Women In Wellness: Author Neelou Malekpour On The Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing
An Interview With Candice Georgiadis
No one knows what they’re doing. This is the biggest myth about adulthood (in my opinion). Dispel the notion that people know better than you because they are further along in their careers or have more education, or whatever is psyching you out. People are great at faking things and even the smartest, most successful people are fumbling through life just figuring it out one day at a time. So there’s really no need to wait until you feel ready or have enough experience under your belt — just do the thing.
As a part of my series about the women in wellness, I had the pleasure of interviewing Neelou Malekpour.
Neelou Malekpour is an entrepreneur and author. She was born in Seattle and raised in Tehran, Iran, before moving to Los Angeles during the Iranian Revolution. She started SMUDGED as a tribute to her late grandmother, who taught her to be responsible for the vibrations she put out into the world.
She has worked with brands such as UNICEF, YogaWorks, 1 Hotels, Selina, Soho House, Sydell Group, Guerilla Union, Real Dog Rescue, and more. Malekpour has contributed to publications such as New York Metro, the Los Angeles Daily News, Us Weekly, and Harper’s Bazaar.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?
Yes! I got my undergraduate degree in English literature with an emphasis in creative writing and then I went to law school (which I hated). When I got my JD I had a bunch of jobs from the United Nations in peacekeeping to finance to events and more. The one thread was that I was always on a spiritual path that started with what I had learned from my grandmother when I was little. Eventually, I started a side business which was in alignment with all the teachings I have had over the past 20 years and SMUDGED was born.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?
I think the way I found an agent and got a book deal is pretty interesting — in that everything that I’ve read in publishing blogs was not my experience. I found the agencies of authors whose books were in my genre and that I really loved and I shared my proposal without really thinking about it too much. I just sent the emails in the middle of the night one night when I felt restless. The proposal itself took me a few hours to write. Rather quickly I got an amazing agent and my publishing deal came with that ease as well. I even received almost the exact amount I wanted as an advance. Nothing in my experience was typical and I am sharing this with you because anything can be a reality. Just hold the vision very clearly as your intention and then get busy and do the work.
Can you share a story about the biggest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
I made a lot of mistakes starting off. I really can’t remember a huge mistake because really everything always works out. The important takeaway about mistakes is to learn from them quickly and keep the energy moving. Don’t dwell — move on!
Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?
In my opinion, it all starts with us. How we feel. How in alignment we are. Like take Putin, that man is so out of alignment — look at the chaos he is causing. Energy is real. So, SMUDGED is all about attaining and maintaining an elevated vibrational frequency. If we are feeling bad or out of sorts, it’s likely we are going to take that out on the people around us to varying degrees. So if we want the world to be a better place we have to start by being aligned internally — mind, body, soul. From that place, you can facilitate so much positive change that ripples out globally.
Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing? Please give an example or story for each.
Morning practice — in the mornings I always do a breathing exercise, light a bit of sacred smoke before chanting a mantra, focus on gratitude and what fills my heart with joy, and a visualization exercise — all before turning on my cell phone or computer.
Drink lots of water — water is magic — drink enough and your whole life will change.
Find a group of like minded people and support each other — we have an online community where we chant together — it’s a sacred space that brings so many blessings to the people who participate.
Breathwork — this is a life changing practice — I hold breathwork circles on zoom regularly, if you’re curious join one.
Evening practice — I turn off my electronic devices about an hour before bed and wind down mindfully — I look back on my day and choose the thing I was most grateful for — consciously choosing my last thoughts before sleep.
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?
Breathwork. I always think about how different my life would be if I had access to breathwork when I was in high school. It is a powerful healing modality utilizing the breath to heal old patterns, dislodge stuck energy, and balance the chakras. Practicing in a group setting, even virtually, has a powerful collective healing energy that facilitates deep release.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?
No one knows what they’re doing. This is the biggest myth about adulthood (in my opinion). Dispel the notion that people know better than you because they are further along in their careers or have more education, or whatever is psyching you out. People are great at faking things and even the smartest, most successful people are fumbling through life just figuring it out one day at a time. So there’s really no need to wait until you feel ready or have enough experience under your belt — just do the thing.
Cut the fat. If you have any naysayers in your life — friends, family, whoever — who make you feel like your dreams are dumb, unattainable, people who encourage you to play small, and especially the ones who plant seeds of doubt into your mind — distance yourself from them. Do not let their limiting beliefs influence you. Surround yourself with people who inspire you and are willing to help you. Find your tribe of HYPE women (or men) who are willing to share their knowledge and help open doors for you. Being successful in anything takes a community.
Embrace your own uniqueness. Find the thing that lights you up and expand it. Competition and comparison are traps to keep us all in a rat race. Find a way to share your personal gifts with the world and make that your focus, not what anyone else is doing.
Release the notion of perfection. Get comfy with making mistakes and share things before they feel perfect. You will get SO much more done and it will feel a lot better than stressing yourself, and others around you, out trying to be perfect.
Align instead of hustle. So rest, drink enough water, move your body, quiet your mind, have fun and really live a life filled with joy — like romanticizing your life! Because, what’s the point if you’re not enjoying yourself?
Sustainability, veganism, mental health and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?
Mental health is so important. We are in a society full of struggle and overwhelm. Almost everyone is medicated. How many people do you personally know on some kind of antidepressants, antianxiety medication or self-medicating with alcohol and cannabis? With the social media addiction and the negative effect that’s having on the mental health of younger generations — we need some relief. I wrote The Art of Sacred Smoke because I struggled with such bad anxiety in my 20s and 30s — I wish I had a book like that or tools like breathwork and mantras to support me when I was struggling. My hope is that it brings peace of heart and peace of mind to anyone who reads it.
What is the best way our readers can follow you online?
@smudged.co on Instagram and you can join our mailing list from www.smudged.co
Modern Fashion: Alana Smith of Kitten D’Amour On The 5 Things You Need To Lead A Successful Fashion Brand Today
An Interview With Candice Georgiadice
Brand Identity — The world is a very busy place with millions of brands all trying to gain our attention. It’s vital to have your own identity and not to try to be ‘all things to all men’. We know and understand our customers and we don’t deviate from the styles we know they like and want from Kitten D’Amour.
Many in the fashion industry have been making huge pivots in their business models. Many have turned away from the fast fashion trend. Many have been focusing on fashion that also makes a social impact. Many have turned to sustainable and ethical sourcing. Many have turned to hi tech manufacturing. Many have turned to subscription models. What are the other trends that we will see in the fashion industry? What does it take to lead a successful fashion brand today?
In our series called, “5 Things You Need To Lead a Successful Fashion Brand Today” we are talking to successful leaders of fashion brands who can talk about the Future of Fashion and the 5 things it takes to lead a successful fashion brand in our “new normal.”
As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Alana Smith.
Alana Smith is the founder and designer of the popular Australian Fashion Brand Kitten D’Amour. Kitten D’Amour was established in 2003 and has over 270,000 followers in Australia and over 4,500 5 Star Trustpilot reviews. Kitten D’Amour has dressed numerous celebrities including Lady Gaga and Britney Spears and their designs will be featured in the new HBO/ Paramount+ ‘Grease’ prequel, ‘Rise of the Pink Ladies’ that will be screening later this year.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?
I grew up in Brisbane, Queensland. As a girl, I had very little interest in clothing design apart from dressing my Barbie dolls! My distant grandmother was a fashion designer in nineteenth-century Paris and my great-great-grandfather was a ‘Staymaker’, in other words, he was a skilled artisan dressmaker. I find it fascinating how the skills of our ancestors can be passed down from one generation to the next!
Can you tell us the story about what led you to this particular career path?
My first job (when I was 18) was working at Benetton as a salesgirl. As you might know, everything about Benetton is about attention to detail and quality, and I was shown at an early age the importance of merchandising. This is where I really started developing my interest in fashion. My next job was the one that truly set me on my path to creating Kitten D’Amour. I worked for a popular Australian clothing brand that was driven by fashion trends. One day the buyer for the company visited one of the company’s Brisbane shops where I was working. I remember it as if it was only yesterday, the buyer told me all about the current trends that were popular at that time in the US and Europe…..I instantly knew that this was the job that I wanted! Fast forward three years, I moved to Sydney and landed my dream job…the new buyer for the company! I would travel around the world buying samples and discovering the latest styles and trends in London, Paris, New York, and Los Angeles six times a year.
Between trips, I also designed for the company and it soon became apparent that the styles I was creating would often ‘out-sell’ the designs modeled on samples that I had bought on my buying trips. I then decided to start my own label. With no formal training, it was a real learning curve. I basically taught myself to create and grade patterns, cut fabric, sew and assemble garments and create clothing designs that I felt would be popular. I sold my designs to various clothing boutiques in Queensland and this gave me the confidence to open my own shop…I have never looked back.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?
We now have shops in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, and the Gold Coast and a popular online store where we sell to people all over the world. I feel blessed that so many people appreciate the designs we create. We recently had a popular Australian film called ‘A Stitch in Time’ feature our designs as part of the story of the film. The director (Sasha Hadden) told me that he was inspired to write and make the film after visiting one of our shops. To think that the designs we create are now inspiring others to be creative is very exciting. There are so many wonderful stories that I would love to share with you, I think it’s important to grab every opportunity that comes your way….this is something we are always doing. Not every opportunity ‘pays off’ however you will be surprised as to how many do!
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
‘Over Deliver’ — The owner of the ‘trend-driven’ clothing brand I used to work for in my 20s would often ask me to travel overseas on buying trips without much notice! I never questioned when and where I had to go, and I would ‘hit the shops’ to gather clothing samples the minute the plane landed. I had no interest in finding my hotel and resting after a long international flight. I had a job to do, and that was my first priority. I soon discovered that the more I ‘over delivered,’ the more successful I became.
‘Intuition’ — We don’t follow trends at Kitten D’Amour, and I believe that you should never deviate from what ‘your gut’ is telling you during the creative process. We do our best to always be original, we don’t create designs just to be ‘on trend.’
‘Don’t Get Too Comfortable’ — I have a saying: “I am only as good as my last collection!” The success of Kitten D’Amour all depends on how popular each of my collections is. I never take the success of Kitten D’Amour for granted and I strive to make each collection the best I’ve ever created. We have adopted this philosophy in each department at Kitten D’Amour, our mantra is to deliver collections and products that continually inspire our guests to shop with us.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
Kitten D’Amour has such a loyal following. I believe that this loyalty has been created for a number of different reasons. 1) Consistently creating quality products that our guests love. 2) Creating the very best shopping experience in our boutiques. We have our own ‘unique’ Kitten D’Amour Fragrance which is dispensed through diffusers. We use the same ‘signature fragrance’ when packing online orders, and our guests absolutely love it. We have our own radio station (Kitten D’Amour Radio) that can be streamed anywhere around the world. We play our own ‘unique’ style of music in-store, and guests can then listen to the station at home or on their phones. We incorporate Pinball Machines, antique lamps, antique furniture, and unique custom-made wallpaper that are unique to each individual shop. 3) We have the most brilliant staff, most of whom have been with us for many years. 4) We invest heavily in beautiful packaging ensuring that every Kitten D’Amour product is exquisitely presented. 5) We only make very small quantities of each style (on average 300 pieces of each design). This creates exclusivity for each collection. 6) We introduce a new collection of designs every month, this ensures that Kitten D’Amour is constantly re-inventing itself. We never repeat any of our older designs. This keeps the brand fresh and exciting. With each new collection, we invest heavily in photoshoots that allow us to have lots of new content to inspire our guests to shop with us.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share a story of how that was relevant to you in your life?
“The harder you work, the luckier you become.” This is a very well-known quote, and at Kitten D’Amour we call this the ‘Time Machine’ theory. Basically, there is ‘Time Travel,’ however, time travel only works in one direction…forward. To make a difference in the time you experience in the future is down to you today! So….if we work hard now and put a lot of effort into making your brand the best it can be, the ‘Time Machine’ will hopefully reward you by delivering you a popular, successful brand in 5 to 10 years. This is true for everything in life such as health and relationships…I just wish I could apply this principle and commitment to my exercise regime (haha).
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Do you see any fascinating developments emerging over the next few years in the fashion industry that you are excited about? Can you tell us about that?
Right now, there are lots of micro-trends in fashion, and I believe soon we will reach a point where people will work on their own personal style rather than buying into quickly evolving trends.
Can you share how your brand is helping to bring goodness to the world?
Bringing ‘goodness’ to the world is a wonderful and admirable ambition. We do our very best to spread ‘kindness’ and ‘thoughtfulness’ whenever we can. This can come from creating collections designed specifically for guests that might be going through tough times. Making donations to help Australia’s wildlife (such as during last year’s horrendous Bush Fires) and donating to other animal-related charities. It’s a privilege to be able to be in a position to help others where we can. We are huge animal lovers and we are particularly passionate about helping our beautiful koala population.
Can you share with our readers about the ethical standards you use when you choose where to source materials?
As most Kitten D’Amour designs are ‘fitted’ and structured, it’s important that we use skilled machinists and tailors. We have used the same small factory in China for 15 years. The owner of the factory (Simon) is the son of a very talented tailor that created the finest business suits and shirts in Hong Kong. The majority of Simon’s tailors and machinists have worked for Simon for over 10 years. As the factory is small, Simon is able to focus on making designs primarily for Kitten D’Amour. We visit the factory on a regular basis, and with Simon’s help, we have built up an excellent supply chain of suppliers that manufacture fabrics and other materials to the highest of standards to the strictest ethical standards. Using the same suppliers over a long period of time has made it much easier for us to be confident that our materials are ethically-sourced. We also do not use any animal products of any type. I believe that you need to see things with your own eyes to be truly confident that the materials you use are ethically-sourced and that the people making your designs are treated well.
Fast fashion has an advantage, that it is affordable for most people, but it also has the drawback that it does not last very long and is therefore not very sustainable. What are your thoughts about this? How does your company address this question?
Nothing we do at Kitten D’Amour is ‘Fast Fashion’ related. The thought of working in ‘Fast Fashion’ scares me. Most consumers believe that anything and everything made in China must be very cheap to manufacture and the price should reflect this. This is not always the case. Yes, labor and some materials are cheaper in China, however ‘skilled’ people are scarce everywhere, even in China.
Most of the world’s most prestigious brands manufacture their products in China. This is based on how many highly skilled people are in China. We understand that if we want the most beautiful fabrics, the best quality accessories, and if we want every garment to be exquisitely tailored to the highest standard, we need to be ready to pay for it.
The old saying ‘you get what you pay for’ is very true, particularly when it comes to clothing, bags, accessories, and shoes. We find that our guests truly value each ‘Kitten D’Amour’ design and some of our older collections can sell for more ‘used’ than when we first introduced them. This is a testament to the power of creating products that people admire, cherish, and ultimately love.
We are fortunate enough to own a number of classic cars, including a 1956 Thunderbird and a 1959 Corvette. I’d like to think that these cars are similar to the Kitten D’Amour designs we create. Our classic cars have been enjoyed and cherished by numerous owners over the years. The goal at Kitten D’Amour is to create clothing that will also be enjoyed and cherished by different owners over the years and not discarded after a few wears.
Thank you for all that. Here is the main question of our interview. What are your “5 Things You Need To Lead a Successful Fashion Brand”. Please share a story or example for each.
High-Quality Products — You must have a beautifully created product that is of the highest quality. Customers are not foolish, they will only come back and buy your designs again and again if the clothing designs you create are consistent of the highest quality and make each guest feel and look incredible.
Brand Equity — It is vital to invest time and money into your brand. Building brand loyalty can only begin when guests know and trust the brands they buy from. Equity in your brand can be created from the quality of the products, the experience your guests receive, the quality of your packaging, and ultimately the service you provide.
Consistency — It’s not enough to have one or two winning designs. To build a successful fashion brand, you must be able to provide guests with consistently high-quality products, over and over again.
People — There is an old saying ‘Hire Slowly and Fire Quickly.’ Basically, invest time and effort in finding the right people in every area of your business. Everyone associated with your brand should be the right ‘fit’ for the brand. If anyone isn’t quite the right ‘fit’ it is much better to part ways with those people quickly (after adequate training and guidance have been given). We have followed this theory for some time and we are truly blessed to have the most wonderful team. Our staff turnover is extremely low and this also allows our guests to see the ‘same faces’ whenever they shop with us. This leads to customers forming strong connections with our team.
Brand Identity — The world is a very busy place with millions of brands all trying to gain our attention. It’s vital to have your own identity and not to try to be ‘all things to all men’. We know and understand our customers and we don’t deviate from the styles we know they like and want from Kitten D’Amour.
Every industry constantly evolves and seeks improvement. How do you think the fashion industry can improve itself? Can you give an example?
Fast fashion has been popular for a number of years, it’s cheap and disposable. I truly believe (and hope) that this trend is coming to an end. The world is quickly learning that the planet can no longer sustain the damage that fast fashion is causing. You don’t need me to list all of the horrendous issues that fast fashion creates for our beautiful planet. We feel it is better for everyone to enjoy fashion that is beautifully designed, created from ethically sourced fabrics, and manufactured in an ethical environment. Timeless beautiful designs might cost more, however, we find our designs are worn year after year and are often passed onto other owners rather than discarded.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
That is a fabulous question. One of the greatest gifts of having any form of success is to have the ability to provide good advice to anyone just starting out on their journey. Mentorship is vital in helping others to succeed. I’d love it if everyone that has found success could inspire and assist others to achieve their goals.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Please click on the following links to experience Kitten D’Amour!
Women In Wellness: Ann Seide of Seide Integrative Health On The Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing
An Interview With Candice Georgiadis
Resist the urge to measure up to some Instagram image of wellness. Don’t convince yourself that you (or your doctor) failed at making you healthy when you face a devastating diagnosis like cancer or heart disease. It is the nature of being human to become sick and to die: none of us make it out of here alive! Have a provider at your side who brings empathy, compassion, and honesty to your care. It is sometimes in our greatest challenges that we find sources of strength we never knew were possible.
As a part of my series about the women in wellness, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Ann Seide.
Ann Seide, MD, is a former US Navy Lieutenant Commander and board-certified Internist and Integrative Medicine physician with 25 years of experience caring for critically ill patients. Dr. Seide brings her unique skills in mind-body practices, herbal medicine, and a compassion-based communication practice called Council to the bedside, as well as to groups as diverse as police officers and prison inmates. Dr. Seide partners with people seeking wellness, often in the midst of challenging situations. Learn more about her practice at www.seideintegrativehealth.com.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?
I was raised in the Midwest by remarkable parents who, having never attended university themselves, encouraged me to pursue advanced degrees in zoology, molecular biology and medicine. Their love for each other and the natural world, their respect for marginalized people, and their work ethic all informed the path of my life’s work.
In the US Navy as a doctor, I was privileged to care for active duty and retired veterans. Naval medicine provided a strong foundation of rigorous allopathic training, while allowing me to engage in home visits with patients where I learned the “softer” ways of healing.
Twenty-plus years of practice as a Hospitalist (providing exclusively in-hospital care) brought me face-to-face repeatedly with catastrophic illness. Intimacy with the brevity of life and the importance of presence to this moment led me to deep personal practice which has influenced my medical practice. Whether struggling with the side effects of cancer treatment, or with the heart-wrenching decisions made daily in the ICU, providers need skillful means that extend beyond what conventional medical training affords.
Although I know Western medicine is powerful and effective, I have remained open and curious about other healthcare systems: indigenous healers, traditional Chinese medicine, and herbalism in particular. Being able to view migraine headaches, for instance, from varying perspectives offers up treatment plans that can be far more effective than using Western medicine’s drugs alone. In this example, traditional Chinese medicine might ask a migraine patient about how she expresses emotion and about her menstrual pattern, because a blocked liver meridian is associated with headaches as well as abnormal menstrual blood flow and repressed anger. An indigenous healer might prescribe whole herbs that bring balance to her system, or offer a ceremony in which drumming, smudging, and dancing serve to clear out unwanted influences. Such descriptions often seem “crazy” from a Western perspective, but I find them rich and interesting. Sort of like understanding poetry as an expression of truth, in contrast to factual reporting.
Knowing, however, that not all complementary and alternative forms of medicine are beneficial, I sought out additional training and found the Weil Integrative Medicine Fellowship at the University of Arizona. Focusing on evidence-based therapies, the program emphasizes a healthy dose of skepticism alongside openness and curiosity. This board-certified specialty attracts physicians of all specialties, naturopaths, nurse practitioners, pharmacists, acupuncturists and other allied health professionals, offering me a diverse community with whom I can pose questions and share patient cases. It’s a community that also knows the importance of self-care for those engaged in the caring professions, something of particular importance to me.
In 2013, I lost a dear friend and physician colleague to suicide. Unable to get the help she needed, Shawn left a family and a community of physicians bereft and questioning how this could have happened. She became a touchstone for me as I began to question how we, as providers, might learn better self-care along with being better equipped to care for each other. In 2014, I enrolled in a chaplaincy program at Upaya Institute, focusing my studies on contemplative practices, systems theory and provider wellness. Several years post-divorce, I was in a place personally that quite honestly was not seeking another life-partner, but as fortune would have it I found exactly that! My now-husband, Jared Seide, was also in the chaplaincy program. His focus was on bringing a mindfulness-based dialogic practice called Council to deeply suffering populations, and right away I saw its relevance to burned-out providers of healthcare and first responders. Over the past 8 years, I have been privileged to join Jared in such diverse places as Rwanda, Auschwitz, Bosnia, Bogota, as well as prisons in California, facilitating Councils and seeing how deeply needed this practice of heartfelt speaking and listening is.
To sit in a circle among people with whom I might not identify, listen to their whole story without feeling the need to agree or disagree, and be able to speak what’s present for me in the moment is a wholly different way of communicating that what we were trained to do in medicine. (Studies show that, on average, physicians listen for a brief 11 seconds before interrupting a patient!) For me, the practice of Council took meditation “off the cushion”; Jared and I often refer to it as “mindfulness 2.0.” The foundational Zen Peacemaker tenets of Not Knowing, Bearing Witness and Loving Action become very real for me in this practice, whether I’m formally training a group of LAPD officers or simply sitting at the bedside of someone diagnosed with stage 4, inoperable cancer.
My practice of Integrative Medicine approaches health from the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual perspectives. For me, being truly integrated means to leave nothing out…not my rigorous Western medical training, nor my experience as a Council Trainer, nor my interest in other health systems. I invite my patients into the same experience of leaving nothing out, to enter into each encounter curious and willing to explore together what wellness means for them.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?
In 2008, a beloved colleague — orthopedic surgeon Ed Farrar — was struck head on by a car while riding his bicycle in to work. Not far behind was another physician, an anesthesiologist, who quickly realized the severity of Dr. Farrar’s injuries and within minutes an ambulance brought him to the very hospital where he’d been heading to operate. The operating room was alerted, and the crew of nurses, techs, and fellow orthopedists and neurosurgeons were at the ready.
Despite such rapid response, Ed’s spinal cord was severed in the mid-thoracic region, and further injury higher up his spine left everyone uncertain at what level Ed would be paralyzed. Everyone hoped for the best, but feared the worst, especially as the days that Ed remained dependent on a ventilator increased.
My group of Hospitalists staffed the intensive care unit, rotating 12-hour shifts, day and night. There was both a sense of wanting to be assigned to Ed and dreading it. Some doctors, particularly men who previously rode bicycles or kayaked the rapid Wenatchee river along with Ed, found it difficult to care for him. Though most tried to maintain what they felt was “professional distance,” I now see that what they were experiencing was secondary trauma — something I later learned affects first responders, as well as bedside caregivers, and can lead to future ill health, damaged relationships, and even suicide.
I, too, took my turn caring for Ed, and began to notice a pattern. The day shift would make strides one day in weaning his dependence on the ventilator, only to return the next morning to find him sedated and on higher vent support. We blamed the night crew, thinking they would “snow” him with sedatives and then have to turn up the vent.
But on some days, Ed would appear alert, relaxed, and less sedated in the morning, and would require less ventilator support. I eventually realized these days happened following the night when a particular nurse was on and had been assigned to Ed. One of my night shifts covering another floor, I went down to the unit just to visit, and found this nurse giving Ed a deep tissue massage in his shoulders (an area that Ed would often complain caused him a lot of pain). When I asked the nurse what meds he was scheduled to get to help him sleep, she just smiled and said he wouldn’t need any. As I became aware of this, I started to track his use of pain meds the day following, and found a notable decrease the days after his bedtime massage.
Ed had been a loquacious person, but being intubated and hooked up to a ventilator robbed him of the ability to speak. A family member had brought in a child’s Speak & Spell toy, which Ed would use to communicate. It took time, and most often doctors and nurses wanted him to give brief yes/no answers. Anything requiring more than a few words was just too time-consuming. But, on days when I had fewer patients (or could visit outside of when I was on shift), I would spend a couple of hours with Ed, allowing him to laboriously tap out things he wanted to say. I vividly recall one day when he typed, “Former spine surgeon, paralyzed, now needs more…” He never finished this phrase, as he drifted off to sleep, and I’ve over and over again pondered how he might have finished this.
Something even more surprising in these Speak & Spell conversations, was that on those days — similar to the days following his bedtime massage — Ed requested far fewer doses of pain medication. I even remember one day in particular, that his nurse came in to offer pain medication while we were conversing, and he waved her off!
It is these recollections of caring for Ed that make me realize the power of complementary approaches to healthcare. Of how simple touch reduces pain, of the importance of presence and not shying away from the difficulties of caring, of how listening without an agenda provides a space for healing.
Can you share a story about the biggest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
In 1996, when I was in residency at Portsmouth Naval Hospital rotating through the emergency room, a mother brought in her 4-year-old child who was having an allergic reaction. He had a localized rash, but no signs of airway compromise, and a history of playing outdoors and probably coming into contact with a plant that caused the reaction. Basically, a condition that did not require admission to the hospital, and that could be dealt with at home with some basic allergy medications. I prescribed Benadryl, and some topical creams to ease his itching, and sent them on their way. My shift ended at 7pm, and I went home: at that time, my daughter was @3 years old, and I was pregnant with my son.
The next day I went in for my ER shift, and the doctor in charge pulled me aside. He said that the mother had brought her son back later last evening, beet red all over, agitated, crying, and tachycardic (a fast heart rate). In reviewing my visit earlier in the day, the resident who saw him the second time saw that I had overdosed the Benadryl: I had prescribed an adult dose for a 4-year-old, which caused these symptoms.
I felt my own heart pounding, envisioning what it would be like for this to happen to my own children, and the fear the mother must have experienced. This fear soon expanded, as the ER doctor went on to say how angry she was, and that I should consider what “damage control” I might enact.
At first, I wanted to hide. Once I verified that the child hadn’t been admitted, that he’d been able to go back home after the second visit, I thought perhaps it might be best to just “leave well enough alone.” Being in the military meant we didn’t really have to be concerned about the mother suing; this is a fear more relevant to civilian practice. But the more I pictured my own children, and my own fear of their being injured at the hands of someone else, I knew I couldn’t just walk away, content that no ultimate harm had been done by my actions.
And so I called the mother. She indeed was angry with me, and a little taken aback that I called. I listened as she recounted what had happened the prior evening, resisting the urge to defend myself or try to counter anything she said. I told her I too had children, and couldn’t imagine how scared she must have been. I apologized for my error, and as we continued to talk, I could sense even over the phone that her anger was dissipating. Within a few minutes, she began to describe something else she’d been concerned about regarding her child, and actually asked could she bring him in that day again to see me! This floored me, that after my egregious error she would even consider letting me see her son again.
Over and over again, through the years, this lesson has resonated with me: the importance of remaining present, particularly in difficult situations, not shying away because it is uncomfortable to be with suffering. When I feel my own heart racing, my own dry mouth when considering a tense situation, I recall this brave younger me who made a difficult phone call when she wanted to run away.
Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?
My approach to wellness acknowledges the presence of illness and death not as demons to be fought off, but as omnipresent in a world that continually lives in a state of flux. To be integrated means to leave nothing out, and often this includes accepting parts of ourselves and of the world that we’d rather not admit exist.
When working with an individual, this frequently means seeing someone battling with cancer, or chronic immune disease, and helping them integrate the identity of “being sick” with their aspiration of wellness. In my private practice, in which I work with patients to develop comprehensive, integrated approaches to their health, I do so outside of conventional insurance-based compensation. In doing this, I can provide hour-long visits (more if needed), in which we delve into aspects of their history that almost never come up in a traditional doctor visit. Rather than the appointment being “physician-led,” I turn the reins over to the patient, allowing them to guide what we speak about. This is a radical shift for many people, who have been conditioned to expect that a doctor visit consists of answering directed questions, an examination that involves exposing parts of their body, and perfunctory prescriptions for pills and tests.
It is my hope that, in the future, wellness isn’t something sought after by the wealthy as a way to deny or stave off illness, but is embraced as an approach to maximal health exactly where someone is at the moment. I envision a clinic where patients participate in a membership model, rather than fee for service or HMO-dictated care, where they are encouraged to visit for health-maintaining practices, as well as when they are facing health challenges. Throughout these visits, they would see an integrative physician as well as a nutritionist and additional ancillary providers (like licensed acupuncturists, mental health providers, massage therapists, body workers) for a team approach that is coordinated and evidence-based. And I believe such a center could be central to a community and not set apart from it, incorporating local indigenous practices alongside traditional Western approaches.
When I am facilitating Council, or training a group of police officers in the impact of stress on their physical, mental, and emotional health, I am also in the presence of deep suffering that cannot be avoided. Some of these officers work homicide or are battling the effects of gang violence, and the decades of secondary trauma can lead to early death from cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and stroke or even suicide. Three years ago, I helped my husband develop a six-month training program for police called POWER (Police Officer Wellness Empathy and Resilience) that his non-profit organization, Center for Council, has brought to officers in Los Angeles and Jacksonville, FL. It has been deeply rewarding for me to not only develop the program, but to also be involved in offering these workshops “on the ground.” We invited officers from LAPD who had completed the POWER program to a day in which they spoke of the impact of the program on their lives. It was powerful to hear in their words how valuable this training was for them, their families and their colleagues; you can check out the video of this conversation here.
Whether interacting with one person to help them improve their own personal health, or with a group of first responders in a training, I am often aware of countless others in the room. They are the ripple effect; people I may never meet but who will benefit from the impact of my work here and now.
Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing? Please give an example or story for each.
To be “well” often challenges us to re-frame our state of mind and to change some basic daily practices, realizing that some might offer restoration to a state of health, while others may simply offer support during difficult times or insurmountable crises. With this in mind, I offer these 5 approaches.
Nutrition: By this I mean to include everything you take in that might nourish you. This includes what you eat, but also what you intentionally listen to, look at, feel and smell. What images in your day are toxic? What words do you speak (which fall first upon your own ears) that cause more harm than good? How might you cultivate an environment in your home that is nourishing, so that you venture into the world more resourced and better equipped to weather the daily stressors?
Just Breathe. Intentional breathing is the most basic, readily available, effective tool by which you can interrupt your stress response. Our brains are wired to pay attention to changes in breathing pattern above all other signals received, both internal and external. With daily breathing practices you can reset your autonomic nervous system to be healthier. Two of my favorite practices to teach are “5-count” and “4–7–8 breathing” (see this link in which I teach these and the science behind them). In the video of LAPD officers talking about the benefits of using breathing to be mindful, Officer Lyndon B. said it well: “…something about the mindset of being present, for whatever reason, slowed the game down, which allow[ed} me to think quicker.”
Sleep: My husband will tell you that I am a great lover of sleep. A full 8 to 9 hours a night is a necessity for me, and less than that not only leaves me cranky the next day, it will often lead to a migraine headache. What used to be thought of as a time in which we “shut off” our daytime, productive self (and thus, in a fast-moving corporate world, something to sacrifice in order to gain more time to work), sleep is something researchers are realizing is necessary for overall health. In a study published last month, obese patients who slept less than 6.5 hours a night were placed in 2 groups: a control group of subjects who did not alter their sleep, and an experimental group in which participants increased their sleep time to 8.5 hours. With no other difference between the groups, those who slept longer lost more weight and took in fewer calories each day. I am also heartened by the image of sleep “washing out” the accumulated tau protein that accumulates during the day, leaving my brain clean the following morning and, I hope, reducing my risk of dementia.
Not Knowing: Here we venture into how my spiritual practice affects my work. One of my Zen teachers, Bernie Glassman, framed the three tenets of the Zen Peacemaker practice as: Not Knowing, Bearing Witness, and Loving Action Arising. The first of these, Not Knowing, is something I think anyone can benefit from, and you don’t have to wear black robes and sit immobile on a zafu cushion. It simply means letting go of what you think you know. It isn’t being uninformed or ignorant. Rather, Not Knowing includes seeking out all that you can on a subject, learning as much as you can, and then letting go of it. In my practice as a physician, it means learning all I can about physiology, chemistry, anatomy, as well as all there is to know about a particular patient (their labs, history, medications), but when I sit down with that person, I intend to let go of what I think I know. There’s a saying in Zen, attributed to Shunryo Suzuki, that goes, “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few.” Of course, that patient needs for me to be as robustly educated as I can be, and they also need me to be open to the many possibilities of the beginner.
Gratitude: My mother was a great proponent of counting your blessings. She truly lived this, even to the point of expressing gratitude for life’s challenges and for things that had been lost. (She would often say, when my father expressed sadness over the loss of things or of relationships, “Don’t be sad it’s gone, be grateful that it happened.”) Researchers now know that gratitude isn’t just a nice platitude. Intentionally practicing gratitude yields measurable beneficial effects on heart rate variability and on the brain itself, where regions associated with attention and decision-making increase in size and connectivity. During the most recent POWER training with the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office, I hooked up one officer to a heart rate monitor during a brief gratitude practice to demonstrate the effects of practicing gratitude on his physiology. We projected the read out on a screen in real time. The visible shift in his heart rate variability from an incoherent to a coherent pattern was striking, showing how quickly physiology changes in response to emotion. For the sake of your own health, as well as those around you, make gratitude an intentional practice every day!
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?
I believe that the POWER training for first responders, and the sister program I helped Center for Council develop for healthcare workers (CARE — Compassion Attunement & Resiliency Education for providers), have the potential to revolutionize policing and healthcare. Alongside Jared, I am committed to continuing to do this work, and develop “train the trainer” models that allow this work to impact police training and healthcare education on a broad scale. If we can improve the health of those tasked with caring for all of us in our times of need and crisis, the impact across society will be immeasurably beneficial.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?
Having begun my path to being a physician over 30 years ago, most advice that might have been given prior to that bears little relevance to today’s healthcare system! I might reframe the question and offer “5 Things Everyone Who Needs Healthcare Should Know.”
Having excellent healthcare insurance does not guarantee you’ll get good care. In fact, sometimes having insurance makes it more difficult! Consider the wait times for pre-authorization of procedures or medications. Or how the list of doctors you can see is limited by your insurance carrier. Sometimes patients with even “the best” insurance coverage are outright denied care. Our insurance system does not prioritize what care people need, nor is it created to support doctors in taking care of people. As we look to the future of how individuals spend their healthcare dollars, I believe we are going to see models that minimize payouts for insurance, and leave cash in patients’ pockets to spend on care that is truly tailored to their needs.
Don’t pick your doctor from a “Best Doctors” list in a magazine. Or from anyone’s list, for that matter. Make your first visit one in which you “get to know” your potential partner in healthcare. Even a 15-minute conversation will give you a sense of fit, and whether this relationship is one that is going to benefit you.
Know that being healthy often requires change. Change in diet, change in mindset, and willingness to let go of what you thought you knew when new information comes to light.
Realize that #3 applies to your healthcare provider as well! Medicine is a constantly changing field, and what we knew 30, or 5, or even 1 year ago may no longer be correct. Partnering with a physician who not only stays up-to-date on current research, but also is willing to admit what they don’t know (and then look for the answers with you) will serve you far better than an inflexible “expert.”
Resist the urge to measure up to some Instagram image of wellness. Don’t convince yourself that you (or your doctor) failed at making you healthy when you face a devastating diagnosis like cancer or heart disease. It is the nature of being human to become sick and to die: none of us make it out of here alive! Have a provider at your side who brings empathy, compassion, and honesty to your care. It is sometimes in our greatest challenges that we find sources of strength we never knew were possible.
Sustainability, veganism, mental health and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?
The topic of sustainability resonates deeply for me. I have long felt that the push to make more, do more, be more, have more is a recipe for misery. Nowhere in nature do we see unmitigated growth without there also being death; in fact, life is only possible because other things die. I am a huge proponent of regenerative farming. A winding, 20-minute drive from my home brings me to Apricot Lane Farms (location of the award-winning documentary Biggest Little Farm), where Molly and John Chester proclaim that they are in the business of making dirt. The basis of healthy herbs, fruit, animals, and ultimately the humans who both eat and care for them starts in the rich soil, which is composed not only of seeds of things to be, but also of fungi and bacteria whose job it is to break down the dead into nutrients. Rich, compost-y soil even releases compounds that, when inhaled, mimic chemicals in our brains that act as antidepressants! (Explaining why my mother often pronounced a day spent gardening as “the best day of her life”). I look upon the farm (and my own little home garden) as living metaphors for my own health, my relationships, and how I practice medicine. Sustainability to me means having enough, practicing gratitude for all that shows up (even the parts I don’t like), and being mindful of what I give back in response to what I take.
What is the best way our readers can follow you online?
Women In Wellness: Tiffany LeRoy of Envision Personalized Training On The Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing
Surround yourself with people who are only going to empower you and lift you up. They always say “you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with” and if you are constantly surrounding yourself with people who are negative and bring you down, then you will become just that. Don’t be afraid to cut people out of your life who no longer serve you because in the end, you are all that matters.
As a part of my series about the women in wellness, I had the pleasure of interviewing Tiffany LeRoy.
Tiffany LeRoy is a Fitness & Lifestyle Expert in Scottsdale, Arizona and the owner of Envision Personalized Training. She is one of the most respected up and coming names in the Phoenix fitness scene. Her passion and drive make her a living example of what she inspires in her clients. In less than a year of starting her own business, her success continues to elevate with new partnerships and a growing clientele.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?
Growing up I always loved being active and playing sports. I was a swimmer throughout my adolescent years and in high school I qualified for the State Championships all 4 years. I enjoyed every second of it, but even though I was active and constantly moving my body, I wasn’t exactly what you would consider “fit”. I was always the tallest girl in the class, so I was as “big” as the boys throughout grade school. That made me feel a little self-conscious as a kid growing up, but I remember specifically in middle school being told that I had cottage cheese legs. I never forgot about that day. During my last year of high school, I decided I wanted to take my fitness to the next level because I no longer wanted to feel self-conscious about my body, and that was when I was introduced to the gym. Trust me, I had no idea what I was doing for the longest time when I first started, but I fell in love instantly. I just loved the way it made me feel and I was so eager to learn more, so I spent my last year of high school learning what I could about the gym.
When I graduated high school, it was clear that I wanted to go to school to be a personal trainer, and I was so PUMPED, but at the time, I was young and naïve, and I allowed a boyfriend I had to talk me out of going to school for training and to stop working out altogether. I instead went with the safe route of going to school for nursing because overall I really liked to help people, so it made sense to me. One year went by and I ended things with my ex and also realized that I definitely didn’t want to be a nurse. I loved the thought of helping people, but that wasn’t it. Feeling very lost and so annoyed for all the time I wasted, I once again switched majors to something “safer” which was communications and business.
Finally, after 5 years, I graduated college with my bachelor’s degree in communications and business. I tried dabbling in the field for half a year, and don’t get me wrong, it was fun and all, but it was NOT my calling, so once again, I felt so lost and confused. Well, during that time I was also eating, sleeping, and breathing the gym while also consistently posting about my fitness journey on Instagram. I started getting a lot of friends and strangers messaging me asking for fitness help and advice, and I LOVED IT. It hit me so hard like a ton of bricks that helping others and training was my calling and that it is what I needed to be doing all along. So once again, I took myself back to school to get what I needed to be able to train, and I also posted on my Instagram that I was accepting clients to start gaining real life experience. I got 3 clients that I trained for 3–4 months for dirt cheap while I also still worked my full-time job. After about 4 months of training on the side, I got the opportunity of a lifetime to train full-time with the training company of my dreams and be mentored by a very well-known trainer in Scottsdale. I was on cloud 9, a real dream come true! After two years of constant learning and mastering my craft day in and day out, I decided to branch out on my own and start my own training company called Envision Personalized Training which brings me to where I am today. I am so passionate about helping people change their lives inside and out and being able to say I do this as my “job” every single day is really a dream come true!
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?
When I first applied to my first training job, it wasn’t your typical application, but I was asked to send my resume over, so I did, and from there I never heard from them again. I was so discouraged and started to feel like I was wasting my time trying to be a trainer when I graduated for something completely different. A couple months go by and the same training company I applied to posted that they were looking to hire a new trainer, so I took a big deep breath and messaged them again. At this point I had nothing to lose, they already rejected me once, so how much worse could it get? Well to my surprise, they messaged me back and wanted to set up an interview and from there the rest is history. I landed my first real training job, and I was so ecstatic!
This just shows that if I were to give up after the first time I got rejected and failed, then I would not be here today almost 3 years later owning my own training company. Life isn’t always going to be rainbows and butterflies. There is going to be a lot of ups and down along the way, but you can’t go up without being down, and those downs are what is going to make those ups so much more worth it. Be persistent about what you want in life, and you will be amazed at how much life will work for you.
Can you share a story about the biggest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
When I first started, I didn’t realize how much effort it took to come up with training plans for each individual client. I sort of went with the “one size fits all” method and shortly found out how wrong that really was. Each client has so many factors as to how they exercise and what fits them best, and I learned quickly how to identify what fits each client’s needs best. To me this just shows that even when you think you know, you still can learn more. I am constantly trying to learn new things every day to perfect my craft, and if I were to just settle down and think I had it all figured out because I landed the job, then I would fail as a trainer so fast. Always take life as a learning opportunity, no two days are the same, so go out and make the best of them.
Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?
When it comes to health and wellness, I train women in the gym on how to properly perform exercises and execute a successful workout while also teaching them how to find that balance of incorporating their fitness and health goals into their lifestyle. I train women of many different professions which means everyone’s approach to how they can integrate their health and wellness into their already busy schedule will be different for each. I think that it is important to understand that if you are trying to have a life of good health and wellness that you need to properly learn about what that actually looks like for your own lifestyle.
Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing? Please give an example or story for each.
Practice mindfulness. I know this can be a vague word, but I think that it is very powerful to be aware of your situation, your flaws, your way of thinking, the way you act, and why you do the things you do. Being mindful of your life and the world around can help your understanding of why things are the way they are.
Drink the damn water! Water heals you from the inside out. It delivers important nutrients throughout our bodies to help it function properly on a day-to-day basis. Not only does it aid in physical health, but mental health too and even though it may seem like such a small thing, water makes a big difference in how we feel!
Move your body daily! It doesn’t always have to be something intense, but it will make all the difference in living a healthier lifestyle if you keep your body moving! It can be something as simple as walking your dogs, playing outside with your kiddos, going on a hike, doing yoga, dancing, etc, so if you’re not working out that day, just make sure you move your body.
Slow it down. Don’t forget that your life is for living! Make sure you are taking time out for yourself because your mental health will be at stake, and that reallymatters! You cannot pour from an empty cup, so make sure you are filling up your cup.
Surround yourself with people who are only going to empower you and lift you up. They always say “you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with” and if you are constantly surrounding yourself with people who are negative and bring you down, then you will become just that. Don’t be afraid to cut people out of your life who no longer serve you because in the end, you are all that matters.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?
You do not have to have it all figured out to start. You will constantly be learning no matter what part of the journey you’re in, and a lot of what you need to learn will only be through experience and actually doing what it is you want to do. Messy action is better than no action, so take action.
Failure is normal. Having a “poor me” mentality when you fail or when things get tough is going to get you nowhere and will make a huge difference on your outlook on life. Failure is how we learn, grow, and get stronger, so changing your outlook on failure and seeing it as an opportunity to be better will make it much easier to handle those tough times of failure. Which leads me to my next point…
It is not going to be a linear path. One day you may feel like you’re on cloud 9 with everything going right, and the next day everything feels like nothing is going right. You must remember that this is normal and is part of the process. Just always believe in yourself, stay consistent, and keeping pushing forward no matter how far off path you feel.
Stop trying to please everyone! You can be the juiciest peach in the patch, but there will always be that someone who doesn’t like peaches. It is not your job to please everyone around you, so take care of yourself first and stop making your decisions based on trying to please others. Live for YOU and your purpose.
It is okay to take breaks. I know society glorifies “the grind” and I’m all for it and working hard for the things you want in life, but burnout is real and if you aren’t taking care of yourself, then you won’t be able to take care of things you are doing to your fullest potential.
Sustainability, veganism, mental health and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?
Although I think all of these are very important, mental health hits a little close to home. Being close to a lot of people that struggle with their mental health and knowing firsthand how it effects peoples lives, it is something that I take very seriously. Mental health is so important because it affects how we feel, think, and even act. If our mental health is suffering, that starts to bleed into other aspects of our lives and the effects are rippling. I always say “change your mind, change your life” because I truly believe that if you actively work on changing that way you think on the inside, then how you live your life on a daily basis will reflect on the outside. With how the world has been these past couple years, now more than ever, is it extremely important to check in with yourself and make sure you are doing okay, and also know that it is okay and normal to not be okay every single day. If we had perfect days every day, then we would start to judge those days too.
What is the best way our readers can follow you online?
You can find me on Instagram @tiffanyrochelle_ , or if you are in the Scottsdale area I’d love to meet for a free trial! You can visit my website envisionpersonalizedtraining.com to set one up!
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.
Women In Wellness: Jessica Harrington of Journey To Yourself on the Five Lifestyle Tweaks That Will Help Support People’s Journey Towards Better Wellbeing
An Interview With Candice Georgiadis
SELF-AWARENESS: The awareness to know that what works for me may not work for you. For example, I LOVE to read. Reading is one of the best ways for me to regroup and relax. You may hate the smell of book stores and paperback books, and I want to breathe them in. My best friend loves those “color by numbers” and can spend hours working on one to relax. Me, just thinking about them makes me stressed.
As a part of my series about the women in wellness, I had the pleasure of interviewing Jessica Harrington MPH.
Jessica Harrington, MPH, is the owner of Journey to Yourself, a speaker, and stress management coach. Jessica educates others about stress by telling her story of growing up with addiction and mental health in her family, leading her to start her career in the drug and alcohol field. While growing her business, she divorced her high school sweetheart and realized how easy it is for us to put others’ needs and wants first, creating our own stress and unhappiness. After some time, and some healing, Jessica started Journey To Yourself.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you share your “backstory” with us?
Thanks for this opportunity to share. Yes, so I grew up with addiction and mental health in my household. The thing was, no one knew. No one knew because I always kept a smile on my face. No one knew about the pain and fear. I chose to show only happiness. The issue was, because I never let myself process the pain, I took this habit with me into my work and relationships. I married my high school sweetheart and again outside looking in, it was a “white picket fence” family. No one knew about the addiction within the household. I started working on myself, which led to opening my eyes that things needed to change. Divorce happened. I gave up my house we built together–everything from the relationship to the materials within. I took my car and dogs and left. After lots of tears and continuous healing, I started my business called Journey To Yourself.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?
The first thing that comes to my mind is the connections that I have made with other women and myself. Women share this incredible bond of supporting one another. Strong women want to help other women reach their dreams and be a shoulder to cry on. Just listen to another woman’s story and you will hear their strength and all they have overcome, and they will mention that one woman in their life that had helped them on the hard days. This could have been that stranger that became a friend, a sister, aunt, mom etc…
What also comes to mind that ties in with that is the day I took the chance, not to start the business, but actually take steps to grow my business. These steps included working on myself, the biggest one was asking for help. Who really likes asking for help, you know? This goes back to what I was just saying: women supporting other women is one of our greatest strengths.
Can you share a story about the biggest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
Not believing I was loved. For years, I never thought of others loving me as me. I never told people when my birthday was. I ignored the day that was meant to celebrate me because I didn’t want to see how many people did not care. Flash forward to now with the continuous healing and I have learned how much I am loved. I learned about the ones that will always have my back. The ones that I can count on. I will say it might not always be the ones you expect, but they are out there. You are loved!
Let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?
First, I want to say we all have a part in this, making an impact on the world. For me, specifically, I am a stress management coach because stress is something we all encounter every day. I truly believe we need to work on ourselves every day. As women, we spend our time focused on everyone else BUT ourselves. I believe and teach that we need to work on ourselves every day because when we start to focus on ourselves, we create awareness of ourselves. We learn about ourselves- who we are, what we want and need in our life. When we learn this about ourselves, we are then able to create boundaries, set priorities, and communicate.
Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing? Please give an example or story for each.
SELF-AWARENESS: The awareness to know that what works for me may not work for you. For example, I LOVE to read. Reading is one of the best ways for me to regroup and relax. You may hate the smell of book stores and paperback books, and I want to breathe them in. My best friend loves those “color by numbers” and can spend hours working on one to relax. Me, just thinking about them makes me stressed.
PATIENCE: This is not my clients’ favorite word, but it is an important one. We know it takes time to get abs, to feel better after the flu, to get a degree, or to train for a marathon. For some reason, we have this mindset that our self-love journey should be quick. We forget that these habits and reactions we have created started years ago and it takes time to create new, healthy habits.
JOURNAL: My favorite habit I try to encourage and ask my clients to attempt is journaling. I feel this one gets a bad reputation because we think “Dear Diary…” and have to spill our deepest fears and emotions. I feel this habit is an easy one ANYONE can do. You do not need a quiet place, practice, or balance. You just need some kind of writing utensil and nowadays you can even use your phone. Journaling, or what I call “brain dumping”, is just time with you and only you.
YOU TIME: Make time for you every day. Yes, every day. I say between one-five minutes. I mean, think about this. There are literally twenty-four hours in a day. You are telling me we cannot “spare” one-five minutes a day just for ourselves? What kind of standard is that setting? What kind of respect does that show for ourselves.
TRY SOMETHING NEW: Maybe this isn’t exactly every day, but it should be a goal. This could be as simple as taking a new route home or to the grocery store. Or literally trying something out of your comfort zone such as snowboarding, jet-skiing, taking a hike, or trying a new recipe. Again, this does not have to be every day, but don’t let your normal routine stop you from experiencing something new. I want you to think about what would come out of trying something new. I’ll tell you about the first and maybe the last time I went snowboarding. Last year, I decided I was going to go snowboarding. Let me start off by telling you that I hate the cold, and never participated in a sport in my life. The day was cold, and there were countless falls, but you know what? I learned that I actually wasn’t horrible as a snowboarder. I had fun and made some good memories. I gained confidence that I could do something I had never done before.
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?
Oh, WOW! I love this question! So many ideas are flashing in my mind right now. The first is a self-love movement. I am thinking in the sense of others sharing their story, but with support. As I say this out loud, I am picturing a physical wall where someone posts their story, and bystanders can post a sticky note on the same wall, but with words of encouragement and support only. My mindset is it will get others’ stories out. It will be a place for people to see the real, but also a place to share the good. We are surrounded by negative stories. Let’s shine a light on the real, but find the good in the world.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?
It sounds cliché, but the first thing that comes to mind is- “Do not give up.” Not looking back and having regrets kind of way, but I know there were times growing my business and working on myself when giving up would have been the easy answer. The real truth is sometimes I took that. I took the path of least resistance; the thought of failing was scarier.
Kind of repeating myself but- “Know that you are loved.” If I had this mindset to love myself and know who loved me before I started, I feel I could have taken some bigger chances and accomplished some big goals early on.
I was told this. I just wished it sank in- “They can’t take your education away.” Meaning, you can lose people in your life, you can lose a car, house, etc but they cannot take your education away. The way I look at this now is by telling myself to keep learning. This means keep reading and keep asking questions. Education cannot be taken away. The growth you get from education cannot be taken away.
“Nothing is stopping you but you.” As much as I believe in education, we can learn from experience as well. Sometimes, we focus on the next certification, the next degree, and we forget how much we can actually learn when we just go for it and try it.
Another cliché, but keep going. There are so many days where you want to throw in the towel. Say “insert curse word’ this and just take the easy way. For me the easy would have been not going to school, staying in the restaurant industry, blaming others for how my life is, and not taking responsibility for what I want and DESERVE in life. It can be easy to give up, but think about everything that can happen if you keep going.
Sustainability, veganism, mental health and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?
I agree all of these topics are important. I would say mental health speaks the most to my heart. I feel we need to one create more awareness around it, but really educate ourselves on it. Some of us misdiagnosed ourselves or others. I feel the first step to this is just talking to someone, if you have any doubts or questions in your mind, reach out to an expert. Find one that makes you feel comfortable and pushes you just a little bit out of your comfort zone. Encourage others around you to talk to someone. Let’s start by normalizing talking to someone.
What is the best way our readers can follow you online?
Some great ways to reach out is first by email if you want direct answers: [email protected]
Female Disruptors: Carla Ferreira of The Aurora Highlands On The Three Things You Need To Shake Up Your Industry
An Interview With Candice Georgiadis
Pick your battles, not everything is worth fighting for or over, compromise is great but also not always feasible, concessions must be given in certain cases. Accepting fault and moving forward is also really important. Sometimes I make a mistake and I need to clarify and move forward. Although I have different ideas and they are welcome most of the time, my mentor has often said let’s not reinvent the wheel every time. We must thoughtfully use things from the past that worked and interject new ideas around those systems.
As a part of our series about women who are shaking things up in their industry, I had the pleasure of interviewing Carla Ferreira.
As Director of Onsite Development and Principal, Carla Ferreira’s inspirational leadership style guides all aspects of The Aurora Highlands development. She handles coordination between the various consulting teams from design, engineering and construction to sales & marketing.
Carla maintains close relationships with the development’s building partners, public entities and various consulting teams. She is very involved in the local, state, and global community, sitting on community boards and acting philanthropically. Carla works with the homebuilders from Pulte Homes, Richmond American Homes, Bridgewater Homes, Century Communities, D.R. Horton, Tri Pointe Homes and Taylor Morrison on the vision she and her father created for the Aurora Highlands.
With her background in fine arts, she will be instrumental in leading the direction of the public art component of The Aurora Highlands. The development will feature artwork throughout its 12 neighborhood parks and will give this community unique personality.
Carla’s philanthropy efforts include volunteer work with Global Citizen Foundation, Christian Aid International and works with various adoption centers and kennels around Denver.
Carla has a Bachelor of Arts in Anthropology from University of Nevada Las Vegas. Between the ages of 18–27, she focused her career on her love of art and fashion. After 10 years in the art and fashion industry, she found a way to merge her love of art and design with her passion for philanthropy, people and cultures into designing and building communities with her father, Carlo Ferreira. She formally joined our family business in 2017 with her successful father who was behind the various developments in Houston, TX, Las Vegas, NV and now Denver, CO. Carla loves living in Colorado where she takes her dog hiking during her leisure time.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory”? What led you to this particular career path?
Out of college, I entered the arts and fashion industry. After 10 years, I found a way to merge my love of art and design with my passion for philanthropy, people and cultures into designing and building communities with my father and seasoned developer, Carlo Ferreira. I’m very close with my dad who raised me on his own and brought me up on his own and surrounded me with influential people. He has taught me everything about the industry.
My first job in the real estate development industry is with The Aurora Highlands. I was inspired to help my father achieve his vision of building a community that connects Denver International Airport to downtown Denver to the recreation of the mountains. We’re building a convenient, accessible and family-friendly master planned community in an underdeveloped part of the Denver metro area. The Aurora Highlands is part of the Aerotropolis Region, and will add 12,500 residential units, four new schools, 21 miles of trails, 20 neighborhood parks, recreational facilities, libraries, outdoor entertainment venues, shops and restaurants and approximately 170,000 jobs to the metro area upon completion.
As Director of Onsite Development and Principal, I guide all aspects of The Aurora Highlands development from design, engineering and construction to sales and marketing.
Can you tell our readers what it is about the work you’re doing that’s disruptive?
I look at the development of our community differently, looking at how we can use every square inch of land for the betterment of this community. Every piece of land has its challenges, The Aurora Highlands is no exception. For example, we have a large ditch running through the middle of our development. Most developers would build around it, thinking there’s nothing that can be done with that land. With my background in art, I saw the perfect place for a linear park and public art to run through the community. I’m taking what most deem unusable land and turning it into something beautiful. The 100-acre linear park, called Hogan Park at Highlands Creek, is now in its first phase of development and will be the highlight of The Aurora Highlands community.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
I was learning to off road on the open dirt of The Aurora Highlands site and needed about 10 men to dig my car out of the situation I got myself in. I was crying in the car at my mistake and because I damaged my car, the men were laughing at my predicament. One man even said, “should I teach you how to drive?” That stung. But I have learned that I cannot change the way others act, I can only change my reaction and how I let things affect me. While it was extremely embarrassing, I learned a lesson, I now know that the dirt mounds for storm water mitigation are in fact less dirt and more like concrete.
Also, not knowing the meaning of acronyms has led to some embarrassing situations so I’ve learned that it’s ok (and very important) to ask questions.
We all need a little help along the journey. Who have been some of your mentors? Can you share a story about how they made an impact?
This industry is traditionally dominated by men, women represent only 10.9% of the construction industry but The Aurora Highlands is breaking that mold. I work with five women who hold leadership roles with our homebuilders. These women are Leslie Moen, Co-founder, Owner, and President at Bridgewater Homes; Linda Purdy, Colorado Division President at Tri Pointe Homes; Ricarda Dietsch, Mountain Region Area President for Taylor Morrison Homes; Liesel Cooper, National President of Century Communities; and Natasha Gandhi, Division President of Richmond Homes.
This many women working on a development in a major urban area is not common, we are proud of that but what I think is most impressive are the things we are teaching one another and supporting each other when in a male-dominated room.
The other big role model in my life is my dad, Carlo Ferreira. He has always treated me as an equal. He supported me and showed me that if I worked hard enough, I could do anything in the world that I wanted and there’s no hindrance to that based on gender.
In today’s parlance, being disruptive is usually a positive adjective. But is disrupting always good? When do we say the converse, that a system or structure has ‘withstood the test of time’? Can you articulate to our readers when disrupting an industry is positive, and when disrupting an industry is ‘not so positive’? Can you share some examples of what you mean?
There is always a time and place to be disruptive. Even the systems and structures, that have withstood the test of time require updates and in residential development, that means having more women at the table. If I cannot lift something because it’s too heavy or it’s a more onerous task than I expected, I will look for help. Whether it’s a fulcrum, a crane or simply another individual, I’ll ask for help from others around me. Asking for help is not a weakness. Working well with others, being humble and collaborative is an asset to being a leader. I will disrupt when I see any injustice, I will stand taller and speak louder. I’m no longer intimidated when I’m told that I’m naïve because I’m a girl or the developer’s daughter. I allow my actions and the delivery of my diction to explain why I am here at the table in a male dominated industry, and why they should be listening to what I have to say. In turn, I will listen and respect the words from others.
Can you share 3 of the best words of advice you’ve gotten along your journey? Please give a story or example for each.
I am still searching for advice daily as I continue to grow. There are many words of inspiration and motivation that have lead me to today. If I had to choose it would be don’t give up when it seems hard, pick your battles and know the role of every person on your team.
Don’t give up when it seems hard or impossible, there’s always a solution. Sometimes taking a break and having a reset can offer a fresh pair of eyes or fresh perspective. A simple example of this is when my team and I are looking to design an advertisement or marketing email, sometimes I will look at something too critically and need to take a break and come back to it, and it is always helpful to get another set of eyes, to call for help and get a second or third opinion.
Pick your battles, not everything is worth fighting for or over, compromise is great but also not always feasible, concessions must be given in certain cases. Accepting fault and moving forward is also really important. Sometimes I make a mistake and I need to clarify and move forward. Although I have different ideas and they are welcome most of the time, my mentor has often said let’s not reinvent the wheel every time. We must thoughtfully use things from the past that worked and interject new ideas around those systems.
Know what every person on your team does and understand their roles. I cannot ask someone to do something that I wouldn’t do myself, and in situations where it is a special skill set needed that surpasses my abilities, I still need to understand, research, and learn so that I am not blindsided or in the dark. For example, I have learned about contract laws, real property law, surface use agreements, mineral rights, engineering, and construction in more depth than I previously understood. While I am by no means a lawyer or an engineer or a project foreman, I have learned about their key roles and drill down on specifics when a problem arises, and in many cases, have learned proactively to prevent a problem.
We are sure you aren’t done. How are you going to shake things up next?
In a few years, I will likely take over the business. Learning from my mentors and my father so that I can lead this project is key, I’m not sure I will ever feel truly ready, there’s always so much more to learn but I want to continue to empower women and make sure they have a voice and a seat at the table and my table is always open. On Wednesdays we wear pink but we aren’t mean girls.
I honestly am a big fan of the movie Legally Blonde. I love what it represents for women in the workplace or in an educational institution. The movie’s message is don’t hide your femininity. If you are a girly girl then be that. At the same time, it’s ok if a gender role does not feel right to you or you don’t fit in a box. Being oneself and expressing oneself in our appearances is important and while I may wear a black simple suit one day and construction boots the next, I will also show up in a pink suit or a pink hardhat and not be ashamed to look like a woman.
In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by ‘women disruptors’ that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?
As a female executive in residential development, I’ve found that not everyone in this male-dominated industry is open to seeing a woman in the boardroom. Men usually aren’t scrutinized for their professional appearance… clothes, hair or makeup. Sometimes women will apologize for taking up space in a room. Sometimes we apologize for interjecting where a man in the same position would just assert and assume. But slowly we are working to combat these stigmas and behaviors. I think sometimes as women we may be more afraid of failure because we worked so hard to get where we are and a stumble will keep us from continuing our climb up the career ladder. Caution sometimes can be a downside for women. We need to be less fearful of failing and more confident in our abilities and know that one misstep doesn’t mean failure or set-back. There shouldn’t be a double standard that I need to uphold to be here. Being a disrupter means bringing other women into our field and carving out our place. It means not apologizing for having an idea. To be blunt, it means that I shouldn’t be afraid of being judged by those who aren’t used to answering to a woman, who think that I am too bossy or bitchy, when I am being clear and stern with my position and direction. It means that we see each other as equals.
Do you have a book/podcast/talk that’s had a deep impact on your thinking? Can you share a story with us?
I read a lot of sci-fi novels and feminist novels. “The Beauty” by Aliya Whiteley is a great short novel about a world without women and how men adapt and what happens when nature tries to fix the problem. “Autonomous” is a novel by Annalee Newitz and is an amazing sci-fi book that questions big pharma, capitalism, technology, artificial intelligence and gender and what it means to be autonomous.
“An Unkindness of Ghosts” by Rivers Solomon one of my favorite books and is about classism, racism, gender, space, religion and the future. It’s very much about socio economic factors and how they can unjustly overrule society.
Finally, “Ancillary Series” by Ann Leckie is a must-read series if you like sci-fi about the subtle nature of how gender is meaningless and how humanity and colonialism and totalitarianism get intertwined in the wrong leader’s hands.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I’m going to share something very personal. I was in an abusive relationship, I felt so small and weak and like I had forgotten who I was and lost the tenor of my own voice in my head. I felt brainwashed. After I got out of the relationship, I turned to journaling and wrote a very messy, 100-page book as a release that is full of essays and poems and feelings. That was a great catharsis for me. I found my voice again, I received calls from people I look up to and people who loved me and believed in me and finally found myself again.
It’s healthy to talk about what hurts us and what we have been through, it should be normal and accepted. Being able to relate to someone who went through something similar is so powerful because it helped me to not feel so alone or ashamed or weak. I felt brave for sharing, I felt proud of myself for being here. After my experience, I struggled with mental health and depression, but I felt better each time I opened up. Every time I felt like falling, I spoke to a strong woman who pulled me up and welcomed me to sit beside her and share her stories.
I would love to help other women whether it’s volunteering at a women’s shelter or someday creating a foundation to help women or just being here for someone who needs to share her story. I have a passion to help women in our society and to teach our sons and daughters love and respect one another.
I have a degree in Anthropology and one of the courses that I still vividly remember was “Violence Against Women”. Yes, that was a course. There are simply not enough history courses being told from the eyes of women. In that class, we saw marks from abuse left on the bones and remains of women. It evoked incredible conversations and had a big impact on me. I never thought I would find myself in a similar situation than those women we learned about from long ago. Violence against women still exists and we prefer to hide it. The ME-TOO movement is a disrupter, it’s shaking things up and I support it.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Yes! I have the following poem from Rupi Kaur in my office. It just sums up everything I feel.
I stand
On the sacrifices
Of a million women before me
Thinking
What can I do
To make this mountain taller
So the women after me
Can see farther
How can our readers follow you online?
My LinkedIn page is where I share many of my successes and accomplishments and keep in touch with industry trends and people. You can follow the work of my development at https://theaurorahighlands.com .
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!
Female Founders: Saloa Aguirre of Boiess On The Five Things You Need To Thrive and Succeed as a Woman Founder
An Interview With Candice Georgiadis
Not everyone is cut out to be a founder, nor should they be. Being a founder entails a level of risk tolerance, whether it is personal, financial and or a combination of both. The amount of risk and the management of those risks are factors to take into account when deciding to embark on the entrepreneurial path. Founders don’t stand on higher moral grounds or are smarter or better professionals. As I mentioned before, whichever the path chosen, entrepreneurship or working for 3rd parties, the real accomplishment is when they are executed in the best version of oneself.
As a part of our series about “Why We Need More Women Founders”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Saloa Aguirre.
Saloa Aguirre is the founder of Boiess colognes for children, babies and moms that are natural, plant-based, and infused with vitamins and prebiotics. The scemts are clean, fresh and gentle and provide a sense of nurturing while creating memories to last a lifetime.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory”? What led you to this particular career path?
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to introduce our brand, Boiess Colognes and myself. https://www.boiess.com/ In order to understand our vision, I should probably talk a little bit about my upbringing. I grew up in a coastal village of Europe (Spain), where the concept of farm to table was the norm before it became a thing. Where I had to search what exactly GMO meant since the natural form was more accessible than the modified one and where traditions in certain cosmetic formulations (and cooking recipes) were passed through family members for generations. When it came to fragrances, aromas where an intrinsic part of our upbringing, it just transported us to different places, whether it was the fruit trees at my grandparents’ house, orange blossoms, lemons, gardenias or bougainvillea during the school holiday trips or simply the freshness of the sea. All those scents are still with me and bring back emotions. Our nose is like a time machine, through scents we can go back in time or travel to visited places. When I became a mom in 2017, I wanted to ensure I could gift those same memories, that journey to my son. Our goal at Boiess Colognes is to craft clean and natural fragrances you can trust, that can provide a journey of loving, nurturing and belonging in every family.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company?
Being an entrepreneur is a roller coaster of emotions and interesting stories, never dull, that’s why I always say, I’m glad I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Probably this is more of a learning curve than interesting, but when I started maturing the idea of bringing Boiess Colognes to life, I had developed in my mind an array of scents that I wanted to have in my collections. I was working with leading labs in the industry, surely we could develop a formula that was qualitatively strong and achieve a scent profile that I had in mind, right? Wrong…First lesson learned, it’s never easy and things will not go as planned. As we worked on the notes of the fragrances and explored natural, plant based, clean & sustainable elements, I quickly realized how many things and scents I love that are simply impossible to achieve with natural elements. It certainly opened up a debate about our identity, what kind of fragrances we wanted to craft and what kind of products we were going to be able to achieve. As we grow and bring different scents and collections to the market it will continue to be a challenge, but our commitment to using plant based and craft natural products will be our compass.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
Before I founded Boiess Colognes while working in the financial sector, one of my largest clients sent me an invite for a networking evening with the performance of the “Rolling Stones”. I remember thinking at the time that it seemed a bit odd to choose such a big name for a network event but given the size of the entity, I thought maybe they had the budget for it. Of course when you go watch the Stones perform live you park your corporate attire and rocking some leather is almost mandatory. Needless to say my jaw dropped when I arrived, excited with the thought of the evening I was heading into, when I was very quick to realize my grave mistake, not only was I under dressed (overexcited), but everyone around me had coiffed up dos, gala gowns and bow ties. I didn’t need to ask further what was happening, we were clearly not watching a rock band but the client’s in house classic orchestra, which happened to take a catchy name, who in their right mind would confuse a classic orchestra with a worldly rock band?… It took some champagne and a lot of humor to get through the evening. It did teach me however an important lesson, never assume, do your research. You will still find yourself in unforeseen situations but with good preparation and ground work, they will be minimized and mostly avoided.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
There are so many people, jobs, colleagues friends and family along the way that have imprinted their mark that it would be quite unfair to single one out. I will however give a big Thank You to the clients that worked with me over the years, their loyalty, their assistance, their belief in my abilities, even beyond my own beliefs, for allowing to dream higher, be better and be bold. They kept me going, made me resilient and made me truly believe the sky is the limit. It would also be unfair if I wasn’t grateful to my supportive husband, who after so many years still shows pride in me and who when in doubt, gave me reason and pushed me to continue. The professional journey is a marathon, not a sprint and many people run by your side making it much more special.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. According to this EY report, only about 20 percent of funded companies have women founders. This reflects great historical progress, but it also shows that more work still has to be done to empower women to create companies. In your opinion and experience what is currently holding back women from founding companies?
I wish those numbers were accurate. The 20% mentioned represent companies where at least one woman is a co-founder, most of them being a combination of male and female founders. I believe the figure of only women-founded companies stands at something like 3% and this is where we see a staggering low figure and a lot of work still to be done.
Just to name some attributes, women are strong, resilient, hardworking, loyal, efficient and diligent, same as many men, so why aren’t the figures of women led/founded companies higher? I think history plays some part of it, throughout the years, but for some exceptions, we have seen and been taught leadership by men, inspiring other young men to aspire, have dreams and achieve them. They had reference points, role models and a path to get there. It’s only recent history that has started to show a higher number of prominent female figures that are breaking glass ceilings, walking uncharted territories in boards, leadership positions etc. Every year we see more of these figures, but still there needs to be more. We need to show next generations that is possible to have a family, a work life balance, a career, dream and aim high, without giving up dreams, being burnt out or giving ourselves up in the process. (Of course I am not even touching upon certain parts of the world that are still today lacking basic equality and human rights for women).Movements like women supporting women, dedicated female founded VCs are accelerating and increasing visibility of the path young women can follow, give them tools to advance their fears and give them hope and they will truly start believing it’s possible. Butterflies have wings, they only need to open them and fly, women have courage, they only need to be shown a path and they will follow it.
Can you help articulate a few things that can be done as individuals, as a society, or by the government, to help overcome those obstacles?
I think it all starts with education. Strong messages from early childhood that everyone can be the best version of themselves, whatever that may be. Strong values, strong role models hopefully will shape better characters. In order to achieve this we probably need more focus on our educational system, provide teachers with tools, support them and keep revisiting and improving our models.
I’d like to hopefully soon stop reading about a female reaching a leadership position and simply read the name of the most suitable candidate that has succeeded. That would mean that female and male parity in leadership roles is a fact and we are not focusing on gender.
This might be intuitive to you as a woman founder but I think it will be helpful to spell this out. Can you share a few reasons why more women should become founders?
I’d like to see more women pursuing their ideas, showing new perspectives, new initiatives, new thought processes that only diversity can provide. Being a founder requires a lot of work. It’s a learning curve, but no matter the hours, the obstacles, despite the stress, the rewards are far greater.
What are the “myths” that you would like to dispel about being a founder? Can you explain what you mean?
I heard a lot of advice around believing in your product, your idea, yourself. Defend it no matter what and if you fail once get up and continue pursuing your dream. In my opinion, better advice I would give to entrepreneurs is to be able to pivot, to listen to the market, adjust to changes. We are living in an ever changing environment. Understanding your audience, adjusting for changes and asking for help is not at odds with having conviction in yourself or the product. No matter how much research you do, you will always encounter surprises. Another myth is that being a founder is a lonely process. On the contrary, the founder/entrepreneur ecosystem is very robust, large and helpful, it’s a collective journey. People are genuinely out there to assist, they share your struggles and pains and there is a common empathy among the community, which is another of the highlights of joining the founders’ community.
Is everyone cut out to be a founder? In your opinion, which specific traits increase the likelihood that a person will be a successful founder and what type of person should perhaps seek a “regular job” as an employee? Can you explain what you mean?
Absolutely not, not everyone is cut out to be a founder, nor should they be. Being a founder entails a level of risk tolerance, whether it is personal, financial and or a combination of both. The amount of risk and the management of those risks are factors to take into account when deciding to embark on the entrepreneurial path. Founders don’t stand on higher moral grounds or are smarter or better professionals. As I mentioned before, whichever the path chosen, entrepreneurship or working for 3rd parties, the real accomplishment is when they are executed in the best version of oneself.
Ok super. Here is the main question of our interview. What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why? (Please share a story or example for each.)
I received a lot of advice before launching Boiess Colognes. Like most founders, some I followed, others I wish I had but here are my 2 cents of what I consider to be some of the early hurdles as you take the entrepreneurial path.
1) Have a solid financial plan. It will always be more expensive that you expect.
2) Be prepared for the unknown. No matter how prepared or knowledgeable you are, surprises and unforeseen events will be part of your journey.
3) Having doubts is normal. It means that you are listening, evaluating, aware of the challenges and are working towards solving them.
4) This path is a marathon, not a sprint. There are no shortcuts.
5) Be afraid, but be brave. It’s all worth it.
How have you used your success to make the world a better place?
I wish I could say I’m making the world a better place. I would consider myself successful if my son grows up to be a good human being, empathetic, kind and noble. From a professional perspective, all I can say is that like Frank Sinatra I’m doing it my way…
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
I think we are all united on calling for peace in these very tumultuous times, but if I had to start a movement it would probably be a “Smiling” one. Smiling not only creates positive reactions in one’s mood but also sets into motion a contagious chain reaction of smiles that would make the world a kinder place.
We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.
I’d love to sit down and have lunch with Jessica Alba, exchange some notes and learn about her long journey from founding the Honest company to taking it public. I admire what she has built and her story.
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.
Modern Fashion: Marissa Tilley of Lady Black Tie On The 5 Things You Need To Lead a Successful Fashion Brand Today
An Interview With Candice Georgiadice
Don’t be intimidated by the bigger players. The first thing to know about selling fashion, and the thing I love about it — it’s not a winners-take-all market. All the big time fashion websites can’t have every idea and design. As a small brand you can absolutely make it and scale incredibly fast.
Many in the fashion industry have been making huge pivots in their business models. Many have turned away from the fast fashion trend. Many have been focusing on fashion that also makes a social impact. Many have turned to sustainable and ethical sourcing. Many have turned to hi tech manufacturing. Many have turned to subscription models. What are the other trends that we will see in the fashion industry? What does it take to lead a successful fashion brand today?
In our series called, “5 Things You Need To Lead a Successful Fashion Brand Today” we are talking to successful leaders of fashion brands who can talk about the Future of Fashion and the 5 things it takes to lead a successful fashion brand in our “new normal.”
As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Marissa Tilley.
Marissa Tilley is both a dress designer and an e-commerce brand owner of Lady Black Tie, one of the fastest-growing formalwear retailers. Starting from humble beginnings as a small retail store in 2018, Lady Black Tie now ships thousands of gowns a month all over the world.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?
I was in the right place at the right time; I got invited to walk the runway in New York Fashion Week Fall 2008 for Couture evening gown designers. I walked in 9 different shows my first season and wore the most glamorous formal gowns. I continued to come back to NYFW almost every season through my 20’s — always walking in stunning couture gowns. This experience left me with a romanticized impression of the formal wear niche. Almost 10 years after my very first runway show in September 2008 and a nagging desire to ditch the 9–5 corporate world, I went all in and opened the business in 2018.
Can you tell us the story about what led you to this particular career path?
I worked some jobs in my 20’s that I thought I’d like; however, I found myself pretty disengaged. I would look at the clock waiting for it to say 5 pm. I started questioning my workday and taking some ‘self-inventory’; is this how I want to be spending my days? I daydreamed of escaping and doing something fun throughout the day.
I started working on the business plan for Lady Black Tie a year before we opened. Running a business truly becomes a lifestyle, and if you love what you do, it doesn’t feel like work at all. I now have the opposite problem with looking at the clock — I get so engaged with what I’m working on that I don’t realize how many hours have passed until my husband reminds me how late it is. This was the ‘Aha’ moment when you know you’re in the right place.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?
I think COVID was a pretty big plot twist. It taught me in real time that there are no guarantees. If you told me in February 2020 that every prom and major gathering would be canceled in April I wouldn’t have believed it. Thankfully our overhead was low because the business was still so new, and I always operated 100% debt free, so we were able to make it through pretty unscathed and quickly pivot to selling elopement dresses for a time being!
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
I suppose you have to have a higher tolerance for risk to go out and start a business.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
We design and manufacture a lot of the dresses ourselves! I spend countless hours researching designs, making samples, and testing new styles. We’re building up our own line which helps us stand out from other formalwear businesses who are typically buying inventory from the same places.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share a story of how that was relevant to you in your life?
“Adapt your game according to your results” You can only plan for so much, the rest you have to work with the cards you’ve been dealt. In our first 3 years in business we’ve dealt with COVID, major supply chain issues, outgrowing our warehouse too quick, etc…. Somehow we just make it work and adapt to each challenge.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Do you see any fascinating developments emerging over the next few years in the fashion industry that you are excited about? Can you tell us about that?
I like seeing more American manufacturing come back! This reduces shipping costs and lead times.
Can you share how your brand is helping to bring goodness to the world?
I always say with formalwear, I chose a career path that focuses on the ‘lighter side of life’. Many of our customers get very excited when it comes to picking out what they will wear for a special moment or occasion in their lives! I love being a little part in helping women find something they feel confident wearing.
Can you share with our readers about the ethical standards you use when you choose where to source materials?
We work with factories that are Fair Trade and compensate their employees with a living wage. One of our manufacturers is 100% American made and we proudly display this on each product listing!
Fast fashion has an advantage, that it is affordable for most people, but it also has the drawback that it does not last very long and is therefore not very sustainable. What are your thoughts about this? How does your company address this question?
We don’t sell fast fashion so we can’t really comment.
Thank you for all that. Here is the main question of our interview. What are your “5 Things You Need To Lead a Successful Fashion Brand”. Please share a story or example for each.
1. Don’t be intimidated by the bigger players. The first thing to know about selling fashion, and the thing I love about it — it’s not a winners-take-all market. All the big time fashion websites can’t have every idea and design. As a small brand you can absolutely make it and scale incredibly fast.
2. Know your niche well and create brand identity. We sell formalwear. Our website is just dresses and that is all we focus on. I don’t venture into activewear or ready-to-wear. Even during COVID when everyone was getting heavily into loungewear, we stayed in our lane. The only segments of formalwear selling through COVID lockdowns were elopement dresses, ‘minimony’ and engagement photo dresses, but we stayed true to our brand identity and didn’t deviate.
3. If you are designing and manufacturing, study your market. I have 3 instagrams. 1 is my personal, 2 is the business, and the 3rd is my ‘market research’ where I am following hundreds of dress brands and dress stores. I scroll it at least once a day like you would read a newspaper. I’m following to keep an eye on what’s trending and to keep a pulse on the market.
4. Content is king in the age of the internet. Clicks, views and engagement are the currency of the realm, and the surest way to establish yourself. My #1 expense is inventory and my #2 expenses are advertising and creating content!
5. Have Fun. All of the work you put into your fashion brand is ultimately pointless if you’re stressed out about it.. If I find myself ‘lost in the weeds’ or wrapped up in dealing with a difficult customer, I often step back and remind myself “Marissa, it’s just dresses… you’re just selling dresses here….” It’s alright to have fun on the job so long as the work is getting done; and not every day is going to be easy, but remember why you started — because you love what you do!
Every industry constantly evolves and seeks improvement. How do you think the fashion industry can improve itself? Can you give an example?
Less fast fashion, more clothing built to last.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Do you see yourself repeating patterns of behaviour? A period of self-reflection can help to spot the signs so that you can take steps not to repeat historic traits. As a child, Peter was often told by his parents to be strong and not to show emotion. He carried that mantra with him into adulthood and it often meant that he came across to prospective partners as cold and uncaring. It is important to reflect on our values and behaviours and question whether what we were told as children is still serving us well today. If it isn’t then it is time to rewrite the script.
Chris runs a successful private mental health practice called Talking Works. He uses psychotherapy, counseling and coaching to help move adults out of crisis and into a better place. Chris also works with teenagers in schools and gives them some great life skills.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
My story is somewhat unconventional. For many years I had a career in the nightclub and hospitality industry. I started to pick up some unhealthy habits that were not serving me well. I wouldn’t say I had a mid-life crisis, but I recognized it was time to revisit how I was spending my time. I decided to invest in my self-development and discovered the benefits of therapy around that time. I started to learn about NLP and then psychotherapy. I now offer adults psychotherapy and counseling and visit schools two days a week to offer teenagers life skills. It brings a huge sense of fulfillment, and I now enjoy every single hour of every single day.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
Some of my most interesting moments were during my visit to California to study NLP. It was a chance to connect with people and the environment. I studied in the hills above Santa Cruz, on the University of California campus. I got to learn from some of the founders of NLP, but I also enjoyed the giant redwood trees, the wildlife, and some extra ordinary people from around the world. I think this was how my career in the helping profession was born. It re-enlivened something in me that had lain dormant for many years.
Can you share a story with us about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? What lesson or take-away did you learn from that?
My usual life program is one of never feeling good enough. I remember one day, after about 50 hours of experience, this typical program was strangely missing and I felt self-assured. I was telling my own therapist how excited I was about my work, and about how I felt I had really got into my stride. I was recounting how I thought I had truly got to the top of the mountain. She gave me a funny look, one of a little confusion, which I didn’t understand. I remember that just a few days later, I started having real issues with one of my clients who was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. I actually felt that the client’s case was beyond my capability. I remember speaking with my therapist about how silly I felt and how arrogant I must have sounded. Now, whilst I take confidence in my experience, I look up at the mountain still to climb. There is always more to learn.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
What I guess I didn’t realize is just how much a clinical supervisor also looks after the interests of the therapist. I am so grateful to my clinical supervisor, Anita. She has helped me assist some challenging clients and has offered me help and inspiration with their cases. She has helped expose my own processes in the therapy room, always in a helpful way but often exposing uncomfortable issues. I couldn’t have done it without her — she is amazing.
What advice would you suggest to your colleagues in your industry to thrive and avoid burnout?
As psychotherapists, we would often suggest to clients that they employ a high degree of self-care. We should do the same. Don’t schedule lots of clients one after the next. Take breaks in-between sessions. Make sure you take time out for yourself. Schedule time in your day for exercise and to switch off from technology and social media. Reach out to friends, connect with family, and enjoy a good conversation or have a laugh.
What advice would you give to other leaders about how to create a fantastic work culture?
Place mental health at the forefront of your organizations agenda. Ensure wellbeing conversations become commonplace. Make sure your staff are not only OK, but really OK. Ensure staff take the breaks they are entitled to and make sure they take holidays. Don’t overload your team with work. Happy staff are more productive staff.
Ok thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. Mental health is often looked at in binary terms; those who are healthy and those who have mental illness. The truth, however, is that mental wellness is a huge spectrum. Even those who are “mentally healthy” can still improve their mental wellness. From your experience or research, what are five steps that each of us can take to improve or optimize our mental wellness.
Can you please share a story or example for each.
For every negative thought we have, or view we express, there is a more positive way of reframing them. Learn to look for the positive in every situation. A father was struggling to put his children to bed at night. Each evening turned into a nightmare scenario. The father became increasingly frustrated with the children and started to shout at them. He dreaded each evening. After talking things over with me, he was able to reframe his thinking so that he saw bedtime as a time when he could nurture his children and show them affection. Instead of seeing their bedtime routine as a struggle, he started to think about it as a special time when they could spend time together. This helped him approach bedtime with a much calmer attitude, which helped the children relish the opportunity to go to bed rather than arguing to stay up.
Do you see yourself repeating patterns of behaviour? A period of self-reflection can help to spot the signs so that you can take steps not to repeat historic traits. As a child, Peter was often told by his parents to be strong and not to show emotion. He carried that mantra with him into adulthood and it often meant that he came across to prospective partners as cold and uncaring. It is important to reflect on our values and behaviours and question whether what we were told as children is still serving us well today. If it isn’t then it is time to rewrite the script.
If we tune into what our body is telling us, we can spot ways to counter feelings of high alert or anxiety. We must learn to listen to our gut and our heart as well as our head. Sometimes when we feel anxious, we get pains in our chest, stomach, or experience a general feeling of unease. The gut can be a reliable indicator of how we are feeling mentally. The gut alone is powerful, but when we add gut feeling to our logical and rational mind, we get the best answers. Often, we worry about things that are beyond our control. This has become particularly prevalent during the pandemic and during world events such as the Ukrainian crisis. This is the first thing to address. If we cannot control the outcome, there is no point worrying about it. Thinking about what might happen is not helpful. We need to concentrate on what is in our gift to control and focus on the positive.
Making sure we have a fit and healthy body is a huge part of our mental wellbeing. Taking exercise and eating well will contribute to our clarity of thinking and the way we feel. I love to walk. I like nothing better than going out for a 10-mile walk in nature around my local area. Sometimes I take my camera, and other times I write about the walk and share it with others. However, I am as fallible as the next person and if I get busy at work, exercise is often the first thing that drops to the bottom of my list of priorities. I then start to feel more stressed and lethargic. I know that if I plan exercise into my day, I am more alert, fitter, happier and able to give more to my clients.
Talking to a friend, a colleague, a family member or a professional, is the best way of addressing our feelings and concerns. Talk to someone who will listen without judgment. My professional life is all about extolling the virtues of talking and it is something I believe passionately. Talking to my partner, friends, and mentors is vitally important to my mental wellness. Whilst I would encourage anyone who is suffering to seek professional help, I never underestimate the power of talking to a friend. We all need to share what is going on in our heads. Bottling things up only leads to more unhappiness.
How about teens and pre teens. Are there any specific new ideas you would suggest for teens and pre teens to optimize their mental wellness?
I work with teenagers a lot. One common theme is that relationships with parents could be better. Parents and kids would do well to put down their phones and pre-occupations and concentrate on their relationship. Foster a relationship of honesty, love and support. From that place, mental health concerns can be minimised.
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story?
I found the book “Quiet” by Susan Cain really useful and validating. Susan explains the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking. It helped me understand my own introversion and really validated me as a person. She speaks of the power of listening, something which I use every day in my work.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would encourage connection. Minimize screen use. Use social media with common sense. Allocate time to enjoy the company of fellow human beings, in person. Get closer to nature. Slow down. Consider this question : “what is the smallest thing you can do, to make the biggest difference.” Don’t just exist, live!
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?
“Feel the fear and do it anyway” — whilst I found the book a little bit abstract, the key message is very valid. We instinctively find things frightening when out of our comfort zone as human beings. Often our comfort zone has been programmed by our experience. Sometimes this is set at the wrong level. Take some calculated risks — you might just enjoy it!
What is the best way our readers can follow you on social media?
Profile — When people click on your name to see your LinkedIn profile, it is KEY to make a good impression and keep them interested in what you have accomplished and how you can help them. A correctly designed profile can make a BIG difference.
As part of my series of interviews about “How to Use LinkedIn To Dramatically Improve Your Business”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Michael Potorti.
Michael is Founder of Aurelius Resources and created a LinkedIn based methodology called Lightning Leads (https://linkedinlightning.com) which is a non-advertisement, non-salesy approach to put clients in a One-on-One conversation with their Prospects in order to build Organic relationships and close more business.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
I realized that LinkedIn is a great way to meet other business owners and have conversations. One of the complaints I kept hearing was that ad spend was too expensive and companies wanted an alternative so that they could generate quality leads. I developed a methodology for myself to grow leads organically and it worked very well. In fact, one of my LinkedIn Groups called Best Lead Generation Strategies has grown from 0 to approximately 4,000 members within a 12 month period.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started this career?
The most interesting story was a result of inviting an individual to my LinkedIn group and our conversations in DMs led to introductions between clients having similar interests. This led to a multi-million $ transaction which generated $ thousands in commissions.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
A funny mistake (I didn’t think so at the time:) was when I was conducting a hosted webinar for a client and forgot to hit the Record button! We record our clients’ webinars so they can use as content for posts and send to individuals who could not attend. Thank goodness one of my colleagues recorded it as a backup.
Which social media platform have you found to be most effective to use to increase business revenues? Can you share a story from your experience?
I find LinkedIn as the most effective for our clients. One of our clients started a group on LinkedIn several years ago but had minimal membership growth. After we implemented our Lightning Leads strategy, we more than doubled members in a few months and increased DM activity significantly. This led to several sales that would not have occurred without our efforts.
Let’s talk about LinkedIn specifically, now. Can you share 5 ways to leverage LinkedIn to dramatically improve your business? Please share a story or example for each.
My clients and I have used LinkedIn successfully to start conversations with decision makers who make sales happen.
Here are 5 effective ways incorporated into our LinkedIn based Lightning Leads Program:
Profile — When people click on your name to see your LinkedIn profile, it is KEY to make a good impression and keep them interested in what you have accomplished and how you can help them. A correctly designed profile can make a BIG difference.
Groups — A lot of people are unaware of LinkedIn Groups that can be created and the power they have on generating Leads and sales. These groups are the “arena” where you can get to know your target audience better.
DM’s — Direct Messaging (DM’s) is a great way to start conversations with your target customer with the ultimate goal of getting them on a call to bring them on as an ACTUAL customer. Once they accept the invite to your group, you started a one-on-one conversation and your sales staff can work their magic from there.
Webinar / Training — Webinars / Training sessions are a great way to provide free information to those who are interested and capture lead data at the same time. LinkedIn is a great source to convert your target audience to attendees where you can provide value and connect further.
CRM — Your Customer Relationship Management (CRM) Tool is critical to nurturing potential clients and ultimately getting the sale. LinkedIn profiles usually have target client emails, websites and sometimes phone numbers which make communication and follow up easier.
Because of the position that you are in, you are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I usually hold free virtual training sessions for anyone who has a business and is looking for an alternative to paid advertisement to generate leads. I feel that clients need to be nurtured and relationships should grow organically rather than a “spray and pray” method that comes from advertising. This is why I put together my Lightning Leads package and offer “hybrid” or “done for you” services to tap into the power of LinkedIn.
Some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂
Wow there are so many! Elon Musk, Warren Buffett and any of the Shark Tank crew would be awesome if you can arrange it! These individuals have made a HUGE impact on my and countless others’ lives through conveying their wisdom and helping humanity.
Thank you so much for these great insights. This was very enlightening!
Thank you for having me here! If I can help anyone further please visit https://linkedinlightning.com/ and let’s connect.
