Reduce the amount of “stuff.” I don’t think that you have to put everything behind closed doors, just be thoughtful about what you are looking at every day. I recently remodeled my kitchen and got rid of my upper cabinets. It may sound counterintuitive but exposing the items that are functional and beautiful out on display brings me so much joy. It also makes you only put out what you actually use and need!
As part of my series on the “5 Things You Can Do To Help Your Living Space Spark More Joy”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Julie Fisher.
JULIE FISHER, AIA, is co-founder of fc STUDIO inc and its Principal Architect since the company’s founding in 1999. With 30 years of architectural design experience, Julie coordinates projects with innovative and cost-effective solutions, while bringing the highest level of knowledge in architectural design and construction to each project. Julie earned her Master of Architecture at the University of Illinois-Chicago, where she has been an adjunct professor, and resides in Evanston, Illinois with her husband and two children.
Thank you so much for joining us in this series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to learn a bit more about you. Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
I started working at restaurants when I was 13 (clearly before labor laws) and loved seeing how everything came together from behind the scenes, and all of the different people it took to get these beautiful places to run smoothly. I dreamt of running my own hotel or restaurant, and actually went to college for a Hospitality Management Business program.
I quickly realized that I was mostly drawn to the design and the well-appointed details that created these places. Architecture was the perfect way to be responsible for how everything comes together behind the scenes, just in a different way. It’s all come full circle, with our practice specializing in not only high-end residential projects, but restaurant and hospitality projects all over the country.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started this career?
I think it’s an interesting story that I have thrived with my business partner, Rachel Crowl, for over 21 years. We are different in so many ways but have managed to maintain a mutual respect since meeting while working at a hospitality design firm in 1998. We share the same fundamental beliefs. We will forever agree that not taking ourselves too seriously and laughing a lot are the keys to our success. If we can’t have fun doing it, (especially while drinking wine), what’s the point?
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
It may be funny to me now, but at the time no one was laughing. At the start of our firm, about 19 years ago, I made the total rookie mistake. I ordered a custom leather sofa — which took forever to get and cost a small fortune — and we could not get it into our client’s living room! I thought I had covered my bases by checking the elevator size, but never took into account a dropped ceiling and very narrow hallway that led to the living room. The client was not happy nor sympathetic to the situation. We wound up with a sofa that cost one-third of my annual salary at the time. We miraculously and thankfully sold it (for a loss of course), but never made that mistake again!
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
The Steppenwolf Theatre. I am a native of Chicago, and grew up going to this legendary theater, so being selected to work on this milestone renovation has been amazing. We also designed the lobby bar in the new building created by Adrian Smith + Gordon Gill Architecture. It was like winning the lotto. We are not only partnering with some of the most creative and talented theater groups in the country but have an opportunity to put our mark on the beautiful new building. It is so rare to have the ability to surround yourself with such talented and collaborative teams. I think that everyone has choices and making an effort to surround yourself with like-minded people becomes infectious. When the best interest of the client is the goal, everyone checks their egos at the door, and creates a collaborative and enjoyable project. Remaining open and willing to listen and collaborate is something we try to practice outside of the office and in life as well.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“Are we going to hate ourselves in 10 years?” This has been our guiding light to ensure that we keep relevant and not rely on trendy fads. It’s important to look ahead to ensure that what we are producing will stand the test of time, and that we will not regret what we are putting out into the world. This does not mean that you cannot make bold moves or take risks, just do it well, and be thoughtful about how you do it.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
My earliest influence was Carlos Martinez AIA, FIIDA, LEEDAP (now a Principal at Gensler), who was a professor at the School of The Art Institute of Chicago. I feel like he saw something in me and demanded excellence and rigor in everything I did. His work ethic was relentless, and he really taught me to keep pushing and to look outside the box for solutions and thought-provoking ideas. He later handed me a life-changing project when I started my business which I will forever be grateful. We’ve maintained a friendship for over 30 years, and I think about those early days often, and have carried that drive to be better and demand excellence with me throughout my career.
Thank you for that. Here is the main question of our discussion. What are your “5 Things You Can Do To Help Your Living Space Spark More Joy” and why? Please share a story or example for each.
Reduce the amount of “stuff.” I don’t think that you have to put everything behind closed doors, just be thoughtful about what you are looking at every day. I recently remodeled my kitchen and got rid of my upper cabinets. It may sound counterintuitive but exposing the items that are functional and beautiful out on display brings me so much joy. It also makes you only put out what you actually use and need!
Add a pop of color or something unexpected in a space — It does not have to be an “accent wall,” but could be a great piece of art, a pillow, or even a chair with interesting upholstery. I found two incredible danish wood chairs at a Salvation Army store for $20 each. I had big white faux fur seat cushions made for them. They make me smile every time I look at them.
Add some green! Plants can help any space feel loved, warm and just better overall. I can’t believe I am saying this, but there are such great fake plants out there now, I am not opposed to throwing some fakes in areas that suffer from natural light. Like everything else, you have to limit these and create the right balance.
Make it comfortable. Who wants a space that looks great but does not feel inviting or functional? Comfortable furniture is a great investment that will bring you a lot of joy and can really change how you use a space. A living room can be formal, but still used and enjoyed regularly with some great pieces.
Create a story or a memory out of some things you love. Frame a beautiful post card from a trip that you loved. Seek things to fill your space that have meaning, not just because you think it matches or you saw it in a magazine. Everything you see should have meaning and be purposeful.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
It would be interesting to start a movement to showcase simplicity, and not a manufactured best life. I would find a way to counter Instagram and HGTV perception of design and remodeling. Similar to the anti-makeup / natural trend that is happening. Simplicity has a big impact on our built environment. Showcasing that these highly curated environments are not a reality for a majority of Americans, and there are so many more interesting stories for how people live outside of glossy magazines. Our country was built on people with stories from all over the globe with so much history, and so many cultures. So many outlets are trying to scrub the beauty and originality out of people’s stories, and creating manufactured spaces that are void of originality, and lose the authenticity of the people that need to inhabit them.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might see this, especially if we tag them 🙂
Iris Apfel. She is an obvious icon but has a lot to say that I think is very important. I love her quote,
“rules are a waste of time. I would just break them, so why bother.” She also tells the story about being told, “you are not pretty, and you’ll never be pretty. It doesn’t matter because you’ve got something much better, you have style.” She is a true original, and not driven by what others think. She creates from the soul and you can’t teach that. You can’t replicate authenticity. She epitomizes what we hope we stand for in our practice and everyday life. Everyone should be as fearless as she is and embrace being true to yourself.
Degelis Tufts & Kym Byrnes of TribeTokes: 5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started Leading a Cannabis or CBD Business
…Kym: Pay women fairly, invest in women companies (including more women investors) , create flexible work schedules for moms (everyone has a mom somewhere)!
…Degelis: Hire more women! We have been pretty adamant about working with women on our team, even though there are plenty of qualified men to work with. My husband does work for us, and he is proud to be the only male on the team 🙂
As a part of my series about strong women leaders in the cannabis industry, I had the pleasure of interviewing Degelis Tufts Pilla and Kymberly Byrnes, Co-founders of TribeTokes.
Kymberly Byrnes aka “KymB” is an activist, patient advocate and cannabis influencer (@cannabiswithkymb on Instagram). She also serves on the Board of Directors of the CWCBE and is an NYCCIA committee member. She is a former pilates entrepreneur, an NYC Ambassador for Women Grow, a lululemon legacy ambassador, and served as a 2018 High Times CBD judge. KymB joined TribeTokes as a cofounder in 2018 and spearheaded the launch of the clean skincare line, TRIBEAUTY.
Degelis (pronounced deja-lee and Dege or “dayj” for short) is an investor, entrepreneur and plant-based medicine enthusiast. Before launching the Tribe family of brands, she was the COO of several other startups including Instafluence, the first influencer agency, which sold to Maker Studios in 2015. Previously, she was an investing analyst at Sands Capital covering nearly $2 billion in global retail sector investments, and an investment banking analyst at J.P. Morgan. She graduated from the University of Virginia and has her CFA designation.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us the “backstory” about what brought you to the cannabis industry?
Kym Byrnes: Cannabis has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. Both my parents, especially my dad, were consumers. When I was young my friends used to tease me about my dad’s roach jar…. I even remember my Aunt + Uncle planting cannabis seeds in the backyard as a joke. My mom passed away when I was 15. I quit school to clean motel rooms and sell nickel bags. I always had a deep affinity for the plant and grew mine own for ages. When my dad got sick in 2010, I realized the medicinal effects. After he passed I felt the need to explore cannabis as a medicine leading me to CBD. I met Dege at a Women Grow meeting in NYC — one of the best days of my life. Yes, cannabis is an industry but is it? With so many people still in jail or being convicted…. still a great deal of work to do before it’s a full on industry but we have come so far.
Degelis Tufts Pilla: In 2016 I was looking for my next career adventure, and a few of the major states legalized adult use in the election. I felt so strongly about the end of prohibition and in our right to choose as adults whether to consume cannabis or not. Cannabis being illegal and alcohol being legal makes zero sense, and the movement had started and was gaining momentum. I spent a year trying to figure out where I wanted to be in the ecosystem. I believe psychedelics are next and I’m excited about the growing acceptance of this sector as well.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
Degelis: The first trade show I ever did, I underestimated how long my inventory shipment would take to come in and the entire first day of the show we didn’t have our vape batteries, which was our signature product we were launching at the time. We had one sample out on the table (my prototype) and just talked to people the whole first day without having product samples. I remember having my intern take an uber to my apartment with my boyfriend to grab all the boxes once I got the notification from DHL that the boxes had arrived. We actually did pretty good at the tradeshow for not having products for the entire first day!
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?
Kym: I am extremely thankful for my sister Lauren. She has supported me since the beginning of time. In 2013 my dad passed away and I went through a devastating divorce. I was at an all time low. I knew I wanted to be involved in cannabis but was scared. She encouraged me to go for it. I called her on my way to my first Woman Grow meeting. I was so nervous. She said smoke a joint and just be you. Words to live by for sure.
Degelis: I’m grateful for our manufacturing team in California! I first came to them like, “The CBD carts on the market are garbage, can we do better? They joined our team and helped us with R&D — CBD is a very unstable molecule for vaping — the oil in the carts tend to crystallize or turn dark brown with UV light exposure if you don’t have the right terpene and full spectrum cannabinoid blend — which was why so many brands were just giving up and adding MCT oil or Vegetable Glycerin. We were adamant about keeping the formulation full plant (hemp-derived) and they helped us get there after about 10 iterations of the product.
Are you working on any new or exciting projects now? How do you think that will help people?
Kym: We love our GUMMIES.They are all natural and made with amazing ingredients and are so damn delicious. We are excited to announce Delta 8 gummies are launching soon. We love Delta 8 THC bc it has a lot of the benefits of Delta 9 THC but much easier to access and totally affordable. So people do not have access to THC in the region due to legalities. This is an amazing alternative.
Degelis: We are also working on a charitable component of our brand, in addition to our 1% of sales donated to the Know Your Rights Camp, in collaboration with our Medical Advisor Dr. Lynn Parodneck. We will be donating free CBD and Delta 8 products to people in need with serious conditions, completely free of charge. Health insurance does not cover plant medicine, so brands need to step in!
Ok. Thank you for all that. Let’s now jump to the main core of our interview. Despite great progress that has been made we still have a lot more work to do to achieve gender parity in this industry. According to this report in Entrepreneur, less than 25 percent of cannabis businesses are run by women. In your opinion or experience, what 3 things can be done by a)individuals b)companies and/or c) society to support greater gender parity moving forward?
Kym: Pay women fairly, invest in women companies (including more women investors) , create flexible work schedules for moms (everyone has a mom somewhere)!
Degelis: Hire more women! We have been pretty adamant about working with women on our team, even though there are plenty of qualified men to work with. My husband does work for us, and he is proud to be the only male on the team 🙂
You are a “Cannabis Insider”. If you had to advise someone about 5 non intuitive things one should know to succeed in the cannabis industry, what would you say? Can you please give a story or an example for each.
Degelis:
(1) You should know a lot of math — cannabis is a business just like any other business
(2) Beware of salesmen selling snake oil — we have been burned by a few con artists in this industry trying to get rich quick, and won’t make that mistake again! They have all been white males
(3) Develop your community — given the grassroots nature of this industry, showing up for events and being involved in advocacy work is important. Just sending LinkedIn invitations won’t cut it.
(4) Learn how to read a lab report — know the different cannabinoids, terpenes, and the sections to look for (microbials, pesticides etc)
(5) You need to innovate — the market is becoming more crowded, just like any other consumer product or service, how can you offer something better or different from what already exists on the market?
Can you share 3 things that most excite you about the cannabis industry?
Kym + Degelis:
THE END OF WAR ON DRUGS — Legalization across the board
Social Equity and Justice (Minority licenses, expungements and restructuring our legislation (stop arresting black and brown people for weed).
Plant-based healthy THC products coming to market (including beauty and topicals)
Can you share 3 things that most concern you about the industry? If you had the ability to implement 3 ways to reform or improve the industry, what would you suggest?
Kym + Degelis:
Over taxation — drives up consumer prices to unaffordable levels
Over regulation — can hurt innovation and the supply chain from developing
Poor banking legislation — access to banking and capital hurts the industry overall
The industry being taken over by large companies / MSO’s — “big cannabis” being like “big pharma”
The gov’t should help foster entrepreneurship and helping small businesses get licenses and create wealth for those who have been disproportionately affected by the war on drugs.
What are your thoughts about federal legalization of cannabis? If you could speak to your Senator, what would be your most persuasive argument regarding why they should or should not pursue federal legalization?
Kym: The war on drugs has racially profiled, incarcerated and disparaged communities. Federal legalization can afford those who have been negatively impacted more resources to rebuild. Our government is already accepting tax money for the sale of cannabis. It’s time to end the war and undo the demonization of a medicinal plant.
Today, cigarettes are legal, but they are heavily regulated, highly taxed, and they are somewhat socially marginalized. Would you like cannabis to have a similar status to cigarettes or different? Can you explain?
Kym: Cannabis has medicinal benefits regardless of having a classification of adult use. Cannabis should not mirror the very corrupt tobacco industry. Tobacco kills more than 480,000 people annually — more than AIDS, alcohol, car accidents, illegal drugs, murders and suicides combined. It is time to do and regulate this differently.
Degelis: It would be a tragedy for cannabis to have a similar status as cigarettes! We deal with this now with the dark cloud over “vaping” generally being associated with nicotine — there is not a SINGLE ingredient or thing in common between our CBD / D8 vapes and a nicotine vape, except the mechanism of how it is heated.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Kym: If you want to be part of the industry — you need to show up! For your community, for yourself and for the plant! I got where I am by just showing up and keeping my word.
Degelis: I love the quote by Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall in Game of Thrones, “The freedom to make my own mistakes was all I ever wanted.” I think this perfectly summarizes why I left Wall Street to start my own business in a wild industry like cannabis. Life is an adventure and a constant learning process, and when I treat it as such I’m more fulfilled in my work.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the greatest amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Kym: I would inspire the movement of kindness. I believe we can heal ourselves through kindness. Being non judgemental and open to race, gender and religion etc. We are all different and that’s what is so fucking special.
Degelis: I would love a Golden Rule Movement! This is the simplest and most powerful thing to live by. If everyone treated others how they would like to be treated, most terrible things in the world would immediately vanish.
Dr Destini Copp: Five Ways For Influencers To Monetize Their Brand
Sell a low-cost digital product — this could be a digital book that you self-publish on Amazon or a mini-course where you provide video training and a pdf workbook
As part of my series about “How Influencers Can Monetize Their Brand”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Destini Copp.
Dr. Destini Copp is college marketing professor turned online entrepreneur and a wanna be, Serena Williams-like, tennis player. She is the host of The Course Creator’s MBA Podcast and the Creator of the OneClick MBA membership.
More than 4,700 online entrepreneurs use her time-saving templates, swipe files, and marketing training to help them grow their online business.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would love to get to know you a bit more. What is your “backstory”? What brought you to this point in your career?
I’ve always wanted to have my own online business since back in the 90s right after college.
I remember going to a website called ediets.com with my AOL dial-up Internet access and thinking I want to launch something like this. This type of business is perfect for me. I can help people and run my own online business out of my home. As a side note, I’m not even sure if they’re still in business today. But it was like Weight Watchers online if I recall correctly.
In the 90s, launching online businesses was not as easy as it is today. I didn’t have any coding experience and could not build my website. Easy website builders like Squarespace didn’t exist. I also was cash poor in my early twenties and didn’t have the thousands and thousands of dollars that it would take to launch something like ediets.com.
Because I had to support my family, I took the corporate route and did that for several years working in marketing starting as an Asst. Product Manager and after several promotions was a Director in Marketing responsible for an $800M product portfolio.
By this time, I was completely burned out, had two small children at home, and wanted to do something different. I left corporate marketing, took a year off work, and decided to do something different. I even bought a $2,000 coaching certification program and thought about coaching, but still had roadblocks on getting the website and everything set up.
I knew I wanted to work out of my house, and I loved teaching and helping others. This was around 2005 when the online education industry was just taking off. I saw an ad for a college marketing professor which I qualified for based on my graduate degree in marketing. The position was teaching online, and I could do it out of my house. The bonus was I’d be helping others achieve their dreams and I could support them in their goals. Bingo! It was perfect.
I started as an adjunct faculty and worked at the university for 15+ years. After several promotions and continued education including earning a Doctorate in marketing, serving as a College Dean and an Associate Vice Chancellor of Academic Affairs, I decided to finally explore my dream of launching my own online business. Things were very different. It was now 2017–2018 and starting an online business was relatively easy.
I took some time and learned the tech stuff. I built my website, set up my email service provider, the LLC for my business, and went all in on my new online business. It’s been a roller coaster, to say the least.
I would say my biggest regret is that I didn’t start sooner.
Can you share the funniest or most interesting story that happened to you in the course of your career?
I don’t know how interesting this story is, but it was rough for women in the 90s and early 2000s in a male-dominated business world. I remember using my breast pump in the restroom while people were coming in and out. All the guys would go golfing during business hours with clients and we’d be stuck in the office working. There weren’t a lot of female mentors, so you had to rely on your peers for support. In one of my previous positions, my male boss took me aside and told me they were promoting my peer and I’d be working for him. He said they were doing this so he could get management experience. I thought, seriously!? I left that firm soon after that conversation.
How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?
I’m a teacher at heart. I’ve taught at the university level for over 15 years teaching thousands and thousands of students. I’m blessed to be able to continue teaching and supporting entrepreneurs to help them bring their dreams to reality.
My goal is to support 1M+ entrepreneurs during my lifetime. I don’t want lack of knowledge, support, or time to be a detriment to their success. Our motto is “Do Less and Earn More.”
I’ve also been blessed and privileged to use my income to support various charities. My family is a strong believer in giving back and donating 10% of our income to help others.
You have been blessed with great success in a career path that many have attempted, but eventually gave up on. Do you have any words of advice for others who may want to embark on this career path but know that their dreams might be dashed?
If you’re in this to get rich quick, you may want to think about another path. I’ve interviewed hundreds of entrepreneurs and I’ve never heard an overnight success story. It’s been just the opposite. The entrepreneurs and influencers talk about how hard they’ve worked and sacrificed to make their dream a reality. The one thing they had in common was they felt their blood, sweat, and tears were all worth it in the end as they loved what they do.
None of us can achieve success without a bit of help along the way. Is there a particular person who made a profound difference in your life to whom you are grateful? Can you share a story?
I would say that I’m most grateful for the support I’ve had from other women throughout my career. Even now, I schedule weekly business “touch base” calls with my business friends. There are so many of them that I’m entirely grateful for. They have been my biggest supporters and cheerleaders along the way.
I would recommend that every business owner have a few people they trust, and they can call with questions. This doesn’t have to be a coach or mentor that you pay. The best advice I’ve ever received was not from a paid coach, but from business friends who I consistently meet with, who understand my business and me. Their advice is invaluable and I’m thankful for them.
So what are the most exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
Like many others, I’ve had self-publish a book on Amazon on my bucket list for some time. I said that this year I would make it happen! My book, Launch Your Online Course Business in 90 Days or Less is scheduled to be self-published on Amazon this summer. The book is designed to walk aspiring entrepreneurs through the exact steps they should take to launch their online business where they sell digital products like online courses or a membership.
Also, another big project is the launch of our monthly membership, OneClick MBA. In the membership, we provide monthly time-saving templates, swipe files & simplified, MBA-like training to help members grow their online business.
Each issue takes a marketing topic and helps entrepreneurs quickly and easily implement it in their business. My audience loves quick wins and they don’t have hours and hours a day for training. Examples of the monthly issue include an Ad Starter Kit, Podcast Pitch Bundle, 5-Day Challenge Toolkit, and The Lean Business Plan.
What are your “Top Five Ways That Influencers Can Monetize Their Brand” . (Please share a story or example for each.)
Influencers are often frustrated by the time, energy, and effort they spend in creating content, but not seeing a financial return on their investment.
The good news is you don’t have to wait for years after you’ve launched your brand to start monetizing your content. I’ve tested and tried all the examples below. Here’s a bonus: these options don’t require a ton of upfront investment!
Launch a podcast and secure sponsors
There are several ways you can use a podcast to monetize your brand. One is to secure sponsors who pay you to read an ad in your own voice. This is a powerful advertising message for sponsors because your audience trusts your feedback and is more likely to try out a product or brand that you’re promoting.
If you’re just getting started with your podcast, sign up to be an affiliate for a product that you know and love. You can include your affiliate link in your podcast show notes (you’ll need to follow FTC guidelines for disclosing that you’re an affiliate). For anyone who clicks on the link and purchases the product, you’ll receive a small commission.
Create a paid membership community
This option is very similar to my OneClick MBA membership. Each month, we publish a new issue for our members. The issues include time-saving templates, swipe files, and simplified MBA-like training for modern entrepreneurs. We also offer coaching with Ask Me Anything sessions and support directly in the membership.
What I like about memberships is the monthly recurring revenue they provide so you have a consistent income coming in every month from your membership.
Affiliate marketing with brands and products that you love to promote
I’m also a huge fan of affiliate marketing. An example of this is a blog post that I have on my site that covers 21+ Low-Cost Tools for Growing Your Online Course Business. Throughout the post, I’ve highlighted several tools that I use in my business with affiliate links.
When promoting through affiliate links, I always make sure I have an appropriate disclaimer on the post or website, so readers are informed. It looks like this:
“Note: Some of these links are affiliate links, which means I may get a commission if you try them and purchase. However, none of the fees have been increased to compensate me.”
Sell a low-cost digital product — this could be a digital book that you self-publish on Amazon or a mini-course where you provide video training and a pdf workbook
This is another one of my favorite ways to monetize your brand. I truly believe that everyone has a story inside of them to inspire and motivate others. This makes self-publishing a book on Amazon an attainable goal. In fact, for my book that I’m publishing this summer, I took much of the content I’d already created from blog posts, social media posts, and podcast content and used it as a basis for my book manuscript.
Launching an online course is easier than most people think. When you start with a mini-course where you provide your audience a quick win and you price and position it as a no-brainer type of offer, this provides you with an ability to monetize your content.
Host a live virtual event
There are two options here:
You could offer a paid 2-hour training where you walk your audience through a specific topic where they can get a quick win.
Another option is to host a live virtual summit. This could be a 1-day, 3-day, or even a 5-day summit. You invite speakers to help build your authority and solicit summit sponsors. You can bundle the speaker presentations into a paid All Access Pass where they can access the presentations after the live event.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
I don’t want money to be the reason why someone doesn’t start their own business. Unlike how it was in the 90s, today, you can get started with almost no upfront investment.
As an influencer, you’ll want to pick your platform for your content. If you love writing, start a blog. If you prefer audio, consider podcasting. If you’re great on video, start a YouTube channel.
Remember your content is how people will find you. It’s a great way to expand your sphere of influence without paid advertising. You can use your content to invite your community into your world by inviting them to join your email list.
It’s not just a clique. The money is truly in the email list. It’s not how many followers you have on social media. The fastest and best way to monetize your brand is by building an email list of loyal followers.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this. 🙂
I’d love to have coffee with Amy Porterfield. Years ago, when I knew I wanted to start my own online course business, I saw one of her ads which was an invite to a masterclass in which she was promoting her Courses that Convert program. I believe I still have access to the course. Knowing what I know now, I was probably targeted by Facebook due to research I had been doing online. When I attended her masterclass, at that point, I did not even have my website yet, but I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Years later, I still contribute her guidance to getting me started in the online world.
What is the best way our readers can follow your work online?
The best place to find me is on my website at https://destinicopp.com/. If you are into podcasts and love hearing stories about other online entrepreneurs, subscribe to The Course Creator’s MBA Podcast on your favorite podcast platform.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Dr. Jerry Bailey of Lakeside Holistic Health: 5 Lifestyle Tweaks That Can Dramatically Improve Your Wellbeing
Sleep: Set a scheduled bed and wake time for each day. And stick to it. Keeping your bed and waking time the same each day NO MATTER what happens each day is key to getting the amount of rest and recovery you need to establish strong brain, hormone and cardiovascular performance. Getting at least 8 hours each night is key to keeping HRV (heart rate variability) high. HRV is a marker for the adaptability of your heart and thus your physiology’s ability to adapt. We are losing our ability to adapt to the stressors of everyday life. This is evident in everyone from millennials to boomers and especially in my generation, Gen X. You want peak performance in every aspect of health, wellness, mindset, performance and business-Get REST!
As a part of my series about “5 Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Dramatically Improve One’s Wellbeing”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Jerry Bailey.
Dr. Jerry Bailey is a prominent expert on men’s medicine and leads the world in the emerging science of Poly-Hormonal Adrenal Testosterone Syndrome. He is an acclaimed speaker, former clinical and graduate educator, one of few practicing experts, and is considered a leading authority on men’s health. He holds degrees in Chiropractic, Acupuncture and Masters of Science in Human Nutrition and Functional Medicine. His prior background to Chiropractic school was in Health Promotion in Rehabilitative and Prescriptive Programming, Nutrition and Coaching from Central Michigan University. He has been in practice for over two decades seeing tens of thousands of patients in that period. His clinical experience and acute awareness of current research, as a former faculty at the University of Western States in the Graduate Studies department in the Masters of Science of Human Nutrition and Functional Medicine, affords him a unique ability to apply current research to clinical practice to be a truly evidence-informed practicing physician. Not only has he observed this new phenomenon in his patients but has also started to observe similar hormonal patterns in himself, thus leading to the deep dive into the discovery and research of this new syndrome. Even though he leads an active life, exercising regularly with HIIT training, competing in full and half Ironman events, along with Crossfit, and eats a specific personalized eating plan Dr. Bailey had developed PHAT syndrome himself.
He, along with his physician wife, have been the top Functional/Natural medicine practice in the inland northwest for many years. Their clinic is at the forefront of cutting edge evidence-informed practice along with the development of new protocols to aid in reversing most of the chronic illness and hormone imbalances seen today. He is a dad to two amazing sons. He is also a drummer, a gig his day job supports.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the story about how you first got involved in fitness and wellness?
In high school during the late eighties and early nineties, I was always into weight training and sports. My family health history was typical of the Midwest where we had cardiovascular issues, diabetes, obesity — all those things that were part of my family and people around me — you know, parents, friends, aunts, and uncles were having these major health issues. I knew that I did not want that for myself, my future kids, and my spouse. It really spurred me on to learn all I could about wellness, fitness, and nutrition. That’s what motivated me to earn my bachelor’s from Central Michigan University in exercise physiology — essentially, nutrition, athletic coaching, and then onwards to my chiropractic studies and my master’s in human nutrition and functional medicine. I’ve always been looking for the answers for those difficult cases, for why people can’t get better and conducting as much research as possible to find out those answers versus, “Well, we’re just not sure here’s a drug for you.” I never want drugs to be the answer. I saw that wasn’t the answer way back then and wanted to give everybody the opportunity to really make choices, to delve into their health and wellness and do the best things they can to prevent chronic health conditions that we see today. Most health conditions today can be attributed to lifestyle. And if we don’t correct that, we are headed down a path where millennials are not going to outlive their parents. And that’s a sad case of seeing an evolution of health based on today’s standards of living
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
I think for me, there’ve been a couple, but I think really being from the Midwest and you just go with the flow, you don’t try to stick your neck out in anything. I think the most interesting thing is getting recognized when I do talks or when I’ve done seminars or meeting people there that say, “Hey, I’ve been following you since one of your first podcasts you did way back or your first interview with supplement companies. When you’re talking about supplements, I followed you in that.” And so that’s always been interesting for me to see that people have an interest in what I say, and they’re applying it to their clients and getting success. That’s the most humbling aspect of what I do. I taught those methods over the years to other practitioners that they come back and say, “Hey, you taught me this. And it stuck with me and it’s actually helping my clients.” So, I think that’s really the most interesting thing that happened to me since starting my career — giving back pays off. And then when former students and other doctors come and say, “Hey, what you said really stuck with me and it’s really benefited me and my clients.”
Can you share a story with us about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? What lesson or take-away did you learn from that?
There have been a few over the years, but not really mistakes, they’re just, you know, things that happen. The most humorous one was when a gentleman called and I was first in practice. I was by myself, answering the phone, doing everything, way back in 2000. He wanted to make an appointment and didn’t want to give his name, or any information. He just wanted to show up at the clinic. And we said, “You know, I can’t do that. I need to know your name. He was very restrictive in his speech, didn’t want to divulge too much on the phone and really wanted to talk to me in person. And I said, “Okay, well let’s schedule a time.” He said, “Oh, I don’t want my name on the list.” The gentleman was worried he would be in a system somewhere and be tracked and everything else. And so when he comes in for the visit, same thing just didn’t want to divulge much. It was like pulling teeth to get anything out of him. And it was a simple, low back issue and I spent about an hour with him. Most of it was me talking, just trying to get him to talk, but I thought, “This guy’s never coming back. I’ll never see him again.” It just didn’t feel like we clicked. Well, he scheduled for a second. He comes in and the guy wouldn’t stop talking. And 20 years later, he still sees me a couple of times a year, comes in and he never really wants any care. He just wants to sit and talk and ask some questions and then once he’s done, he says, “That’s all I got. I’ll see you later.” I’m like, “Okay.” So I think that’s the most humorous thing that happens sometimes in clinical practice is you’ll see somebody and think this first visit did not go well. And then next thing you know, you’re still seeing them 20 years later and they just come in for those questions. So what lesson or takeaway can you learn from that? Just be open to everything around you and the people around you. It will surprise you. That’s the big thing being there and being that ear. So they’re heard, they’re listened to, and that they can get the answers they’re looking for is really key.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority in the fitness and wellness field? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to the world of wellness?
Twenty plus years in clinical practice plus the degrees I have and the experience I have of seeing tens of thousands of patients over the years, really shows what we can do from taking that person from just starting out in the health realm like, they’re on medications, they’re overweight, they have all these chronic health conditions and just taking them step by step, changing their diet, getting them to walk. We really optimize their health with specific testing that we do and optimization to really find out genetically what they need and how we can boost their performance. Even at an elite level, a one to 5% change in performance is the difference between second and first place with the same training for somebody. That really gives me authority as the training I’ve had as an exercise physiologist, as a nutritionist, as a chiropractor, as an epigenetic specialist — that authority is built into those degrees. It’s also the experience of treating a wide range of the at-home person who doesn’t do exercise and kind of lays on the couch to optimizing them into the performance they want, whether it be onto a simple 5k or an iron man that I’ve done myself, to qualifying for the Boston marathon. It’s seeing that variety and knowing how to really get into their mind, to get them where they want to be, and where they need to be is really key. And that’s what brings my authority about, in my opinion, what is my unique contribution to the world of wellness? I think it’s that global view of a person — a fitness person, fitness trainer; we’ll look at them at a fitness level. A nutritionist will look at a nutrition level and nobody really puts the pieces together. And I’ve seen that from my bachelor’s days on to my masters and doctorate that nobody takes the time to put together your fitness. A trainer will say, it’s all about the exercise, your nutritionist, says it’s all about nutrition. And it’s really a combination of those along with the genetics and their mindset. And that’s my unique contribution is combining their fitness, combining their nutrition, combining their genetics, combining their physical attributes to really optimize their health and wellness. Thus allowing them to be the athlete they want to be, or the parent they want to be or the husband, the wife, the whole thing that they want to be and how to keep that mindset going when they’re at their darkest because we can really help them get out of that realm and into that bright light so they can go forward.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
There are so many people that I am grateful for — during my training itself, from my bachelor’s days on, up through my master’s and doctorate level days that have helped to get me where I am. It’s hard to say a particular person. In the undergraduate days there were two professors that really stuck out Dr. Roger Hammer and Dr. Jeff Edwards, both at Central Michigan University. I loved them dearly, still talk to them to this day, 25 years, 26 years later, I still talk to them on occasion. Those two were there in my chiropractic days. So many wonderful professors again, I think the best I would say is Dr. David Panzer, who still practices close to 40, 50 years later, wonderful doctor, the breadth of knowledge there. The peacefulness in his nature of teaching — I was so grateful he gave me the confidence to know I was doing the right thing and made the right choice and become a chiropractor and help people. That soft hand of guidance and that ear to talk to when you need to, that’s really the people who’ve guided me. I mean, even way back to high school, I could say coaches and teachers that were amazing along the way really helped develop me to be the doctor I am today. Even in my nutrition training, Dr. Alex Vasquez, who is a phenomenal teacher and knowledgeable person that I’ve ever met in nutrition and medicine. His guidance and character really helped develop my nutritional understanding a lot more than I ever thought I would into the depth of knowing down to the cellular level, how nutrition really feeds the body and how nutrition and vitamins and minerals function in the body. There’s not a single person who’s driven me forward. It was that conglomerate of my inner circle guiding me along that way.
Ok thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. We all know that it’s important to eat more vegetables, eat less sugar, exercise more, and get better sleep etc. But while we know it intellectually, it’s often difficult to put it into practice and make it a part of our daily habits. In your opinion what are the 3 main blockages that prevent us from taking the information that we all know, and integrating it into our lives?
The three main blockages, I believe, is the knowledge of how to do it, implementing it on a daily basis, and then celebrating the success of that. Those three things are key in learning how to really just start incorporating vegetables into the diet, how to exercise a little bit more, how to get more sleep. Taking away things from, you know, getting the electronics out of your life, several hours before bed — that’s really key knowing in dietarily wise, like you can really eat less sugar, eat more vegetables by simply eating the rainbow, not Skittles the candy, but the rainbow of colors of vegetables. Eat those every single day that — you know, Roy G Bev, the red, orange, yellow, blue, green, indigo, violet, the colors we learned. Every single day, right there you have eight colors of vegetables and eight cups of food that you wouldn’t have before. That’s the simplest way to do it is pick that color each every day, pick a cup, pick those colors, pick a food form and eat them. That’s going to make you get those vegetables in every single day. And that’s a simple way you can incorporate eating more vegetables and avoid junk because you’re going to be full and have lots of energy and not want to eat sugar. How to exercise more, get moving, just get out and go for a walk, get into nature, celebrate nature by what’s called forest bathing. The Japanese study this for a long time and showed that those who got out into nature and walked around in nature actually had better health, lower cortisol, and stress response intheir system, better cardiovascular markers and better neurological, better neurological function. Simply getting outside and walking, sleep wise, track it, use a tracking device to track your sleep. So you know how you’re sleeping, what’s disturbing you. You can see how exercise and nutrition affects your sleep. Those three main things are really key to doing that and that’s how you integrate it. Eating the rainbow for vegetables is really, really key. You’ll cut the sugar out cause you’ll be full from eating all those.
Can you please share your “5 Non-Intuitive Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Dramatically Improve One’s Wellbeing”? (Please share a story or an example for each, and feel free to share ideas for mental, emotional and physical health.)
The 5 top non-intuitive lifestyle tweaks to dramatically improve one’s well being are:
1) Sleep: Set a scheduled bed and wake time for each day. And stick to it. Keeping your bed and waking time the same each day NO MATTER what happens each day is key to getting the amount of rest and recovery you need to establish strong brain, hormone and cardiovascular performance. Getting at least 8 hours each night is key to keeping HRV (heart rate variability) high. HRV is a marker for the adaptability of your heart and thus your physiology’s ability to adapt. We are losing our ability to adapt to the stressors of everyday life. This is evident in everyone from millennials to boomers and especially in my generation, Gen X. You want peak performance in every aspect of health, wellness, mindset, performance and business-Get REST!
2) Food: Eat the RAINBOW-ROY GW BIV. Eat each color every day in vegetables and a couple fruits. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, White, Blue, Indigo and Violet. If you hit six colors of veggies at a cup each and two colors of fruits for a cup each you won’t have the time nor the will to eat sugar-ladened processed foods! From lightly sauteed, to baked, to fresh, eat all these colors and you will have the nutrient density to meet most of your daily needs of vitamins, minerals and phytonutrients that we don’t even know the name of yet! Plus, you will naturally be in a caloric deficit but nutrient-dense diet high in fiber to stimulate better digestion, elimination, detoxification and energy increase thus leading to natural decrease in weight loss without even trying.
3) Infrared therapy: using red-light therapy that you can simply order on amazon has been shown to benefit mental, physical and spiritual aspects of health and wellbeing. Find a unit that is dual light wavelength of 660 and 850 nm as these hit the spectrums to greatly influence wellbeing and health. Using these daily for 15–30 minutes laying on the body in any area from the face/head (increase mental focus and alpha wave stimulation) to the groin (to increase testosterone in men and balance in women) to the feet (for plantar fasciitis). A simple easy tool to boost your health and wellness with little to no investment on you. You can tie this in with number 4 for a super neuro-boost to the brain.
4) Get and use an Alpha Stim unit. The alpha stim is a cranial electrotherapy stimulation (CES) device that delivers a natural level of microcurrent, via small clips worn on your earlobes, through the brain to stimulate and modulate specific groups of nerve cells. This little unit is key to decreasing anxiety, depression, insomnia and increasing alpha wave (our creative and peaceful waves) formation in the brain. I use this in conjunction with infrared therapy every day to get my brain primed for the day and at the end to chill the nervous system when I have an incredibly busy stressful day. The brain has five waves: gamma, beta, alpha, theta and delta. The alpha stim places in, of course, alpha waves, which are reflective and restful. When we are anxious or depressed and can’t sleep, we are in beta waves which increase these negative emotions and states. In today’s society we are stuck in beta not moving up to gamma nor down to alpha, theta or delta. This little machine primes us for peak state of performance and creativity.
5) Get Adjusted and Acupuncture! This is a no-brainer on how to increase wellbeing. Yet the majority don’t do either. Research shows those under the care of a chiropractor and acupuncturist are healthier and miss fewer work days than those under regular medically based care. Those that seek out these types of medicine are generally more willing to take care of themselves and are independent of sick care. After practicing both of these medicines for two decades and tens of the thousands of patient visits I can speak to this being true. My clients that get regular care from my clinic make better choices for their health and wellness while not needing medical interventions such as drugs and surgery. While each type has its place, the goal should be independence of care on health and only these functional or alternative medicines have that as part of their tenets of care. “Your body has the ability to heal itself, if given the right tools.”
As an expert, this might be obvious to you, but I think it would be instructive to articulate this for the public. Aside from weight loss, what are 3 benefits of daily exercise? Can you explain?
Three daily benefits of exercise are besides weight loss, of course is one you’re lubricating your joints. If you aren’t moving the joints they can’t lubricate themselves. The fluid in there kind of gets old and gritty like old car oil. And that lets the arthritis set in. Another benefit is improved cardiovascular flow, not only to the muscles and joints, but also to the brain. We’re going to improve brain function significantly by exercising every day and getting movement. You also increase blood flow to your adipose tissue, your fat cells, which will help you lose weight. You’ll trigger actual weight loss just by getting the movement in there. And really the third one overall is emotional. Not only mentally, are you better prepared, but emotionally you’re better to handle the day by being able to burn off calories and burn off energy in the system and bring the body out of that, bring the body out of the head and into the body. We are so stuck today in our heads because we sit at computers all day and don’t get much movement. The brain is stuck in this ever-flowing circle of stimuli, stimuli, stimuli, and we don’t get it out of our head and into our body. Those are the three things I believe are really beneficial for daily exercise.
For someone who is looking to add exercise to their daily routine, which 3 exercises would you recommend that are absolutely critical?
This one is epic. I love weight training. I do CrossFit. I’ve been doing weight training for close to 35 years now since like eighth grade. It’s one of the most beneficial things we can do to strengthen our body and research shows the more muscle mass we have as we age, the better we age. We used to think it was cardiovascular, but we’re seeing that this chronic cardio is really bad for the system and actually is detrimental to the cardiovascular system. So strength training is important to have muscle mass as we age; it’s actually anti-aging. Three exercises that I would recommend for sure are deadlifts as long as your back is good, squats, and bench presses. Body squats will work your back, your shoulders, and your legs immensely and bench press of course works your upper body. So those three things are really key exercises that you should be doing to really help your body grow.
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story?
The Celestine Prophecy — that book was so instrumental in my development and my wife’s too, because it gave us this view, like we had a lot of hard science on exercise and nutrition, but we were missing the mindset. That book gave me that intuitive look into people’s personalities to help them better develop a really good core lifestyle and mindset to their lives. So that way they could move forward and not be stuck in the perpetual circles they were stuck in. That book really impacted me in the sense of being able to look at people differently and not just kind of go, “Oh, this is this person. This is that person.” It really gave me that look of each person as an individual. And how do I reach that person individually based on what I’m seeing in their life. It really went through particular aspects of personality that gave me insight, how to communicate with people and how to really block those people that are the energy suckers, how to be able to block that and still communicate with that person and get them to have a better life and change how they are. That book really sent me down the path of natural functional medicine
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I’m working on that right now. Within men, I see a wonderful condition that I’ve coined PHAT syndrome, it’s poly hormonal adrenal testosterone syndrome. That’s what we’re seeing. There’s a lot of research on it, just hasn’t been named. They’re calling it PCOS in men. Although men can’t have PCOS because we don’t have ovaries. PCOS affects more than 10% of the population of women. We’re seeing it more and more, and I’m seeing it in men now, the same exact hormonal imbalances that we see in women; we’re seeing it in men. So that is my little niche you could say of what I’m seeing with men from not just the 35 to 55, my average patient, but we’re actually seeing it in younger men. It’s testosterone issues, it’s stress response issues. It’s neurological issues, it’s cardiovascular issues, it’s glucose issues, it’s increased adiposity or fatness in their body. It’s a conglomerate across the board, eight different things that are going on in their health that we see and often doctors will go, oh, it’s testosterone deficiency or it’s just diabetes. And no, it’s actually what we’re seeing every single day in men. We’re having to address it differently than just doing a pill for an ill. It’s really lifestyle medicine and it’s really balancing those systems to get them to heal that little trigger that I see is that this a PHAT syndrome in men, and really helping them get it out there.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?
I actually have two quotes there. One was from a high school coach, a football coach. We had lost a game and he gave this quote and it was: life has never been as good as it seems. Life is never as bad as it seems and in between his reality. And so I try to live that every day no matter how good life is. It can be bad at some time, but really, it’s living in the moment and living forward to the future. That’s how I interpret that is really living in the moment, living everything I can each day with my family, with my kids, my practice and patients, and everybody around me to cherish that daily life for them. So that’s that one. The other one, I use all the time. I use it as a hashtag, which is “let’s rock” and that’s how I wake up every day. I don’t do caffeine. I don’t do coffee in the mornings. I’m naturally energetic. People are surprised by that. They’re like, man, you must drink a lot of coffee. I’m like, I don’t like the taste of coffee. I like the smell of it, but I don’t like the taste of it. So my life is always let’s rock. Being a musician, also being a drummer, it’s all about rock and roll and that’s what gets me going. And so essentially living in the moment and then let’s rock are really the two key things that I like.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂
There are so many people I’d love to have lunch with to chat, talk and see their life story. I think most recently, kind of the big one that I would say is Gene Simmons of Kiss fame. I know he’s a busy person with all of his companies. I would love to take the time to sit and have breakfast or lunch with him. I would take the time to understand his mindset and drive he has had since the 70’s with the band along with his other companies. His consistent drive and constant work ethic really speaks to me. He delivers so much to his fans and his companies. My wife and I take our sons to concerts every year, since I am a musician I believe it’s important to support the arts. We saw Kiss locally here several years ago. The boys dressed up with facepaint and made signs. It was amazing. Kiss gave back to the local military support groups. That’s really key in helping others at all levels of success in your life and at that level they are I really dug their giving back to the community they play in. My parents always taught me no one’s better than you. No one’s worse than you. We’re all equal. You can learn something from everybody you meet and you can teach something to everybody you meet. That really helped me in my growth. I think definitely, like I said, Gene Simmons would be a good person to sit and chat for a little bit with to learn from him and give back to him things I have learned from him.
What is the best way our readers can follow you online?
You can follow me on Facebook under the guy show live. You can follow me at Dr. Jerrybailey.com and you can also find me on Instagram at Dr. Jerry Bailey. Those are the great places to follow me. You can get my newsletter along with all the videos I have on YouTube also, you can get me at the guy show on YouTube for my podcast, along with videos that I have on there too.
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
Instead of spending all week thinking about what you need to get done to make your life happen, take a chunk of time to make a plan. A half hour should work just fine to organize your day or your week (maybe less once you get really used to this method). Then, set aside another hour or 2 to, in 1 sitting, try to move through as much as possible on your list. If you’re still not done once the timer goes off, plan another 2-hour chunk in a few days. Compartmentalizing our to-dos reduces our mental load, allowing us to be more mindful throughout the day.
As a part of my series about “How extremely busy executives make time to be great parents” I had the pleasure to interview Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP.
Dr. Whitney is a private practice pediatrician and founder of Modern Mommy Doc, where she guides professional women to find success in the workplace and at home. She’s the author of The Working Mom Blueprint: Winning at Parenting Without Losing Yourself and The New Baby Blueprint: Caring for You and Your Little One. As a Mama Mindset thought leader and coach, she teaches working moms how to go from conflicted to centered.
Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us your “childhood backstory”?
I was born committed. When I’m in on something, I’m all in. At the age of 9, I marched into my living room and announced boldly that I’d finalized my plans to open a business. Within weeks I had enough money cleaning horse stalls to fund three additions to my Barbie collection. High school, college, and medical school were all filled with passion projects and exercises in persistence.
I continued that commitment to diligence and focused energy as a practicing physician. I leaned in to the working world. Someone needed to stay a little late to see a toddler with a high fever on a Tuesday night? My partners could count on me. The group needed someone to lead a committee? I was their girl. An urgent email came through and needed to be answered immediately? No problem. I was happy to do what it took to be a team player and to advance my own career. I caught up on relaxation and rejuvenation on the weekends, hanging out with friends and sleeping in whenever I wanted to.
I went full-force professionally because I wanted to prove myself a worthy employee and because I wanted to succeed. I love my work and I wanted a seat at the table, as Sheryl Sandberg put it in her groundbreaking book, Lean In. I knew there were generations of women who paved the way in the working world before me with single-minded grit so I had the opportunity to even be a doctor in the first place. I respected that and wanted that for myself too.
Then I had a baby girl and everything changed when it came to being “all in.” My daughter suffered from severe colic. She struggled with potty training. She had the hardest time sleeping. She tantrumed all the way through her toddler years. She lashed out whenever she was emotionally dysregulated. She suffered from the very first month of her life under what I know now was an extreme level of anxiety.
My daughter and my family needed their mom’s full commitment, but my professional obligations at work continued to pull at me as well. In fact, the more senior I became in my job, the more pressure I felt to be “all in,” even when I really couldn’t be. We had another daughter and, as the 2 girls grew older, life got even more complicated. There were school supplies to buy, music classes to sign up for, playdates to join, laundry to fold, doctors’ appointments to schedule — times 2. Things got chaotic real fast being a working mother of 2.
Sure, I could do it all. I was a jedi at juggling everything: work, home, my social obligations. You name it, I could fit it in, make it happen, or mop it up. But I started to question if doing it all was worth it because, I realized, in trying to do it all one big thing was missing: joy and contentment.
I hardly ever felt centered and aligned. I was constantly conflicted — pulled every which way, all at the same time. I forced my career and my mothering to fit together in my life by doing more constantly — staying up late most nights to answer emails I couldn’t get to during the day, spending time on car rides in the passenger’s seat with my family ordering toothpaste and toilet paper for our home, fitting in responses to lingering personal texts on the way to or from a meeting or an after-school activity.
I was strong — fierce, even, in the eyes of the world — but I didn’t feel very solid inside myself. I had to make a change. I too was burned out to do anything else. Like so many other working moms around me, even those without such an extreme situation with their child, I started yearning for a better version of my motherhood experience. That’s when I started really diving into this idea of how to be more centered and less conflicted.
Can you share the story about what brought you to this specific point in your career?
I decided I had to break the cycle of burnout I was experiencing if I ever wanted to experience more centeredness for myself, and that meant changes at home and at work. I had to figure out a way to navigate the working mom world with more intentionality, to move from overindulgence or small, stolen moments as my only form of self-care to a pledge to make space for myself and my needs in a sustainable, consistent way. From a lean in mentality at work to a decision to say yes when it made sense for me and my family and to say no when it really didn’t. From acting resentful and haughty when my partner didn’t share my mental or household duty load to actually working toward more equity between us. From operating out of guilt when my kids begged for me to spend all day, every day with them to showing up for them regularly with attunement and connection. I moved from conflicted to centered, and, when I did, it changed everything.
I started learning and talking with other moms. I realized I was not alone in my struggle. And, as I heard other moms’ stories and quandaries, it became clear that we all needed a better framework for sustainable motherhood. I founded Modern Mommy Doc in 2017 with a few blogs about common mindset issues moms face and it quickly took flight. I developed a social media platform, launched a podcast, and started speaking and writing extensively about how to make motherhood more about thriving than surviving. My new book, The Working Mom Blueprint: Winning at Parenting Without Losing Yourself, gives professional women the practical tools and long-term strategies they need to go from conflicted to centered.
Can you tell us a bit more about what your day to day schedule looks like?
I spend three days a week in my private practice pediatrics practice seeing patients — from newborns all the way up to 23 years old. My other two mid-week days are spent coordinating with my Modern Mommy Doc team to provide relevant content for our community, talking with industry experts for my podcast, writing, and working with like-minded brands who want to elevate motherhood.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the core of our discussion. This is probably intuitive to many, but it would be beneficial to spell it out. Based on your experience or research, can you flesh out why not spending time with your children can be detrimental to their development?
We know that our kids need our time and attention at regular intervals. When our kids don’t have enough focused face time with us, free of distraction or outside competitors for our attention, the research is clear that they suffer. They can develop emotional and behavioral problems if they don’t have at least one caregiver who is regularly attuned and responsive to their needs. The research doesn’t say, however, that we need to be with our kids all the time. In fact, studies show that it’s the quality of the time we spend with our kids that matters most, and that we’re present — not just for the big moments, but for the mundane, in-between times, too.
On the flip side, can you give a few reasons or examples about why it is so important to make time to spend with your children?
Our kids need to know they are valued and loved and, most importantly, that our relationship with them matters to us. We can only build on that relationship if we spend enough time with our kids getting to know them well. Quality does matter most when it comes to strengthening our bond with them, but, if we don’t give them enough space within our schedules, there are fewer opportunities for that quality time. When I’m in a rush to get from appointment to appointment and only leave a ten-minute window for “quality time” with my four-year old, those few moments usually aren’t really very quality at all. I feel impatient and stressed. She doesn’t have the space to ask me questions or to the time to dawdle because I’m so urgent to move onto my next task. When we have a few hours, or even a full day together without the pressures of work, though, we both relax into being around each other and enjoying each other’s company.
According to this study cited in the Washington Post, the quality of time spent with children is more important than the quantity of time. Can you give a 3–5 stories or examples from your own life about what you do to spend quality time with your children?
When we prioritize moments to intentionally focus on our relationships with our children, practicing special time is one of the best ways we can make the most of it. Special time can mean setting aside 20 minutes per day to remove distractions, get on the floor or sit at the table with our kids, and play. We let our kids lead us, refrain from using any judgment statements (good or bad), and spend time doing what they want to do. As opposed to a time-out, when you intentionally remove your attention for bad behavior, it’s a time-in with your child, when you intentionally focus on your child and your child alone.
This doesn’t have to be complicated. When my daughters were babies, this was as simples as me getting on my hands and knees next to their activity mats. When they were toddlers, it literally meant playing with building blocks on the floor. Most importantly, I set a timer, turned my phone off, and made the time only about me and my children. Now we love to go on mommy-daughter dates to get our nails done or to visit the new polar bear at the zoo. When we remove the distractions of the outside world and focus just on our children for discrete periods of time they can count on, we build a foundation of memories and mindfulness, ultimately building resilience and connection.
We all live in a world with many deadlines and incessant demands for our time and attention. That inevitably makes us feel rushed and we may feel that we can’t spare the time to be “fully present” with our children. Can you share with our readers 5 strategies about how we can create more space in our lives in order to give our children more quality attention? Please include examples or stories for each, if you can.
There are times when taking time to be “fully present” with our children mean we just need to do less, but, the reality is, not everything can be brushed aside. Efficient professionals use these tricks to get it all done with the least amount of time and stress possible, leaving space in their lives to give their kids more quality attention:
They Batch To-dos
Instead of spending all week thinking about what you need to get done to make your life happen, take a chunk of time to make a plan. A half hour should work just fine to organize your day or your week (maybe less once you get really used to this method). Then, set aside another hour or 2 to, in 1 sitting, try to move through as much as possible on your list. If you’re still not done once the timer goes off, plan another 2-hour chunk in a few days. Compartmentalizing our to-dos reduces our mental load, allowing us to be more mindful throughout the day.
They Refuse to Equate Chores and Errands with Self-care
Sometimes I take a vacation day, and I spend every minute of it running errands for my family. Usually, by the time 5:00 pm rolls around, I feel tired and grumpy. I often wish I had just gone to work. At the very least, I feel disappointed and wistful about how I used my time. Errands are a necessary evil, but don’t get them confused with quality moments alone or with your loved ones. I manage to get most of my checklist items crossed off without lifting a metaphorical finger. You can too.
They Off-load the Tasks That Drive Them Crazy (or That They Don’t Do Well)
I’m not always good at cleaning my house. So, I hired someone who is to take care of the number 1 task I don’t need or want to do. Hiring a house cleaner reduced my stress, forced me to organize my house the night before she arrived each week, and gave me back my precious time, so I could spend it on more important things, like anything else. I’m also not great at cooking weekday meals other than spaghetti and meatballs or chicken teriyaki out of a freezer bag. I shine when it comes to holiday meal extravaganzas, but my husband is a weekday wiz in the kitchen. Since he and I both know I would probably succumb to takeout every night if he didn’t cook consistently (and because we keep working at being parenting teammates), he wears the chef’s hat in our home most Mondays through Thursdays.
They Automate
One way to reduce your mental load is to simplify the number of tasks you have, either by getting rid of them or by delegating them to someone else. For the tasks you have to attend to, reduce your time thinking about them by automating. Thank goodness we live in a modern world where, for a small fee, we can automate almost everything we do. I would wither on the vine if it were not for autopay and internet grocery and household goods delivery services. Diapers, wipes, sippy cups, household items like paper towels, hand soap, and toilet paper — I get them all from online ordering.
They Use the Car to Strategically Multitask
The car is your friend. Research shows that multitasking generally decreases our productivity, but, in the car, the same rules don’t always apply. The car can be a place to get a lot accomplished in a short period of time. Even when I’m the one driving, I use the car as a mini office. If I’m riding by myself for extended periods, I spend the time in the car listening to podcasts and audiobooks.
I love reading paper books, but I just know I would never have the time to get to everything I’ve had on my “meaning to” list if I relied on my evenings and weekends. That was especially true when I was a new mom. The car was a place where, when I was by myself, I knew I could get a lot done by listening. It still is. Especially when it comes to books in the parenting or self-help sector, audiobooks are the way to go.
How do you define a “good parent”? Can you give an example or story?
Good parents are intentional about creating a safe, stable environment for their children where they can develop resilience, grow physically and emotionally, and fail fearlessly. They balance warmth and support with firm limits. They also problem-solving, self-compassion, and a growth mindset by practicing it themselves. As a working mom, I get the chance to do this on the regular.
For example, my husband and I ordered a special celebratory dinner the night my first book, The New Baby Blueprint, was published. It was an important professional milestone for me, and I was proud of all the hard work it took to get to that moment.
My 6-year-old sauntered down our first flight of stairs and into the dining room, looking less than enthusiastic about her dinner options but very interested in the latest family news.
“Does that mean since you have the book out now you’re done with working, like for forever? Will tomorrow be a mommy-daughter day and all the days after that? Can you stop being a doctor now?”
It would have been easy to cave inward from the weight of that question. She was genuine in her ask and my reaction was sincere too. When she asked me to never leave her side, it fed into an ingrained belief I see so many women struggle with. It’s a belief that to be a good mom I need to be completely devoted to my children — above my work, above myself — above every other area of my life.
The next day at my pediatrics office, the opposite scenario ensued. At our monthly medical professional meeting one of my partners passed around a sign-up sheet with a list of committee and volunteer opportunities.
“I want to remind everyone that this is not a lifestyle practice,” one of my partners voiced to the room. “Our work goes beyond clocking in at 9:00 am and clocking out at 5:00 pm. We each have to pull our weight. We need every person to pick up the slack and, right now, we really need more committee members — as many as possible.”
With the book newly published and my daughter’s comments fresh in my mind from the night before, I hesitated to add my name to the list but knew it might draw criticism from my business partners. I felt the same pressure all the other moms I know feel to be a good worker — someone who’s fully committed to my colleagues and my corporation, the kind of person who takes care of my personal life on my personal time, who doesn’t let family considerations interfere with my professional pursuits or efforts.
I decided, in the end, to join 1 work committee — the one with the lowest time commitment and the least amount of energy required. When my kids are older and I’m in a different life stage, I’ll commit to more (maybe) and, if I do, it won’t be to fit a good worker ideal. It will be based on what my company needs and what works well for me at the time.
“Well,” I told my daughter that next night at the table. “Something interesting happened today. Mommy had to be strong so I could do what was best for you and for me. Here’s the thing, sweetie. I can’t stop working…but I also don’t want to stop working. I love you and your sister so much, and, at the same time, I love helping people. I want to use the special way I’m wired to help people who don’t live here with us too. What I can do is make sure we have plenty of opportunities to be together doing all the things we love and being connected with each other.”
“OK,” she said, taking it all in. Then, she brightened. “Actually, can I help? I know! I can make signs around the neighborhood telling new moms we can help them feel less scared about having their babies.”
My pride in her resilience puffed up like a balloon. See? I thought. Like me, she struggled initially with accepting that her vision of me connected at the hip all day, every day is unrealistic, but she was able to problem solve through it. By choosing a more middle road, I’m teaching her she can do the same when she’s older and in my shoes.
How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?
My kids have so many career aspirations, I can’t keep them all clear in my head. One day, they want to be baristas. They next day, it’s an astronaut that tops the list. I’m most focused on letting them explore their dreams and passions, and teaching them that tenacity in the face of failure is the critical component to achieving great things.
My oldest daughter has a severe anxiety disorder. She wanted to attend a sleep-away camp and, while I was excited for her, I was also terrified she would end up sleeping poorly each night and a nervous wreck each day. For her, though, the thought of going on a completely independent adventure — playing with new friends, exploring in muddy creeks — sounded totally exciting at the moment. I could have squashed her dreams because I was afraid she will fail, but what would that teach her? She’d be less likely to pursue even bigger dreams she has — to be a scientist and an expert on Japanese culture. So, I gave her the green light, knowing that, if the week didn’t go perfectly this time around, we would learn from the experience and make it better the next time around.
Even more powerful, the more I demonstrate a willingness to pursue seemingly unattainable goals myself, the more my kids have the confidence to do the same. Thanks especially to the plethora of virtual meetings I’ve had during the pandemic, they’ve been present for most of my business team meetings this year. They’ve heard about my major wins and maybe even more about the times I’ve bombed. They’ve also watched me fall down time and time again, only to dust myself off and get going again.
“Mom? How do you just talk like that in front of people?” one of them asked me last week after I gave a virtual keynote. “Don’t you get scared? Why don’t you mess up?”
“Practice, practice, practice,” I replied. “Oh, and I’ve messed up plenty of times. The first time I spoke in front of an audience, I was completely petrified. But I know when I make a mistake when I’m speaking, it just means I have room to improve. I’ll do it better next time. And I know that the only way to not be petrified of something is to keep doing it.”
When I am vulnerable and human with my kids, they know they can be vulnerable and human, too. They also know that it’s safe to try hard things, no matter what the outcome.
How do you, a person who masterfully straddles the worlds of career and family, define “success”?
Success in the workplace and at home means that we are centered. We have a clear vision for our lives and our life goals. We make decisions that align with those priorities. We’re not bound by the pressures of societal gender bias, mom guilt, or outside agendas. We have a framework for spending the majority of our time and energy on the things that matter most to us, and for addressing the rest of the tasks and commitments in our lives that threaten to steal away from those precious resources.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?
I love Big Little Feelings (@biglittlefeelings on Instagram) and author Tina Payne Bryson for all things parenting with presence and skill. The communities at Working Mom Kind (@workingmomkind on Instagram) HeyMama, and Mindful Mamas Club are also amazing for working mom support. The book that most inspired me toward more inner grace and personal growth (which always makes me a better parent), is Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. When I learned to be more graceful to myself, I had some much more grace for my kids and pretty much everyone else around me, too!
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“One day you will tell your story of how you’ve overcome what you’re going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide” — Brené Brown
Everything I have to teach to other moms, I’ve struggled through myself. My darkest days as a new mom, my sense of complete hopelessness as a burnt-out employee with extreme family needs — those were the hardest moments of my life, but they also formed the person I am today and gave me perspective that there are always lessons to be learned in times of crisis. Sometimes, in fact, when you’re at your rock bottom is the time you’re vulnerable and open enough to take in what you need to learn.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
My dream is for women to have support from their employers to lean in and out when they want to (and need to) from their professional endeavors and from their commitments at home. Workplace policies, paid parental leave for both moms and dads, and a culture shift toward seeing working mom professionals through a whole-person lens is what we need to make modern motherhood more manageable.
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!
Tia Fagan: Five Things We Can Do To Develop Serenity And Support Each Other During These Anxious Times
Connecting to ourselves: A simple practice of asking yourself — what do I need at this moment? I often recommend people find a comfortable position, place their hand on their heart, and take three deep breaths in and out through the nose with a longer exhale.
As a part of my series about the things we can do to develop serenity and support each other during anxious times, I had the pleasure of interviewing Tia Fagan.
Tia Fagan is a Conscious Parenting and Authenticity Coach and has been coaching and guiding people since 2016. Through explorations and accessible tools, Tia helps people release the expectations and pressures that life has placed on them over the years, especially in their parenting. Tia’s mission is to help people reclaim their truth and inner knowing, empowering them to create deeper relationships, more peace, joy, and authenticity within their family and life.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
I spent my life fulfilling the expectations of others — excel in school, go to college, have a well-paying job, get married, have kids. I was a ‘good girl’ and did as I was told. I worked as an environmental engineer, bought a house, got married, and then became pregnant. I followed the rules. I stayed in my head. I lost myself in the process. Yet I often wondered — who was I really?
Then uncertainty and unpredictability arrived. Halfway through the pregnancy, I found out I was having twins. Two weeks later, I was put on bed rest, and at 34 weeks, news from the latest ultrasound indicated that one of my daughters stopped growing, so I was induced for delivery. My daughters spent the next 12 days in the NICU before coming home. My daughters made it clear from the beginning that any expectations of motherhood I had would be tossed aside. Over their first eight years, I often asked myself, “Why didn’t I feel good about how I was parenting? Why can’t I trust myself? What was I doing wrong?” These questions started me on my path of rediscovering my authentic self and becoming a conscious parent. I began to pause rather than punish, listen rather than lecture, connect rather than correct, feel rather than fix. With this radical shift, the relationships with my daughters deepened to one of mutual admiration and respect. Having said that, I am not perfect, and I no longer want to be. However, I continue to grow, learn and put in the effort each day to show up as authentically as I can.
With my own experience, I realized that my life’s purpose was to help others to find a way of living and parenting from a heart-centered and connected space. I am now a certified Conscious Parenting & Authenticity Coach dedicated to guiding and supporting parents in the process of re-discovering themselves with the understanding that their children are their wisest teachers. Their children invite them to go within, question, wonder, heal and re-find their true selves. By unlocking their authenticity, they can support their children, regardless of age, as they stay connected to their inner knowing, their truth, and their voice. This work and the conscious coaching that I and others provide are ultimately shifting the parenting paradigm and changing not only their family, but future generations.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
Early in my coaching career, a mother of three children under six reached out to me for help. She was frustrated and desperate for solutions to fix her children. I gently explained that my role as her coach would not be to provide tools to change her children but to become curious about what was going on within herself, her children, and examine the bigger picture. I could feel her hesitation since she was feeling overwhelmed, yet I could sense deep down she was yearning to be the parent her children needed her to be, and she longed to be as well. I admit I was hesitant to work with her at the time. I didn’t want to waste her time and money since she was focused on solutions on that first call. However, I felt deep within me to trust that she was drawn to conscious parenting and was looking for more than fixes and set my fear aside. We started working together. I deeply listened. She continued to ask for solutions at the beginning and while I was tempted to give her fixes and ideas, I resisted. I trusted myself, my coaching ability, and the process. As she started to practice and implement conscious parenting and began rediscovering herself, she experienced shifts within herself and her children. She stepped into becoming the parent her children needed, and most importantly, she reconnected with her authentic self. She began to feel calmer and more empowered. She trusted herself and her ability to show up for her children in how each of them needed. It was beautiful to witness how if we hold space for another, gently reflect back without judgment, families change as a parent steps into their truth. This memory reminded me how believing in another and oneself is a powerful gift. She trusted me, and I trusted her ability to rise and step into who she inherently was inside. She was able to find more joy, not only in her parenting but in her life. I feel lucky that she chose to work with me at the beginning of my career. She and others like her are a powerful reminder of why I do this work.
What advice would you suggest to your colleagues in your industry to thrive and avoid burnout?
A piece of advice I wish I had received when I started coaching was to be mindful of creating space in our day for ourselves, even if it is just a few minutes before and after being with a client. We must model and remind ourselves that while we are fully present for our clients and give them every bit of our attention, not to forget to do the same for ourselves. I often take at least five minutes before each client to connect to myself so that I can release any tension or stress I may be holding onto to be fully present for our time together. Taking this little bit of time helps create a safer space because I am fully there for them, letting go of anything I may have been holding onto prior to a session.
As we nourish our inner space, not just our outer space, we are better able to come into each session with expansion, receptivity, and openness. Creating that internal connection and time also allows for more clarity in the rest of our business to thrive too.
What advice would you give to other leaders about how to create a fantastic work culture?
Even though I work for myself at home, I ensure that I have connections with other colleagues. To create a virtual work culture, especially one as a sole business owner means intentionally connecting and putting in the effort to reach out to others. I often ask myself; how can I support another? I feel strongly about collaboration and abundance, not competition. Creating a healthy and fulfilling work culture means supporting others on their own work journey and receiving support as well. Working together, making connections, and referring people creates a work culture of support and collaboration that benefits not only those in the business but those we all serve.
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
“The Conscious Parent” by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. When I read Dr. Shefali’s book I was still stuck in my parenting despite having been on my own inner journey for several years. I noticed that I was often grasping for control, frustrated, and worrying about losing the connection I had with my daughters. Fear was primarily driving my parenting, and it was not a place that felt comfortable to me. However, I didn’t know another way at that time. As mentioned, I had been on the path of self-discovery at that point, and while unconsciously the inner work was transferring into my parenting, it was not with intention. When I read “The Conscious Parent,” I remember feeling I could fully exhale again. The concepts in Dr. Shefali’s book were what I had been missing in my parenting. I started taking courses from Dr. Shefali, and when she opened up her Conscious Coaching Institute, I became certified in her Conscious Parenting MethodTM.
Because of this book, I began to see my daughters as a window into my own self. They were mirroring back to me the blind spots where I still needed to grow. They reminded me to take the lessons I had been learning on my journey of self-discovery and mindfully bring them into my parenting. Over time, I shifted into more responding and less reacting, more connecting and less correcting, and more listening and less lecturing. Am I perfect? Absolutely not! But each day, I try to do better for myself and my daughters, who are now in their 20s. The learning never ends.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. Many people have become anxious just from the dramatic jolts of the news cycle. The fears related to the coronavirus pandemic have only heightened a sense of uncertainty, fear, and loneliness. From your experience or research what are five steps that each of us can take to develop serenity during such uncertain times? Can you please share a story or example for each.
Life can often feel overwhelming, and when we feel as though we have no control over our surroundings, what is happening, or how people are interacting with us, we often feel a sense of uncertainty and fear. It helps to remember that we only have control of our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Everything else on the outside is not in our control. However, we do have the ability to decide how to respond to what is happening outside of us. This process is not always easy, and sometimes we may not remember, but as we continue to practice and notice over time, it does become easier and more accessible. Here are five practices we can do to develop serenity during uncertain times:
Connecting to ourselves: A simple practice of asking yourself — what do I need at this moment? I often recommend people find a comfortable position, place their hand on their heart, and take three deep breaths in and out through the nose with a longer exhale. As you feel your hand on your heart, gently ask yourself, “What do I need at this moment?” Allow for whatever comes up from within. Sometimes it might be something big such as “I need a vacation” or it may be something smaller like “a walk outside.” Trust what arises and if possible, give yourself this gift and meet the need. For more significant things like a vacation that is likely not doable in the moment, how could you break that down into a small step you can do today? Perhaps it’s looking at old vacation pictures, researching vacation destinations, or watching a video of the ocean waves. It is up to us to find the serenity within. What small thing do you need today? How can you provide it to yourself?
Body scan: Our body is always talking to us, but often we are not listening. When we connect to our body, we often find areas of tension or stress that we are carrying because of the uncertainty in life. As you scan your body slowly from the top of your head, down your arms and hands, your abdomen and back, into your pelvis and legs, notice any areas that feel tight and tense. Now try to soften into those areas. You are not necessarily looking to release all of the tension, but if you can soften just a little bit, it helps your body and nervous system relax more and better find a peaceful moment from the inside out.
Creativity: Often when we are stressed or anxious, being creative helps release anxiety and fear. Being creative means lots of things and finding what brings us creative joy can get us out of our head and into our heart. Many of us may think we aren’t creative. I used to believe that and now I realize creativity comes in many different shapes and sizes such as cooking, dancing, coloring, writing, or gardening. The possibilities are endless! Enter a space of curiosity and try something creative. It is about the process and the experience, not the end result. Step into the moment, release any judgment, and create.
Meditation: The power of meditation to bring us serenity is endless. I often encourage people to create multiple opportunities for meditation throughout their day. It is in the moments of life when we are stressed and worried that we often need it the most, but don’t feel we can access it. Meditation is not only done on a cushion in a quiet space for an extended period of time, but it can also be brought into daily living. Set a timer a few times a day to meditate no matter where you are. You don’t have to sit or have silence around you to do this. It is finding the stillness in the chaos. Mindfully focus on your breath for 3–5 minutes while cooking dinner, in a meeting, playing with your kids, or sitting on the couch. As we notice our breath, let go of the past, and release the future, we are returning to the present moment. Even if it is only for a second, we find serenity for that second because anxiety and worry do not exist in the present moment.
Scripting: Often when we feel anxious, out of control, or afraid, we are stuck in a sense that we have no control over a situation or life. Scripting is different from journaling in that we write about how we would like our day or an event to unfold, as if we are setting the scene of a play in which we are in. Through the process of scripting, we are able to regain a sense of serenity. Scripting doesn’t necessarily change the situation or event, but it can help us gain a different perspective. It can allow us to notice that we have more control than we realize through our thoughts and actions. Through scripting, we can see our life situations as an opportunity in how we want to show up and be during uncertain times. We may recognize that we have more choices and control over how we choose to live in this moment. Again it doesn’t mean we can change what is going on around us, but it allows us to change how we perceive, think, act, and feel about it, bringing more serenity.
From your experience or research what are five steps that each of us can take to effectively offer support to those around us who are feeling anxious? Can you explain?
When people around us feel anxious or overwhelmed, we often want to fix and change things to help them feel better and ourselves as well. However, when we step in and try to make things better, we often do the opposite. We also take away their ability to tap into their capacity to feel empowered to help themselves. The more we, as parents, support our children without fixing or changing, but by guiding, the more they will have the ability to support themselves as they grow older and support another who is feeling anxious. Here are five things you can do to support another, regardless of age, from child to adult.
Accepting all feelings: Learning how to allow and hold space for big emotions for another is often one of the greatest gifts we can give to someone who is feeling anxious. As we offer support to others, it is important to recognize and accept that whatever feelings another is having is their experience and are valid. We may not understand what they are going through, but we can sit with them as they share their experience and any frustration, uncertainty, anxiety, or other feelings without. This allows for a safe space for them to feel fully seen, heard, and accepted. As we fully embrace their feelings, the anxiety can diminish because they know that they are supported and accepted no matter what they are experiencing.
Getting outside together: Sometimes, the best thing we can do with another is encourage them to join us outside and reconnect with nature. There is nothing quite like remembering that we are part of something bigger than ourselves, and nature naturally provides this. Breathing in the outside air, feeling the sun or rain on our skin, moving our bodies, or simply sitting down and taking it all in. Whether you play, walk, or sit together, being outside helps calm our nervous system in a way that only nature can.
Not taking things personally: Often when someone is struggling during challenging times, we may take their behaviors or mood personally. We may think we should make things better or they should be doing things differently because they are upsetting or irritating us with their anxious behaviors. However, when we enter curiosity and ask ourselves, “What else may be going on?” or “How can I support them in a way that they need?” As we wonder and look beyond the surface and realize it is not personal, we are better able to see things from a place of acceptance and understanding. From this compassionate space, rather than coming from being defensive or not supportive, we can support them to navigate their anxiety.
Allowing for autonomy: As we support someone, especially children, during uncertain times, how can you create age-appropriate opportunities for the child to feel some sense of control and autonomy for themselves? Allowing children to make decisions and do things for themselves can help another feel a little more secure during those uncertain times because they feel more empowered. Through a sense of personal agency, they often feel less anxious because they realize they can change and control what they are able to do, which can often help reduce anxious feelings.
Shifting from control to connection: When we shift into supporting someone who is feeling anxious with connection at the forefront, we help the other feel seen and heard, which creates a feeling of connectedness. We may not have noticed how often our own worries may be showing up as control of the other. When we are supporting another, is it possible we may be trying to manipulate the situation or the feelings the other is having? We may be trying to teach a lesson, which in fact creates more anxiety. When we try to control or correct something, we come from a place of disconnection and disempowering the other. An important part of connecting means providing what the other needs, not what we think they need. This attunement allows the other to feel safer and release some of the anxiety they may be feeling.
What are the best resources you would suggest to a person who is feeling anxious?
For children and early adolescents, I recommend GoZen.com and the book “Superpowered” by Dr. Shefali Tsabary and Renee Jain.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” ~ Marianne Williamson
The first time I heard this quote it took my breath away. I was in the first couple of years of my own inner work, and it touched a spot deep inside me where this truth lived within. I always thought I was most afraid of failing, doing something wrong, messing up, but when I heard that our light most frightens us, I realized I was most afraid of being me. I was afraid of shining my light and standing in my truth because what if that meant being rejected for who I truly am. It was a pivotal moment in my life, because it peeled down a defense I had built within me that was afraid of being seen, truly seen, as me. From that day forward I became even more dedicated to continuing my inner work, shining my light, and inviting others to do the same.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would love to see a movement of people reconnecting to their authentic selves, which includes a parenting paradigm shift towards conscious parenting. Not only would this movement support the current generation and their children but future generations as well. As people reparent and reconnect to their authentic selves, whether they are parents or not, they inherently influence those they are connected with. And if they are parents, they are able to raise their children with more wholeness and with less projection, fear, and conditioning so that their children are more connected to their authentic selves as they grow older. As people shift internally, they automatically create an external shift in the world around them now and into the future. An added beauty of this movement is that it allows people to move through times of uncertainty with more trust, knowing, conscious choices, and connection.
What is the best way our readers can follow you online?
People can find me at my website https://tiafagan.com or on Facebook, Instagram, or Clubhouse.
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
Be flexible in your work schedule if you can- there are a lot of hard parts in running a startup, but the flexible schedule is a perk when you have a young child. My co-founder and I are very transparent with each other and figured out a schedule that works for both Upfront and our families.
As a part of my series about “How extremely busy executives make time to be great parents” I had the pleasure to interview Dana Levin-Robinson.
Dana is the CEO and Co-Founder of Upfront, the first site dedicated to pricing transparency for the parenting world. She is the former Chief of Staff at VirtualHealth, a growth-stage health tech company that was named Deloitte’s 39th Fastest Growing Company, and spent years in various advertising agencies in NYC. Dana graduated with her MBA from NYU’s Stern School of Business and BS from Boston University and lives in NYC with her husband and baby son.
Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us your “childhood backstory”?
I was born and raised in Tel Aviv, Israeli until I was 10 when our family moved to Warsaw, Poland. It was a really difficult transition: I’d never spoken English before and going from a large public school to a small international school was a big culture shock. Over time, I grew to appreciate how lucky I was to be exposed to so many cultures, backgrounds, and perspectives from such a young age.
Can you share the story about what brought you to this specific point in your career?
As a mom of a one-year-old, I’m surrounded by new moms and that means I’m surrounded by the pain point of finding daycares near me or the price of a daycare. For parents to make the best choices for their families easily, they need to know hard costs, and we just didn’t see anyone in the market addressing this issue.
Can you tell us a bit more about what your day to day schedule looks like?
My husband and I both have busy careers and make sure to divide and conquer as much as we can. We alternate mornings with our very active one year old then work from home until the evening. My schedule is different every day- sometimes I have six back-to-back meetings and other days I spend doing QA on the child care rates in our database. We then have some time as a family of three giving our son a bath and dinner and put him down for the night.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the core of our discussion. This is probably intuitive to many, but it would be beneficial to spell it out. Based on your experience or research, can you flesh out why not spending time with your children can be detrimental to their development?
Children of course need a supportive and loving home, and to us that means spending plenty of time with our son without distractions like our phones. We try to avoid situations where we’re 50% working and 50% watching him because we never do great work and our son deserves quality time with each of his parents.
On the flip side, can you give a few reasons or examples about why it is so important to make time to spend with your children?
While I love spending time with our son, I also have a ton of other responsibilities, so our household approach is often divide and conquer. If I need to work during the weekend, my husband will take our son for a walk or playdate. We were fully formed individuals before becoming parents so giving up our social life (not that anyone had much of a social life this year!) or hobbies is something that needs to be consciously carved out and prioritized.
According to this study cited in the Washington Post, the quality of time spent with children is more important than the quantity of time. Can you give a 3–5 stories or examples from your own life about what you do to spend quality time with your children?
Our family is big on long walks so we spend a lot of the weekends heading to parks and playgrounds in NYC. Our son loves the swings in particular and looking at all the dogs in Central Park (despite knowing we’re a cat family!). We also have our weekly brunch tradition in the same place, and he loves sitting in his high chair near us stealing french fries. I also found that baby activities are a lot more tolerable if other adults are present so outdoor baby and parent music classes have been a mainstay this year for us.
We all live in a world with many deadlines and incessant demands for our time and attention. That inevitably makes us feel rushed and we may feel that we can’t spare the time to be “fully present” with our children. Can you share with our readers 5 strategies about how we can create more space in our lives in order to give our children more quality attention? Please include examples or stories for each, if you can.
I try to focus on one thing at a time. Multitasking can be great, but also results in work mistakes if I’m watching my son at the same time. I put my phone down, get on the floor, and play with him without distractions.
If I see my son is independently playing, I try crossing chores off my list like grocery orders or paying online bills so I’m not dealing with those tasks during time I can focus on work or relax
Hire or ask for help when you need it- I’m very upfront that we have a weekly cleaner because I can spend those hours with my family instead
Automate your life where you can- our entire household is automated on Amazon’s Subscribe and Save. Having toilet paper and cat food arrive like clockwork means I don’t have to go to the supermarket or waste time remembering to order something.
Be flexible in your work schedule if you can- there are a lot of hard parts in running a startup, but the flexible schedule is a perk when you have a young child. My cofounder and I are very transparent with each other and figured out a schedule that works for both Upfront and our families. That can mean I stop working at 5pm, spend a few hours with my son before his bedtime, then log back in to finish work.
How do you define a “good parent”? Can you give an example or story?
A good parent is someone who supports their child to become a self-sufficient, caring human being. We really prioritize our son’s independence and autonomy through letting him feed himself and playing with his toys alone. I was a Resident Assistant in college, and the number of parents who came to me asking to teach their 18 years old how to do basic things like laundry astounded me.
How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?
My son is only one so it’s a bit early to start with him! But we plan to expose him to travel, art, and different food so he’s always seeing new things and trying to learn what else is out there in the world. And if he is half as passionate about the price of daycares as his mom, then I’ll be very proud.
How do you, a person who masterfully straddles the worlds of career and family, define “success”?
Success means something different every day- it can mean finishing a really exciting project at work or spending a day relaxing with my son in the park. I see my career and family as being equally important parts of my life.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?
Our family swears by Emily Oster- we just love her and her data-driven approach to parenting decisions. Her books are non-judgmental and helped us assess what worked best for our family.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
My mom coined the perfect life motto: be smart, not right. It’s really easy with work and parenting to think like “this is the way things should be done” without realizing how that actually plays out. I try to pick my battles- my son won’t always eat his dinner and sometimes he gets peanut puffs instead. It’s not the end of the world.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Not surprisingly for someone who runs a company dedicated to the price of daycare, we’re very focused on talking about money. It’s a topic I think is often overlooked in both work and parenting. We rarely share our salaries or the average cost of childcare. From our research, we found that parents think a baby’s first year costs $5,000 when it’s closer to $21,000. That comes from lack of conversations and tools that share how much things truly cost.
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!
Being a supporter to the organization, understanding that your role is not to boss people around and tell them what to do, instead, your job is to show them the vision and then being a servant leader as my mentor always says — help your team, help you.
As a part of our series about lessons from Thriving Power Couples, I had the pleasure of interviewing Gisela and Daniel Wood.
Gisela and Daniel Wood are investors and entrepreneurs. Together they have started 7 companies, done over 100 international property deals and through their property education company Momentum Property Education, they have helped hundreds of people start investing in Property and creating financial freedom.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you two to your respective career paths?
We have both been in large corporations in leadership positions but always felt that the corporate ladder was restricting in that we were always building someone else’s dream rather than creating our own future. What made us change our path was when we had our first son, William. We realized that with us both working 9–5 he would actually spend more time awake with his teachers at kindergarten than with us. That is when we knew we had to make a change.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you two got married?
A fun story is how I, Daniel, introduced Gisela to the start of our property investing journey. We had been recommended and read the book “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” and we were very excited to start investing in property, but we didn’t know how to begin.
A couple of weeks later I saw an ad on LinkedIn for a free property workshop. I called my mother and asked her to take care of William that Saturday and told Gisela that I had planned a romantic day for the two of us.
We started with brunch, followed by a walk through the Stockholm archipelago, when we stood looking over the water I told her I had planned a surprise for us — we were going to a seminar about property investing!
Luckily she was as excited as I hoped and that event started us on our property journey.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
We made a lot of mistakes starting out, at the time they were not very funny but in retrospect it is ridiculous how many mistakes we made. One that stands out, is one of our very first property investments. We decided to do a joint venture with a local UK company who had been recommended. We hadn’t done our due diligence, we just trusted the recommendation. Well, the project ended up a disaster. Among other things, when the architect designed the building we were converting, a terraced house into three flats, he didn’t take into consideration that the upstairs apartments needed to have their own entrance. Instead he had designed the property so the entrance for all three flats went through the bottom flats living room.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
I think the big difference between Momentum Property Education and other education companies is that we are very honest and transparent. We don’t pretend that all our deals have gone perfectly, or that it is easy to become an investor. Instead, we share our story, our setbacks, our challenges and what we have learned from them so others can avoid our mistakes and have a simpler path to success.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
The most exciting project right now is our partnership with a crowdfunding platform. We teach our students how to successfully invest in property, we connect them to quality partners that will help them achieve good deals. With the crowdfund we can finance up to 80% of their entire project cost as well. It makes their path to success much easier and smoother.
What advice would you give to other CEOs or founders to help their employees to thrive?
I think the key is communication. Make sure everyone in the organization understands and shares the company’s vision. Make sure they understand what they are a part of and why THEIR role is important. They might feel that all they do is fill out a spreadsheet, or make tweaks to a system, but if you show them how every action they take will impact someone’s life, it will help them feel involved, important and motivated.
How do you define “Leadership”?
Being a supporter to the organization, understanding that your role is not to boss people around and tell them what to do, instead, your job is to show them the vision and then being a servant leader as my mentor always says — help your team, help you.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
Our first few deals went very badly, in fact we ended up losing about 400 000 GBP. We were very lucky at that point to meet Kim Kiyosaki — Author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad. She helped us in how we could turn our company around, restructure our debt, restructure our deals and go out and do new deals. She was a lifesaver.
We were supported by many, many amazing people.
How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?
We have tried to give back in as many ways as possible. Momentum Property Education is one way we support others so they don’t have to go through the same challenges and setbacks as we did. We have set up a foundation that works with various environmental causes.
What are the “5 Things You Need To Thrive As A Couple”? Please share a story or example for each.
I think communication is key, we have been through a lot together but we have learned that if we communicate it is easier for the other to understand and accept when one is going through a tough time. I remember once, I was so tired and was in a bad mood, it didn’t matter what happened around me, I was going to take it the wrong way. But through this fog I was able to communicate that if I am in a bad mood, please give me space so I don’t say something I’ll regret later, just let me be.
Another important part of our relationship has been setting goals together for the future. Making sure that we are in sync with our goals has made a huge difference for us and it leads to the third “thing to thrive”, being aligned in our journey.
We have had so many setbacks and losses, if we were doing this alone we probably would have started blaming each other for the setbacks, but as we have both been involved, in charge, and running the projects we are a team, we have succeeded as a team and failed as a team.
The fourth point we would like to share is making time for each other. Make sure you get a little time for each other every day (at least if you aren’t traveling) so you can reconnect with each other.
And finally, keep the romance alive. Try to do something for the other person every day, it doesn’t have to be a big deal, it could be writing a short note of affection, cleaning up when the other doesn’t expect it, buying flowers, anything, something, every day.
You are people of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
It would really be two things. One is the personal empowerment of individuals. To teach them how to take control over their financial future and start creating their own opportunities. The second would be to support those successful individuals and teach them to give back 10% to charity. That way we would, as a community, be able to solve more issues than any one person or organization could ever hope to.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
There are no unreasonable goals, only unreasonable deadlines.
This is to us a powerful saying, we have set goals for ourselves that no one has thought reasonable and we have had setbacks that have had our entire families saying “I told you so”. Yet we have persisted, our families have suggested that we get “a real job”, yet we persisted, and today we have a property portfolio and don’t need “a real job”.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂
Can I only pick 1? With so many esteemed people reaching this column I would want to add a few — Sir Richard Branson, Oprah, Vera Wang, Tony Robbins, Sarah Blakely and Warren Buffet — if one of you is reading this and is available –we’ll pay for the meal 😉
How can our readers follow your work online?
Easiest is to visit our website https://www.momentumpropertyeducation.com or follow us on social media by searching for Momentum Property Education, if you enjoy podcasts we run the Momentum Investing Podcast where we interview top industry experts every week https://www.momentuminvestingpodcast.com
This was very meaningful, thank you so much! We wish you continued success!
Female Disruptors: Kelly Riorda of Wewilldecide.com On The Three Things You Need To Shake Up Your Industry
In other words, we all need to be involved and do our homework if we want to continue to enjoy the social and political freedoms that we have come to expect from our brilliant and unique democracy. I’ve created the syllabus and the ‘Cliff’s Notes’. The rest is up to all of us to implement them.
As a part of our series about women who are shaking things up in their industry, I had the pleasure of interviewing Kelly Riordan.
Kelly Riordan, Founder of Wewilldecide.com is a typical frustrated voter that knew she could create a better way for the average person to obtain their political information without bias. She has no experience in politics, which she feels is an advantage in several ways, and gives her a unique point of view over those who specialize in it.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory”? What led you to this particular career path?
I’ve had all sorts of jobs, from being a Nordstrom manager, working in insurance, teaching ballet, tutoring anatomy and physiology, bartending, and now being a healthcare worker for the last 15 years. With all my varied employment, I never would’ve envisioned myself becoming involved in politics. As a regular voter in the U.S., I found myself sometimes voting, sometimes not. Several elections ago, I was feeling particularly guilty about not using my vote. I thought: so many have given up so much for me to have this right, and I was wasting it! That election I decided I was not only going to vote, but I was going to be an informed voter. That turned out to be a much bigger challenge than I thought it was going to be. I’m a research geek, give me enough time and I can get the answer to anything. Except this. There was no way I could search any database to find out if I agreed with my current elected representatives. There were no search engines that provided that information. There were and still are plenty of political sites, programs, and sources of opinion, but no real way to keep my own council. I was shocked that, with all my digging, I couldn’t make an informed decision. It was then that I came up with the idea for WeWillDecide.com.
Can you tell our readers what it is about the work you’re doing that’s disruptive?
Call me crazy, but I don’t think it should be such a monumental task to simply find out how your elected officials have actually voted on any given issue. Whether by design or accident, the general public being politically well-informed seems to be, at best, a low priority and, at worst, a calculated strategy. How is the average person that is constantly bombarded by opinionated information supposed to make any type of educated decision? The beauty of my site is that it is opinionated and free of advertising. I want to provide an uninterrupted stream of fact-based information that will become part of a user’s daily scrolling habits. It’s voting information: pure and simple, past and present, with access to upcoming proposed bills as well. In my opinion, seeing a representative’s proposed legislation is particularly telling. I’ve been shocked myself after spending just a few minutes here and there on the site, to see exactly how much I agree or disagree with each representative. I vote on what they vote on. If I need more information on a bill, I click on that bill and am taken directly to the Congressional page where I can read the bill myself. I can see how frequently each representative votes with their party, how many votes they’ve missed, as well as all their points of contact. It feels good to be able to access and process so much congressional information in an easy-to-understand format.
Ignorance is certainly not bliss in the long run, and the whole political process is much less frightening when you start to see how it actually functions. What do I intend to disrupt? Ignorance, abject ignorance.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
I am not a particularly computer-literate person. I can get by, but I’m in no way any type of web designer. I had my concept and vision well defined; I knew most of what I wanted for my site but didn’t know any web design professionals. When I was shopping around for a web designer, I contacted a few different design firms. I’d start explaining what I wanted, and over and over again I’d get, “Whoa, whoa, whoa there…that’s going to require a massive amount of memory, like a Facebook level of memory”. My answer was always: “So? And?” It took several different contacts and conversations, but I eventually found my genius web designer. I started talking, and to everything I mentioned he just said, “Ok, sure, what else?” Nothing was a big deal. It was amazing! Maybe I wasn’t crazy after all. My initial site designs were drawings on copy paper, which I then took pictures of on my phone and sent to him. The early construction of this site had more challenges than I could’ve imagined, so the lessons were constant and often. The most important lesson was that there is ALWAYS a way. Next lesson was that things will NEVER go according to plan, so be prepared to change direction often. Lastly, just because you don’t know what you’re doing, doesn’t in any way preclude you from doing it.
We all need a little help along the journey. Who have been some of your mentors? Can you share a story about how they made an impact?
I haven’t really had any mentors per se, but I have been surrounded by a tribe of ridiculously intelligent people. It took me several years to get this site up and running the way I wanted, and without my numerous friends that acted as sounding boards for all my ideas, I don’t think I could’ve gotten through it. It’s particularly important, especially when tackling an entirely new concept to just talk, talk, talk about it to every brilliant person you can find. I’ve gotten so many great ideas and made so many changes just bouncing my concepts off the people in my circle. There is no substitute for super-smart, chatty friends.
In today’s parlance, being disruptive is usually a positive adjective. But is disrupting always good? When do we say the converse, that a system or structure has ‘withstood the test of time’? Can you articulate to our readers when disrupting an industry is positive, and when disrupting an industry is ‘not so positive’? Can you share some examples of what you mean?
This really can’t be generalized, as every best assessment will always be on a case-by-case basis. Disruption or change, for better or worse, has to be analyzed for every individual system and situation. Moreover, what’s good or bad is subjective and usually open to interpretation. What’s good for some people or interests isn’t for others. Therein lies the problem. More often than not people seem to want overly simplified, definitive, absolute answers to what are really very complicated issues and circumstances, and there’s no pleasing everyone. So even attempting to address these elements can be considered, by many, to be ‘disruptive’. As far as institutions and ideas that should be exempt from question or improvement: I feel that, in the final analysis, any system that cannot withstand a little disruption is obviously not a very robust one. Still: should In-N-Out expand its menu? I personally don’t think so. I think it is what it is supposed to be and does what it does very well, but I’m sure there are people that would disagree. If I want onion rings with my meal, I’ll go to Foster’s Freeze for a great burger and a delicious shake (not to mention a variety of different flavor options). My local Foster’s Freeze doesn’t have a drive-thru. Should they add one? I don’t know. I really don’t need them to, and it would drastically change the dynamic that I enjoy at that location in many ways that would ruin it for me, but once again, I’m sure there are people that eat there frequently that might disagree.
Can you share 3 of the best words of advice you’ve gotten along your journey? Please give a story or example for each.
When my grandmother took the cookie out of my hand, ate it, and said, “Never trust anyone.”
Hence my need for obtaining my own information. All of my many contacts, friends as well as strangers that, when I told them about my concept, said over and over again: “You have to finish this site. We all need it.” And finally, these are not words of advice, but a quote that I’ve kept in mind the whole time I’ve been working on this project: “Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it.” — Thomas Paine. In other words, we all need to be involved and do our homework if we want to continue to enjoy the social and political freedoms that we have come to expect from our brilliant and unique democracy. I’ve created the syllabus and the ‘Cliff’s Notes’. The rest is up to all of us to implement them.
We are sure you aren’t done. How are you going to shake things up next?
I could tell you, but then some unscrupulous characters will just steal my ideas. It’s the beauty of a Free Market Economy. ?
In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by ‘women disruptors’ that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?
I was chatting with a charming woman not too long ago as she showed me pictures of her daughter. Her daughter is in her early twenties, painfully intelligent in college, with a major in chemistry, and very beautiful. I couldn’t help but say: “Poor girl, she’s got a tough road ahead.” Being female with pointed opinions and ideas can be very intimidating to some. A great quote is: “Everyone will turn away from a scream, but they’ll strain to hear a whisper.” Presentation is everything. Sometimes, I’ve found that I’ve had to present my ideas delicately and as “no big deal” so as not to put others off. Also, using self-deprecation to disarm people can often make them more receptive. But it is a little sad that, even after all this time and the social progress we’ve made, that men and women alike have issues and insecurities about women having ambition and revolutionary ideas. However, gaining in years is very helpful, as you tend to care less and less what others think and to keep your own counsel as to what may be possible and feasible. My personal mantra is, “I am THAT b*tch!”
Do you have a book/podcast/talk that’s had a deep impact on your thinking? Can you share a story with us?*
I’ve always found Marlene Dietrich’s life most inspirational, as I’ve seen in the media and read in the book that bears her name as its title. Her journey of leaving Germany and touring with the USO on the frontlines during WWII is unreal. She was given the rank of Captain, and her army ID card carried her married name in the hopes that, if she was captured, she wouldn’t be killed. She tirelessly performed overseas and did an unbelievable amount of volunteer work in the United States. And she did it all with staggering style, glamour, and an indomitable sense of humor. That takes real courage. I’m just annoyed and stubborn.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
In the vast possibilities of what my site could do, I would hope that someday the political parties might actually pay attention to the population’s opinions. It would be amazing if politicians weren’t packaged, managed, and thrust upon us as our only voting options. What if the powers that be could see which elected officials truly represent the public’s wants? In my smaller hopes, I’d love to hear people talking about political figures in the same way they tend to talk about sports figures: running down the stats and the scores. I nearly cried when my hairdresser asked me, “Did you know that Kamala Harris votes with her party 76% of the time?” after using the site. That’s exactly the type of information I want people to be able to glean from We Will Decide. I’ve been surprised myself seeing how much I have in common with some representatives and not with others.…Could you imagine if our system actually started to recognize parties other than Democrat and Republican?
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Winston Churchill’s quote, “Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never! …in nothing, great or small, large or petty. Never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.”
It keeps me going through the worst resistance and opposition: to all the people who have ever told me that my ideas are silly or stupid, and to all the authoritarian voices that have ever tried to suppress the things that are not in their interest. The world would be a very different place today without that one person’s level of conviction. One person’s voice and drive can absolutely make a difference.
Trade Caffeine for Sea Moss Smoothie — Caffeine is a stimulant, potentially causing jitters and anxiety. Sea moss gel contains naturally energizing nutrients like Vitamin B2, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Chromium, Magnesium, and Zinc. Consuming it daily mixed into a smoothie helps you stay healthy and alert.
As a part of my series about the “5 Things Anyone Can Do To Optimize Their Mental Wellness”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Imani Francies.
Imani Francies writes and researches for the life insurance comparison site, QuickQuote.com. As a parent and early childhood educator, she is passionate about helping parents, children, and other individuals figure out what is best for their mental and emotional well-being.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
I grew up in Atlanta, Georgia, and attended a Performing Arts High School that gave me the opportunity to express my creative side. I had experienced some traumatizing events growing up, so partaking in the arts was a great form of therapy for me.
Storytelling gave me an opportunity to relieve stress, manage my anxiety, and bring a little bit of joy to others. Towards the end of my high school career, I realized I wanted to pursue a career that revolved around storytelling and helping or encouraging others.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
Despite having worked as an early childhood educator, I began writing as a ghostwriter before taking on content writing full time. One of the gigs I picked up writing as a ghostwriter was for an erotica website.
Though I cannot mention the site because of a non-disclose, the individual used the site as a form of therapy for readers and clients. Those who benefited from the site struggled with their confidence in the dating world. This role allowed me to come out of my shell as a writer and has been the most interesting work I have done thus far.
Can you share a story with us about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? What lesson or take-away did you learn from that?
During my last year in college, I did contract work with the non-profit organization, United Way. I was responsible for writing up various forms of content, but I also did filmography and editing.
I was tasked with interviewing veterans on camera in their homes, doing write-ups on the interview, and compiling the video interview into a short film. For my first project, my co-worker and I spent almost an hour driving around trying to find the correct home.
I did not do a good job verifying the address before heading to the interview and we could not get the interviewee on the phone. Due to us being on a deadline, we just kept driving and trying different homes until we found the right one.
Looking back, I recognize how dangerous driving around like that was but thinking about how panicked and unprepared we were is hilarious today. I learned how to better prepare, stay organized, and obtain detailed information from people after that day.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
I would say that I am grateful for my old high school drama teacher, Mrs. Katie Grant Shalin. Unfortunately, she passed away because of cancer before I graduated, but she had this fire that was so inspirational.
No matter who you were, she pushed you to be the best version of yourself. Her impact led me down the road I am on today and to this day, I strive to have that impact on others one day.
What advice would you suggest to your colleagues in your industry to thrive and avoid burnout?
To not be so obsessed with the idea of being productive to where you forget to take care of yourself. You can only do your best work when you are well physically, emotionally, and mentally.
What advice would you give to other leaders about how to create a fantastic work culture?
You should not expect your employees to be robots. Life happens to everyone at any point in time and it can severely hinder one’s ability to produce the same quality of work each day. As long as someone is doing their job well, it is okay if they are not producing excellent and over-achieving results every day.
Ok thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. Mental health is often looked at in binary terms; those who are healthy and those who have mental illness. The truth, however, is that mental wellness is a huge spectrum. Even those who are “mentally healthy” can still improve their mental wellness. From your experience or research, what are five steps that each of us can take to improve or optimize our mental wellness. Can you please share a story or example for each.
Tip #1 — Move Your Body
Being physically active for at least 30 minutes a day supplies brain cells with oxygen, augmenting your brain function. Walking or even cleaning your house for 30 minutes straight is a good way to get your blood pumping.
Tip #2 — Trade Caffeine for Sea Moss Smoothie
Caffeine is a stimulant, potentially causing jitters and anxiety. Sea moss gel contains naturally energizing nutrients like Vitamin B2, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Chromium, Magnesium, and Zinc. Consuming it daily mixed into a smoothie helps you stay healthy and alert.
Tip #3 — Improve Sleep with Yoga and Meditation
Yoga and meditation enhance your quality of sleep by reducing stress. Stress causes a frequently heightened state of alertness that can delay the onset of sleep. Taking a class or following a video online three to five times a week is a good way to relax the body.
Tip #4 — Practice Breathing Exercises
Sitali Pranayama is a breathing exercise to help people relax when anxious or overheated. Deeply inhale through your tongue while it is rolled in a shape of a tube. Before exhaling through your nose, focus on the cool air flowing through your lungs. You repeat as needed until relaxed.
Tip #5 — Drink Water
You should drink at least half your body weight in ounces of water. So if you weigh 100 pounds, drink 50 ounces of water a day. Staying hydrated improves your energy levels and concentration.
Much of my expertise focuses on helping people to plan for after retirement. Retirement is a dramatic ‘life course transition’ that can impact one’s health. In addition to the ideas you mentioned earlier, are there things that one should do to optimize mental wellness after retirement? Please share a story or an example for each.
Tip #1 — Stay Connected with Other People
The best way to stay mentally and emotionally healthy is by staying connected with people. You can do this by socializing with friends that you can still contact and by spending time with your family and grandchildren.
Tip #2 — Make an Effort to Manage Medication
A decline in short-term memory is normal with aging and can result in you forgetting to take crucial medication. Using pill organizers or a note-pad can prevent you from missing medication helps with your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. You can even set up a recurring alarm on your phone to go off when it’s time to take your medicine.
Tip #3 — Eat Healthier Foods
Another common instance of aging is having the digestive system slow down. Your body cannot withstand the same amount of processed foods that it could in your younger years. So eating high-fiber fruits, whole grains, and vegetables help your digestive system to keep functioning well.
A good functioning digestive system supports mood stabilization and your ability to focus.
How about teens and pre teens. Are there any specific new ideas you would suggest for teens and pre teens to optimize their mental wellness?
Yes, creative therapy which supports mental wellness in pre-teens and teens.
Creative therapy can be completed through art journaling, sketching, making collages, or sculpting clay. There are endless ways to partake in creative therapy because art is self-expression. Here is a list of benefits associated with participating in creative therapy:
Relieve symptoms of depression
Improve Communication skills
Learn self-regulation and management
Confront past trauma
Reduce stress
Improve and develop problem-solving skills
Grow self-esteem
Provide a positive distraction
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story?
“Girl, Wash Your Face” by Rachel Hollis is my favorite motivational book. I listened to the audio version after having my first child. My post-partum depression went untreated and turned into a series of depressive episodes for up to two years after delivery.
The book reminded me that I did not have to be perfect and that no family or relationship was perfect. It was what pushed me into loving myself at face value. Accepting who I am and loving that person helped me be present on a daily basis and helped my battle with anxiety.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
The movement I would start would be revolved around it being a normal occurrence for companies to allow their employees to take days off to focus on their mental health. Going into work and ignoring the signals your body gives you when you need a day of rest is unhealthy and too normalized.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?
“Eventually, you will end up where you need to be” is a quote that keeps my anxiety in check and reminds me to be present. I sometimes focus on the future so much that I get overly anxious and spiral into a depressive episode, but this quote reminds me to take things day by day.
What is the best way our readers can follow you on social media?
