident. His car broke down on the highway in the passing lane. He had enough room to pull over and when he went to cross, a truck blocked his view of an oncoming RX7 and he was hit. He lost his leg and underwent 23 reconstructive surgeries and passed away as a result of complications suffered from the last surgery.
I lost my mother when she was young, and I became the matriarch of the family. I told John I was going to resign my leadership position or take leave of absence because I was needed at the hospital as my brother’s advocate. He had recently left the Marine Corps and was a single guy, so I felt responsible. John said, “Tami, you have always made me more money than I will ever make you because I’m a really good businessperson. You’re going to keep your title and your income. Take as long as you need, and when you have time, I’d appreciate it if you would do some homework for me (the library was close to the hospital).”
When I got to the hospital, a call came for me to the nurse’s station from one of the backers of John’s company asking how I was holding up. The backer was 90 years old and one of the coolest guys I’d ever had the privilege to meet. The hospital had been fighting with me to move my brother to a veteran’s hospital, and I told the backer that we were going to have to move him. The backer replied, “Your brother will not be moved and you will not be sleeping at the hospital any more. You will be going to a hotel that’s right around the corner and you don’t have to worry about a thing.” I didn’t understand. He replied, “Do me a favor. When you take a break to get some fresh air, look at the top of the building.” I went outside and looked up to see his name emblazoned on the side of the building. I never knew he was one of the benefactors of the hospital. I decided right then that was the caliber of person and kind of leader I wanted to be.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
Tami: I was working for a very conservative company at the time selling franchises and negotiating mergers and acquisitions, and the opportunity arose for me to sponsor a speaker for the board of REALTORS® in a market we wanted to enter. On the weekend prior to the event, a hairdresser friend asked if I would model for a hair show. She told me they would cut my hair, maybe color it, nothing too unusual, so I agreed. This happened at the time when asymmetrical hairstyles were in fashion and much to my surprise and dismay, they completely shaved off on one side of my hair and left the other long. Not exactly conservative!
I had arranged for the well-known personality, Loretta LaRoche, to speak, and on the morning of the event she called to tell me she had to go to the hospital for emergency surgery and wouldn’t be able to attend. Disaster! I wasn’t a public speaker at the time, and I was a complete basket case. From time to time my Dad would swing by my house at 7am for a cup of coffee. That day he found me pacing the floor, freaking out over the speaker canceling. This was the first time they had ever allowed a company to come in and sponsor a speaker and it was an unbelievable foot in the door. My Dad listened, paused, and said, “I feel really bad about that, but I don’t know if you know it or not, I think your haircut’s crooked.”
I ended up being the speaker that night. I introduced my haircut and shared my story. I went on to talk about the top things the audience could do to increase their business and awareness in the marketplace. The evening was a success. In the weeks and months to come, more people called me for advice and I sold more franchises. Having the chance to speak that night confirmed in their mind that I knew what I was doing. The lesson is, always be prepared because sometimes mistakes open up new opportunities.
What advice would you give to other CEOs and business leaders to help their employees to thrive and avoid burnout?
Tami: Get to know your people. Put yourself in their shoes and know them on a personal level. Find out their dreams and help them aim for the stars, not just professionally, but personally, too. Find out what really make them tick. Use the simple acronym, FORM, to guide you: F-family, O-occupation, R-recreation, and M-motivation. People leave leaders, they don’t usually leave companies. They really want to matter, so show them they do.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
Tami: Leadership is influence. My job as a leader isn’t to turn the flashlight on me. My job is to highlight others, so I need to empower them. If I can catch them doing something good and I can add value to their life, they will feel safe and they will constantly want to grow.
People become what we tell them they can be. Often, they simply haven’t been exposed to an opportunity to learn that. A leader’s job is to be a positive influence, add value and, more than anything, empower people. Empower doesn’t mean enable. One of the biggest mistakes I see leaders make is they enable people by doing the work themselves instead of showing their people how to do it. Empowering people provides opportunities for them to really shine and discover their gifts.
In my work, I often talk about how to release and relieve stress. As a busy leader, what do you do to prepare your mind and body before a stressful or high stakes meeting, talk, or decision? Can you share a story or some examples?
Tami: Every day I practice The Miracle Morning™ routine based on Hal Elrod’s book of the same name: Silence, Affirmations, Visualization, Exercise, Reading and Scribing (SAVERS). This routine sets me up for success regardless of what the day might hold.
Before a tough meeting or difficult conversation, if time allows, I ask myself effective questions and sleep on it so I’m not having that conversation in an emotional state.
Every day, before I leave the house or hotel room, I take 120 seconds to close my eyes and visualize how I want the day to unfold. For instance, if there is a stressful meeting on my schedule, I visualize the meeting’s successful conclusion and all parties in agreement. Before I walk into the meeting, I take a couple of deep breaths to slow my pulse. My day typically evolves the way I visualize it.
Several years ago, I walked into my office and my assistant looked up from her work and said, “Sorry about Rhode Island.” A little further in, someone else remarked, “Sorry about Rhode Island”, and then during a phone call with our corporate offices, someone there said, “Sorry about Rhode Island”. To all of them, I replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Rhode Island is closing,” to which they responded, “You’re good, but you’re not that good”. I had been negotiating a contract for the sale of the subfranchisor rights for EXIT Realty in Rhode Island and, while I was away, faxed to my office were nine pages of new conditions for the deal to close. Everyone in my office believed this to be in insurmountable hurdle, but I knew better. Because I had taken the time to get to know the potential buyer well, I also knew his two biggest concerns: one, if something happened to him, his wife would be taken care of, and two, he wanted to leave a legacy. All the other conditions had been added by his lawyer.
I invited the buyer to my office and before our meeting, I visualized our being able to successfully get to the heart of the matter. We met the next day and light-heartedly worked through the clauses one-by-one, dismissing most of them and modifying others to address his core concerns. We closed 10 days later. I believe this result was achieved because I remained calm and didn’t let my emotions interfere.
Ok, let’s jump to the core of our interview. Can you briefly tell our readers about your experience with managing a team and giving feedback?
Tami: I believe that strong leaders are those who humanize and personalize interactions with people as much as possible. I always try and give people a way out and not paint them into a corner. If they’ve done something wrong, I ask, “Honestly, how do you feel this is going? How do you feel about your performance? How do you feel about your effort?” Often they will open up about a distraction in their personal life or other concerns.
We conduct a DISC personality profile assessment on all of our headquarters personnel and those in regional and brokerage ownership. DISC is a common language we speak at EXIT which helps us understand how people are likely to react in various circumstances and deal with challenges. So, when I’m about to give feedback on major issue, I will refer to the person’s DISC profile so I can relate to them from their perspective. For example, an “S” personality type (steady and stable) wants to feel secure so I am careful not to give them the impression that their job is at risk if I’m simply helping to correct them.
This might seem intuitive but it will be constructive to spell it out. Can you share with us a few reasons why giving honest and direct feedback is essential to being an effective leader?
Tami: People will stay where they feel valued and are growing. They truly want to matter and be part of something better. If they don’t feel that way, they will leave. A plugged-in leader who wants to support that growth might say, “I can see you reaching your goal but here are a few things you need to work on in order to get from here to there.”
A conversation I once had with our Founder and Chairman, Steve Morris, illustrates this point. At the time, I wasn’t doing a lot of public speaking, and the speaking I did was educational in nature. Steve told me that although he believed I was an expert in the field of franchise sales and building companies, when it came to public speaking I gave too much information and I sounded like a college professor. His comments came during a year I was doing incredibly well business-wise for us. I had sold 50% of our regional rights by population in the entire United States, and I was feeling good about what I had accomplished. So, when Steve told me I had to work on my public speaking, I felt frustrated and aggravated. I flew home, slept on it, and the next morning I asked myself, “If I’m not good at it, how do I get good at it?” I read books on how to deliver speeches, I watched films and talks by people whose presentation styles I admired and I tried to learn from the experience. And I practiced — a lot.
A year later, I was offered $10,000 to speak for an hour. I didn’t charge them because it was speaking on behalf of EXIT, but it was so rewarding to realize how far I had grown. I didn’t think it was possible for me to respect Steve more, but through this process, I did. He knew where he wanted the company to go, and he had a vision for where he wanted me to go, too. He knew that my underdeveloped public speaking skills would get in our way if I didn’t make a shift. It was a great exercise for me in both skill building and humility.
One of the trickiest parts of managing a team is giving honest feedback, in a way that doesn’t come across as too harsh. Can you please share with us five suggestions about how to best give constructive criticism to a remote employee? Kindly share a story or example for each.
Tami: Our Corporate Head Quarters is in Canada and we have many people who work remotely across the United States. Sometimes they feel like they’re on an island by themselves, so it’s very important for us to stay in regular contact with them, not just when we’re confronted with a challenging situation.
First, there is nothing better than being live and in person, so if you can travel to deliver the feedback, do so. Failing that, use Zoom, Skype or another video conferencing platform where you can see each other. I can’t emphasize strongly enough how important this is. Acknowledge that you understand how difficult it is to hear feedback from a distance. A comment like, “I wish we could be sitting together in person having this conversation, but I feel like it’s important enough to address it now,” can go a long way to start the meeting on the right foot.
Second, don’t paint them into a corner. Ask, “How do you feel this is going?” Help them to self-realize where they made the mistake, caused the concern or didn’t give the project their full effort.
Third, get to know people. Tell them, “I care enough about you and the success of our mission for us to have this conversation.” They will believe you if you’ve taken the time to get to know them and celebrated their successes along the way.
Fourth, it’s difficult to give effective feedback by email, but if you must, keep it short and sweet. Don’t use a lot of upper case text or exclamations marks which can imply negative emotion and may cause your message to be misinterpreted.
Most of the time they’ll admit they were rushing, overbooked or emotional. If they’ve lost their cool with someone, it’s important to address it right away. So, fifth, be sure to restate what is and isn’t acceptable and close the meeting with something like, “This isn’t the person I see in you. Let’s get back to that person.”
Can you address how to give constructive feedback over email? If someone is in front of you much of the nuance can be picked up in facial expressions and body language. But not when someone is remote. How do you prevent the email from sounding too critical or harsh?
Tami: If you must address the situation by email and not video conference, then keep it as simple as possible. I always start with something about the person that I appreciate. Even if the project didn’t go according to a plan, I recognize their effort. I remind them of the importance of the mission and what we’re trying to accomplish as a whole.
In your experience, is there a best time to give feedback or critique? Should it be immediately after an incident? Should it be at a different time? Should it be at set intervals? Can you explain what you mean?
Tami: Right away and in person is best. The only circumstances under which I deliver feedback later are when I have to give my response careful thought or if I have to calm down.
If the situation is volatile or emotional, rather than addressing it right away, I schedule an appointment for the next day because the other person is likely emotional too. The delay gives us a chance to sleep on it. I ask the other person to come to the table with some solutions, and often this helps them to grow. I start the meeting by saying, “We want to come to a solution today. We’re not going to get personal; we just want to find a solution.”
How would you define what it is to “be a great boss”? Can you share a story?
Tami: A great boss empowers people. Being a boss is 10% input and the rest is encouragement, direction and whispering from the sidelines.
When we were a young company going through a challenging time during the recession, Steve always seemed to share the right words at the right time. He and I had made a bet — which I lost — and he gave me the book, The Last Samurai, in which he wrote, “When you say you’re going to do something, it’s already done.” It was the smartest thing he could have done because his faith inspired me to keep my commitment.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Tami: I would love for everyone to be exposed to a vision of who they could become. We’re all born under the same sky, but we’re not all born in the same country. We don’t all have the same opportunities.
I’ve spoken to more than a thousand Girls Scouts during the pandemic and I’ve asked all of them how many have met a female CEO. Not one single girl has raised her hand. That really struck a nerve with me. It’s not that everyone necessarily wants to become a CEO, but the key is to open their eyes to the fact that they could become a nurse, or a doctor, or a teacher. They need the exposure to it to be able to see it for themselves. I believe this would help us grow and be so much more connected around the world.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Tami: Fear is a feeling, not a fact. Every time I’m afraid to do something — emotional, breaking new ground, speaking on a major stage — I remind myself that fear is a feeling, not a fact. I remind my kids and our people of this, too. I remind them how great they’re going to feel when they come through the fear to the other side.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
I would inspire a movement of interconnections. When people see how their lives are directly affected by the action or inaction of others and vice versa, I believe that there is hope for a better world. Our society has developed a “not my problem” attitude. In the words of Denis Leary, “I didn’t break it, it was this way when I found it.” Whether this relates to caring for the environment, improving social programs to lift up those in poverty or directly combating racism and white supremacy, the vast majority of our world chooses to stand back and watch instead of taking action.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Janna Willoughby-Lohr, of Papercraft Miracles. While in college in 2003, Janna came up with the idea of a business that made handmade paper and books that ALSO made people feel special. This was around the time that social media and e-books became popular, and much of the world started going online. Many people told her she was completely insane to start a stationery business at that time. They told her “Everything is moving online!” and “Everything is gonna be on LiveJournal!” (Actual quote from a nay-sayer). But Janna knew that her dream was real. She knew that the tactile feeling of the written word has an impact on the reader. She knew that messages conveyed with the physical act of writing letters and journaling would never go away. Somehow, she knew that people would come back to the paper and pen, but in a much more meaningful way. Now that the world has adopted online connection, people are figurately (and maybe even literally) starving for ways to connect physically. Janna believes that people need this type of connection to thrive, and that’s why Papercraft Miracles has been so successful in creating meaningful paper gifts (that are also biodegradable and made from truly sustainable products).
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to ‘get to know you’ a bit better. Can you tell us your ‘backstory’?
I always knew that I wanted to make art, but I didn’t want to be a starving artist, so I created my own major in college bringing business and art together. It was during that time that I learned to make paper and books, and I came up with the idea for my company. It was hard to jump right out of college into being a full-time artist, even though I was technically prepared to do it. The renaissance in Buffalo wasn’t quite happening yet and I didn’t have the social connections to really make it work. I ended up working as an assistant manager at a gas station for 5 years, then working as a photo editor for an online jewelry company for 5 more years after that, and just making and selling art in my free time. It did feel, at times, like I would never actually get to the point where I could do what I love full-time, but I kept at it anyway.
And though it felt like I was wasting my time doing something that wasn’t my passion, I learned a lot about running a business during those 10 years that I wouldn’t have learned if I didn’t spend them helping run someone else’s business. I learned about management at the gas station, running reports, doing inventory, managing employees and such. At the jewelry company, I learned how to take and edit photos to sell products online and that experience has proved very valuable in creating a successful business for myself. So, you never know what you might be learning today that could help you in the future.
The most prolific time in my life for learning to create through struggle came while I was a junior at Warren Wilson College. My mom died on Friday the 13th and then 4 months later (on what would have been her 55th birthday) my dorm burnt to the ground with all of my stuff in it. Poof! Toast! Everything. Yes. Everything. I lost all of my journals from my whole life, all of my artwork and supplies, and everything my mom had given me in the last 5 years of her life. And then they cut my financial aid because I couldn’t put my mom on the FAFSA. Almost overnight I went from being a carefree kid to a totally unprepared adult. I had inherited a house that needed a ton of work that I couldn’t afford, and I had a year and a half left of school that I couldn’t afford. I kept thinking…where’s the cancer and the bus that’s coming to hit me…cause I’m ready.
Three days after the fire, I was sitting with my roommate and I just looked at her and said, “Dude…all our s**t burnt up.” And we immediately started laughing, like that roll on the ground because life is so effing absurd kind of laughing. It was all funny. It had to be funny or I was not going to survive. The next day I began to create again. My whole life I had kept journals and written poetry and made art to try to capture who I was inside. When all of it was gone, I suddenly realized that I had no idea who I was, and I had to start over again. I had always been afraid of losing my things and after it actually happened, I saw that it was the most freeing thing to get a chance to create a whole new life for myself from scratch. It was right after that when I really started to focus on creating my business because I knew that life was short, and I didn’t want to end up like my mom who loved to create but never found a way to make a living doing what she loved. That’s why I picked the name Papercraft Miracles. This business saved me when I literally had nothing. It is and has always been my miracle; the sparkle in the darkness. I create because I can, because I’m able. Not because anyone is going to make me.
I somehow managed to continue school and keep my house from falling down and I graduated on time with a 3.94 GPA. No clue how I did any of that. The whole time was a blur. After graduation, I bought a small papermaking kit and a big cutting mat from Michael’s Arts & Crafts, set up a table in my attic bedroom and got to work creating some inventory. I knew the basics of starting a business, but I really wasn’t prepared yet. I also still had a house that needed lots of work that I couldn’t afford, and I ended up taking the job at the gas station because I really needed steady paychecks and health insurance. I worked my crappy job with a smile, all while wearing a button on my uniform that said, “Damn straight I’m a college grad. Paper or plastic?” I got promoted quickly and got good enough at my job to negotiate a schedule that would allow me to have my evenings free to do poetry readings and play music out around town and I slowly built up my social network.
The more places I went, the more people I met, the more people I told about my little business making books, the more doubt I heard from people. I even had a guy working the counter at Barnes & Noble question why I was buying a copy of the unabridged version of the Oxford English Dictionary. “Why would you buy a dictionary? Don’t you have the internet?” From the guy WORKING at the bookstore. I told him, “You can’t just flip the pages of the internet looking for words. You have to know what you want to look up.” He stared at me. “And when the world ends, I can burn this s**t to stay warm.” He stared at me some more. But I was not deterred. I kept telling more people about my dream of making paper and books that make people happy.
I started having friends old enough to get married and have kids, so I started making their guest books and invitations as my gifts to them because I was too broke to buy stuff off their registries and I knew I could make something they wouldn’t forget. And it worked. People at their weddings saw the things that I had made, and word started getting around that I was creating some cool stuff.
I had a friend offer to help me open up a venue for poetry, music, and art, and I jumped at the chance. We named it Bon Vivant (loosely translated as an appreciation for the good things in life). I was in business! I now had a place to foster creation in my community and I was so excited! I worked so many late nights getting it ready and setting up events and the creativity was just pouring out of my veins. We opened on the first day of the Infringement Festival 2008 and we were booked solid for months.
At the same time, I had an offer to become a teaching-artist and to teach poetry to middle school kids. I had a problem with saying no to opportunities, so I stretched myself very thin. I was never home and hardly ever got more than 4 hours of sleep. Right in the middle of all of that, my brother was diagnosed with leukemia. He found out on a Friday, started treatment on Monday. By Wednesday he was in a medically induced coma because he couldn’t breathe without a ventilator. I was already beyond overscheduled and all of a sudden, I was spending every free second I had in the waiting room at Roswell waiting to see if he would come out of his coma. And then the city zoning board shut my venue down. You know the cancer and the bus coming to hit me I talked about earlier? It was here.
Two weeks later, my brother died. Feeling really lost and searching for something distracting I retreated to the darkness and spent my free time on MySpace, listening to music by people I knew. An IM pops up from Bryan Lohr, the man that had provided furniture for my arts venue. “Hey, how are you?” I unloaded, “I’m not good. My brother died last week. Not sure what to do now.” He wrote back, “I just got laid off, so I have lots of free time if you want to hang out.” So, we made plans to play Scrabble. Within a few weeks we were creating plans for our future. When I told him about my paper and book business and he said, “That’s cool.” No judging. No pessimism about the digital future. Just support. And he’s believed in me ever since.
In the next decade, we joined a band together, I got a new job at the jewelry company, we got married, sold my house and bought a different building. This new one had space for us to live, a room to play music together, space for each of us to have a studio and a space for me to make paper for real. We had our first son in 2015 and shortly after that I quit my jobby-job to run Papercraft Miracles full time and stay home with our kids. We now have two little boys and my studio has grown into a 2-story solar-powered workshop with a fully functional papermaking studio in the basement. All because we took a chance on creating something. We trusted that we could create a life together that would allow both of us to keep creating successfully. We’re 10 years into our 15-year plan and things are moving right along in that direction. The goal is to get to the point where he can quit his jobby-job too, so he can also pursue art full-time.
Quitting my job to stay home with my kids and run my own business was simultaneously the easiest decision and the hardest transition I’ve ever had to make though. I had to adjust my perspective on my business which had always been my fun side-gig where if I made money, cool. If not, I made art and that was also cool. Now it was my career and I had to get serious about it. But I kept creating, I kept asking for help. I kept telling people about my dream. And here we are, 2.5 years later, and people are finally starting to see that I wasn’t crazy to want to make paper all those years ago. I was just ahead of my time…seeing the future? Maybe. Believing in myself. Fo’ sho.
Are you working on any new or exciting projects now? How do you think that will help people?
Yes! I just started a new podcast called “Reach the Stars Podcast.” It is a collection of conversations with cool people who do cool things. Each week we’ll bring inspiring stories of persistence, passion and purpose. I have dreamed of having a show of my own for years and because of my lack of connection during the pandemic, I knew that now was the right time to dive in. I know that my own story of overcoming tragedy and continuing to pursue what I love in the face of struggle has helped to inspire others over the years. I also know that one of my biggest assets in my life are the amazing people I know and love. I find so much inspiration in sharing stories with other people and this show is my way of spreading that excitement on a wider scale. As I say in the trailer for the show: “A single interaction has the power to change your life forever. This is a place for the stories of those moments — stories of pursuing dreams, of overcoming tragedy and failure, of coming back to life after so much of what feels like dying, of continuing on with only a vision as a map. This is the place where those moments live on. Come sit by the fire. Look up at the stars…and be forever changed too.” Check it out at www.papercraftmiracles.com/reachthestarspodcast (and on all major podcast platforms).
In your opinion, what do you think makes your company or organization stand out from the crowd?
Papercraft Miracles was founded on my love of connecting with people and sharing stories, and making those stories come to life in tangible ways. Our ability to create handmade paper art that conveys a sentiment that is often so hard to capture is what makes us different. We make meaningful and unique gifts that make a moment unforgettable.
Ok, thank you for that. I’d like to jump to the main focus of this interview. Has there ever been a time that someone told you something was impossible, but you did it anyway? Can you share the story with us? What was your idea? What was the reaction of the naysayers? And how did you overcome that?
There’s something about handling paper that sends me to the moon and brings me back to earth at the same time. In the 18 years since I came up with the idea to start a business making paper and books that make people happy, I have heard a whole lot of “That is CRAZY!” from a whole lot of people. When I first started out, social media didn’t yet exist and neither did e-commerce, but the world was becoming more and more digital every day. I told people that I wanted to make handmade stationery and journals and my classmates said, “Psssh! No one is going to write in a paper book again! Everyone is going to be on LiveJournal!” And that was the trend for several years as the world of e-vites and e-books came to life. But I just kept on working toward my dream of having this company because I knew that the physicality of writing on paper had a different feel than typing on a screen. I knew that there was nothing that could take the place of that feeling. As the world of social media and smartphones exploded a few years later, I noticed people becoming more and more disconnected from each other. And with this separation came a deep sadness and a constant need to boost our moods with “likes” and intangible attempts at connection. It didn’t happen all at once, but at some point, around 2016, people started to trend back towards appreciation of physical connection. It started to be “cool” to have a unique planner or a journal in your bag. People started to realize how special a real handwritten letter can make you feel when it shows up in your mailbox when so much of their communication was so impersonal. And then the world of weddings took a giant swing back towards fancy paper invitations instead of e-vites. And here I was, still promoting the power of paper to change people’s perspectives on life just like I had quietly been doing for years. None of the negative things anyone ever said to me about creating a business making paper and books ever deterred me from my passion. I knew that nothing could replace the way handling paper makes me feel.
In the end, how were all the naysayers proven wrong? 🙂
LiveJournal is history and I’m still making paper, and I will keep doing this work for the rest of my life. Connecting people is going to get more and more important as the effects of our lifestyles on the earth keep pushing people apart.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
I couldn’t be where I am right now without my husband, Bryan. He integrated my dream into our reality and has always been supportive of me pursuing my passions. We purchased a building that used to be a department store in the 1890s. We converted part of the building into my storefront and papermaking studio and we live above it with our two boys. Whether it was flying to Indiana and driving a truck back full of equipment I bought or putting our kids to bed alone night after night while I am working on growing this business, he’s been there for me. I can’t lie and say it’s all been easy on him or on our relationship, but he knew from day one how important it was to me to share my love of creating with the world. I am so grateful that he agreed to come along for the ride.
It must not have been easy to ignore all the naysayers. Did you have any experiences growing up that have contributed to building your resiliency? Can you share the story with us?
My childhood was really different from a lot of people’s experiences because my parents were still married to other people when I was born. A situation that could have been disastrous for me, turned out to be an extraordinary way to grow up. Shortly after I was born, both my biological parents got divorced but didn’t get together with each other. My mother’s husband signed his name on my birth certificate and legally became my father anyway. Two years later, my birth father got remarried and he and his wife came back into my life. I had five parents throughout my life, all of whom had been divorced at least once, so I got to learn so much about just how different people can be. Not to mention that I lived with three separate families throughout the course of a week. Monday through Friday with my mom and my older brother, Friday night and Saturday with my legal dad and his family, and Saturday night and Sunday with my biological father and his family. I grew up with seven brothers and sisters but I’m technically an only child and somehow, I ended up being the oldest at one house, the middle child at another and the baby at the other. All of these experiences, living, learning and growing with so many different people, has essentially given me three lives in one. I learned how to adapt to changing situations, how to make a place for myself and also how to be really independent. I have always been the link that ties all of my families together, kind of like a lone traveler going between separate worlds.
Based on your experience, can you share 5 strategies that people can use to harness the sense of tenacity and do what naysayers think is impossible? (Please share a story or an example for each)
First, would definitely be something that my mom told me when I was being bullied at school by kids who were making up stories about me. She told me to remember that people are entitled to their own opinions, but they’re also entitled to be wrong. As long as you believe in your dream and you know what you’re doing is right, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says.
Second, remember why you want to do the impossible in the first place. Is it to help people solve problems? To fix something that desperately needs fixing that no one else seems to be able to fix? Keep your focus on the reasons you do what you do, and the naysayers will just fade into the background. Every single thing that has ever been accomplished in human history started as something that someone said was impossible. And now look, we fly around on airplanes with tiny computers in our pockets every day.
Third, there are plenty of people who will consistently find reasons that something won’t work without putting any effort into figuring out how it could work. People who aren’t willing to do the work aren’t worth your time or energy. As they say on one of my favorite podcasts, Being Boss, “Do the work!” and you’ll be the one on top. Focus that energy on finding ways that things can work and filtering out all the rest. Negativity is even more contagious than positivity and it can be hard not to get sucked into the downward spiral of it. Surround yourself with other “possible people” — others who believe, who have goals and want more out of this life. They will boost your mood, help you brainstorm, and will buy you a drink when the haters get you down.
Fourth, being a female entrepreneur inherently comes with a lot of naysaying, especially from men. I have repeatedly had male business owners tell me that it isn’t possible to make a profit in my business, but the only years I didn’t make a profit are the years I invested my earnings back into my business, so it could grow without taking loans or selling off pieces of my company in exchange for financing. In the face of this kind of blatant discrimination and stereotyping of my abilities, I simply prove them the hell wrong. When they say I’ll never make a profit, I tell them I already did at 22.
Fifth, and probably most importantly, be your own biggest fan. If you don’t wholeheartedly believe that what you’re working towards is possible, then no one else will either. Make vision boards with everything that you are working to achieve and hang them where you can see them every day. Tape little notes on your bathroom mirror that say, “YOU’RE KILLIN’ IT!” Be consistent about praising yourself and your accomplishments to yourself and also to others. It is strange that in our society, men are praised for being confident but for women, it’s a detriment. But I say, buck that trend, and be proud of what you’re doing. Your excitement will be infectious and other people will happily jump on board once they get a taste of what confidence feels like. Tell yourself (and everyone else, for that matter), “I’m not conceited. I’m convinced.” It makes all the difference in the world.
And always remember, “Haters gonna hate. Potaters gonna potate.” Laughing at them is way more fun than crying.
What is your favorite quote or personal philosophy that relates to the concept of resilience?
I know that my love for creating comes from my mother. She was such a creative person. But my drive to work hard and push myself also comes from her influence. I remember on the first day of kindergarten, they wanted me to color in a dinosaur. By this point, I was already writing poems and learning cursive, so dino coloring? Hella boring. I came home and said, “Mama! Kindergarten is BORING!” I’ll never forget her response, she said “If you’re bored, you’re not trying hard enough.” That made me stop right in my tracks. She followed up with, “Do it because you CAN, and not because anyone is going to make you.” This advice has stuck with me and I think daily about what things I can do in this world because I am ABLE to not because I’m forced to. I believe that this one little phrase drives my creative entrepreneurial energy. I don’t need a boss telling me what to do, I just tackle what I’m able to do each day because I can. I know it sounds hokey to have a “can-do” spirit but I sure as hell do because you have to create despite the struggles of life.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
I would inspire a movement of interconnectedness. When people see how their lives are directly affected by the action or inaction of others and vice versa, I believe that there is hope for a better world. Our society has developed a “not my problem” attitude. In the words of Denis Leary, “I didn’t break it, it was this way when I found it.” Whether this relates to caring for the environment, improving social programs to lift up those in poverty or directly combating racism and white supremacy, the vast majority of our world chooses to stand back and watch instead of taking action.
That is one thing that I think the global pandemic has helped to bring to light, just how much we all depend on each other to keep this society going. We are literally seeing with our own eyes how our actions can either protect others from spreading this virus, or our inaction can fuel the fire across the globe.
For the first time in my life, I saw people being willing to sacrifice their livelihoods, their homes, their businesses, their mental and physical health and more, for the sake of those who are older, sicker and weaker. I’ve never seen anything that looked more like love than that. I saw neighbors reaching out to tape gift cards for groceries on the front doors of those who couldn’t afford food. I saw groups on Facebook springing up to share resources with those who needed them. I saw the artists and crafters working night and day with blisters on their fingers to make masks when our society failed to provide us with the things we needed to survive. Watching people come together in that way gave me hope that we could learn to see how we are all interconnected. When one of us is harmed, we all bleed.
I wrote a little poem about this idea and would love to share it with you:
I believe that kindness and acceptance can change everything. Choosing to love even what you might not understand is the start to making a difference in the world. You never know what struggle someone might be going through and choosing kindness and love and acceptance makes all the difference.
As part of my series on the “5 Things You Can Do To Help Your Living Space Spark More Joy”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Tamara Day
Interior designer Tamara Day, is the host of HGTV’s hit show “Bargain Mansions” and owner of Growing Days Home, a 2,500 square foot retail store, showroom and design studio in Prairie Village, Kansas. As a busy wife and mother of four, Tamara’s “laid back luxe” style is synonymous with blending glamour, comfort and family into the look and function of the spaces she designs. On Bargain Mansions, Tamara brings old Kansas City mansions back to life with modern design, function and style — giving these large, neglected homes a second life for families to enjoy for years to come. She has redone everything from great big houses to little homes, transforming them into a beautiful blend of original character and modern amenities.
Thank you so much for joining us in this series Tamara! Before we dive in, our readers would love to learn a bit more about you. Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
I’m thrilled to be joining the series! Growing up working on my family’s farm in the Midwestern plains of Salina, Kansas, my passion for all things design and restoration came at an early age. I inherited my “do-it-yourself” attitude and hands on skills from my father and Bargain Mansions co-host, Ward Schraeder, while helping him maintain and refurbish the homes we lived in growing up. I never thought that the years of hanging sheetrock as punishment for missing curfew would eventually lead to a career of transforming run-down properties into gorgeous dream homes.
In 2008, my husband and I bought our first true “bargain mansion” — a neglected 5,000+ square foot 1980’s foreclosure with a lot of hidden character that we transformed into our forever family home. We originally planned to enlist the help of hired contractors for the renovation but the economic crash of 2008 left us with little wiggle room financially and caused a change of plans. With my husband working fulltime, I was chasing after three toddlers around-the-clock, and I decided to take on the project myself. I rolled up my sleeves with a baby strapped to my back and the others crawling around the playpen, and poured my heart into our home working 12-hour days for months. From sanding down floors to tearing down rotting walls and wallpaper, I did it all.
Sticking to a tight budget when it came time to decorate and furnish our home, I visited local estate and garage sales to seek out diamonds in the rough. I purchased a combination of old and new furniture and décor pieces that I would then breathe new life into by sanding and painting them in our driveway to fit my vision. Long after I finished furnishing our home, my newfound passion for restoring furniture landed me a space at our local market where I sold my specially curated pieces. Eventually I outgrew the space and relocated from the market to open houses at our home where over 1,000 people would visit in a single weekend to walk through and buy anything they saw on the first floor. This is where my interior design, furniture, décor and lifestyle brand, Growing Days was born — a clever play on my name, thriving businesses and growing family.
In 2013, with a new baby making her debut, I decided to take a break from selling vintage furniture to stay at home with my four children. My loyal Growing Days shoppers eventually came calling in need of my interior design and home renovation expertise. I started small, taking on a few clients at a time, however I eventually found myself with yet another rapidly growing business, in full-service home renovations.
In 2019, I opened Growing Days Home, a 2,500 square foot retail store, showroom and studio in Prairie Village, Kansas. Expanding into retail allowed fans and shoppers to visit from all of the country or order online to take home a piece of my style. Today, in addition to selling furniture, accessories, home furnishings, original art and much more, Growing Days Home offers an e-design service, which allows clients to virtually work with me and my team to custom create a design at a fraction of the time and cost of a traditional in-home consultation. We work with just about any room, style, and budget to help clients select furniture, accessories and artwork, and decide the perfect placement.
My career as a designer was kind of a ‘take me by surprise, little by little’ path. I always loved design and building things, but I didn’t know it was a career path that I could follow. As I got older and a little wiser, I started turning my passion into a business and before I knew it, I was living my dream. You never know where life will take you.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started this career?
Without a doubt one of the most interesting and exciting things that’s ever happened to me was being contacted by an HGTV producer who wanted to make a TV show about what I was doing. I’m still blown away.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
Oh goodness, just one? There were so many mistakes along the way, but I like to think of them as learning opportunities. Some of the most difficult situations have led to the most growth in my business. One of the funniest things that’s happened in a while was when my dad and I were cleaning up a fireplace and he got a bit too aggressive with it and the entire thing came tumbling down! It was the only time I have ever been bleeped on TV! It was truly an oh s%&^ kind of moment that scared us both.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
I have so many fun projects happening right now. From the six houses that I’m renovating around Kansas City for the next installment of my TV show “Bargain Mansions” to client projects through my design company, Growing Days there are so many exciting projects and even a few top-secret projects as well. I hope that through my design, people are inspired and realize that great design doesn’t have to be out of reach — it can be attainable but aspirational all at the same time. Never be afraid to try something a little bit outside the box. That’s when really good design becomes great. So just go for it!
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
My favorite life lesson quote is “perfection is the enemy of done.” Just like with great art, sometimes you can overthink design. Sometimes walking away and letting something be a little imperfect is actually exactly what the design needed.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
There have been so many people along the way that have helped in my career, from great designers that have inspired me, to friends that have supported me, but at the end of the day without my mom and dad teaching me everything I know, I wouldn’t of made it anywhere. My dad taught me everything I know about construction and my mom taught me everything I know about being a mom and between the two of them, I learned how to do both very
Thank you for that. Here is the main question of our discussion. What are your “5 Things You Can Do To Help Your Living Space Spark More Joy” and why. Please share a story or example for each.
Five things to help your living space spark more joy… what a fun question. I like to say there’s a fine line between a collector and a hoarder, and I like to walk that line very carefully.
-Every room should have a little bit of sentimental value. Whether it’s an heirloom handed down from family, a plant that you’ve been nursing and caring for years, or that special something that you saved your pennies to purchase, it’s important to have something that you consider valuable.
-To me, being comfortable in a space equals joy. I am known for creating a “laid back luxe” style, which is synonymous with blending glamour, comfort and family into the look and function of the spaces I design. A couch you can curl up on or a blanket to wrap up in definitely makes me happy.
-Books, books, and more books! Every single room should have books. They tell the story of your interests, they add color and personality to the space and they’re a really great way to display a fun accessory that you love.
-Sunlight through a window.
-A little bit of a mess in every room means that the people I love live here. Even though it may not be perfect, that room means home which to me equals joy.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I believe that kindness and acceptance can change everything. Choosing to love even what you might not understand is the start to making a difference in the world. You never know what struggle someone might be going through and choosing kindness and love and acceptance makes all the difference.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might see this, especially if we tag them 🙂
I’ve always said that when I grew up I either wanted to be a mom or Martha Stewart. So if I could spend a morning walking through Martha’s gardens or making breakfast in her kitchen that would be a dream come true.
Natasha Cornstein of Blushington: “I feel beautiful and good about myself when my team is happy and succeeding and when I’m surrounded by people that challenge, teach and inspire me”
I feel beautiful and good about myself when my team is happy and succeeding and when I’m surrounded by people that challenge, teach and inspire me. I find it extremely uplifting and empowering, which gives me a real boost in my confidence.
As a part of our series about how technology will be changing the beauty industry over the next five years, I had the pleasure of interviewing Natasha Cornstein, CEO at Blushington.
She joined Blushington in January 2015 as the company’s President. In this role she is leading the expansion of the brand. Utilizing Natasha’s extensive experience in marketing and tactical brand building, Blushington is poised for significant brick and mortar and digital growth within both new and existing markets. She leads strategic planning, playing an integral role in the development of partnerships and product development that align with the brand’s luxury aesthetic, yet cater to the everyday woman.
Natasha’s previous experience includes a tenure as the Director of Brand Management for CIRCA. While in this role she led the strategy for all marketing and communications globally. Prior to joining CIRCA, she served as Vice President of Client Services and Media Relations at Pinnacle Management Corp. She also served as Associate Producer at The Fox News Channel.
Natasha is a graduate of the CORO Fellows program and earned a B.A. from Washington University in St. Louis. She shares her love of New York City with her husband and son.
Thank you so much for doing this with us Natasha! Before we dive in, our readers would love to learn a bit more about you. Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
Coming into this career path with Blushington was truly a chance of fate.
I was in Los Angeles in June 2014, launching a new store for the previous brand I worked with. I led the Global Marketing and Communications and was doing editor meetings, and as the brand spokesperson our PR team asked that while I was in town I get formal headshots done. They sent me to Blushington and it was love at first sight.
I had never before had an experience like this or such an emotional response to an environment — inviting, accessible and delivering a luxury service that felt truly transformative.
The following morning in one of my meetings I was raving about Blushington and the person I was with represented them. Later that afternoon I was introduced to the owners, 3 months later I was hired as President and 15 months after that I was appointed as Chief Executive Officer.
I walked in to Blushington as a customer, and it was because of that meeting I chanced upon what would become my career and my passion.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?
Walking into a business as a customer and later emerging the CEO is the most interesting thing that has happened to me!
Are you able to identify a “tipping point” in your career when you started to see success? Did you start doing anything different? Are there takeaways or lessons that others can learn from that?
I think the biggest “tipping point” in my professional career came when I was Director of PR at Circa back in 2012. I was sitting for my annual review with the Chairman of the Board, and he said while I had everything it takes to become a CEO one day, I needed to learn to slow down and bring my team along with me on the journey.
At that time, I was so busy getting to the destination and focused on the end goal. I learned very quickly that your work and your results always fare better if you are in lock step with your team, understanding that leadership is as much about being in the circle as it is as being on the outfront.
In the moment of getting my best review and biggest promotion, I was also brought to tears and a moment of reckoning on how I would evolve my leadership style for the remainder of my career.
From that day forward I learned that success was about leading my team to find their success and moments of triumph not my own personal achievements.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person to whom you are grateful who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
In my time with Blushington, I am most grateful to one of our largest shareholders who was also a former CEO of global consumer brands.
Our business relationship didn’t have the usual beginning when a professional is hired — in fact, he was first opposed to bringing me on in 2015! At the time, he didn’t think the role was necessary for where the company was in its life-cycle nor was it the right decision to move HQ from Los Angeles to New York City, where I would lead.
Coming in to a new role with this type of challenge is what helped push me to not only establish myself, but grow my position and stand behind the decisions I was making and why.
You want to work with someone who challenges you and pushes you to be your best self, both personally and professionally.
When the pandemic first began back in March, he was the first person I reached out to and felt such a partnership in the way I was able to call on him in probably the most difficult moments of my career — to make the hard business decisions, with mutual agreement and mutual respect.
Ok super. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. The beauty industry today has access to technology that was inconceivable only a short time ago. Can you tell us about the “cutting edge” (pardon the pun) technologies that you are working with or introducing? How do you think that will help people?
Blushington is a brick and mortar business. When we closed the doors to our six salon locations on March 13, our business was up 40% YOY — we were having our strongest first quarter in the history of the brand — and in shutting down went to zero revenue overnight.
That gave us the opening to explore a digital platform — considering technology in a way that we hadn’t before. We’ve since launched a virtual platform to bring the Blushington experience to customers well beyond our four walls — translating the brick and mortar to digital through Zoom technologies.
Our perspective on beauty is not about how you look, but how you feel — with education at the core of all our services and experiences. Technology has enabled us to expand our audience — something I am most excited about.
We’ve seen more customers booking classes in towns and cities where we don’t have a brick and mortar presence — so we’re really thrilled that technology has opened up this access and democratized the experiences nationwide and globally.
Knowledge is power and when you apply that to beauty, this knowledge and education we provide helps them feel like their best selves during a time that’s very difficult for us all.
Keeping “Black Mirror” and the “Law of Unintended Consequences” in mind, can you see any potential drawbacks about this technology that people should think more deeply about?
At this point, this is not where our focus is. While Blushington is using technology to reach our consumers, we are still focused on the live, personal interaction between client and makeup artist.
Can you share 3 things that most excite you about the “beauty-tech” industry?
1. Access and ability to reach a larger audience
2. Ability to take intimate and personalized beauty experiences and translate them to the digital, to deliver the same premium services we also offer in salon
3. Last and most certainly not least, is mental health. We want all our clients to feel their best — no matter what that means to them — and technology allows us to continue the personalized experience to give connection and a boost of confidence.
Can you share 3 things that most concern you about the industry? If you had the ability to implement 3 ways to reform or improve the industry, what would you suggest?
1. The biggest concern I have is our ability to reframe the traditional views and definition of beauty. Our industry has an opportunity here to improve and continue to broaden what beauty means to society today.
There are still too many ad campaigns, billboards, tv shows and movies that, I believe, represent beauty in a way that is idealized and limited relative to modern mindsets and definitions of beauty which are more relatable to everyday women.
2. Over consumption is another concern. At Blushington, we’ve always taken the approach that less is more — focused on an ‘edit’ rather than overconsuming to achieve a sense of well being.
We all have beauty products in our makeup bags that are seldom or never used. I believe there is an opportunity here to look at quality over quantity and really think about what we want to use, what’s good for you personally — whether you only wear mascara or a gloss or love a full camera-ready glam look.
3. I hope to see beauty consumers continue to drive demand for independent up and coming brands across mass and prestige categories. In many ways social media has democratized consumer discovery and redefined luxury. Let’s keep that going.
You are an expert about beauty. Can you share 5 ideas that anyone can use “to feel beautiful”? (Please share a story or example for each.)
1. Be a learner. Knowledge is power and education builds confidence. Any opportunity to learn can help you feel beautiful. As CEO of Blushington, I have taken dozens of makeup classes and continue to do so — every time I sit with one of our artists, whether in person or over virtual, I learn something new.
2. I feel beautiful and good about myself when my team is happy and succeeding and when I’m surrounded by people that challenge, teach and inspire me. I find it extremely uplifting and empowering, which gives me a real boost in my confidence.
3. I think when we identify a ritual — something that feels very personal to you — that can help us feel beautiful. Working at Blushington, I’ve had the opportunity to experiment with many different products and have since developed a nightly skincare ritual.
This ritual is not only part of my daily beauty regime, but also provides me with a sense of calm and center before I go to sleep. No matter who you are or what you do, our days are full — and allowing those 5 minutes is something I look forward to each night and allows me to unwind.
4. Participation. Don’t sit on the sidelines or let fear hold you back from exploring a new hobby or relationship or career path. Failure is one of the most beautiful experiences you will have and while it may not feel like it in the moment, when you pick yourself back up and forge ahead it is a thing of beauty.
5. Beauty is truly about how you feel not how you look. That may sound incongruous coming from a beauty executive however this is our perspective and our passion. Guiding beauty experiences that drive a sense of well being and confidence, not society’s idealized messaging on beauty. Pursue what makes you feel good and you will be beautiful.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Something that has stuck with me throughout my career and I have really learned to live by in my life is, the journey is the destination.
We live in a world of rush, rush, rush. Mentalities to achieve this, get to this place. And it took me time to realize, but it isn’t about getting to that point, it’s about what happened along the way. If you’re focused on getting there, you’re missing everything.
Find joy, build your community and your relationships. I’m not sure if this is a movement per se, but I think if we as a society could value and prioritize the journey we would feel so much more fulfilled.
I try my best to live by it, it’s my hope for my son and our family. Embracing the journey and having aspirations are not mutually exclusive.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“Your next hello can become your future”
I am not a fan of the concept of “networking” as a means to an end — for the purpose to meet someone and get to that next point in your life. I believe you can learn something from everyone you speak with, if you open yourself to any and all conversations you never know where it will take you.
It’s important to care to develop your relationships for the purpose of community, communication and learning — that, to me, is what opens doors and takes you to unexpected places in your life. In listening to others, that is where you will find your growth.
How can our readers follow you online?
Follow Blushington on Instagram at @blushington or visit our website www.blushington.com!
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
You can shake it off. Mindfulness is one way. So is training your mental muscle to dismiss negative and faulty mind chatter. This means meditating regularly at least 10 minutes day. Once you get into it, you would want to do longer sessions. I like the neuroscientist Sam Harris’s app called Waking Up. It’s great to start practicing short daily mindfulness based meditations. Self-hypnosis is another way, which is what I did in my early 20’s with tapes. I still make my own customized sessions today with hypnotic inductions and positive affirmations. Today, I either use voice memos or the AlphaMind self-hypnosis app.
I had the pleasure interviewing Elena Mosaner.
Elena is a certified hypnotherapist by the National Guild of Hypnotists (NGH), book author and International Coach Federation (ICF) certified professional coach. She holds a bachelor of science degree in creative writing and film as well as a master of science degree in executive coaching and organizational behavior. Throughout the last 15 years, she has worked with professional athletes, celebrities and high-level executives such as UFC Champion Fighter Lyman Good, Oscar Nominee and filmmaker Josh Fox, children of famous pop singers, and she has helped more than 1,000 people transform into their best version using hypnosis therapy and coaching. In this interview, she will use real life examples from some of the results she has had working with athletes to help optimize their performance. In response to the stressful Coronavirus pandemic, she is offering the public free downloads of her Stress Reduction Audio SET, which includes three recordings. The set is available on www.elenamosaner.com.
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?
Thank you for your interest in my work and back story.
I was born in Russia and came to the US to study. I lived with an American family for a year in Pennsylvania where I went to high school. I then lived in New York City for 20 years, where I studied in college and built my hypnotherapy and coaching practice, helping New Yorkers with confidence, high performance, and new habit building. Now I split my time between New York, where I have many clients, and California, where I also have many clients and where I live with my family.
I originally discovered hypnosis when I was five years old, when my mom took me to see a stage hypnosis show. To this day, I remember the awe I felt seeing a female hypnotist take the stage making the adult participants do unusual things: they were unable to unlock their hands and suddenly acted like kids playing with imaginary toys, speaking in kids’ voices. It was a mystery to me for many years afterward.
In my early 20’s, I remember the pressure of trying to figure out who I wanted to be, what career path to choose and school to attend. I was doubting myself and my ability to succeed. I randomly, came across an ad for a hypnotherapy course. Immediately, I wanted to take it not only to decipher the magic of that hypnosis show I saw at a young age, but I also knew in my intuition that this somehow could help me understand myself better in the search for who I wanted to be and my direction in life.
After I took the course, I began to make self-hypnosis tapes back when people still used actual cassette tapes. I made them to help my accent not sound so pronounced and to speak slower and more clearly. I also used the tapes to help me become more confident in my public speaking classes and overcome my old fear of driving. As I saw the positive results of reprogramming the mind, I began to use hypnosis to help me see my desired outcomes and it motivated me to move forward with more confidence. Hypnosis is a great modality for reprogramming cognitions and rationalizing fears, which in turn helps with confidence and self-esteem.
At that time, I enrolled at the New School University to study filmmaking, which was one of my dreams — to make films. I wanted to learn to use visuals, sounds and stories to move people’s hearts. In the meantime, I started working with people on the side helping them with hypnosis to build better habits and conquer fears. This slowly grew into a private practice. I would get referrals from former clients and other hypnotherapists. I began using the subconscious stories, visuals and sounds to change people’s minds. Hypnosis is a lot like filmmaking: metaphors, visuals and transformative narratives are like an entry way into the healing and mind-bending imagination that can cause change to happen in as quickly as one session.
I took more hypnotherapy courses and studied NLP (Neuro-Linguistic programming) and went for a Master’s in Science Degree in executive coaching and became an ICF (International Coach Federation) Certified Professional Coach. Getting proper and legitimate education and certifications was important to me because I wanted to work with people’s minds. Truth is, it is easy to become a hypnotherapist because it is not a government regulated profession in the US. Some just take a weekend course and open their practice right away. I believe it is very important to learn and be able to think critically, abide by the science practitioner model and evidence-based approaches when working with people’s psychology. Universities are one way to provide the base for that knowledge and experience. By no means, one can learn it without going to college. However, I took a more traditional route.
Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘take aways’ you learned from that?
I’ve worked with many accomplished, high-powered executives and am often surprised they suffer from imposter syndrome. It’s so much more common than people realize, and during my work with numerous clients, I learned that it results from the stories we tell and come to believe of ourselves in our subconscious. This is also how hypnosis is so powerful and why it works so well to correct and eliminate imposter syndrome.
Most people have misconceptions about hypnosis. And quite often people come and tell me that they don’t believe in hypnosis or that they are skeptics and are not hypnotizable. There are two completely opposing stereotypes of hypnosis, one of a mind control, another of a complete poppycock nonsense. These stereotypes are based on reality, like stage shows which are misleading, movies and TV shows that perpetuate the old stereotypes and some unprofessional practitioners of hypnosis that claim to possess super powers over their subjects.
First, stage hypnosis and clinical hypnosis are vastly different. Clinical hypnosis is much more real and plays a valuable role in mental health. Stage hypnosis, on the other hand, is more like a play. When I finally understood how stage hypnosis worked, I was blown away. It took me a few times being hypnotized by a stage hypnotist and finally practicing it myself just to get a sense of how it worked. I learned it has nothing to do with mind control. The people you see on stage who look like they are sleeping, are actually not sleeping. They just close their eyes as directed by the hypnotist and wait for the next instruction. They have agreed to follow these instructions and have fun on stage. So, for the outsider it may look like they are “out” or that they don’t know what they are doing. They know exactly what they are doing. Just think of how out of 100 people in the audience only about 10 end up on stage. So, about 10% of these people really want to have fun and be a bit of a star of the show, act free, like a kid — it is very freeing, especially when someone else is giving you permission to behave that way. It’s like acting on stage, playing different parts. And these people have agreed to it. Some, even long before they come to a show, have it in their minds that they will be the ones to go on stage and be hypnotized. So, stage hypnosis is not that mysterious or fascinating. Clinical hypnosis, on the other hand is where magic lies and real transformation happens.
Working with hundreds of clients over the years, I have come to learn that almost anyone with normal intelligence or above can be hypnotized, as long as they are willing to follow the instructions of a hypnotist. Hypnosis can happen even if your eyes are open, simply through a logical thought producing conversation where there is active listening, mirroring, both hypnotist and client having a good rapport, conversation pacing and leading are natural, and there is asking of open-ended questions to challenge assumptions. That alone creates a shift in thinking.
Hypnosis is a about transferring and securing a new idea in one’s mind. The idea that stays and later affects your belief and behavior. I enjoy inducing a more formal state of deep relaxation with a reduced neural activity in the brain, characterized by alpha or theta waves. In such relaxing physical and mental state you are more open to secure these news ideas and use imagination to visualize them. When you see your desired outcome in the mind, you begin to believe it more and feel more excited and motivated to fulfil it.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
I produce rapid results. Smokers stop smoking after one single session. Most hypnosis sessions, like overcoming a bad habit or building a new one, or conquering a specific fear may require an average of two sessions. There is something I do which I think is a bit unique. When my client is in hypnosis, which is close to deep meditative state, I recite their unique suggestion to them. Then, I ask them to repeat some of these suggestions silently with their inner voice, in their own mind. This becomes a change producing self-talk. There are a few studies in education and cognitive behavior therapy that have shown the power of self-instruction to enhance learning and behavior change.
For example in one study where two groups of first grade kids were compared in solving a puzzle for three-year-olds, they found that normal achieving kids would speak out loud their next step and had a system developed in their heads in the form of step by step instruction. On the other hand, kids with delayed abilities would have no system or self-instruction, and instead approached the same puzzle with trial and error and very little focus. Similarly, adult learning happens when you begin to think systematically, almost like a researcher. For example, if you deal with a problem or obstacle, you may approach it using an adult learning model, by asking the following set of questions: “This is what happened, how do I describe it, what did I learn from it and how do implement new knowledge into the next step to improve my life?” It is very simple. That’s how you grow and learn from mistakes instead of repeating them. You develop a manual of sorts and use self-hypnosis to install it into your mind to make change in your thinking and behavior. Hypnosis therapy is about relearning a new way of thinking and behavior. It is educating the mind for behavior change.
I also record hypnosis sessions for my clients and send it to them after the session. This way they can reinforce the new mindset, their belief system and vision around a new behavior. Repetition helps secure this “upgrade” of one’s mental software for a more lasting change.
Imposter syndrome can be emotionally debilitating, and having the session recording to reinforce the new belief system is paramount to hypnosis success in quickly overcoming this syndrome. Clients who have used hypnosis for imposter syndrome have achieved fast results with this method.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?
There were a few people. I have been blessed to meet good people along my way in New York City while building my career. New Yorkers are very generous people. Now living in San Diego, I am discovering the same. Maybe I am just more open and choose to see these kind people, as there are plenty of them around, you just have to believe you’ll find them and be more proactive.
My friend and colleague John Zakour, a science fiction writer who found me online 15 years ago. He was looking for a consultant for a movie script that included a hypnotist as one of the characters in the film. We became friends. I would often run my ideas for books and blog posts by him for proof reading and suggestions. He has coached me to become a better writer. We even ended up writing a science fiction book together for young adults called Quantum Voyeur (2014). This was one of the most creative and happy experiences that taught me self-discipline and how baby steps in writing produce big results.
There is also a great organization called Woman Within that includes transformative workshops for women led by women. There are so many amazing women I met through the organization, who understand the power of vulnerability and integrity. The founder of Woman Within Char Tosi, put the whole empire together and has become a mentor to so many women who chose to participate in workshops, circles or become volunteers for the organization. The circles are completely free and are available in most cities in the US. This organization and the women leaders of this organization have been a great source of support for me. I have learned about archetypes that drive our life and how to balance, heal and learn from them.
Ok thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of this interview. We would like to explore and flesh out the experience of Impostor Syndrome. How would you define Impostor Syndrome? What do people with Imposter Syndrome feel?
I am so glad you are doing this interview, as Impostor Syndrome has surfaced as a big problem lately, even with my clients. I have had a number of established and new clients who have come to me specifically referring to this phenomenon and the feelings associated with Impostor Syndrome, which they want to resolve and overcome. Impostor Syndrome is generally defined as a psychological condition in which one doubts their abilities and accomplishments and they fear they will be exposed as a fraud.
In the past people would come to me with issues of insecurities and low self-esteem, now people have a name for it: Impostor Syndrome. It affects both men and women regardless of age. Generally, at least from my experience with clients, I found that people with impostor syndrome feel a sense of not belonging to a group or community, being different, not being enough or feeling low self-worth. They do not feel they deserve the accolades or success they have achieved, as if inherently they are not that good, and one day people would finally see it. So, there is shame and fear associated with this condition too.
What are the downsides of Impostor Syndrome? How can it limit people?
It really triggers anxiety. Imagine believing that you don’t deserve the attention of your followers or the success you have built and having the fear of being exposed one day as a fraud or being worthless. It can be quite daunting and unsettling for someone. It is ultimately the fear of shame and not knowing how to deal with it. The downside is one’s frequent feeling of anxiety, nervousness and not living in the moment, avoiding connecting with people, not enjoying life fully. It can be limiting in a way that one would not use their talents or skills fully to share with their community or society. I have had a few clients who are successful company executives, and due to their struggle with Impostor Syndrome, they would experience a high anxiety with public speaking, while a part of them really wanted to engage with the audience and share their experiences and knowledge.
How can the experience of Impostor Syndrome impact how one treats others?
It really varies from person to person. From my experience with clients who have exhibited the symptoms of Impostor Syndrome, I find they tend to have decent family ties and friendships, but generally fear public opinion of large groups, people they don’t know well or even the society at large. This includes the workplace, employees, classmates in university, people in the audience or social setting and so on. It is possible that one may experience social anxiety and inability to relate authentically to others. To the outside it may appear rude or disconnected or just a little different. However, usually nobody really cares or notices anything. It’s the person with Imposter Syndrome who cares the most and stays in their head ruminating and thinking of being exposed or looking bad. It is quite unfortunate and can be emotionally painful and energy draining.
We would love to hear your story about your experience with Impostor Syndrome. Would you be able to share that with us?
Personally, I never experienced Imposter Syndrome, except for some doubts in my early 20’s, as I mentioned earlier, which I overcame with self-hypnosis. I feel quite confident in all that I am, my past, present and future. And I teach my clients to feel the same. Confidence is about self-acceptance and learning to embrace all parts of yourself. As an example, one of my clients I’ll call Jack (not his real name) grew up in a very religious home but eventually became an atheist. According to him, his parents were very strict and especially his mother who was highly critical of him and unloving. He has built a very successful technology company, sold it and now often speaks publicly teaching people about the industry’s ins and outs. When he came to me he said: “Here I am, just spoke to 500 people in the audience, they all seem moved and applauding, and I leave the stage, drive home and feel like I fooled everyone and I am not who they see me as.”
As I spoke with Jack more, we learned that deep within, Jack still feels like a little boy who was criticized and even physically punished by his parents for some minor misbehavior in school. He felt unseen. He began to believe there was something wrong with him. He keeps carrying that old feeling into his adult life. There are many other examples, how and why one would experience Impostor Syndrome. I recently began to work with a young woman who has developed feelings of low self-worth and low self-esteem and as a result gained quite a bit of weight. She is a woman of color who was lucky to attend a private school in New York with “all white kids from rich families.” She felt different, alienated and experienced a bit of a struggle and culture shock trying to fit in. Once again, it can be emotionally painful and draining. When someone is in a situation like this, they have trouble enjoying the experience of going to school for many years. This builds up over time and can develops into Impostor Syndrome.
Did you ever shake the feeling off? If yes, what have you done to mitigate it or eliminate it?
You can shake it off. Mindfulness is one way. So is training your mental muscle to dismiss negative and faulty mind chatter. This means meditating regularly at least 10 minutes day. Once you get into it, you would want to do longer sessions. I like the neuroscientist Sam Harris’s app called Waking Up. It’s great to start practicing short daily mindfulness based meditations.
Self-hypnosis is another way, which is what I did in my early 20’s with tapes. I still make my own customized sessions today with hypnotic inductions and positive affirmations. Today, I either use voice memos or the AlphaMind self-hypnosis app.
In your opinion, what are 5 steps that someone who is experiencing Impostor Syndrome can take to move forward despite feeling like an “Impostor”? Please share a story or an example for each.
First ask yourself what do you believe in? What thoughts exactly go through your mind?
Second, write these thoughts down. Do not be ashamed, it is only for you to read.
Third, reframe these thoughts into new positive statements. Be bold.
Next step, you should speak your new positive statements out loud about ten times. Do so for a week or two, every day.
Final step, learn some self-hypnosis techniques to help you elicit a natural relaxation response. Use your positive statements again in the form of self- instruction while in the relaxing state of hypnosis.
Here are some examples. I will refer to a former client who I will call Anna. Anna graduated with bachelors and masters degrees and is now working for a large marketing company. On paper she has what her parents wanted for her: her degrees and a well-paying job in Manhattan. She is independent. But unhappy. She feels her degrees are worthless and that she doesn’t deserve to work for the company. What goes through her mind? “I feel stupid, and I feel I don’t belong in this organization. I did it for my parents. I am not that smart anyway, just got lucky.”
How can Anna reframe this? Here is an example: “I am smart. I choose to integrate and learn from this organization. I do it for myself, even though my parents wanted this too. I am intelligent and will continue to learn and grow and eventually move on and find a position that suits me better. I create my own luck.”
This is an example of new inner story-telling.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the greatest amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I believe that one day there would need to be a license to have children. It’s a bit of a radical idea right now, but I see it coming. Perhaps, it can start with a certification of some kind that future parents would need to earn prior to having children. Raising children is a big responsibility. We bring humans into this world to experience and enjoy life and grow up into healthy individuals. Childhood needs to be happy and joyous and serve as a great learning platform.
There is so much business around therapy and psychology to help people heal their childhood wounds and forgive their past. Why can’t we have a better start for people, from day one? It should start with healthy, more conscious parenting. This could reduce crime, addiction and depression in adults. This could end a cycle of generational pain. Of course, you can never be a perfect parent, but you can be better, more conscious and aware.
As a person of influence, I would team up with talented professionals and make a film about a futuristic society in 2050, where such a license would be the norm. I think through film you can plant a seed for a new thought in people’s minds. Film is like hypnosis.
We are blessed that some very prominent leaders read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them 🙂
I have always liked Oprah. She is really one of the most amazing women in the US. I love her confidence, authenticity, kindness and her ability to connect with people. She is full of insight and is like a good mother to so many Americans. She is the one I would love to meet one day and have breakfast with. I would love to discuss with her the idea of building a free coaching and hypnotherapy platform for the kids who come from orphanages, foster homes and low income homes. This platform should be free, just like parenting is free. I want these kids to heal and feel privileged and later learn to give back.
Also, I have been watching Angelina Jolie do great charitable work with kids and helping women find their voice. She has some great ideas that come from her heart. I also sense she has been dealing with quite a bit of personal challenges and professional changes. I would love to show her and teach her some ways to heal with hypnotherapy and help shine her light into the world that could be seen and recognized by many, in ways that it deserves.
Dr. Kara Fasone of The Chicago School of Professional Psychology: How To Thrive Despite Experiencing Impostor Syndrome
Seek out second opinions. You may already have a personal or professional mentor. If you don’t, I’d encourage you to seek out a trusted friend, colleague, teacher, or manager to lean on for support. Mentorship relationships have demonstrated an array of beneficial outcomes that can diminish the impact of Impostor Syndrome, including: enhanced well-being and higher self-confidence due to challenging negative self-views. Individuals with active mentors also enjoy a greater likelihood of promotion due to a better understanding of one’s skills and professional value.
As a part of our series about how very accomplished leaders were able to succeed despite experiencing Imposter Syndrome, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Kara Fasone.
She is a Sr. Talent Strategy & Development Consultant at Bird and an adjunct professor at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology. She has a PhD in Industrial Organizational Psychology and a passion for pushing others to reach their fullest potentials. She practices a people-focused and data-driven approach to exploring workplace behavior and building incredible employee experiences.
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?
For as long as I can remember, I hoped to find a career that would allow me to directly help others. I initially considered medical school … until I encountered my college nightmare — also known as Inorganic Chemistry. Soon after, I realized the sight of blood was a fool proof way to make me queasy.
While becoming a medical doctor was out of the picture, I didn’t give up on finding my perfect role. I discovered my career “sweet spot” by aligning my personal mission — helping others to live happier, healthier, and more productive lives — to my professional strengths. This led me to study human behavior in the workplace and use that knowledge to help organizations maximize the performance, productivity, and overall engagement of their most important asset: their people.
Since completing my PhD in Industrial Organizational (I/O) Psychology, I’ve built my career via partnering with organizations to inspire people-focused and data-driven policies, programs, and cultures. Over the past 7 years, I’ve created, managed, and iterated HR programs in areas ranging from employee engagement to leadership development to diversity & inclusion (and everything in between!).
The principles behind “Impostor Syndrome” theory have always resonated with me. Despite achieving multiple graduate degrees at a relatively young age and surpassing quite a few personal and professional milestones that would qualify me as conventionally “successful”, I’ve continuously struggled with the little voice in my head insisting that I’m not good enough.
I’m excited to share what I’ve learned regarding overcoming Impostor Syndrome from my years of research and first-hand experience!
Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘take aways’ you learned from that?
I remember a situation I’d encountered when I started my first “real” job out of college. I was working full-time, completing graduate classes, and feeling accomplished and in control for the first time in my life.
The following encounter has stuck with me because it was one of the first times I’d felt the voice in my head pipe up, “you don’t belong in this role!”. I remember coaching a manager through a tough employee situation, collaboratively brainstorming ways in which he could frame the tough conversation. As I allowed the manager to vent, he said in frustratingly shared, “All of these 24-year-olds are so emotional and entitled. You know how it is when they’re just out of college.”
At the time of this conversation, I was 22 years old. I politely interjected, sharing my age and briefly explaining why making generalizations can be damaging. While I felt I handled the situation appropriately, it did cause me to reflect on my own unique situation and become hyper-focused on how others could potentially “judge me” based solely on factors such as age, gender, or appearance.
My story is meaningful to me, and interesting because I know I’m not alone. I bet if you took 5 minutes to self-reflect now, you’d be able to pick out a situation — whether personal or professional — that created doubt in your own abilities or inspired anxiety around what others think of you.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
At the time of this interview, I’m in the midst of a career transition; however, I’ll share a bit about my previous company, Kin + Carta. One thing I particularly enjoyed was the company’s emphasis on employee listening, which had inspired a number of organization-wide transformation initiatives, including more formally educating our people leaders, making diversity, equity, and inclusion a strategic priority, and enhancing our approach to performance management and feedback.
This listening provided awareness into the social dynamics that can impact one’s experience at work. During my time at K+C, the company has facilitated global workshops to help employees deal with biases, social “constraints” and feelings of self-doubt. My favorite workshop offering was Google’s #IamRemarkable session, which is a Google initiative made available to organizations with the intention to empower women and other underrepresented groups to celebrate their achievements in the workplace and beyond. This interactive and self-reflective experience has some major self-doubt busting exercises, and I highly recommend it to those in roles responsible for driving DE&I within organizations.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?
My first every manager was — and continues to be — my most important career mentor. Her approach to managing team members marries empathy, excellence, and exploration. Though she provided candid feedback and perspective when things didn’t go as planned, she always probed deep to build empathy for my situation and understand my point of view. She had expectations of excellence and her vision was always made clear. Most importantly, she encouraged exploration of my interests, desires, and strengths.
This manager helped me identify projects that I didn’t feel I was ready to manage (spoiler alert: I was). She helped me break down mental barriers that kept me from releasing my work before it was “just perfect” or meeting others who I had perceived as “too senior” to interact with. She gently nudged me towards behaviors and situations that would elevate me both personally and professionally.
I remember when I’d had a discussion with my peers from my graduate school program. In casual discussion, we’d shared our salaries at our respective companies. When I’d realized that my peers — who had shared similar levels of experience and seniority — made significantly more money than I had in comparable roles, I began to feel undervalued. I did my research and presented my salary recommendations to my manager. She was supportive and helped coach me through the negotiations process. Ultimately, I got a raise, and while it wasn’t exactly what I’d asked for, this experience helped boost my confidence and clarify my value as a professional.
Ok thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of this interview. We would like to explore and flesh out the experience of Impostor Syndrome. How would you define Impostor Syndrome? What do people with Imposter Syndrome feel?
Impostor Syndrome — coined in the late 1970’s by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes — is a collection of feelings that creates the belief that you’ve only succeeded by luck, rather than because of your unique talents, qualifications, or hard work.
Ultimately, Impostor Syndrome occurs when individuals find it challenging to internalize and acknowledge their own successes and accomplishments. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and low self-worth. Oftentimes, those who battle these feelings share that they feel as if they’re a “fraud”, and fear being “found out” by their friends and colleagues.
This definition may resonate with you, and that’s not surprising, as the Impostor Syndrome is incredibly common. In fact, a review article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science estimated 70% of people experience impostor feelings at some point in their lives.
If you agree with the statements below (see Clance’s full self assessment tool), you may be battling Impostor Syndrome:
When people praise me for something I’ve accomplished, I’m afraid I won’t be able to live up to their expectations of me in the future.
I’m afraid people important to me may find out that I’m not as capable as they think I am.
It’s hard for me to accept compliments or praise about my intelligence or accomplishments.
Sometimes I’m afraid others will discover how much knowledge or ability I really lack.
I’m disappointed at times in my present accomplishments and think I should have accomplished much more.
What are the downsides of Impostor Syndrome? How can it limit people?
Impostor Syndrome can limit you in a number of ways, and they’re not always readily apparent.
Impostor Syndrome can fuel perfectionism. You may feel compelled to set unrealistically high expectations to compensate for feelings of inadequacy. This can be damaging because regardless of your overall achievement, one small misstep or mistake can cause you to question your competence and fuel a continued cycle of self-doubt.
Impostor Syndrome can prevent you from grasping opportunities. Say, for example, you’re searching for a job and you stumble upon your dream position. You’ve skimmed the responsibilities and feel confident you can crush it. Then, you spy the required “years of experience” and you pause. This job calls for 2 more years of formal job experience than you can claim. Within Impostor Syndrome’s tight grip, you’re likely to not even apply for the job despite your impressive and relevant experience.
Impostor Syndrome confuses effort expenditure with deficiency. When you encounter situations where you have to invest time and effort to perform, you may feel that this energy expenditure is “proof” that you’re not as smart or competent as you should be. In reality though, it’s a nod to the reality that there’s always more to discover and even “experts” experience learning curves. Growth mindset, anyone?
Impostor Syndrome may inhibit collaboration. Sometimes, those who battle Impostor Syndrome adopt a “soloist” mindset in which leaning on others for support or asking for help feels like an indicator of inadequacy or failure. The only failure here, however, is the failure to recognize the necessity of collaboration and diversity of thought in our increasingly connected world!
Impostor Syndrome can lead to stress and burnout. You may find yourself prioritizing work over sleep, disregarding your free time, or setting unachievable goals. These types of behaviors rob you of the opportunity to relax, recharge, and maintain a healthy mindset.
How can the experience of Impostor Syndrome impact how one treats others?
Those who experience Impostor Syndrome may not be the only victims. Unfortunately, the way we perceive and treat ourselves can also influence how we perceive and treat others.
Earlier, I’d touched on the damaging impact of perfectionism via a vicious cycle of setting unrealistic expectations, coming up short in your achievements, and perpetuating feelings of inadequacy. This cycle, when encountered over time, can also lead to inaction. In other words, your fear of failure can result in procrastination or inaction altogether. When considered in the context of relationships, this fear of failure — or in this case, rejection or judgement from others — can result in an unwillingness to include, interact with, or lean on others for support.
Another way in which Impostor Syndrome can negatively impact your relationship with others is through projection. Oftentimes, those who experience Impostor Syndrome not only hold unrealistic expectations for themselves, but also may project those same expectations onto others. In the workplace, for instance, this may result in difficulty delegating tasks, micromanaging projects, or being overly critical and underappreciated. I don’t know about you, but that certainly doesn’t describe the type of leader I’d prefer to work for!
We would love to hear your story about your experience with Impostor Syndrome. Would you be able to share that with us?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been highly achievement-oriented. I remember working hard in elementary school to score straight ✓+’s on my report card and completing as many chores as I could in order to see my gold star stickers accumulate on the family refrigerator. From time to time, I’d even “ground” myself when I’d done something naughty that my parents didn’t know of. The punishment of choice usually consisted of returning the Oreo cookies my mom doled out during snack time.
I tried hard to do well because I enjoyed the feelings of learning and achieving new things. As I continued through high school and college, however; the time and effort I spent toward “achievement” intensified and the feelings of enjoyment diminished. Anything under a 4.0 GPA was unacceptable, 5k runs were no longer an athletic accomplishment, and compliments felt awkward and undeserved. I continually readjusted my definition of “success” toward the unrealistic asymptote that’s known as “perfection”.
At age 25, I’d run a marathon, traveled to numerous countries, nearly doubled my salary, and completed my PhD in Industrial Organizational Psychology. At the same time, I’d reached peak anxiety, I felt physically unwell, and I found myself continuously searching for higher-paying, higher-status jobs. Friends and family members would gush about how much I’d accomplished, and I would retort, “it was luck and my Type A personality. I’m not as smart you think.”
Despite meeting so many important life milestones, I was stuck in my own “perfection purgatory.” Rather than feeling proud, I was oftentimes overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. I didn’t feel like the person everyone saw outwardly. Inwardly, I felt like a fraud.
Textbook Impostor Syndrome.
Did you ever shake the feeling off? If yes, what have you done to mitigate it or eliminate it?
It’s an ongoing process, but I’ve seen a great deal of progress in my personal journey to shake Impostor Syndrome.
First and foremost, I’ve shifted my mantra from “go big or go home” to “progress over perfection”. This mental transition allows me to compare the decisions I’m making and behaviors I’m engaging in to an obvious operating principle. For example, if I find myself staying hours late working on a presentation, I can ask myself: “Are the changes I continue to make adding to the persuasiveness or overall quality of the slide deck or am I making small changes that are non-substantive “nice-to-haves.” I’d estimate that 80% of the time I ask that question, I’m working toward perfection, and that’s a clear cue to stop!
Secondly, I’ve clouded out comparisons. While it’s totally fine to look up to celebrities, scientists, and other highly-accomplished figures, this inspiration can become damaging if you’re making comparisons. At the deepest point of my Impostor Syndrome struggle, I found myself constantly comparing my success (and even my appearance) to those around me without fully appreciating the various other factors and conditions that can drive success. I’ve since limited my time on social media and committed to serving as my own personal and professional yardstick for measuring my progress, opposed to over relying on social comparison.
Ultimately, mitigating feelings that come with Impostor Syndrome can be a lifelong process. It’s been crucial for me to not only evaluate my own negative self-talk tendencies, but also to build a network of supportive individuals who are familiar with my strengths and talents (and willing and able to remind me of them when I’ve encountered blind spots).
In your opinion, what are 5 steps that someone who is experiencing Impostor Syndrome can take to move forward despite feeling like an “Impostor”? Please share a story or an example for each.
While it’s important to recognize that there’s no “Silver Bullet” solution to overcoming Impostor Syndrome, there are certainly strategies you can use to minimize these feelings over time. I’d recommend the following (in no particular order).
Seek out second opinions. You may already have a personal or professional mentor. If you don’t, I’d encourage you to seek out a trusted friend, colleague, teacher, or manager to lean on for support. Mentorship relationships have demonstrated an array of beneficial outcomes that can diminish the impact of Impostor Syndrome, including: enhanced well-being and higher self-confidence due to challenging negative self-views. Individuals with active mentors also enjoy a greater likelihood of promotion due to a better understanding of one’s skills and professional value.
Flex your expertise. Finding opportunities to demonstrate your expertise can clue you into how much you truly do know about your field or craft. This can take the form of knowledge-sharing with your colleagues and team members, mentoring new hires, or tutoring younger students. The act of teaching others forces one to reflect on and make visible their expertise in a way that can be personally inspiring.
Identify your strengths. As humans, our brains are wired to focus on the bad. This tendency is known as the “negativity bias” and can have detrimental consequences on your behavior, relationships, and self-esteem. The good news? You can become better at pinpointing the positives and understanding your strengths over time.
One method you can use is the SIGN framework, which allows you to surface strengths by reflecting on your:
S: successes,
I: innate abilities,
G: go-to tasks and activities, and;
N: niche work style
Alternatively, you can gather feedback from others. Many organizations offer 360-feedback assessments, but if you don’t have access to this type of tool you can use kevan.org’s free Johari Window tool. Both assessments allow you to clarify blind spots and identify hard-to-see strengths by aggregating the perspectives of multiple others.
Realize “perfection” doesn’t exist. Over the past three decades, research shows that levels of perfectionism in US college students has increased significantly. Not only is perfection unachievable, it’s also a major productivity and personal image suck. The sooner you realize this, the easier it becomes to break free from its grips, which will allow for less procrastination, more action, a greater sense of pride and accomplishment, and more collaborative and innovative behavior.
Reframe your thinking. Neuroscience-based coaching, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), relies on the concept of neuroplasticity — your brain’s ability to change itself — to help you understand how to unlearn negative ways of thinking and relearn more adaptive thought patterns. It’s not a quick fix, and it’s best explored with a trained psychologist, but it can be a plausible long-term strategy to overcome Impostor Syndrome via self-awareness, focused attention, deliberate practice..
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the greatest amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I’d love to make mental health a more mainstream consideration in the workplace. While many employers offer access to employee assistance programs (EAPs), it still seems to be somewhat of a “check-the-box” type of offering. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), an estimated 264 million people worldwide suffer from depression, one of the leading causes of disability, with many of these people also suffering from symptoms of anxiety. This statistic is particularly relevant to those struggling with Impostor Syndrome, as stress levels are often inflated which can lead to extreme anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and burnout.
As I’d shared earlier, my life mission is to help everyone I touch to live happier, healthier, and more productive lives. Since we spend nearly a third of our waking hours working, it’s not surprising that the workplace presents ample opportunity to help people increase their well-being and sense of self.
My vision goes beyond EAPs and conventional wellness programs. I’d love to see more flexible work policies, manager education on how to help employees manage stress and prioritize work-life balance, and safe spaces in which mental health can be discussed opposed to stigmatized.
We are blessed that some very prominent leaders read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them 🙂
What a fun thought question! Although a million and one people spring to mind when I think about all of the amazing and inspirational people in this world, I’d probably choose a private breakfast with Chris Evans to share pancakes and perspectives.
As an I/O psychologist, human behaviors, motivations, and habits in any context fascinates me; however, I’m generally constrained to studying the psychology of the workplace and individuals who hold more “typical” 9–5 jobs. It’d certainly be a welcome break in routine to develop an understanding and empathy for a less conventional and very highly visible career like professional acting.
I’ve also appreciated the vulnerability and transparency that Chris has shown in interviews when discussing his experience with anxiety and the importance of mental health. I remember stumbling upon a YouTube video titled “Getting Inside Chris Evans’ Head”, which held a very casual, conversational, and candid tone. In this video, Chris shares perspective on anxiety, insecurity, and self-awareness — all ingredients that factor into how one may experience and overcome Impostor Syndrome.
Chris has also been one of the drives behind A Starting Point, a video-based platform to keep US citizens informed of the perspectives and priorities of elected officials. I strongly believe the ways in which we structure programs, processes, and institutions (e.g., education, social welfare programs, etc.) within our society can have a profound impact on the mental health and wellness of the public. While it may seem that individuals have little opportunity to make an impact, the first step can be developing awareness around what our elected officials are doing to better our communities and prioritize public health.
How can our readers follow you on social media?
I invite any interested readers to reach out via my LinkedIn page. I’m always happy to connect with individuals who are passionate about Human Resources (HR) and the many fascinating areas within this space!
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!
